chapter nine One, Two, Step       ---------------------------

 

 

 

Letting the sun lightly caress my skin, I propped my feet up on the other chair across from me and leaned back with a magazine in my hands. I let myself relax at the rooftop floor of my apartment building, wanting the breeze to blow away my clouded thoughts with the dust and debris. Stretching out one of my arms behind my head, I let out a long yawn.

“Is that what you call studying?”

I turned at the sound of Hyejung’s approaching voice as she shut the exit behind her. She neared me with her arms crossed. Hyejung stared and waited for my explanation.

“I...” I slowly began. “I’ll do it later.”

“I know you were upset back there,” she said, sounding like she was being extra picky with her words. As if one wrong syllable could set me off. “What’s wrong?”

It hadn’t even been an hour and she already found me. She didn’t even have to call me first. My phone was still broken and at the repair shop anyway. I let the magazine rest at my lap and continued to look blankly at particularly nothing.

“Is it about your parents?” she said.

I automatically transferred my sight to Hyejung after her statement. It was pointless hiding things from her anyway. I should have thought. She knew me better than anyone else.

Hyejung continued, seeing that I wasn’t going to fess up so easily. “Luhan felt really guilty after you left, you know.”

I sat up, letting my feet drop on the floor. “You told him? Why?”

“He just figured it out on his own and suspected you left because of something he said anyway.” She shrugged. “I didn’t have to tell him. Like I said, he felt really guilty and sorry after.”

“No, I didn’t leave because of Luhan. Not really, at least.” I pushed away my fringe that had fallen in my eyes. “He just... reminded me about my parents and I miss them, and…” I trailed off to silence.

“He really cares about you, Jinah.”

When I watched her expression, I couldn’t deny the little hurt in Hyejung’s eyes that shun despite the smile that she was forcing.

 

 

 

Stepping off the bus, my hands automatically dug themselves into my pockets. The cool breezes were finely setting in as it was October in Seoul. With a bag slung over one shoulder, I ogled the mall as I neared it. I breathed out a sigh, realizing it was worth it to come in at an earlier time. The parking lot wasn’t as packed and people weren’t bustling around here and there.

Trudging through the parking lot and towards the east entrance of the mall, other than a woman plus her four friends and a boy sitting on one of the benches stationed near the doors of the mall, the place was still safely barren.

I eyed the boy on the bench, figuring he was asleep with his black jacket’s hood looming on his head as he slouched on the seat. Maybe he might not have been asleep though. With the position he was seated at, it seemed unlikely and uncomfortable if he did so.

As I neared him, his bright Adidas shoes came into view. They seemed awfully familiar.  

I stopped in my tracks in front of the figure on the bench, registering what I was daring myself to do a second too late after I already spoke.

“Luhan?”

He lifted his chin, the hood falling off and revealing a head of ruffled hair and the face that belonged to Luhan. There was more relief and gratitude in his eyes than surprise that I was there. “I was hoping you’d come here.”

At the back of my head, I wanted to make a comment on how he would have passed as a homeless man except for the expensive shoes he always wore. It was my first time seeing him after I left Pizza Hut with a few bills on the table. I glanced at my surroundings, expecting that he was with someone and was only waiting for them. But there was no one.

“How’d you know I was here?”

“You said you were coming here on Friday to return a shirt.” Luhan forced a smile as he picked himself up to stand in front of me. “And it’s Friday.”

I mentioned that I was going to return a shirt to him in random—just between all our other conversations—and I wondered how he managed to remember that little detail about my Friday plans. I wanted to ask if he had school and what he was doing not there and in a classroom.

“About what I said before…” he trailed off, his eyes casting down.

I already knew what he wanted to talk about and I set my mouth in the thin line.

“Jinah, I’m really sorry, okay?” Luhan began, his shoulders slumping. “What I said was completely insensitive and ignorant. I’m sorry that I offended you in any way. That was really stupid of me, I know. But honestly, I’m so sorry. From the pit of my entire being, I’m sorry.”

Luhan looked pale and cold, I noted. Though what else was he expecting when he was waiting like this outside. He didn’t even know what time I was planning to be at the mall. What if I came during the late afternoon? Would he have waited still? I wanted to tell him that he was stupid about a lot of things.  

“I forgot about all that. You don’t have to apologize.” If anything, I had overreacted anyway. “I might have been too sensitive, but… I wasn’t even mad at you. Maybe I was for a split second, but I forgot it all.”

He let out a shaky breath that fogged the air. “But you were ignoring my texts and calls.”

I blinked. “You texted me?”

“And called,” he added.

“Luhan, my phone’s been broken for a few days now. I sent it out to get repaired.”  I took a step back in exasperation, slapping my forehead. “Why did you... Did you actually wait out here just to apologize? Are you crazy?”

Luhan looked at something over my shoulder absentmindedly, his brows pulling together as he hopped between his feet to keep warm. “If you were ignoring me, then I figured I might as well come and find you.”

I let out a laugh, the sound being bitter. “I’m not mad at you. I promise. You didn’t have to... Why were you out here?”

He shook his head, gaze transferring to the floor again. “I don’t know. I just needed to make sure you were fine.”

“I can’t believe you. It’s cold out.”

As if to protect him from the cold I was talking about, I stepped forward to bring my arms around his torso. Even his jacket felt chilling under my touch. Luhan secured his own arms around me tightly, his hand that was at my nape making me shiver with his skin like ice. Closing my eyes, I didn’t care how long we could remain like that with his heartbeat just at my ear. The smell of his cologne was always comforting and familiar that I could probably pick him out blindfolded.

With my gesture, I wanted him to understand that I wasn’t upset with him. That he had nothing to worry about.

“Jinah?” I heard him say, my name sounding like it was only meant for him to say again.

“Hm?”

Luhan laughed quietly. “You owe me hot chocolate.”

 

 

 

I received my phone back a few days later, repaired and ready to function. Throwing myself on my bed, I let the shape of the device become acquainted with my hand again. Holding the button on top, the Apple logo came into its screen a second after. Keying in my passcode, I took note of all the notifications I missed. There was an email from my mother that came in just that morning and another one about shoe sales. There were text messages from those who hadn’t known about my phone situation.

Rolling over to lay on my stomach, I frowned at the little section that said I had five miscalls from Luhan. Most of my text messages were from him as well. They were all dating back to when he apparently thought I had been mad at him. I tapped on Luhan’s texts and scrolled to read them.

⌜Wednesday, October 1. 5:34PM⌟
Are you mad at me? I’m sorry if I made you upset in any way today

 

⌜Wednesday, October 1. 6:58PM⌟
Ok you’re obviously mad

 

⌜Wednesday, October 1. 9:02PM⌟
I admit. That was really stupid of me

 

⌜Wednesday, October 1. 11:23PM⌟
Jinah??

 

⌜Thursday, October 2. 8:32AM⌟
Did you at least read those? I hope so I mean all of them, for the record

 

⌜Thursday, October 2. 2:27PM⌟
I’m still so sorry At least text me back saying you hate me or something. I’d understand

 

⌜Thursday, October 2. 6:12PM⌟
Jinah!! ?

 

⌜Thursday, October 2. 10:18PM⌟
I’m sorry

I tossed my phone away, the same guilt resurfacing when I tried to fully understand again just how much Luhan worried. Covering my eyes with the back of my arm, I let it settle into my skull that Luhan and I had become attached. Maybe too attached. We weren’t just pals that liked to meet up sometimes anymore. We were closer than that. I asked myself if I should be upset or not, if that was good or not. It would have been fine if it was just him who constantly looked for me. That meant he was at least beginning to like me. For the sake of the bet, it was meant to be that way.

Though these days, I was constantly looking for him as well.

 

 

 

I pulled myself away from the classroom after having just dropped off a visual presentation for the professor who appeared to be the same every time I saw him a few days a month. I was relieved about having the stupid assignment off the back of my head, and I could breathe again.

Spotting the familiar group of boys flocking around near the vending machines, I approached them. Sehun, Kris, Tao and Yixing seemed to be arguing over a Mars or a Twix candy bar as I neared their group.

Kris was the first one to see me. “Hey Jinah.”

“Hi guys.” I glanced around the hallway for any sign of Luhan.

“Are you looking for your boyfriend?”

I looked at Yixing. “What?”

“Your boyfriend—Luhan.” He made a kissy face at me, puckering his lips in the air and caused Tao to laugh and slap his shoulder.  

I glowered at them. “Don’t joke around like that!”

Kris gestured towards the vending machine. “Get the Mars bar. Jinah would agree with me.”

“The Twix one is two separate pieces though. You’re paying for more,” Tao whined.

“But the sticks are skinny,” Yixing interjected, taking Kris’ side.

As soon as I figured that they were distracted in their little argument, I pulled Sehun aside, fiercely clutching on to his arm. “You!” I hissed.

“Ow, ow, ow.” He yelped. “My arm.”

“Did you tell them anything?” My eyes flickered to the other boys, making sure they weren’t listening in. “Did you mention the list I made you write?”

“I didn’t say anything, I promise,” Sehun assured calmly. “Please let go of my arm.”

I did as he asked after I evaluated that he was telling the truth. “Then why does everyone like making fun of Luhan and I?”

“Because—” Sehun’s attention was caught by something over my head behind me. “Hi!”

“Hey kid.” Luhan appeared to my side in the next moment and I had to remove the hostile atmosphere around me. He was looking at me in shock like I was wearing my shoes on my hands. “You actually showed up to school today? What’s the occasion?”

“She probably came to see you,” Yixing said, approaching our little group with the others behind him and a Mars bar in his hand.

Yixing was in my damn class. Him of all people would know we had a visual presentation to hand in. I reached out towards Yixing to kick his shin which he exaggeratedly screamed in pain at.

Kris slung an arm around Luhan’s shoulders. “Wow, Luhan I didn’t know you liked feisty girls.”

“Could all of you stop, please?” Luhan begged, shrugging off Kris’ arm. He looked flustered at his friends’ jokes with the tip of his ears warming to a red. Luhan shyly smiled at me apologetically. I thought that maybe it wasn’t so bad if his friends made fun of us. Maybe it would convince Luhan that he liked me. Then I could have car rights.

“Are we still going to my apartment for the movie marathon?” Sehun asked the group.

There was a series of nods.

“Jinah, you can come too.” Tao stole a bite of the Mars bar in Yixing’s hand despite complaining earlier that he wanted a Twix.

“Yeah, sure.” My plans for the afternoon were zero anyway. “What movie?”

“It’s a surprise.” There was a twinkle in Tao’s eyes that scared me.  

 

 

 

I should have seen that coming.

Settling down on the couch in front of the TV, I scolded myself quietly as I watched Tao bring out the entire DVD collection of High School Musical from a backpack. It was my first time being in Luhan and Sehun’s apartment room, the whole place a little bigger than the one me and Hyejung shared. Or maybe it was the same. The number of furniture Hyejung like to keep around might have just made it seem like there was less square footage.

I stood from my spot on the couch to follow behind Kris and Luhan as they entered the kitchen, the door being one of those that only needed to be pushed open instead of a kitchen that was attached openly next to the living room like how my apartment was designed. As Kris and Luhan brought out the snacks and drinks, I attempted to search for the proper bowls and cups that were stashed away in cupboards.

“I didn’t know you guys liked High School Musical,” I commented, deciding between two bowls.

“It was Tao’s turn to pick the movie. We really had no choice!” Kris frantically explained, looking horrified for being accused of such a thing like enjoying the High School Musical series.

“The last time Jongin picked, we had to watch Swan Lake on DVD.” Luhan emptied the popcorn into the bowl that I placed in front of them.

I shrugged to myself. At least Zac Efron wa