Ai wishes she could just die in an instant. 

Not that she has never gone through the thing called unrequited love before. But this kind of pain is so new. She knows how much Sehun loves Nari. She has always known.

She expected this.

From the day she caught sight of Nari at the centre of Melbourne. To the day she discovered the groundbreaking news that the other girl was still alive. To the day she rushed to Nari's apartment, basically begging to take her back.

Ai had sworn to herself that whatever the outcome of this is, she would not regret it.

She was not only doing for Sehun foolishly just like every other woman in love. She was also doing it for Younha, the woman she has utmost respect for, the woman who has literally become a walking zombie because of her daughter and granddaughter. She was also doing this for Kaito, to free him of the demons inside of him, to give him some light to shed on his journey to happiness, to give him an answer, a conclusion to his love with Nari. She was doing this for Nari, to help her find the liberty of her soul, to make her free of guilt and remorse.

And most importantly, Ai was doing it for herself. No matter how much pain she would go through, it would still better than watching the people she loves destroy themselves for something that could be fixed. She didn't want to live in the feeling of guilt and regret for the rest of her miserable life.

But right now, in this instant? Ai swears to God dying by being crushed by a train would still feel better than this.

Part of her thought that Sehun would choose her. Over Nari. Over anything else. He said so himself. And Sehun would never lie to her. Or would he?

But one thing she is sure of, Ai loves Sehun. Completely in love with him. And she trusts him more than anyone else. She has always trusted him. She believed in every single thing he said. And he said he loved her, more than anything in the world.

It suddenly hits her, immediately, however, that when Sehun told her so, he wasn't aware that Nari is still alive. He thought the younger was no longer in this world.

Ai bitterly chuckles at the thought. She has always been so stupid. So naive and now she's paying the price.

---

Flight back to Seoul is definitely not easy. Especially when she is about to face another heartbreak. Standing at the departure lounge, Ai turns on her phone and freaks out. Only 4 days with her phone off and already more than 200 missed calls. Most are from Sehun. Along with countless text messages and voicemails. Ai doesn't know what to think. This has to be the most effort-consuming breakup ever. And no way would she open the messages to read what he has to say. At least not now. She's not quite ready for it.

But as the lineup in front of the customs is getting shorter and shorter, Ai hesitates. And after a while of struggling, she takes out her phone once again, breathes deeply before texting Sehun.

"I will get back at 6 PM. Incheon airport.

Can you pick me up?

Ai."

Not waiting for his reply, Ai turns off her phone once again and gets ready to go on board.

Here I come, Seoul.

Here I come, heartbreak.

---

South Korea is much colder than Japan this winter. Enough to make Ai shiver, at least.

And Incheon is a place she doesn't really like. Here, she witnessed the boy that turned out to be the love of her life leave the place full of their memories together and go pursue his dreams.

Here, she left her homeland to chase after her own mindlessly, leaving behind the people she now knows she loves dearly.

Here, she came back to Korea after years to witness the man she loved marry someone else.

Also here, she ran away like a coward.

But now, at the age of 28, Ai knows she can't do that anymore.

The cold once again sends shivers down her spine. 6:05 and Sehun is still nowhere to be found. Ai sighs, she should have never sent that text in the first place.

"Ai!"

She immediately flinches. The girl turns around and sees where that so familiar voice comes from. Sehun, holding one of his jackets in his hand, rushing through the crowd to where she is standing.

As their hands touch, Sehun instantly wraps his arms around her.

"I missed you."He whispers faintly as his lips move down to touch hers.

"I missed you, too."Ai replies. Somewhere in the kiss, she feels love. As much as she hates to admit it, she doesn't want this to end. Being embraced, and kissed, and loved by the man who will probably claim her heart till the day she dies.

But if this is the last chance for her, Ai has to make sure to the the most advantage of it.

"Cold isn't it? I just read your text after training and didn't have time to go home so,"He says, wrapping the jacket around her, helping her put it in."Wear this for the time being."

And as Sehun is about to speak again, Ai has already grabbed his neck, her small body jumps in a swift movement, climbing up his muscular one while her legs wrap around his torso.

"Are you that excited to see me ag-"

Before Sehun's words get heard, Ai has pulled his lips in for a passionate liplock. He is bewildered, for the first few seconds, since Ai has never been a er for public display of affection. But here she is, initiating a kiss. And soon Sehun himself forgets everything else.

As the couple pull away from each other for oxygen, Ai murmurs by his ear. "Thank you, for picking me up."

Sehun looks at her and grins."Thank you, for letting me."

As Ai gets down from his giant frame, Sehun takes no time to get down to the main point.

"No, I am the one who should be sorry, Sehun. It's the truth anyway. But I think we should throw that to a side shouldn't we? Uh, how are things going with Nari? How did you react?"

"Hey, baby, first of all, I'm so sorry for what I said 2 weeks ago. It was very unthoughtful of me and I-"

Ai immediately regrets asking him about Nari. Of course things are going great. Why would she ask when she has known?That's why she doesn't wait for his answer and continues with her endless speech.

"Tokyo has been great. I-"

"I know, honey. But I have something to tell you, it-"

"You know what, Sehun?"Ai hisses, clearly annoyed by repeatedly being interrupted."If you bring that matter up again tonight, I will freaking leave."

The man freezes. Leave. Disappear. Run away. He hates those words having anything to do with Ai.

"I'm tired, Sehun. I don't want to hear about anyone else's matter. Only tonight? Please? Just the two of us."

Ai weakly hopes that this night will never reach a dawn. She wants to hear the heartbreaking words from Sehun as late as possible.

"Okay."

---

During the drive home, Sehun's right hand does not leave Ai's left one for once, while her right one holds on tightly to the jacket Sehun brought.

The jacket is brown, a little bit faded at the wrists and the collar.

And Ai remembers this jacket. How can she not? This is her last birthday present for him before he went to the States. The day he turned 17, Ai had took out all her savings to purchase an expensive as hell Pierre Cardin jacket. He still keeps it, after 11 years, for which she is glad.

She just wants to hold onto his scent, blended into the jacket. Forever.

---

As they reach the city centre, Sehun points at the supermarket."We don't have anything at home. Why not stop by?"

Ai nods. Better enjoy the present, she thinks.

During their school years, this supermarket used to be Sehun and Ai's favorite place. Although they did not have any intention of shopping for grocery, Sehun would still grab a cart and tell Ai, at the time was a tiny schoolgirl, to get in. He would push her to each corner of the floor while throwing things he knew he would return at the cashier's table, only to .

And as his wife, she loves strolling around the supermarket, with Sehun pushing the cart with one hand, his other never one letting go of hers. To think that Sehun and Nari used to do it, and they're going to do it, again, feels like her heart skipping a beat. She's scared of that scenario. She's scared of what she is going to do once that happens. But Ai swallows the thought and the tears threatening to fall down. She turns her head to her right, only to be met with Sehun's smiling face.

"Well, we got beef, potatoes, tomatoes and some kinds of herb. I don't know what they are but they look, yeah, good. Let's get going, shall we?"

 ---

 Ai cooks the dinner while her husband helps with simple tasks. Looking back, Ai has no misgivings at all. The past few months as Mrs. Oh has been the happiest she has ever been, making her a better woman. Ai has learned how to cook properly, not just ugly dishes to serve herself on weekends. She has mastered laundry, ironing, and house cleaning, just like her mother has always wanted her to. She has come to know how being with the one she loves feels like. Ai is contented. But is she, really?

Her thought is disturbed by Sehun sneaking his arms around her waist, whispering lightly."Smells awesome."

"Uh-huh."May as well the last chance for her to cook him a meal.

"Hey, baby. I've got something to tell you. You know that guy, Kudo, he-"

"Haven't I told you already? I don't want to hear about them tonight. Just us. If you can't stand it then you can it alo-"Ai acts annoyed, making sure that Sehun freaks out.

"Alright. No one else but us."

"For tonight."

"Tonight it is."He sighs.

---

Staring at the man Ai has loved almost her whole life, Ai can't help but feel a wave of fear rising in her. How will she live without this man? How will she live without waking up next to him, seeing his beautiful face every morning? Without enjoying each breakfast, lunch and dinner with him? Without washing and ironing his clothes, helping him shave his facial hair? Without every Saturday evening watching movies with him on the couch, just like when they were teenagers? Without his love, his care, his friendship, his touch?

Ai has actually made some vague plans for her after-Sehun life. She has thought of going back to Tokyo, the easiest country right now to apply for a visa, since she has spent a long time there, serving one of its most powerful technology empires. And Baku will probably gladly take her back. She has thought of raising a dog, something she has always wanted to do after Pep die many years ago. She feels another stab at her heart as soon as the image of Pep comes up.

It was the dog Sehun took her to the Eggsy Pet Shop to choose for her birthday. He was basically her and Sehun's dog, although the latter always complained that Pep was irritating. Sehun was always there. When she spotted the unwanted dog with brown fur and a lame leg and decided to take him home. When the dog got sick for the first time since she bought him. When the wound on the leg from the past began to torture him again, and eventually killed him. Always.

Ai, as a matter of fact, was going to discuss finding a dog to raise with Sehun. She guesses it's too late now.

All too late, Ai realizes as she sits on the couch with him, watching a soccer match. Looking to her right, she knows that she will miss having his arms around her shoulder, being kissed on the top of her head once in a while, and his hilarious jokes about the players onscreen. She will miss all of it to death.

To death.

Maybe dying would feel like heaven compared to living without him. It's not that she hasn't thought of it before. The moment Ai has taken in what Kaito had just told her, jumping off a building instantly crossed her mind.

As a daughter of a woman, having witnessed how losing her own child can do to a woman like Younha, however, she doesn't have the heart to do that to her own mother. It would be a sin impossible to make up for.

That's why she has to continue living, with or without Sehun by her side.

Suddenly, some sort of thing stirs in her mind. Maybe the greedy monster inside of her has woken up, refusing to let go. Ai is not sure whether she is being manipulated or this is her true self showing. Out of nowhere, it hits her.

Why does she have to live without him? Why does she have leave the person she loves?

As selfish as it sounds, she suddenly is not quite ready to let him go.

She has spent most of her life trying to make others happy. Her while childhood was spent forcing herself to be tough, brave, fearless, just like the son her father always wanted but could never have. Her youth was ravished by giving up the love of her life, by giving him the blessings she never meant. Wanting to make the people she loved happy, she did everything to find Nari and bring her back. Why did she have to, really?

She didn't have to, it is beginning to dawn on her. And now, she doesn't have to either.

Why can't she for once, live for her own happiness? Why can't she for once do what she wants? Why does she have to live a lonely, pathetic life until the day she dies?

Of course, having Sehun by her side but always not loving her as much can't be called happiness. But then, she won't have to break her own heart watching him spending the rest of his life with someone not her. She will not be happy. But she will be satisfied, at least.

And so, Ai finds her own hands grabbing Sehun's torso, her head leaning on the crook of his neck, her eyes looking up.

"Baby, stay with me."

The man looks down, confused."What do you mean, honey?"

"Don't leave me."

Sehun, by now, has come to terms with what she is referring to.

"Ah, I've wanted to talk to you about this all night. There's a misunderstan-"

"No, let me talk, okay? Then you can make your decision. I love you, Oh Sehun. And I don't think I can make it out alive without you. Please, let me be the one to stay with you. It's okay if you don't love me the way I want you to. If pity is the only reason for you to stay, then let it be. Pity me."

"Baby, this is exactly why I-"Sehun says, only to be cut off, for the nth time since he picked her up from the airport.

"I know this is so cruel to you, I know. I'm just...I don't know, desperate? I'm exhausted from playing the good guy. I want to be selfish for once. And to be honest? Without you, I think I will die, Sehun."Ai feels wet on her cheeks."Kaito told me about, you know, you and Nari. And I swear I could feel my heart being ripped off. I thought I would let go. I really did, honey. I always want you to be happy. But now, being with you, in this house, on the couch like this? I can't, Sehun. I just..."A few more tears stream down her face."But, after all, it's your life. Do what will make you happy. Whatever your decision is, I'll respect it. And I will always love you."

Her words leave his mouth hanging. And for the first few seconds, her husband doesn't say anything. Unexpectedly, his arms embrace her, his head touch hers in the most intimate kind of manner.

"And I will always love you."He murmurs.

"No, you don't understa-"

"Will you let me speak, woman? You keep cutting me off!"

Ai goes silent.

"First, I believe you have misunderstood something. Very serious. Did that Japanese guy call you and tell you Nari and I are going back to each other?"

Nod.

"Gosh. That idiot. I get mad just thinking of him."Sehun says under his breath."We're not."

It takes her a few seconds to actually absorb what he said.

"You're not?"

"Yes, which is exactly why you shouldn't keep interrupting me when I speak, and why you shouldn't believe anything that jerk has to say. And second, I am not letting go of you any time soon. Do you hear me? You won't get away from me that easily. Gosh, you have no idea how devastated I was when you told the guy you were going to give me up. Don't you ever. Always be right by side, will you, baby?"

Ai's vision is already blurring but she manages to nod repetitively.

"Okay."

"I love you so much."Sehun speaks while planting kisses on her everywhere. He halts, however when Ai stops him.

"What about Kai and Nari? They...He was so devastated when he called-"

"Yes he was, for like, what? 30 minutes? And you were for God knows how many hours. That airhead doesn't know when to shut his mouth does he? Of course they're together now, if that makes you happy. By the way, you piss me off, really. Why were you consoling him while you were sad yourself? Almost as silly as him. Never met anyone like you really."

Ai is about to defend herself when Sehun continues.

"And you've been annoying since 6 PM. But you know what? Right now, I'm so happy. Because you stood up for yourself. You spoke what you really thought, your own wishes. I'm so proud of you."

Having said what he means, Sehun looks her straight in the eye, waiting for her answer.

"Slap me."

"What do you mean, baby?"Sehun asks, confused.

"Slap me so that I know this is not a dream."

The male chuckles.

"No, I will not slap you. But,"He whispers with a husky voice and starts kissing her again,"I will make sweet love to you all night and you will know that this is all real."

---

The sunlight kisses her cheeks and Ai wakes up to the sight of her husband caressing her body.

"You're up."

"Uh-huh."She replies sweetly, turning her body but fails."Ah, it hurts."

"Lord, I'm sorry, baby. Rough last night wasn't I?"He says, helping her get up."It's been too long. I was...over-excited. Let's get you cleaned up."

Before she can answer, Sehun has carried his wife to the bathroom before placing her in the bath he has prepared while she was sleeping and soon joining her.

"Honey."Ai calls him as both of them have settled in the bathtub.

"Yes, baby?"

"Well, I was thinking...Well, let's be honest. No matter how long we avoid this matter, it will never change the fact that I'm almost completely imfertile. And no, I'm not complaining. I've been taking the medicine regularly, well, we both know those pills are not getting us anywhere but still, I'm taking them. And I've been trying to eat healthy food and all. But, I don't know, I want us to find a real solution."

Placing his chin on her shoulder blade, Sehun has been listening. Ai is not trying to use the matter as a reason to push him away, for which he is glad. She is trying to overcome it with his help.

"Then we'll face it together. I've actually done some calculating. Uh, let's just say, you keep taking the medicine while I keep...doing my job, you know what until you reach 30. If still nothing happens by then, we can get medical help. Artificial insemination, surrogacy,...you name it. We're not short of money. It's going to be okay, really."

Ai closes her eyes, mumbles."Hopefully it will."

---

"How have I been, Dr. Jung?"

"You've been better."The middle-aged doctor looks up, smiling."See? I told you, it's not over for the both of you. You guys are young and have a whole life ahead of yours and are already making progresses. Well, with your case, it's not your ability to conceive a baby, but the ability to keep the baby in your belly is the problem. But, here,"He says, pointing at her upper body's scan,"your uterus has been looking much healthier. I can't guarantee you two that you wil make it, but the situation has been much brighter. Have you been taking the pills regularly?" Ai nods."Good, go on and remember to keep a healthy diet. Don't give up yet, okay? I'm here with you two."

Ai rarely accepts help from people she's not close to. From her point of view, help in this world is not for free. It's better to be independent since she will not have to owe people. Looking at the man in white, the 28-year-old realizes that sometimes, a little bit of help will not kill. And she appreciates his care. A lot.

"Thank you, Doc."

"You're welcome, child. Now, get out. Another patient is waiting for me."

She chortles, pretending to be scared."Yes, Sir."

But as she walks out of his office, a pregnant lady walks in.

A strangely familiar face.

"Ai? Is that really you? Oh my gosh! It's really you. It must have been like, what? A decade? I-"

"Hara?"

"So you do remember me! It's such an honor that a world class computer programmer still remembers me after all these years. Though I'm sure Sehun has no idea who I am now. I heard you guys got married! Congratulations! I could attend the reunion a few months ago so...Well, what happened to him a few years ago was a tragedy. I'm glad he's got you now."

"Yeah. We're...trying to move on. He-"

"Hold on a sec. Jesus Christ. Are you pregnant? Ama-"

"No. I'm not."Ai freaks out and then looks down."Really wish I was."

Hara flashes her a faint smile.

"Don't worry, you will be." She says, placing a hand on Ai's shoulder.

"Well, enough about me. What about you? When are you going into labor?"

"Pretty soon, I guess."Hara grins, diverting her gaze to the giant belly."Gotta go in. See you later okay?"

"Yeah. Doc is waiting. Anyway, congratulations on the baby."

"Thank you." The pregnant lady speaks with a genuine tone.

Walking out of the clinic, Ai cannot help turning her head around once in a while. Over a decade. Things have changed. Hara, once a sassy, most of the time annoying teenage girl, is now so...mature, so calm and contented. And she is on her way to becoming a mother.

What about Ai?

She could have been a mother, but lost the chance. And she's doing everything she can to take it back. Ai is not sure where this will lead to. But for Sehun, for the child she let go of, for Sae Ai and for herself, she knows she can't give in.

---

Talk is cheap, after all. More months pass by and Ai finds it increasingly challenging to stay true to her words. It is so hard to not shiver while looking at expecting women at the clinic, in the supermarket, and even in her parents-in-law's house. Ai sadly realizes as everyone, literally everyone, from Sehan's family, Ai's sister's family, together with Kai and Nari, who have finished settling everything for the past few months, gathers at the Oh household to watch Sehun's final at the Roland Garros.  Ever since his comeback after 2 years, the said man has claimed a few more titles, and has climbed back to World No.2. If he wins today, once again he will become World No.1, but if he doesn't, then he will drop to No.4. That is not why he takes this match so seriously, however. It is because he has never won a French Open before. Clay court has never been Sehun's place to shine. Now, having Ai with him, nevertheless, Sehun has made sure to "win for my favorite girl", according to him.

"What are you thinking?"Kaito's voice makes her flinch and her eyes leave the sight of her sister's huge belly.

"What? No, nothing."She answers, shaking her head.

"Yes, you were."

"Even if I was, it would still be none of your business, Kai-kun. And don't you think I forgot who made me miserable for days."

"I've already apologized, Ai-chan."

"Doesn't count-"Ai is about to scold him more when her sister stops them.

"You guys speaking Japanese is like the funniest thing I've ever heard, even though I don't understand anything. Ah, Nari!"The older exclaims and Ai turns around to see Nari walking towards the couch."Let me see...You've been gaining weight, haven't you?"

"Yeah,...I, well..."Nari stumbles.

"And you look...there's something so strange about you...Oh my God. Are you pregnant?"The elder Lee says, almost yells and Kai, with his meager Korean vocabulary still catches the gist of it and immediately turns his head to look at Ai with a worried look. So does Nari."You indeed are. I've been pregnant for twice, you two can't fool me! Well, pregnant before marriage. What can I say? Well done, you Japanese boy. How long?"She finishes by a pat on his shoulder.

As an instinct, Ai turns her whole body around, looking at Nari, who replies nervously."About, uh, 2 months?"

"You are? Unbelievable! It's only been like, what?3 Months?"She fakes excitement, which Ai knows she's failing terribly."Congratulations! I'm so happy for the both of you. I really am."She's in the middle of coming up with something else to say when her sister disturbs.

"Ah, I forgot to tell you something. Look at Jinri."She whispers mischievously, pointing at Sehan's wife."What do you see? A woman with a damn fine and an even finer face? Well, there're 2 people actually. A baby boy is on its way!"

Kai and Nari look at each other as they hear her, terrified. So do Mr. and Mrs. Oh. 

Just then, Sehun scores on the TV screen, releasing Ai from the tension.

"You haven't told her yet, have you?"Kai asks, pointing at her sister.

"Yeah. What for? She will tell my mom, who will stay up at night crying over nothing. Better not."

"Sehun Oh, championship point."

The umpire's voice stops the two from conversing.

"Quiet everyone!"Ai's father-in-law says with a voice full of authority.

This title is something Sehun has always dreamt of. He stays up at night telling Ai how much he desires it. And she knows better than anyone else what it will mean to him. Ai clasps her hands together for a prayer. 

"Ace."

Screams and shouts all around her. Sehun has won. With an ace.

Ai smiles watching the love of her life smiles widely on the TV, making the two's own hand signal, the one only Ai can understand.

He's scored an ace on the court.

Will there be an ace for their lives? A breakthrough, a change, anything.

---

Time doesn't wait for anyone and in no time, Ai's sister has given birth to a healthy baby girl. Jinri and Nari's bellies are growing day by day. The latter has offically moved back to the US with Kaito, who continues to be an US Airman. Sehun has cut down on his tournaments, only attending big ones to remain his No.1 Ranking. Part of his time is on managing the bank he set up with Sehan. 

"There will come a time I can't make money out of tennis anymore."He says."Better prepare for that day."

And Ai agrees with his vision. Sportsman have their ups and downs and someday, he will retire. That's why, although he's been away from home more often, she shows no bother. It's for their future after all. Ai herself has been more interested in giving lectures than ever. The students remind her of her young days, full of excitement and ambition. And she, more than anyone else, wishes to push the evolution of computer technology. Why not?

Things have been hectic for her for the last few days. Lectures at KAIST, Seoul National and Korea University seem to have worn her out. Calling it a day, Ai decides to pay her parents-in-law a visit while her husband is away for a exhibition match in Busan even though her body is exhausted and keeps wanting to throw up.

"Mom! Dad!"

The middle-aged couple walks out, welcoming her in the kindest manner.

"Oh, here you are. Come on in, honey."

"I bought you guys some fruits. Ah, excuse me, I'm a little bit dizzy."Ai says while grinning despite feeling extremely nauseous."All are your favorite on-"

Before Ai can finish her sentence, she has already passed out.

---