The following morning, I was picking through my closet and getting ready for classes. Hyejung, who was passing my room from coming out of the bathroom, poked her head in and watched as I sorted through hangers and cabinets.

“Are you going to school?” There was genuine surprise in her face.

“Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know... You just never go to school.”

I hid my face behind the closet door, pretending to search for something in particular. I hoped that it wasn’t too obvious that I was going to school in some little hope that I run into Luhan who was supposed to have morning classes like myself. “Don’t you have school today?” I asked her, hoping to steer away from the topic of me.

“I do. At night. After Hours classes, remember?” Hyejung stretched her arms. “I think I’m more of a night owl anyway. I’m going to sleep.”

“Have a good morning. Sweet dreams.” I grinned at my own stupid joke, but at least she laughed.

Blending in with the crowd as I stepped foot inside the school, I saw a little shot of a pumpkin-orange head mingling in with other students. Making out Jongdae’s horrified voice as he seemed to be explaining something over for the hundredth time, I had to stifle my laugh behind my arm before concluding that Luhan won our bet and Jongdae did turn out orange instead of green. That should give him a lesson about almost scaring me to death.

I made a beeline for Jongdae as soon as I noticed him stopping by the water fountain to stand in line. “Hey, Jongd—”

“Jinah, please don’t make fun of my hair.” He was shielding his head with both his hands to no success.

“I wasn’t!” I assured, stepping back and acting offended. “I was just going to tell you that I think you’re fashionably ready for the autumn season.”

He paused, evaluating my words carefully. “Wait, I think you just made fun of me though.”

“No, no. The orange will wash away in two weeks at most. Don’t worry too much.”

Jongdae narrowed his eyes at me, getting on his toes to loom over me in a way he thought was threatening. “How would you know that?”

I shrugged nonchalantly. “Just a guess.”

As much as I probably wanted to see Luhan, another part of me was saying that I shouldn’t anticipate bumping into him—especially after the night before. Were we supposed to act like it never happened or would it be okay to bring it up? I didn’t see him as I made my way to class and sat down for another length of it, the time going by slowly again.

By the time I was dismissed and prepared to leave in order to head home, I concluded that it was after all a big school and what chances did I have with running into him anyway? One in several thousandths?

“Jinah!” Luhan appeared by my side just as I was about to admit defeat for the day.

I hope my smile didn’t betray me and give out just how glad I was to see him. “You were here?”

“Yeah, I finished half an hour ago.” He fell into step with me, our paces matching. “Let’s get lunch together? Just let me grab my stuff.” Luhan pointed to the direction of his locker and we made the turn.

I looked behind my shoulder. “Are you sure? None of your friends are going to miss you?”

He scratched his nape. “Actually I owed Chanyeol lunch today, but don’t tell him.”

On the way to his locker, we passed by Jongdae who was dashing up and down the halls with his backpack over his pumpkin head and Luhan and I couldn’t help but explode in laughter. After Luhan bought the food, we ended up wandering to the field outside of the school. We stationed ourselves on the bleachers. It was a chilly start to November, but I never minded the cold anyway.

“Thanks for buying.” I cracked open the plastic triangular casing that kept the ham sandwich enclosed.

“No problem.”

“I owe you like a fortune for all the food you’ve bought me.”

Luhan shook his head after biting off a mouthful from his own sandwich. He spoke after chewing and swallowing. “You don’t have to pay me back.”

“Of course you’d say that.” I could have rolled my eyes at his overly generous personality. I remembered Tao telling me Luhan let him borrow enough money for him to buy an expensive mountain bike. He was the type to drop everything he had to do at the moment to help some old lady carry her groceries.

Luhan looked at me with round eyes in total shock until I thought I said something offensive. Backtracking to what I said, I didn’t think it was out of line. I was about to ask, though when he finally spoke, he was careful with his words. “Do you know? Did Sehun or someone tell you?” It was almost a whisper, his voice carried by the breeze.

Confused, there was a crease between my brows. “Tell me what?”

He shook his head. “Nevermind then.”

“I meant it like... you’re generally a too-nice kind of person.”

Luhan snickered, bumping shoulders with me. “Am I the nicest person you know then?”

I pretended to think about it. “I did. Up until at Jongdae’s house with the prank.”

“I said I was sorry!”

“I had a level one concussion and I couldn’t sleep last night.”

He choked, yelling out a muffled, “What?!”

I almost fell back from laughing. “I was kidding!”

Despite joining in my laughter, there was a certain tone in his eyes. “Don’t scare me like that.”

The following school day, I didn’t attend my classes in order to finish my project from at home while Hyejung slept away during parts of the afternoon and the evening. I didn’t receive any texts from Luhan and I hated myself for being too nervous to talk to him first. If he wanted to talk, he would talk to me, right? If anything, I didn’t want to appear too clingy. I was afraid I was getting too ahead of myself just because of one date. A date didn’t mean I had permission to pry into every minute of his life.

The next few days were the same. There were no texts. I figured he was busy with exams again.

I went to my classes in hopes of finding him at the school building again, but he was absent. It was like he was completely swallowed up by the earth and disappeared. Seeing his friends in the hall, I was too scared to ask about his whereabouts. It would be embarrassing and too obvious. It felt as if I was back to square one with him—the stage in which I was just constantly looking for a way to see him.

I had the courage to send him a text after too many days of silence passed.

When I didn’t get a reply, I was pushed into the paranoia that I did something to upset him. Running through the conversations in my head with him, I couldn’t make out a single thing that would have set him off to avoid me like this.

Maybe he knew? Maybe he heard about the bet? Though Hyejung wouldn’t tell him. She wouldn’t have mentioned it to any other soul.

Maybe this was his way of letting me go. A very silent way that would make me guess what happened between us until I’d have no energy to guess at all. But he wasn’t like that. If anything, he would have told me with the kindest words he could put together that he found me annoying already. I was scared that because we were around each other for so long that he saw more sides of me and didn’t like it.

The day before my birthday, Hyejung asked what I wanted to do to celebrate. I insisted it was okay to stay home and eat some takeout.

During the 11th, I walked into a surprise party instead.

Luhan wasn’t there.

I remembered clearly. A little more than a month ago. He promised to bring me fruit cake on my birthday, though there was a Black Forest cake on the table.

“Are you trying to contact Luhan?” I heard Baekhyun ask through the music. He managed to get some of the party streamers tangled in his hair.

Standing off in the corner, I found myself staring at the screen of the text without the reply I was waiting for. I silently tucked it in the pocket of my jeans. “Kind of,” I said. I wanted to ask Baekhyun if it was okay if I called Luhan. It was an option I haven’t tried yet.

“You know he’s in Beijing, right?” He leaned to tell me more audibly through the music. “I’m pretty sure he left his phone at his room so he doesn’t get charged for long distance or anything.”

My eyes bugged out of my skull. I couldn’t process the news quickly enough and I almost dropped the plastic cup of Sprite I forgot I was holding. “He’s in Beijing?”

“Yeah!” Baekhyun nodded, swaying a little to the beat of the new song that came on. “It’s to spend an early Christmas with his parents. Tickets get too expensive during the holidays.” He frowned at the look of utter shock written across my face. “I thought he called you about it.”

I shook my head, gaze falling on the floor. “I didn’t hear anything about that.”

So abruptly, I felt bitter for being left out like that. Was I not even a friend to Luhan that I didn’t deserve to hear about his plans? Especially ones that required him to leave the country for who knows how long? After giving me that kiss and leaving my insides to stir, Luhan left? Just like that? And without a word.

I wanted to blend into the furniture and disappear. The place was lively and fun, though it seemed like I was the only negative ball lingering around—despite it being my party. I didn’t even notice Baekhyun walk away, though I recalled him saying he was going to get more food.

The feeling of being unimportant to somebody hit me face-first into concrete. Somebody I care about. Somebody I already miss. It nagged at me that Luhan might not have even spared a single thought about me, like I was some toy he could drop aside after he was done playing with it. Like some kind of leftover.

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