The following day was a Thursday. Jongin didn’t want to go to school but his parents pressed on. Jongin was a good student. He wasn’t outstanding but he was good. He did his work and paid attention in class. He didn’t slack too much when it came to extracurricular activities, he did things that didn’t require much exercise. He did whatever he could to make his parents not look in his direction as often.

To be honest, Jongin’s family was distant. Maybe it was just him that distanced himself from them and it didn’t bother him as much as it should have. He felt that it was his parent’s decision to make him the way he was now. Sick, with no way of getting better. Because of that, he didn’t want to be near them.

Jongin didn’t like some things about his parents.

Jongin’s chest still felt a bit constricted from yesterday’s event. However, he got out of bed and made his way around the empty apartment. In the kitchen there was left a small yellow sticky note that reminded Jongin about a checkup appointment at the hospital after school. Jongin didn’t remember anything about it but crumbled the note in his hand before tossing it in the trash.

Jongin dressed in front of the mirror in his room like every day. When he was done he stood there for a bit and wondered what he could’ve done, the things he could’ve been if this wasn’t his life. What were the things that he couldn’t do now? Before he could get any more upset, Jongin swiftly swung his backpack over his shoulder then left the apartment.

Walking to the bus, he noticed Chanyeol with the others he hung out with. Averting his eyes from the ones he didn’t hang around with anymore, he brushed them as he approached Chanyeol.

“Hey Chanyeol, are you free after school?” Jongin asked.

“Jongin, long time no see!” One of the boys beside Chanyeol spoke up. As much as he wanted to, Jongin didn’t ignore the other and he immediately tried shooting the warmest smile possible.

“Hey, Jongdae.” Jongin called back to him. Like a pack the other boys swarmed around Jongin and asked him where he’d taken off to or when he was going to hang out with them again. Jongin preferred not to answer so his mouth stayed shut as he glanced at Chanyeol with an almost pleading look. Chanyeol took the signal and quickly tried breaking up the group.

“You’re gonna make him sick, guys, stop it!” Chanyeol pulled back a couple of his friends and like that, the bus to school stopped in front of the group of the teenagers.

“Oh yeah, I forgot you got that heart condition.” Baekhyun, another one of the group of Jongin’s old friends, said.

“Yeah, it’s kinda for life, you know?” Jongin unintentionally snapped back. The rest of the group laughed at how Jongin was. Snappy, witty, but a kindhearted person. He liked to joke around and mess with people. He tried everything to just be normal like anyone else his age. Everyone knew that.

They all took seats in the back of the city bus.

“So, how have these days been treating you, Jongin? We haven’t talked in a while.” Sehun, the final member of the group, asked. Jongin figured he wasn’t going to get away from these questions forever so he caved in.

“The same, I guess. I still can’t do .” Jongin replied in distaste. With that, the rest stopped asking questions and minded their own business. Chanyeol, sitting next to Jongin, hung his arm around Jongin’s shoulders and pulled him in a quick side hug.

“Hope you’re doing better from yesterday.” Chanyeol said as he leaned his head on Jongin’s a bit.

Jongin sighed in response, “I’ve gotten used to it. Hey, did you hear me before we got on the bus?”

“Yeah, and I’m busy after school with these guys.” Chanyeol said, pointing to the three others. “Did you want to do something?”

“Ah, no, it wasn’t anything really important.” Jongin lied. He didn’t want to be a bother to Chanyeol and drag him to a boring hospital while he could be having fun with his other friends. Chanyeol’s head cocked a bit the side before brushing off Jongin’s response.

“Can you two stop acting so gay?” Jongdae teased Jongin and Chanyeol. Chanyeol stuck his tongue out at the remark and gave Jongin a quick kiss on the cheek before the other pushed him away in irritation.

“Quit it!” Jongin exclaimed. Baekhyun and Jongdae both started making kissing noises at the two friends before laughing so hard that their stomachs started aching. Jongin folded his arms and quietly threw a tantrum.

Jongin sat in the sun for athletics class and watched his friend shuffle and pass the ball around his feet before kicking it to someone else on the team wearing the yellow jerseys. This wasn’t exactly boring but Jongin always wanted to know how to play soccer to play for even 5 minutes or less. Some days he gets tired of watching from the stands and waiting for Chanyeol to be done with practice. Some days he wished he wasn’t the one cheering everyone on.

A sweaty hand knocked Jongin out of his thoughts. Jongin looked to his left to see Chanyeol grinning and squinting slightly from the sun.

“You okay, you seem a little out of it today?” Chanyeol wondered. Jongin laughed a little to ease his friend and told him everything was fine but when was the last time Jongin’s life was going fine?

“Don’t worry about it.” Jongin replied quickly before Chanyeol ran off to his teammates.

Jongin just hated being a bother.

Slowly, Jongin stood from the bleacher he was sitting alone on and decided to walk around the track that circled the soccer field. He didn’t bother watching the game anymore. Today he just wasn’t up to watching others do what he couldn’t. He kept his eyes fixed on the asphalt in front of him and waited patiently until it was time to return to class.

Then, like it was on cue, a ball rolled right passed Jongin’s moving feet. His eyes travelled with the ball and soon he found himself picking it up. He knew where it came from so he turned right around and without having to walk too far he met up with a familiar face. Kyungsoo.

Do Kyungsoo.

And then Jongin thought to himself that he sure wasn’t walking fast enough for his heart to pound a little harder than usual. This was Do Kyungsoo. That other one that Jongin liked to watch in secret of course, because he didn’t want to look weird. What was he going to say? What is he going to do? Well, for starters, Jongin should probably give the ball back.

So he did. There wasn’t any exchange of words in it, it was complete silence for a second.

“Thanks.” Kyungsoo said and it droned on for a while to Jongin like it lasted longer than it should have. Jongin didn’t say anything back and it looked like Kyungsoo was waiting for something from the other. When he realized Jongin wasn’t going to reply, Kyungsoo quickly turned around and ran back to the field with the other players.

That was a bit awkward, Jongin thought.

As planned, Jongin left school that day on his own. He made his way to the bus stop by the school’s front gates. His phone vibrated in his pocket so he fished it out and read the apologetic text from Chanyeol. For a second, Jongin smiled and his friend’s concern for him. It was probably rare to find someone that cared more about someone than Chanyeol cared for Jongin. He was grateful for him and thought maybe God didn’t completely give up on him. Chanyeol was definitely a gift.

Jongin sat by himself all the way to the hospital. He was quiet, tucked into a corner. Jongin never tried to talk to others, he was a rather reserved person. He did anything to keep himself from being bored like playing games to watching videos from his phone or just by listening to music. These were the times that Jongin was happiest; his problems dissolved in the things that kept his mind wandering off to intangible subjects.

Jongin got off at the usual stop and made his way to the hospital’s front doors. He spoke to the man at the front desk about his appointment with his doctor that he always went to. He took the elevator, walked down a few hallways and ended up in front of Dr. Lim’s office. He signed in and wait patiently until his name was called.

Sitting through the examination and appointment, Jongin’s mind wasn’t focused much on it all. Dr. Lim walked and set down a small pile of papers on the small counter that was also in Jongin’s small patient room. She sat across from Jongin as he sat on the patient bed with the crumply paper laying on top of it.

“How are you feeling today, Jongin?” She wondered.

Jongin shrugged, “Better than other times, I guess.” After that, Dr. Lim explained why she wasn’t available yesterday for his incident but Jongin immediately shook it off because he understood other people were busy.

“I have different news for you,” Jongin’s doctor began. She took the clipboard that she set down moments ago on the small surface and began flipping through the papers. “Since you’re getting older, Jongin, you and your parents should start preparing for the next big step.”

“Huh?” Jongin wasn’t sure what else to say. Surgery? Now? “Well, what’s wrong? Why is this out of nowhere?”

“Your parents have planned this for a while. Anyway, it is best if you register on the organ donor list soon to be prepared.” Dr. Lim replied.

“Am I getting worse? Because I have been taking my medications and have done my check ups and--?” Jongin asked but paused as his eyes slightly beginning to sting.

Dr. Lim’s mouth curved into a frown, “we think it’s starting to become that serious.” And after that, Jongin didn’t really pay mind to what she had to say. He nodded and said yes and no when asked questions, and he looked at the documents of papers that were given to him. On and on, questions regarding Jongin’s condition and other personal ones ran through the papers.

After a while, the visit was over and Dr. Lim advised Jongin to take the papers to his parents when he got home that evening. Jongin just nodded as a response before he grabbed his things and left the room without saying a word. There was different feeling in his chest. He knew this would come eventually but Jongin never thought about how it would make him feel so… so, scared.

Jongin was terrified.

He bowed to his doctor as a goodbye and walked out of the room as calmly as possible. As much as he wanted to, he wanted to be far from that place but he knew he couldn't leave fast enough.

He didn’t want to admit it but the news was scaring him more than it was supposed to. He knew for years that one day he would need to go through a transplant but he always thought it would be later down the road, not when he was just seventeen. Walking out of the hospital, Jongin’s tears from fear dropped out from his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut as he walked down the road. Hoping no one would see, Jongin rubbed the salty tears from his face and tried to get home as soon as possible.

Walking fast, Jongin made his way to the bus stop but accidentally let a few papers from Dr. Lim slip from his hands. He cussed under his breath as he had to turn around to gather the documents. As he tried to grab the last couple, a hand got in his way. Jongin quickly stood up straight and watched the other guy help him.

“Sorry, you don’t need to do that.” Jongin said, shuffling the other papers in his grip. At first Jongin couldn't see the face of the other person but once they stood straight, Jongin suddenly felt his stomach twist from slight anxiety. He tried to discreetly wipe at his eyes to make sure there weren't any stray tears.

Kyungsoo didn’t take his eyes from the papers and softly read the few headlines to himself.

“So you're sick. Is that why you always sit out during soccer?” Kyungsoo asked. Jongin nodded as he took the papers from the other.

“It’s a condition I was born with.” Jongin added on. “I can’t do too much, my heart is just really weak.” He bowed also, thanking Kyungsoo for going out of his way to help.

“Are you going home?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Yeah, I just left the hospital.” Jongin nodded toward the building down the street. “Why are you here?”

“I just live around here.” Kyungsoo answered and glanced to the apartments that stood tall just right across the street. “I was just taking a walk.”

“Ah, okay. Well… see you, then.” Jongin tried leaving because he felt something just wasn’t sitting well in his chest. He felt weird, it was probably from him walking too fast minutes before.

“Hey, what’s your name by the way? I see you with Chanyeol all the time, so I’m just wondering.”

Well, Jongin probably should have figured he didn’t know his name because they weren’t in the same class grade so they never shared classes, just the same athletics period.

“Kim Jongin,” Jongin bowed slightly again and after that he excused himself from the conversation since he noticed the bus he was trying to catch was driving toward the bus stop just a couple of yards away. When Jongin made his way on the bus, he couldn’t help to think how coincidental that was. He had never seen Kyungsoo any other time anywhere near the hospital until today. It was weird and it bothered Jongin just a little.