Every couple of days for a few weeks, Jongin delivered homework to Chanyeol. Not that Chanyeol would be able to do it because he was sleeping most of the time and when he wasn’t he barely had strength to hold a pencil in his hand. When Jongin couldn’t it make it to school activities and events everyone knew where he would be and excused him; everyone felt sorry for the two students. The bond they shared was evident and no one wanted to get in between that.

Jongin never said anything to Chanyeol about Kyungsoo’s grandmother being in the hospital at the same time and he never mentioned she was always out in the courtyard. It was kind of like his little secret. Jongin always looked for her just for a glimpse of her before moving on with his day. He knew he always felt a bit of relief to see her, knowing that he was in the same boat as her. Seeing her sitting at the same bench every time he saw her soothed his heart in a way and made the fear of his sickness disappear.

Some days Kyungsoo sat by her side on the bench, holding onto her wrinkled and fragile hand and looked up at the sky with her, talking to her. Sometimes they would put at the clouds together and Kyungsoo would smile along with his grandmother that shared that same smile. Even when Jongin stayed late he would notice Kyungsoo never left her side even after the sun went down.

Jongin would lay in bed at night, thinking about how things had changed so much recently. With Chanyeol in the hospital, unable to speak, unable to say anything to anyone. Jongin felt more useless than he usually did. He would roll around for hours, squeezing his eyes closed and waited for a million miracles.

One day was different. It was a big day for Chanyeol.

Surgery.

Jongin knew Chanyeol would be scared out of his mind since he’d never been through a surgery, unlike Jongin where his childhood was nothing but surgery. Knowing he couldn’t make it before they started the procedure, the younger still rushed his best from school to the hospital, homework in hand. Entering the hospital wing Chanyeol was usually located in, he saw his friend’s worried parents sitting by each other. Jongin joined them and asked if there was any update.

“A doctor just came by a few minutes ago. They said Chanyeol was doing fine and that he would be out soon.” His father said to Jongin. A weight lifted from Jongin’s shoulders and a sigh of relief blew from his lips. For a while they just sat and visited with one another. 30 minutes or so passed before the same doctor from before, Jongin assumed, came out to the waiting room and told the three that Chanyeol was back in his room.

When Jongin was visiting Chanyeol afterward he stared at his friend’s peaceful face, wrapped in white cloth, then looked around the hospital room. It was so blank with just a board of doctor and nurse scribbles all over it and there hung a guide to washing your hands properly right next to it. Jongin sighed as he looked out of the window that only allowed a limited amount of sunlight to reach throughout the room to cast over the white blankets holding onto Chanyeol’s motionless body. An idea rose in Jongin’s mind, maybe he could take a few pictures tomorrow after school to show Chanyeol (if he was awake).

Knowing that Chanyeol had just gotten out of surgery a few hours before Jongin came to visit (he worried all day), he tried so hard to not disturb the exhausted one but Jongin just wanted to see Chanyeol awake and normal and happy like he always was before this happened. Jongin noticed even though Chanyeol had been getting plenty of sleep his skin was paler than usual and a hint of circles sat underneath his eyes. Jongin said goodbye to Chanyeol and his parents that sat together on the other side of the bed. He rose from his seat and left the quiet room and continued to the exit of the hospital wing.

Passing the large windows that looked out into that familiar courtyard, Jongin noticed how dark the sky was. He didn’t know it was raining today since earlier it was sunny. Soon, light drops ran down the windows that Jongin was pressed against. He looked to the sky and watched the low clouds hover over the building not once glancing at the shivering boy standing underneath an awning just outside the glass.

Jongin’s eyes widened a bit, a little shocked to see Kyungsoo just standing in the rain getting soaked since the awning wasn’t shielding much of the drizzle pouring down. Jongin mindlessly made his way outside to grab ahold of Kyungsoo’s attention. Kyungsoo’s gaze lingered from the wet ground to Jongin’s face and there was something different in them.

“Why are you out here?” Jongin asked as he pulled at Kyungsoo’s arm to get him inside but the other didn’t budge nor did he utter a word through his chattering teeth. The contact of the other’s skin made Jongin shiver just a bit. Kyungsoo was so cold then Jongin noticed that it was a bit chilly out suddenly. The rain fell harder on the two and everything else in the courtyard. It grew dark and the only light came from the hallway leading to the open space.

“Kyungsoo let’s get inside,” Jongin said before trying to get the other to follow him a second time. When it didn’t work once more, he decided to give up and stand in the rain with him. “What’s wrong?” Jongin asked but only the rain answered with the impact of droplets crashing all around them and the thunder droned on.

Kyungsoo looked at Jongin again, “she’s gone, Jongin.”

Just like that, Jongin felt so blind for not realizing then Kyungsoo began to fall apart. His fingers curled into fists and they pressed to his eyes as his bottom lip started to quiver instead of chatter from the cold. Jongin’s heart sank. He didn’t know what to do to help Kyungsoo who was obviously broken and crying in front of him. He never thought he would ever see Kyungsoo cry.

Slowly, he raised his hand to Kyungsoo’s damp hair. He remembered the times Chanyeol comforted him when he was in a dark place some times. Jongin’s hand brought Kyungsoo’s head closer to where he began to lean on the younger. His hands dropped from his face and hung at his sides as his face was cradled in the side of Jongin’s neck. It was Jongin’s hand that fell then to sit around Kyungsoo’s shoulders in a small hug. Remembering how Chanyeol used to do this comforted Jongin too.

“Just know she passed happily knowing you loved her.” Jongin said, breaking the silence. The sprinkle of the rain continued. “She was happy, Kyungsoo.”

The next day Jongin felt a bit down. In class he didn’t pay much attention to the lessons and when someone talked to him about how to do something or asked about Chanyeol, Jongin did his best to just cut the conversation short. Why was he so upset over someone passing when he didn’t know them personally? He knew it was going to happen just not so soon and he also wondered why that old woman liked to stare at the sky so much. His eyes glanced to the window to see a sunny day, completely opposite from yesterday evening.

Jongin ate alone like he had been for three weeks. He sat at the same table that used to be filled with Chanyeol and his friends where they would laugh and joke with one another as Jongin sat there smiling every so often. But Jongin didn’t feel like smiling anymore. His eyes stayed casted down at his plate of food and the only thing he could hear was the fizzled out voices from students around him and his own chewing.

A food tray slid to the right of Jongin which made him look up in confusion. Baekhyun sat beside him followed by Sehun sitting in front of Jongin across the gray, bleak table. No one said anything as they ate away in complete silence. Jongin grew uncomfortable quickly. He stopped eating and eyed the two surprisingly suspiciously.

“Why are you guys sitting here?” Jongin asked, almost hissing the end.

“We’re Chanyeol’s friends too, Jongin.” Baekhyun replied.

When Jongin heard this he wanted to laugh right in their faces but bit his tongue. His jaw clenched in frustration. “Friends?” Jongin muttered. Baekhyun and Sehun looked to the almost fuming Jongin—his face was starting to warm up. “What kind of friends don’t even bother to go visit him at the hospital? What kind of friends don’t even call for a check up on him? You guys aren’t his friends, you abandoned him years ago.

“You both just stuck with him thinking things would get better and nothing bad would happen when all you’ve done is cause trouble to Chanyeol. Getting him into fights, getting him involved with police, and God knows what else.” Jongin’s knuckles turned white, grasping onto the small spoon in his hand.

Those five words made Jongin furious but it was how he had felt for a long time, ever since he realized that running from cops and getting in trouble constantly wasn’t the path for him and he just waited for Chanyeol to see it. Without finishing his lunch, Jongin got up from his seat and left the two other boys speechless in their seats. He dumped his food in the trash and walked back to class.

Later in the day after school ended and after Jongin took part in a class meeting regarding something probably important (he wasn’t in the mood to pay any attention), he made his way down to the school’s soccer field to take a picture of the sunset that he decided to do yesterday. Standing in the middle of the green grass, Jongin’s hand steadily held his phone to the sun and took a few pictures, but as he took a final one a sound of shuffling grass behind him caught him off-guard. The last picture came out blurred as he quickly turned to see Kyungsoo.

“What are you doing that for?” Kyungsoo asked, crooking his head to the side in curiosity. When Jongin’s heartbeat picked up a bit he let out a big breath to calm it.

“They’re for Chanyeol.” He replied. Kyungsoo only nodded as an answer; he pulled the strap of his soccer uniform and equipment bag on his shoulder so it wouldn’t fall down.

“It looks beautiful out here,” he said and Jongin couldn’t agree more. He looked at the sunset again with those same colors day after day but never in the same places in the sky. “Listen,” Kyungsoo’s voice lowered a bit which caught the younger’s attention. “I’m sorry for yesterday.”

“Sorry?” Jongin wondered.

“Nn,” Kyungsoo muttered, “I’m sorry for putting you in a situation like that.” Kyungsoo cracked a little laugh. “I don’t cry in front of people, I was just—”

Jongin interrupted him, “don’t apologize for that.” He went back to scanning the colors in the sky. “Sometimes all you need is just a little reassurance that things will be okay.”

Kyungsoo only smiled down at the ground, “thanks.”

Seeing Kyungsoo’s smile pulled at Jongin’s heart a bit. It was this moment where Jongin liked everything about Kyungsoo. His struggles, his love for his family, his dedication to everything, his seriousness, his appreciation to the small things; Jongin liked it all. And he didn’t feel like denying any of it anymore. There was a reason why Kyungsoo always made him feel the way he did and how he’s never had a problem like this with anyone before.

Jongin thought about all the times he was afraid of this moment but being in it didn’t make him scared anymore.

He liked Kyungsoo. Do Kyungsoo.

Meanwhile, something else was on Kyungsoo’s mind. He bit his lip and it looked like he wanted to say something but thought against. Jongin noticed the strange body language of the older one. “What is it?” Kyungsoo looked at Jongin in surprise, about to ask what he was talking about but Jongin didn’t let him ask. “What were you going to say?” Jongin asked again.

“Well,” a small smile cracked passed through Kyungsoo’s almost always stoic appearance, “it’s a little dumb but…” his voice trailed off in slight embarrassment, “it's just a saying my parents and grandmother would say. Something like 'the rain takes a loved one home'.” Kyungsoo mumbled out. And afterward he laughed a little at himself, knowing it sounded so stupid out loud.

“Have you ever noticed?” Kyungsoo asked Jongin but all he could answer with was a shake of his head.

“My grandparents passed away when I was a lot younger. I don’t remember.”

Jongin couldn’t think of anything else to say. He left Kyungsoo to his thoughts and by this time the sun had already set behind the hills of the country. When Jongin used this for a goodbye the other boy immediately stopped him with something to ask.

“Could you come to my grandmother’s funeral?” He asked finally. “I think she would really like it.” Jongin was taken back by the request. He didn’t think Kyungsoo would ask anything like that but Jongin accepted the offer. He was more than happy to be part of laying Kyungsoo’s grandmother to rest.

The funeral was held on a Sunday. Along with Jongin, Kyungsoo didn’t invite anyone else other than Jongin. That Sunday was the first time Jongin met Kyungsoo’s parents and family. He would be lying if he said it didn’t feel at least a little surreal or that he felt so out of place. But he did this for Kyungsoo because Jongin knew that Kyungsoo just wanted someone to be there for him.

Dressed in black, Jongin sat quietly in the small room with a picture of Kyungsoo’s grandmother smiling down at him. He’d always remember that smile; as long as Kyungsoo kept smiling he would always remember her. He sat quietly with his head bowed in respect. There were people softly crying all around him. He just felt so lost and wondered if this was a mistake to come.

Later, when the ceremony ended, people paid their final goodbyes and visited with one another. Kyungsoo wandered around until he found Jongin outside on his own. When Kyungsoo asked the other why he left the room Jongin just sighed.

“I didn’t feel right in that room. This is your family’s time to mourn.”

Kyungsoo shook his head, “even though you only spoke to her once, she considered you family. She asked about you every day, Jongin. She knew you checked on her whenever you visited the hospital. My grandmother was happy to have met you.”

Jongin’s lips tightened in a frown, his eyes watered a little. “I didn’t know.”

"She knew she was going soon," Kyungsoo muttered then lifted his face to the white and moving clouds. The other looked up with him remembering the short time he got to know Kyungsoo's grandmother. "She was waiting for her time to go, looking for the rain."

Even though it was a Sunday, Jongin took a trip to see Chanyeol. When he entered Chanyeol’s room, Jongin immediately broke down. He quickly took a seat with Chanyeol who looked like he was woken up by Jongin’s shuffling feet and sniffles. It was the first time Jongin had seen Chanyeol awake in while and all he could do was cry. He told him about everything that had been going on; Kyungsoo and his grandmother and her passing then how he attended the funeral. He told him what Kyungsoo told him just a couple of hours before.

Jongin’s heart was aching in exhaustion, in sadness. The sobs and tears pouring from his throat and eyes left Chanyeol's head spinning. He couldn’t grasp what was going on with Jongin but he took hold of Jongin’s jittery hand. He squeezed it, hoping it would hush Jongin from his fit.

“I wish this never happened, Chanyeol. I wish you never got hurt. I wish they could find out who did it, Chanyeol. I can’t wait until you can speak again so you can just tell us.” Jongin almost pleaded for that same miracle he was waiting for every day. Chanyeol’s expression slightly changed; he wanted to show how sorry he was. He wanted to say something to let everyone know what really happened. Then, with all the strength he could come up with, Chanyeol’s hand curled into a fist with his index finger putting passed Jongin.

Jongin’s head whipped and he locked eyes with what Chanyeol was asking for.

On that blank wall there sat the lone writing board for doctor notes and prescription drugs for nurses to refer to. Quickly Jongin jumped from his seat and snatched the object from the wall. The marker stuck to the surface like a magnet so Jongin took the lid off for Chanyeol and handed the marker to him. With a shaky hand, Chanyeol wrote so slowly that the anticipation was eating Jongin alive.

After a couple of minutes of Chanyeol’s trembling hand scratching at the white board in a small empty space, Jongin’s eyes scanned the words that were wobbly and Chanyeol waited for Jongin to understand just what he was trying to tell him. Then, it clicked. Jongin’s eyes widened, he gasped in shock.

“Jongdae.”