nine
high hopes

I don’t think it’s normal that I don’t want to go to school on Monday, especially because Eun Bi doesn’t even text me once. I don’t either, but it’s understandable why I don’t. In my defence, I almost texted or called her about like a hundred times, but I threw my phone away every time, realising it was a bad idea. What was I going to tell her anyways? ‘I’m sorry for kissing you like that and then running away’? I don’t think that’s something you can discuss over the phone.

But on Monday morning I have to be dragged out of bed. 

“How odd of you, Tae Kwang-ah,” Appa mutters when I keep holding on to my bed. “You’ve been acting odd the whole weekend and now you don’t want to go to school? Since Go Eun Bi came back you don’t miss a class.”

“I feel sick, I don’t think I can go,” I lamely lie. Not even I would believe that, and neither does my father.

“What’s wrong?” he asks next, sitting by my side.

“I’m just… I did something stupid and I want to avoid the world.” I bury my face in the pillow, groaning in the process. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Whatever you did, it’s less torturous if you deal with it. Dwelling on things makes it worse,” Appa advises and I stop for a second, thinking about it.

“Yeah, easier said than done. I don’t think I can meet her eyes right now,” I whine. “Please, appa, let me stay home today.”

“I can’t. You need to be a man and take responsibility for your mistakes and actions. Get up!”

He ruthlessly pushes the covers to my feet and drags me out of bed. I don’t stop complaining, but I end up going to school, even if that means I have to be driven there. And even then, I drag my feet towards the classroom. A bit ahead of me I see Not Eun Bi with her friends and Yi An walking together. I know it’s her because she has a different way to walk, it’s more proud and uptight, whereas Eun Bi walks a bit slower and more carefully.

Because Not Eun Bi is there, the girl I’m hiding from can be around and I just haven’t spotted her yet, so I run back, really hiding. I will do that until the bell rings and only then I’ll go to the classroom. I rather be late than having time to face Eun Bi.

I hide behind a tree. Not the best place, but it’s the first thing I can find. I look carefully around, but I can’t spot her.

“Gong Tae Kwang?” a voice asks from behind, startling me.

“Omma!” I cry out, jumping a metre in the air, spinning with the momentum to end up facing exactly whom I was hiding from. Very manly of me, calling for my mother when I get caught and startled. “What— what are you doing here?” I ask Eun Bi, who’s just watching me with a confused expression.

“Should I ask that? You were hiding or spying on someone.” I know I’m blushing, I can feel it, and it isn’t because I’m thinking of what I did but because she caught me doing something embarrassing.

“I was— um— you know…” I just ramble. My head is blank, I can’t think of a plausible excuse. And my desperation seems to amuse her a bit, she smiles and has to look away to stop the giggles.

“We’re going to be late for class, you know? You shouldn’t be hiding at this time. And a tree isn’t a good spot,” she adds, almost as a secret. That panic and embarrassment I was feeling leave me and put on my face a smile when she acts like that. I can finally relax and take a deep breath. She isn’t acting awkward or avoiding me, on the contrary, she isn’t acting much different from how she normally does.

I don’t think I’m that scared of her rejecting me, after all I’m kind of used to that, she’s done it multiple times, but I’m scared she might avoid me or treat me differently, thinking that like that she helps me move over. I can deal with the fact she doesn’t like me back, I’ve been doing it for a while, but I can’t deal with the fact that she will not want me around.

“Let’s go then,” I c