I know that I'm not fine

Pain behind a song
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"I'm hurt too hyung. I'm hurt not just because of some words or someone hitting her like in her made up story, but I'm hurt because I lost parts of me that can never be repaired. "

 

White.

That’s all he had been seeing for the past weeks.

It was always like this.

He would get better only to come back even more broken. He had a taste of happiness which made him fall harder each time he broke down. Sehun just wanted to be free. He wanted to get over this darkness but at the same time didn’t have any will to fight anymore. He just wanted some end.

After his encounter with Taeyeon he could help but feel more hopeless. No matter where he went his past and fears seemed to haunt him.

Now he think that he was a monster, he knew he was a monster. He let Eunbyul die, he pushed her over the edge. He always ended up hurting the people who got close to her. Eunbyul was the first, and now he was hurting EXO. If Taeyeon knew then she would probably tell everyone at SM. Then they would all know he was a monster. All the people he respected and looked up to would finally see the truth and hate him, if they already didn’t.

He couldn’t believe it. Why was he cursed this way? Would he always be haunted by his imperfections.

He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t pretend he was strong and he couldn’t pretend he was fine. He couldn’t pretend that his life was worth living. His home now was basically the hospital room.

 

Sehun heard the door open and looked at the entrance.

“Sehun, how are you doing,” asked Chen in a worried voice. It seem like a silly question given that Sehun was in the hospital.

“I’m fine,” said Sehun in a soft voice.

“Why?” asked Kris. He was the brave one to ask the question that had been on everyone’s mind.

“It’s nothing. I don’t know what came over me-” Sehun started to explain when a loud ring was heard.

“Oh sorry, that’s my phone. Excuse me I’ll be right back I just have to answer this,” said Baekhyun as he left.

“You were saying?” said Luhan.

“I don’t know what came over me. I’m still trying to recover and I guess I don’t have full control of my thoughts yet,” replied Sehun. Everyone could tell he was shielding his true emotions by answering vaguely but no one knew how to get him to say the truth.

“Sehun come on please answer us truthfully we just want to help” probed Chanyeol.

“I did answer truthfully, do you not believe me?” asked Sehun in a slightly irritated voice.

“We want to believe you but how can we? Last time you said you were fine and look! We’re back in the hospital waiting fo

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Floopypuppy #1
Chapter 24: I wish the best for you.
MeAndSehun #2
Chapter 24: I'm genuinely happy for you! I've been reading this story since the beginning and I felt a lot of emotions through your words and kept hoping for things to get better for you that now I feel so so happy to read that you are feeling better. Keep up the good work and take a good care of yourself! You are so brave for coming this far and I feel so proud of you although we don't know each other all that well. Stay safe and I wish for things to get even better for you~
gotbinhwan #3
Chapter 23: hi. i dont know who u are, but u're strong enough to be here ^^ i love u, even we never met. thankyou for being strong & thankyou for exist in this cruel world. maybe we dont know each other, but u know i'm here for u ^^ xoxo
GemGam #4
Chapter 23: oooooh cliffhanger~! hahahah.. u finally updated yess! :D im hoping for the next chapter soon.
cheolliepollie #5
oof
Tirahan #6
Chapter 23: you know that we'll always be here for you right? you're such a wonderful person, a strong one to be exact. to see you're doing well up to this moment, I'd say you're such a hero. I am so proud of you. you did well and great sweetheart, let's keep going. i know it's not easy but hey, you got us on your back. we'll always be there for you. we love you
Amoon_99 #7
Chapter 23: I feel like I can understand your pain because I used to feel the same with my family especially will my parents fight and I could not stand it ... The fights are no longer happens but I still feel bad when I remember ...so l believe that it's a normal for a family to fight ...even when they hurts you with words .. They might say it in a moment of anger ... Maybe Iam asking too much from you when I tell you to bear with it .. But put on your mind that you are a special person and don't feel bad about how you life is because God might have something good for you at the end :)
Falling_Leaves_ #8
Chapter 23: hey... it’s okay to reach out to us for support and help. well always be there. just, i understand to some extent how you’re feeling. every day is like that for me, with my depression. i struggle with myself whether or not to get out of bed, whether or not living is worth it. and some days i come so close to being consumed by my thoughts. it’s okay. it’s not good, but it’s okay. maybe you should reach out to someone in your life, or rant to a friend, or maybe just even do something that you know will help you relax and crack a smile. for me, i watch kdramas when i’m having a ty week and don’t feel like living anymore. i normally feel really numb and disassociated, so i watch a drama that will hit me in the feels. sometimes you just need a good cry, one that will shake you to the core, one that will open the floodgates. if crying helps, cry. you don’t need to be strong, you already are. enduring it makes you strong. please keep enduring.

and your family? i have the same situation. i made a mistake a few years back and it tore my family apart. my mother is always angry with me and my siblings are always fighting with her. we’re breaking ourselves without a care. family is family but it doesn’t mean they are always right. if your situation with your family is unhealthy then by all means, leave. but sometimes you have to endure. that’s okay. it gets better eventually. vent, let people know your misery. it’s okay. let me stress that. you’re human, too. some days are just worse than others. some weeks are just more heavier than the ones before. but it’s okay. it gets better. it has to. that’s what keeps me alive on most days. the fact that this world has to give back as much as it has taken. this pain, this suffering, this utter loneliness and tiredness, this hatred of life—this all has to be worth it at some point. You are not alone. You never will be. Please, if you need someone to talk to, my inbox is ALWAYS open. i want to be a normal teenager as well, some of us grow mature before we are meant to because of our lives and family. i talk myself out of suicide most days, and talk myself into my friends’ open arms. talk yourself down. it’s okay. please keep enduring. i hope that happiness envelops you in a war, hug and stays to keep you safe for a longtime <3
decessus #9
Chapter 23: you aren't made of steel. you're human, you have feelings. your family is making a grave mistake, pushing their child to feeling this way. i can't offer much help. im not too good with words, but this story you wrote had resonated with so many of us. we want to help you, but we don't know how. thank you so much for this story. i hope everything works out in your favor.
hazecraze 930 streak #10
Chapter 22: Thank you for this chapter dedicated to Jonghyun. I wasn't a huge shawol, but I respected him so much as an artist. It really shocked me and it's going to hurt for a few days. I too believe it's important to raise awareness for mental illnesses. If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me. We are in this together.
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