She has just seen Nari.

Ai swears to god she has just seen Nari, in the flesh, as large as life. Or maybe her carbon copy.

Those eyes. Those lips. That nose. That tall and slim frame. That pale tone of skin. Nari. In the centre of Melbourne.

Trying to get through the crowd, she widens her eyes as hard as possible, as if not wanting to miss the slightest movement of every being in her eyesight. But in vain.

The figure she believes is Nari has disappeared before Ai got herself out of the crowd.

Impossible. She tries to tell herself. Nari is dead. The figure is just a fragment of her imagination. But is it?

Ai returns to the hotel she's staying at for the business trip, shaking uncontrollably while hacking the confidential database of the South Korean Police.

Category: Car accidents.

Severity: Death.

Area: Seoul.

Date: December 5th, 2012.

3 results.

A car crash near Gangnam. Out.

A car- motorbike collision at Hongdae. Out.

A car crash and explosion 5 km away from Incheon Airport. This is it.

All victims burnt in the explosion caused by the crash. 2 cabs. 2 men, believed to be the taxi drivers, a woman and an infant dead. Unrecognizable due to severely burnt bodies. Identified by papers at the scene and information provided by family.

Kim Hyukjae, taxi driver, 35.

Lee Dongsu, taxi driver, 27.

Hwang Nari, writer, 25.

Oh Sae Ai, 3 months old.

(Please note that the information above may be inaccurate due to the fact that no victims' faces were identified.)

Nari can still be alive. Right? The thought wanders in Ai's mind as she takes another cup of coffee before her phone rings. Sehun.

"What are you doing, honey?"

"I'm going to sleep."

"Really? It's the afternoon here in London. Tomorrow is the final."

"Yeah? Who are you gonna face?"

"Well, you won't know his name. Pretty new guy. More than 2 years ago he was a rookie waiting to have my autograph and now he and I are going to meet at the final of the Wimbledon. Almost all players I used to admire have now retired. Time sure flies don't you think? I have missed out on a lot."

"Yeah you sure did. Have a good time catching up though. Good luck. Win for me."

"I definitely will. Love you."

"Love you too. Hanging up!"

"Wait!"

"Yeah?"

"I found a drawing on your table. Of a baby girl. Did you draw it?"

Silence.

"Yeah...uhm...I dreamt of her the other day. I don't know, I just... She reminded me of Sae Ai...I mean...I've never met Sae Ai but...something just told me that..."

"She is exactly what I've imagine Sae Ai would grow up to be. Beautiful."

"Really?"

"Really. Thank you."

"It's nothing. I just...I'm glad you like it. I didn't to leave it there, really. Never want to remind you of anything unhappy."

"It's okay, Ai. It's beautiful. Hey you know what? I think I know what your baby would have looked like."

"Really?"

"Really. I think so, at least. Last night I saw a boy in my dream. He had your eyes and your lips. But his hair was brown and I supposed he got his nose from that ."

"Was he beautiful?"

"He sure was. Hey, just in case, how would you have named him?"

"Sehun. Definitely Sehun. Lee Sehun."

"I think Oh Sehun would have been better don't you think? He would have been Sehun Junior."

Ai chuckles. Sehun. Sehun. Sehun. She loves him. And he deserves to know whether Nari is alive or not. And she has the obligation to find out.

"Hey Sehun,"

"Yeah?"

"When we visited Nari and Sae Ai...",Ai swears she can feel her husband tighten his jaw through the phone,"were they actually buried there?"

Another pregnant silence.

"No. Their bodies were severely burnt so we were suggested to have their ashes instead. Why are you asking?"

"Nothing. Just that I heard there was an explosion. I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to remind you of it."

"It's fine. Really."

"Do you miss Nari?"

"I do. Of course I do."

---

This has been the third day Ai stands at the exact spot where the figure she believes belongs to Nari stood the other day. 5 pm already and still no sign of her. Melbourne is warm and sunny most of the time. But not today. Cloudy and looks like it's going to rain.

Oops. It's raining. And Ai is almost ready to give up.

While she stands in the middle of a raining Melbourne, many things cross her mind. What is she looking for? Nari. Why? Because she is Sehun's ex-wife who everyone thinks is dead and now she has freaking appeared in front of Ai. No, scratch that. Nari is not an ex-wife. She passed and that's why Ai became Mrs. Oh instead. Sehun had never divorced Nari. He would never have in his right mind. Who would have?

But it's not the point. The point is, what is she trying to find out whether Nari is alive for? Of course not for her. For Sehun. Because Ai loves Sehun. That leads to another dilemma. Ai wants to be with Sehun.

Thoughts occupy her mind until that figure appears. In a baby blue trench coat, her hair let down, the woman walks towards a building at a fast pace.

Now Ai has a chance to take a closer look at the young lady. Still the same face, the same body, the way she moves...noone in their right mind would believe there exists such a flawless copy of Nari. Either it is her or it is Ai's illusion.

"Nari!"

The woman flinches and immediately runs away. Instinctive reflex pushes Ai to chase after the girl. But as she runs, Ai keeps thinking.

She wants Sehun. Ai does not wish to share him with anyone else, regardless of all logics. If she were, say, 3 years younger, like when she witnessed the love of her life marry another girl, she would have no hesitation to go to any length to find Nari. Because no matter how much she tries to convince herself, Sehun loves Nari.

But now? She does not know anymore. They say when one has suffered too much, he stops caring about others' suffering. It can't be more accurate in Ai's case. She has unknowingly become a greedy, selfish human being and has realized that just now, when running into Nari.

Ai almost wants to slap herself for such dirty intentions when Sehun's image appears in her head. How dare she stand there and watch the woman she thinks is Nari run away and go home to Sehun as if nothing has happened?

Because however selfish Ai is, she will always love Sehun more than anything.

And Ai keeps running at a speed she never knew she could manage. She has never been a runner.

The lady in blue seems to have slowed down due to her high heels while Ai is running as if chased by wolves. And she catches the woman in no time.

"Nari."

"Please tell me it's you."

"Please."

The woman looks down but manages to murmur.

"I knew I can't hide forever."

---

"So it's really you? Oh my god! You have no idea how happy everyone will be to hear th..."

"Please don't tell anyone, Ai. Please."

Ai stops dead. She looks at Nari again. The younger is basically telling her to keep shut. Her eyes looking at Ai's as if begging.

"Why? It's a good thing! Sehun misses you, your mom misses you. Everyone does."

"I..."The younger stammers. And when she hasn't formed a proper answer, Ai has already come up with something, raising her voice as if shouting in utmost hope.

"But you're alive! Gosh! Does that mean Sae Ai is alive too? She is isn't she? You've got to tell me how you guys survived because clearly the police said..."

"Stop it!"Shouts Nari while she puts both of her hands to cover her ears."Stop it! She's dead!"

Ai really stops, speechless. Then Nari bursts into tears.

"Please stop. She's no longer in this world. I killed her."

---

"The cars didn't explode right away. After they collide, I was the only one who was conscious. The car we were in was flipped. I tried to get the both of us out of there. I swear I did. I...I tried to save Sae Ai...but...I tried to wake her up but she didn't...she didn't wake up so I couldn't open her baby seat belt...she..." Nari says in between tears until she cries too much to be able to speak normally.

"She was already dead."Ai whispers, with emptiness in her voice.

"She was not! I could have saved her! But...the cars were going to explode...I was too young...too selfish, Ai... I didn't even think once. My body acted on its own and ran away before I managed to get her out of there..."

"The body that the police found was of a woman we met on the way...she was running away from her drug addict husband who was trying to beat her and I let her share the cab. That's why she was never reported missing. The husband did not want her..."

Ai looks at the woman she has envied so much for the past 5 years. Miserable. Haunted. She suddenly feels the urge to wrap her arms around the younger.

"Hey, Nari..."

"It's not your fault. Nari. Sae Ai was three months old and the car flipped. She couldn't have survived that, and she didn't wake up when her mom called her. It's not your fault, honey. Sae Ai would have wanted you to live too."

Ai knows, that her words of consolation doesn't mean anything. Nari is too busy drowning herself in guilt and tear to even process what she is saying. And even if she does, what can a mother who had to leave her child behind hold onto to persuade herself that she didn't kill her own baby?

Nari didn't kill Sae Ai, that Ai is sure of. But if she were a mother, like Nari, she would have thought the same thing. She would have killed herself mentally every night for leaving Sae Ai behind.

Just like what she has been doing since she found out about the child she used to carry in her belly. Ai thought the nightmares of her life were over the moment she became Sehun's wife. But she was dead wrong. They have come back to haunt her.

And this woman in front of her, is facing the same thing. Guilt drowning her, making her so ashamed of herself that she had to fake her death and flee to another country in order to not have to face her husband, her mother and basically everyone she knew.

They are facing the same fate. Ai bitterly chuckles. Looks like she is staying in Australia longer than expected.

---

"Are you married?"Nari says when she has calmed down and the two are at her apartment in Melbourne, her eyes glueing to the wedding ring on Ai's hand."Congratulations!"

Yeah. To your husband. Ai thinks with sarcasm. How can she tell a woman that she married her husband while she was away?

So she shuts in hope of changing the topic.

But once again, how can she not hide from a woman the fact that she married her husband while she was away?

"About that, Nari..." Ai struggles to find the right words."Uhm..." Then again, today has been a rough day.

She found out that Nari is alive and suffering tremendously from Sae Ai's death, and Nari has just finished crying. Tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow will she tell Nari that got married, to Sehun. And ask if it's okay with Nari. Doesn't mean she is scared that Nari will hate her. When in comes to Sehun, Ai is fearless.

 ---

“I apologize, Ai. For everything.”

Ai looks at the young woman in front of her, bewildered.

“What for? You haven’t done anything to me.”

“I did, Ai. I did. A lot.”Says Nari as she sits down beside Ai, her hands reaches out to Ai’s.

“I’m sorry.”

“I should have believed what I saw, not what I felt. I was so young and so in love. I…ruined you, Ai.”

“What? Are you kidding me? I’m fine. I’m doing perfectly well. And we were never close enough for you to have any impact on my life so I have no idea where you got that idea from.”

“I knew Sehun loved you. He had always loved you. Women came and left in his life but you were the one to stay. It was always you. He chose me…well, I know he loved me too. Dearly I could tell. But, I don’t know. I had always felt his love was affected by ambition. I thought he wanted someone who could always have his back so that he could focus on his career.”

“I thought wrong. He…he simply wanted the best for you. He didn’t want to hold you back from your dream. He did all he could, Ai.”

“The only selfish thing Sehun’s done when it comes to you was deciding to get married before you did. When we first dated, he made it clear to me that I could not be the only one in his heart. He told me he wanted to get married before the girl he loved did because he would loathe seeing her become someone else’s wife while he was all alone.I thought it was okay, because at the time I was only dating him to get over my ex. But as time passed, I fell in love with him completely while part of his heart belonged to another girl. And I…I thought having him wasn’t enough. I wanted you out from his life. I disliked you even before I met you because to me, you were the one who made him suffer from an unrequited love. When you barged into our wedding with those red eyes of yours, I knew I was dead wrong. You loved Sehun too.”

“Nari…”

“No, let me finish. I had no idea I could be so cruel to someone I just met, Ai. I actually enjoyed seeing you miserable on my wedding day. I knew you didn’t leave the wedding hall. I saw you crying in a corner. I don’t know, I just felt satisfied. Evil wasn’t it? I thought I won. I thought after all, he didn’t love you that much. When we were expecting, he had completely forgotten you, his world revolved around our daughter and I,…I should have stopped there. But I didn’t.”

The girls have turned out the lights in the room. Ai can only make out Nari’s graceful figure in the dark with the help of the moonlight sliding through the window. The younger’s shoulders rise and fall instantly as she cries. Ai feels her heart being stabbed by a thousand knives.

“I know what happened. But Nari, it’s the past. We don’t live for the past. I’ve moved on. And you may not believe it, but watching the man I love build up his family got nothing on the things I’ve gone through. My life was at times a living hell. But now I’m fine. And you will be too. You have people who love you unconditionally, Nari. Come back with me. They all miss you.”

“I can’t. They will ask me what happened in the accident. And I will have to look them in the eye and say I killed my own daughter. It’s already difficult enough here living on my own, going to bed every night with the image of Sae Ai in every single dream of mine.”

Ai finds herself incapable of holding back the tears. This is Ai, every night, when Sehun has fallen asleep beside her. She will open her eyes, only to let her tears out, because no mother would be able to sleep sound knowing she is perfectly fine while her child is dead. It’s been only a few months and Ai has been worn out from hiding her pain from everyone. Nari has been doing it for years.

“I killed my own child, too, Nari.”Ai somehow manages to slip out the words.

Nari looks at her, taken aback.

“I’ll tell you about it next morning. Now sleep. Please.”

Silence lasts for what seems like an eternity.

“Alright. I’ll try to sleep.”

“You’d better. I’ll go brush my teeth, okay?”

Ai is ready to head to the bathroom when Nari calls her back.

“Ai!”

“Yeah?”

“I’m so glad you found your happiness. Your husband is very lucky. Congratulations.”

Ai is speechless, again. This is the second time Nari has mentioned the wedding ring on her finger. She is not trying to hide. It’s just, life has already been hard on the both of them today, she simply does not want to hurt Nari now. When the younger is more stable, she will tell.

But the thought doesn’t stop guilt from eating every atom of her heart, mind and soul. The girl, nevertheless, tries to act as normal as possible.

“Thank you. I am the lucky one.”

“Don’t say that! You deserve the best.”Says Nari as she wipes the remaining tears in the corner of her eyes.”Brush your teeth quickly and come tell me more about you guys.”

Crap. Now she has to make up a story of how she got a husband. Ai does not want to lie to Nari at all.

However, Ai does not know the upcoming event is good or bad. On the one hand, it is good because she does not have to think up a story to trick Nari. On the other hand, it is bad. Really bad.

Because it is Nari coming close to her, who has just got out of the bathroom, holding Ai’s cellphone and asking her:

“Ai, why did Sehun text you and say he misses you on the bed with him?”

Her brain freezes for a short while before she manages to whisper a “please hear me out”.

“Are you married to him? Ai! Answer me!” Nari almost shouts in the angriest way.

“Nari, I…”

“Please get out of here. Now. Don’t ever come find me again. Consider me as dead.”The younger says in defeat.