"Amber!"

There she is again, my little ice princess who always gets into trouble because of her mischievousness. A big family cute rebel. Confusing right? Because she really is. She loves going against her parent's wishes but still she isn't the type to be grounded or thrown out of the house because she has this special aegyo that hypnotizes them.

Wondering how we met? Well we're childhood friends... actually no, we're childhood mortal enemies. Why is that? Because I always tease and bully her at school or at the playground. I love seeing her angry because of me, like everytime she's pouting I am so much amused. Don't get me wrong, I do not hurt her physically, I just that makes her almost cry in anger facing me.

We started becoming friends when we were on our 3rd grade, there I started helping her though I never changed my teasing attitude on her but hey, I'm helpful back then too.

Because she has this scary, icy aura, most of our classmates bully her. I don't know why she doesn't even try to fight but she just sits there or sometimes escape by herself. That was the time when we started being friends, when a threw her crumpled paper in front of many students. I'm a martial arts black belter anyway so I easily beat them to the ground.

"Thanks" Her icy aura emitted once again when we were left together. I was dusting off my uniform watching her glaring at me… Ironic

"It's okay, they shouldn't do those to anyone anyway especially to a girl like you"

"Says the one who always teases me"

"Hey I never hurt you physically"

She just turned away and left, I was not surprised by her actions since she is known for being cold anyway. It just piqued my interest to know her more and be her friend... but how? She even considers me her enemy.

Well I keep on asking these questions to myself lately to realize for myself that we are actually friends now. See? 15 years passed and still we're together. Playmates, breakfast, lunch and dinner mates, roommates and anything that we can do together, we do them with one another at our sides.

I honestly think I am already attached to her, like I cannot do things without her around. I want her watching me while I do presentations, play basketball and fight on inter collegiate martial arts championships. I sometimes see myself staring at her when I wait for her outside of her classroom, her smile completes my day and even though I can see flying objects inside our dorm when I hang out around other girls, it makes me happy seeing her... Jealous?

My princess has this attitude of bossing me around, making me do things her way even if I don't want it but stupid me to follow her though. I just want to see her giggle and smile in front of me just like today, I know she wants something.

"Yes princess?" I welcomed her the moment she closed the door of our dorm. Yes, even if I am already working I still live at the same apartment with her, maybe until she finishes college.

"My crush asked me out!" My breath hitched with what she just said.

Crush?

I didn't remember her telling stories about a specific person in the last few months so why is she suddenly announcing to me that she has a date with someone she likes?

"Crush?"

"That handsome transferee, tall, deep eyes, pointed nose and lean body. Seriously Amber he's so hot."

She said that in a way more dreamy than her talking about mangoes which were her main favorite. It just made me realize he really has this big effect on her and I feel an unusual pang in my chest watching her this way.

Am I jealous? I don't know but it hurts. I thought she's as dependent in me as me in her, I thought she can go through even with just me just like what she always say when we're together...

"Happy birthday Amber! I hope you wouldn't leave me... I know in few months you'll start to work and I'll be the one left here mostly but please never get tired of me? I can't live life without you... I've been very dependent on you that I think I don't even need anyone else except you... promise me you'll stay?"

Those were the exact words you told me a year ago during my birthday, you prepared your self-cooked dinner though you don't know how to cook. You didn't know how thankful and happy am I to be given that kind of birthday gift from you and I still treasure that until now.

"What is his name?"

"Jongin. Kim Jongin"

I kept quiet, is he the guy she was talking with over the phone? The one that makes her all giddy and smiling every time I see her? Is he the guy she dreams about every night? The one she hopes she'll spend her upcoming days with? Because I thought it was me or I was just assuming things up? Maybe I was.

"So Amber? Will you help me?" She scooted over and took a seat beside me. Linking her arms on mine and acting all childish... just like when she wants mangoes.

"What should I do?"

"Uh... accompany me to the mall? I want to look my best for him"

I just nod my head in response and tried to put up the best smile I can give to her, just not to make her suspicious about what I was actually feeling at the moment. She hugged me in thanks but I don't feel any better... it ached more.

The next day we went to shop together and I watched her excitingly putting on dresses, making me choose what's the best for her like husbands usually do to their wives... husbands... I hope that was possible, for her to be called Krystal's husband... but she doubt it. Maybe all she was for her was a close friend, a bestfriend and nothing else. She thought of the idea of that guy being with Krystal and doing stuff like this, her cooking him meals and kissing him on the cheeks and at night, crawling into bed with him, wrapping her arms around him and listening to his heart beat… It hurts, it seriously damn hurts.

“Does this look good?” I was brought back to earth only seeing my girl, I mean my friend step out of the dressing room wearing a pink dress that emphasized her curves. Wow, wouldn’t get tired saying to everyone that she looks really good, really beautiful.

“Anything looks good on you, you can wear a garbage bag and still look gorgeous”

“Aww, the llama is talking sweet.” I smiled.

“Think Jonginnie will like this?” then I frowned.

“Of course he will” and another pang in my heart. Wow lucky him to spend a day with Krystal… If I confess to her earlier, do I even have a chance? If I just realized my feelings earlier, will she realize hers too? Do we even have chance? Will there be us?

The day passed and I was playing this I am okay game with myself, while she continues to share things about him, how they met, how he asked for her number and how they developed into something more. If I can find a friend I’ll ask him to go join me, because in any second I sure will cry.

“Then he just held my hand and – “

“Krystal” I can’t do this any longer, I can’t let someone I love go into some other else’s arms without trying.

I dragged her to the open space where only the two of us were present, this might be impulsive but I don’t want to waste time. I want her to know everything before she meets him.

“What’s happening?” She asked. I felt nervous around her for the very first time.

“Are you really going to have a date with him?”

“Of course! I like him why would I not?”

“But… I thought…” I lowered my gaze down, avoiding the piercing eyes coming from her.

“You thought what?”

“We… Us…”

“Don’t tell me you thought that I love you romantically”

“But you said that you can’t live without me and – “

“Amber! We’re best friends and I wouldn’t like to have any other best friend aside from you but that’s where it stops. I’m straight, I just support you with your own preference because we’re friends but that’s just it. We were just plain best friends Amber, I’m sorry if I made you feel the other way around”

I tried my best to hold back the tears starting to fall down my eyes but to no use, It just fell. It’s so stupid of me to think there was us, to think that she feels the same way, that we would end up together… It’s stupid for me to think that she swings my way.

“I’m sorry, I really am… but if our situation would make it harder for you to move on and accept things then I would move out of the apartment.”

“Please, don’t… no” I held her by the arm to prevent her from walking away but she gently pushed it away. Tears starting to form in her beautiful eyes also.

“I love you, Amber… but just as a friend. I am so thankful for having you in my life, protecting and taking care of me… but we’re grown-ups now and I know what is right for me. My parents wants to watch me walk down the aisle to be wed to my husband and I don’t plan of breaking down their dreams for me. If you were born a guy, believe me Amber I would never think twice to love you… but this, it’s a hard path, scary and confusing… I’m sorry I can’t take that road with you”

“It’s okay, I’m okay… I understand you and your fears but please stay? Even as my friend? Please?” I said in between sobs… I understand her truly and I would accept it even if we end up as friends. I just don’t want her out of my sight.

“No Amber, I can’t let you stay hurt with me around. I’ll date him and I plan to make it work… I’m sorry Amber. One day when finally you have moved on maybe we can meet again and continue our friendship, but for now… please move on? I’m not the one for you”

I watched her step closer to me and give me one last hug before turning away, wiping the tears on her eyes as she ran away.

I thought there was us…