SEQUEL FOR: I thought there was us 

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/951468/1/

I can hear the clock ticking just right beside me. Wide awake, I moved to the side and reached for the empty space that was used to be the feel of her body. How is she? It’s been months since that day and I ever since it happened I spent sleepless nights thinking.

If I said yes, would it be happier? Safer? Would everything fall into its rightful place? Would I feel the love I knew I longed for?

What if’s, there are so many what if’s that kept on replaying inside my mind, the memory of her. Our late night messaging, our built dreams, our bickering and some awkward flirting that I enjoyed. Everything kept on coming back every night, every day and every moment I get to see her name, her shirt that she left inside my closet and her special gift I still wear up to this time. Would I be selfish if I wanted to get her back? The one that was almost mine?

I pushed myself to stand and prepare for work, life goes on, with or without her. Tying my hair into a bun after lifelessly taking a bath and eating breakfast, I sighed.  Another day, my 6^th month feeling so wrong about myself, my 6^th month making myself believe that I am okay.

I saw my friends still at the same vending machine outside the school, they waved at me and I waved back feeling empty because it was only I who did it, it was supposed to be the both of us, it was supposed to be with Amber.

Forcing a smile I walked with them and pretended to listen to everything that they say which I don’t really understand but just wanted some distraction. Any moment now I know someone will come towards me and wrap his arms around me, look at me into the eyes and tell me that he loves me and I a supposed to answer those words with just as sincere as he was because for all the people know, he’s my boyfriend.

“There you go my Princess” Kim Jongin, The guy I dated just after I dumped Amber because I thought it was the right decision, because I thought it will make my life easier, because I thought doing what others deemed as “normal” will make me happy.

He’s a true gentleman, kind and loving. He never showed me anything that made me hate him and I hated myself more because of that. Because amidst all of his good deeds is me feeling empty, unhappy and pretentious. Everytime he says hi it was Amber who comes right straight into my mind. How her deep masculine voice echoes, how her boyish stance and confident posture as she walk towards me make my heart flutter, how every touch she makes give me this unexplainable feeling of completeness. That I know it doesn’t matter if everything disappears as long as she’s there. How I made her step away from me because of my own foolishness.

I felt Jongin’s finger trace my face and then I knew a tear slipped from my eye, I looked back at him and saw how he was concerned about me. I know he loves me and I gave him the chance to prove it to me. I know he would be a great boyfriend given that if he’s the one I’ll choose, eyes will never judge me, my parents would be happy and I would be considered normal.

But these things isn’t what makes me happy, it’s being with Amber that makes me. I never gave her the chance to prove to me how she felt for me, I shut my doors close to someone whom I knew can love me more than anyone else can do, I slipped the chance to love and be loved back. I gave her away just because I wanted to be normal for others.

“Can we talk?” I was snapped back to reality with Jongin’s voice and hands gently guiding me towards a place where it would be the two of us around. I sat at the bench as I watched him smile his genuine smile. I saw how his eyes started to form tears and how he tried his best to keep them back.

“Thank you” That was the first phrase he told me before a tear slipped from his right eye, the back of his hand wiping it away immediately.

“Thank you for giving me a chance, I know what you’re feeling, I know what you want, I know who you need and it’s not me… but still thank you, Thank you for trying” As much as I didn’t want to see him this way since he already became someone close to me, I cried with him.

“Please go to whom your heart shouts at, please go to where your happiness is. Please go to Amber” He took a deep breath and smiled, holding both of my hands in his.

“Jongin…” I was speechless, I didn’t know what to say, where to start and how to start. I don’t know where my bestfriend is. Two weeks after I turned my back at her, I lost contact. I didn’t know where she went, I don’t know who was she with.

“She gave me this” I looked at the square piece of paper in his hand and with it was our picture.

“She told me she never stopped looking at this, she told me to take care of you and not make you cry. I didn’t know she was inlove with you, I didn’t know you were inlove with each other. Please go for her, don’t mind the other people around you, they cannot make you happy, it’s not their life but yours.”

I held the photo tightly in my hands and broke down crying, the pain started coming in, the longing, the misery of not having her around. Nodding my head, I gave him my last embrace and whispered my apology and gratitude before I walked away.

Looking back at the photo that was turned around, I saw an address written and knowing exactly where it was, I started running. Running because I suddenly felt that time is running out, that any moment now something important would be taken away from me.

It was not longer than two hours before I arrived at the doorstep of the address written. Pushing the door open, I smiled at the people who passed by me and stopped at the girl in white who directed me towards the room where I believe she was resting.

Am I late? I hope not. I wanted to make things right, I want to tell her directly that I love her and I would never let her go again. I turned the knob open and saw her, my bestfriend and the person I loved dearly, my Amber.

I took small steps with tears flowing down my eyes, I finally got to see you again. Still handsome, and dorky, still the same Amber who made me happy.

I took your weak hand and gripped it slightly, you’re still sleeping. When will you open your eyes? I’m here now. I’ll never leave you again, I’ll stay with you until you want me to, I’ll love you more than anything and anyone else in this world could do. Please give me a chance? Please wake up.

Sorry if it took me sometime to get here, Jongin told me what happened. You got hit by a car, been in a state of comatose for two days now but the doctors said you’re fighting. Fight for me, I’ll be here waiting, hoping I can return the feelings you have for me. Give me a chance, I love you.

I bowed and prayed to God that He’ll answer my prayers, even if I heard a straight beep from the equipment beside me.