Ai spends a few days holding Sehun’s number and  freaking out before getting down to calling him. As expected, the male hangs up right after recognizing her voice. This scares the hell out of Ai, making her actually consider giving up even before starting. However, when thinking about how Sehun is suffering even more than herself, she knows she can’t back down. He is waiting for her.And so she resorts to texting him.

[Dear Sehun

I’m sorry for what I said the other day. Us not being friends anymore was a lie I came up with in my moment of frustration. I was a little bit out of control, not that I’m trying to blame you.

Also, I’m terribly sorry for your loss and for abandoning you. I don’t know how it must have felt losing you most two imfortant persons but I do know it was appalling and you needed someone to be there for you. I wasn’t,  but I am and I’m willing to help you. So if you still want to see me as a friend, let me help you. Share your pain with me. Allow me to help relieve it. And probably help me in return because I’m also in great need of help. Reply me.

Love,

Ai.]

Exactly one hour later, Ai sighs in relief when she receives a reply.

[Sunday morning. Stay at your house. I’ll come over.]

-

Later that day, Ai pays a visit to her sister’s home. Realizing her little sister has returned for real, the older woman lets out small sobs.

“You’re home. You’re finally home. I really thought you’d be gone forever and leave us here.”

“I am. But why would I? I can’t stay in Japan forever.”

“Sehun. Enough said.”

“What? That’s ridi-“

“No, it’s not. I’m your sister, Ai and I’ve always been. You were deeply in love with him. Don’t tell me I’m wrong about how you looked at him when he came over to our house when you were in high school. I’m also not wrong about how you looked at him when he was playing tennis on TV. When he invited both you and me to his wedding, I refused to go because I was never that close to him and I thought you wouldn’t be there so what was the point in going if I would not see my sister? I mean how could you possibly go watch him marry another girl? But you turned out to have been there. I was shocked, to be honest. I felt so bad for you.”

“That’s in the past-“

“No it’s not. I said you were in love with him because that’s what I saw when you were still here. Now that I have seen you again after so long, I can see that you still love him.”

Ai is about to answer when a tiny figure appears from a corner of the living room. A baby boy.

“Ai, your nephew, Seunghyun. Seungie, come here honey.”

The boy, who Ai assumes is not able to talk properly yet, slowly walks towards the two sisters, eyeing Ai, who is still a stranger to him.

“Say hi to your auntie.” Says Ai’s sister.

Her son opens his mouth, speaking with difficulty but his mouth grinning widely.

“H-hi, A-Au-Auntie.”

“Aw, Seungie is so adorable! Let me see you closer, will you?”

As sood as he nods, Ai pulls the kid closer to take a real good look at him. A real angel. In Ai’s opinion, every child being born is an angel. They’re blessed with purity, innocence, joy and receive love from their parents. And they all deserve a happy life.

What about Sae Ai?

Ai’s body trembles at the thought that has suddenly crossed her mind. She was beautiful. Her face glowing with happiness. Sitting in her mother’s arms. Peacefully.

Ai slowly lets go of the boy in her arms, letting her hands fall down as she’s immersed in the image of Sae Ai.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Her sister says, snapping her out of the thought.

“Nothing, just…I was just wonder, if she were still alive, wouldn’t she be even bigger than Seungie? She was so pretty…”

“Are you talking about Sehun’s daughter? I have heard of that.”

“Yeah. I only found out about it a few days ago. When Sehun called and told me he named her after me, I went insane. Literally insane.”Ai doesn’t find a reason to hide this from her sister now that she has known about the former’s love for Sehun.”And I cut off all my connections here, which is why noone, even you, mom or dad could call me. I knew nothing and 2 years later I found out they were dead.”

“It was awful, I know. When I heard of the news, I was shocked myself. Noone should be in so much pain, including Sehun. He was a good kid. And he tried to find you, you know. You were his best friend after all. I also tried to help him but you were nowhere to be found. The boy was shattered. ”

“Yeah. A few days ago I went to the school reunion and discovered it, and Sehun was there too.  And we fought. He shouted at me for disappearing and not even knowing about their death. I should have shut my mouth but I couldn’t control myself and talked about him and… But his gang, you know, the five boys came and asked me to help him so I contacted him. Tomorrow we will meet.”

“Really? But are you sure you can handle your own feelings?”

“I don’t know myself. But I can’t just watch him destroying himself. At the reunion, the second I laid my eyes on him I knew something had happened. He was so different. His face looked sad but his eyes were even worse. They looked empty. Sehun was strong and I could never have imagined him being like that. But he was and I…I should have been by his side.”

“But from what I see, you disappearing from his life was a good thing for you. I feel terrible for him and all, but you are my sister, the one I cherish the most besides my own son and I have to think about you first. And I think you would not have been able to deal with it. Seeing the guy you love mourning the death of his wife and daughter and comforting him? I would rather see you being selfish than being stabbed in the heart like that.”

“But you don’t know how terrible he looked-“

“I can imagine. It would have been better for him had you been there by his side, but definitely not for you. Even now I still think you should stay out of his life. But 2 years have passed and he’s too important for you to heartlessly abandon him like that so it’s fine if you decide to support him now. I’m just wondering if you’re honestly willing to do that.”

“I always am.”Ai says.”Oops, it’s late now. I should head back. Mom must be preparing dinner.”

“Yeah. Tell mom I said hi.”Replies her sister.”By the way, you look like yourself. Have you been eating?”

“Yes but I’m having some psychological issue. Just work pressure. Nothing serious.” Lie.

“That’s why you took a break? Good though, you definitely should. Shouldn’t overwork yourself. You’ve done an excellent job. We’ve all been proud of you.”

Ai looks at her sister, who is now looking much older than the last time she met her, whispering loudly enough so that the other can hear.

“I love you.”

Ai’s sister seems to be taken aback by the sudden loving words and hesistates for a short while before replying.

“I love you too.”

As Ai exits the house, her sister calls her out loud.

“Ai!”

The younger turns around, looking at her sister with curiosity.

“I think Sehun loved you.”

Ai chuckles, finding it amusing. If only.

“Really.”The older continues.”I’m your sister, not his but I’m a woman after all and am sensitive enough. I think he loved you. He probably had fallen in love with you when you were only crushing on him when you two were in high school. Not sure about later on, though. If he did, I won’t blame him for falling out of love with you while you hold on to it for so long. He’s a boy and you’re a girl. You two are different. What I’m saying is don’t think you don’t deserve love. You do, Ai.”

-

Sunday morning arrives and Ai soon finds herself sitting in Sehun’s car. The two sit in silence until Sehun speaks.
“Where are we going?"says Sehun, his cold tone still there.
"I don’t know. To be honest. You can just drive around. I want to see the city. I went back once 3 years ago but didn’t have the time to do it.
The male starts the engine and the car begins running around Seoul. It sure has changed a lot. The cafes and movie theaters they used to go together are either no longer there or drastically modified, much to Ai’s disappointment. She expected to go around, talking nonstop about the old times whenever they come across a place they went to when in high school. How naive of her. The old days are gone and there’s nothing to remind us of them.

The car is running on an empty road near the outskirts of the city after a good 30 minutes of silence between the two of them.

"Are you not going to talk?"Sehun finally speaks up, interrupting her train of thoughts.

"What? Oh, yeah. It’s changed a lot. I mean, the city.”

The guy bitterly scoffs.

“Yeah, and people change a lot too. Look at us, we used to be the best of friends.”

Ai clinches, knowing perfectly well what he is referring to.

“I told you, Sehun. I was just too angry to think before speaking. It’s not what I meant.”

“I know you, Ai. You never say things you don’t mean. You can only tell lies when you have prepared them in your head. And from what I saw that day, well, you didn’t have much time to think.”

Who is she kidding? Over a decade has passed, sure, but Sehun knows every bit of her character and that will never change. She really thought they were not friends any longer.

“M-maybe. Honestly, we’ve been too far apart that I don’t think I can call myself your friend any more. You play a big part in my life, really. But I don’t know what we are anymore. It doesn’t mean I don’t give a damn about you though. I’m here if you need me. If you want, I’ll try to get back what we’ve lost.”

“Then you shouldn’t have kicked me out of your life in the first place.”

“I’m sorry. I had to. I can’t tell you why though.”
Even when they were still in high school, the two had learned to give each other privacy. They were inseparable, true, but mentally, not physically. At school, they had their own groups of friends and didn’t always stick together. They were of two different es after all and there were things to keep away from each other. They were fine with it and Ai believes he has not forgotten that.

Sehun nods silently before changing the topic.

“How long are you gonna stay?”

“Indefinitely long. I just quit.”

The male furrowed his eyebrows before asking.
“Why?”

“Don’t like it anymore.”

“Doesn’t sound like you. You were so passionate about it.”

“Yeah."Ai says nervously, scared that he will question further before divert the conversation."By the way, how has your life been going?”

“I still live in the house we bought 3 years ago. Alone.”

Ai doesn’t mention tennis since she understands the guy is simply in no mood for it. However, she comes up with a bold question. Too bold, in her opinion. But it’s been two years and if she wants to help him, she has to know his current state.

“Do you still keep their things?”

Sehun flinches, amazed by the sudden ask. He should have remembered that Lee Ai is not afraid of asking sensitive question. Still, he replies, his face showing slight sadness.

“Yeah. Still there.”

“How do you feel when looking at them?”

Sehun’s shocked, to be honest. But maybe they’ve not met for too long and he has forgotten how bold and insensitive she can be.

“Really, Ai? Do you really have to ask me that? But if you insist, I put them all into a room and can’t bring myself to give it a glance. I don’t think I can do that without torturing myself at night.”
His face once again shows pain, hurt and it makes Ai tremble.
But he has to face it, sooner or later.
And she is going to push it even further, despite the fact that he will hate her for this.

“Sehun.”

“Yeah?” He says, not looking at her.

“Can I…visit them?”

Sehun stops the car in an instant, making Ai flinch a bit. He sits there motionless for a while before turning the car around, changing the direction.
-
“Honey, how are you doing? Are you taking good care of our angel up there? I miss you a lot. I’m sorry for not visiting the two of you sooner. I was busy. Anyway, I brought Ai here. You remember her?"Sehun says in front of the picture of both Nari and Sae Ai while pulling Ai closer.
The girl looks at the image of Nari in the picture and smiles lightly.
"Hello Nari. It’s me, Ai. We met at your wedding, remember? Well, I didn’t mean to not visit you. I guess I received the information too late so that’s why I haven’t visited you until now. I hope you’re doing well.” She then averts her gaze to the baby girl in the picture and continues.“Hey, you must be Sae Ai, right? My name is Ai, too. I’m a friend of your father’s. I truly apologize for not meeting you sooner. I really wanted to see you."Lie. But how can she tell a child that she did everything to avoid meeting her?"Now that you’re with your mother, behave well okay? I will see you soon.”

The two walk out shortly after and Ai thinks she can hear Sehun trying his best to stop his own sobs.

“She was so beautiful, Ai.” The male says with much difficulty. “She was pretty and nice. And when I looked at her, I felt my heart at peace. After a long time of struggling with my career and personal life and everything, my heart was at peace. And…”
He can’t even continue until Ai reaches out to him, placing her hand on his shoulder.
“I know, Sehun. I know.”
Ai seems unable to say anything other than that cliché sentence of comfort. But what can she do when she herself is fighting her own emotions?

“She was just three months old.”
She is now completely speechless.

“I thought that after two years, I would not cry anymore. I would still be sad but at least I wouldn’t cry. But…”

Ai is still not saying anything. But after a few minutes, she decides to put the other arm around him as well and whisper.

“You remember saying you like my way of comforting? Me telling how horrible my life has gotten so that you can feel better about your own? You want me to do that now? Maybe you will feel a bit better.”

Sehun doesn’t say anything and Ai takes that as a yes, although she knows he’s probably not even listening.

“You know why I quit? Well, not because I don’t like IT anymore. Something happened.” Ai speaks, noticing that Sehun has partly regained his composure. “I’m not a anymore.”
Sehun chortles at her sentence, remembering her naively telling him she would only have after marriage.
“It’s okay to not be a , Ai. Don’t tell me you quit because of that.”

“No. I was .”

The male immediately shuts his mouth.

“He was an intern at Baku. We were alone in the office at 6 AM. No one was there.”

“But that’s not the problem. I wouldn’t have quit because of that.”

“I killed him, Sehun. I grabbed a bottle of wine nearby and killed him.”

“Baku was powerful enough to cover it all up. But I had to leave. That’s why I’m here.”

“You know what the worst thing is? I dream about it every night ever since, Sehun. Every single night I see him on top of me, both of us , his animalistic moves, my pain, my screams. I see him dead, lying on a pool of blood, large pieces of glass stabbing into his skull, his eyes wide open. When Baku was working to shut the authorities’ mouth up and I was still living in my own apartment there, I could scream to my heart’s content. But now I’m with mom and every time I wake up from the nightmare, all I can do is cover my mouth with my hands, sometimes I have to bite them to prevent myself from screaming. It’s been going on for a few months now and it’s getting worse. I can’t go to the psychologist because that may lead to the exposure of the case, I tried a few kinds of medicine but it’s only worsening my condition.”

Sehun has now dried up all his tears, looking at Ai, traumatized.

“Maybe I am also destined to suffer, don’t you think?”