thirteen
pictures

I should be awarded. 

Seriously, someone with my patience needs some sort of reward because days go by and I don’t push Eun Bi in any way. We keep hanging out like usual and I don’t even ask her if she’s made her mind. What’s the point? I know the moment she does she will tell me, either she chooses me or decides it’s better we stay as friends. Pushing her will only make her more uncomfortable and it’ll make me more anxious, so I try to keep it in the back of my mind and just live on.

Our routine is simple: going to school and hanging out sometimes, but not all the time. She has other friends and I like being on my own, too, whether to nap or think. Outside school we make plans and also spend time together, she even invites me to hang out with her girl friends, but I refuse, mostly because I know Han Yi An will also be included if Not Eun Bi is, and I really don’t want to watch and overthink every interaction between Swimmer Boy and Eun Bi.

Maybe, after she makes her decision and I don’t feel so much like stuck in limbo, I’ll accept to join them.

When we don’t hang out and I am left alone with my thoughts and I can’t keep pushing the problem, I try to think of what to do depending on Eun Bi’s decision. Forgetting about her isn’t something I can control, so I discard that option.

In the case she picks me, then I guess we become a couple but I’m not sure how much different things would be. I’m sure she’d be super awkward if suddenly we go around as two lovey-dovey idiots, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t endure it either. 

I have to give Park Doo Sik some credit. He can be a boyfriend without making himself look like the biggest loser out there.

Then I think what happens if she decides to stay as just friends and I realise it’s just that. We stay friends. Things will not change and we’ll continue hanging out, and I’ll do my best to protect her and make her happy. I don’t need to be her boyfriend to be by her side.

I’d be lying if I say I don’t yearn to hold her in my arms and kiss her, but I’ve gone without that practically every moment since I met her (except for a handful of other occasions) so it won’t be the end of the day if I can’t, right?

That’s my only comfort, that whether she chooses me or not, I won’t lose her and honestly that’s the most relieving thing I could’ve ever realised.

Maybe that’s why I can endure the wait.

One of these days, Eun Bi texts me asking me if I’m busy.

When am I busy? goes my reply to her and I just lie on the sofa in my room, holding my phone and waiting for a new text from her.

I watch the picture that is still my phone wallpaper and I make mental note that if Eun Bi picks me, then the first thing I’m doing is taking another picture to have it for the lock screen. I’m still not getting rid of this one.

You said you wanted to get a part-time job and it’s Sale Season. Fancy helping us with Omma this weekend?

I’m already halfway to my door as I reply that I’m on my way. That didn’t sound too eager, did it?

I know where the shop is and it takes me what? Around fifteen minutes to get there and Eun Bi is waiting for me, taking me to greet her mother next.

“I told Eun Bi-ah it wasn’t necessary but she said you offered long ago,” Eun Bi’s mother says.

“Indeed I did,” I confirm with a smile. “I’ve never worked a day in my life and it’s something I really need to correct. Please, be patient if I make mistakes,” I add, bowing just to hear her making dismissing sounds.

“Ah, don’t worry! Just don’t distract my