It's been three months. Three months since Ai officially became Mrs. Oh, which she still believes is surreal. And they have been trying for a baby ever since. Ai has lost count of their ual s right after the first week. On the bed, on the couch, against the kitchen counter, under the shower, in the bath. Gentle and loving . Passionate and loving . Rough . All kinds of positions. Sehun may have enjoyed the way too much to remember his request of having a baby. But Ai has not forgotten it. And she's anxious.

"Sehun."Ai whispers by his ear as she welcomes him home after training.

"Yes, honey?" Says Sehun as he plants a faint kiss on her lips. Before they were married, the two have spent most of their lives being best friends, which explains his ability to read the slightest touch of anxiety in her eyes.

"I want to visit the clinic. I think you should go with me too."

"Is something wrong, baby?"Sehun asks while pulling away from Ai to take a good look of his wife's tiny body.

"I'm fine. Just...it's been three months and I'm still not pregnant. I think a checkup for the both of us might do."

"Anything you want, baby girl."Sehun says near her neck before kissing her there."But I'm definitely not rushing you. I've been thinking about it." He murmurs while roaming his hand on her back, and then to her thighs."It will better if we have some more time on our own. We didn't even have time to date before the wedding." Ai soon feels that burning sensation forming in her being as she herself kisses the man who is lifting her up with ease. "Kids can come later."

"I want you all for myself."

As Sehun puts her down onto the mattress, their clothes discarded on the floor, Ai knows she can never get enough of him. Ever.

----

"Well, from results of the body tests, I believe you're perfectly healthy, Mr. Oh."says the doctor as he sneaks glances from Ai.

Which means something is wrong with her. Sehun knows it too, as he reaches out for her hand and squeezes it.

"Mrs. Oh, well.."the middle-aged doctor continues with much hesitation, holding out an X-ray scan."Something may have hurt your womb quite badly."

"What exactly, doctor?"

"It could be anything. But most likely, a miscarriage."

Ai almost lets out a chuckle.

"Pretty sure I have never got pregnant before, doc."

"Are you sure? Because most miscarriages are not obvious ones. You know couples who try for years without anything? It's not like they cannot conceive a baby at all. Just that the baby dies at a very early stage and they hardly even notice its existence. In your case, well, your baby probably passed at a later phase, when it was bigger, and significantly hurt your fertility."

"Are you sure you have never had unprotected before?"

The newlyweds flinch at the question.

"Oh my god." Ai murmurs in realization and horror."I bled so much but I thought it was just my period coming."

"For God's sake, I was ...I was busy screaming and shouting and fearing to even know there was a baby in me."

"It was a child..a baby..my god..."

Sehun only knows to close his eyes to stop tears from falling.

"I'm terribly sorry, Mrs Oh, to inform you that there is every little likelihood of you getting pregnant again. But your chances are not over. I have witnessed couple who I thought were helpless..."

Ai has already been too numb to fathom what the doctor is saying.

-------

She doesn't know what is worse. That she killed her baby or that she can never give Sehun another one. Having cried so much that she has no more tears to shed, Ai sits motionlessly on the bed when her husband comes in with a cup of fresh milk.

"Are you okay, baby?" He knows she is not."I'm sorry." He says while wrapping his arms around the love of his life and kissing her hair."I'm very sorry, baby girl." She knows he is. But it doesn't help. "I am someone who has lost his own child too and I know how terrible you're feeling right now. But it's going to be okay. I am okay. And you will be too." Another kiss on her hair."The doctor says it's not over for us. So even if you're 99.9% infertile, we can still try, right? We can conceive a baby with doctors' help. And we can have someone to bear the baby for you. Your sister, maybe." Kiss."I believe you need your own space. So I'm gonna get out, okay? Call me when you need me. I love you so much, Ai."

----

As Ai lies on the bed of their room alone, she thinks about many things.

As much as she hates Riley Cooper, she can't help but feel apologetic for taking away his life. He was a demon, but just recently she found out that demon was created by his dark childhood of being ually assaulted in his own home. Had he been looked under a different light, he was smart, responsible, friendly. He deserved to have another chance, to live.

And her baby deserved it, too. How her baby would have looked. A boy or a girl. Whether the child resembled her or Riley. How she would have named her baby. How the child could have been a new light, a new hope in her life, to save her from the miseries that come back to haunt her every night. Had she had the baby, she would have started all over with her child, she would never have come back to Korea, to see Sehun again, and to be another burden in his life.

And Sehun. Is this how he felt when Sae Ai died? No, it must have been much worse. Her child died when she had no idea she was carrying one, while his did after months and months of expecting, loving and cherishing. Not to mention he lost his wife. She could have ended her life if she were him. Ai knew she was not strong, but always thought she was tough. Tougher than Sehun at least. But she was dead wrong. Her husband has always been stronger and tougher than her.

And how she is going to face him. He wants a child. He wants a family. He wants happiness, just like every other human being on this planet. And she can't grant him such simple wish. Yet she dare to stay in his house, where his happiness used to exist, be his wife and make him waste his youth being with her.

A monster, she considers herself. A monster who ended two lives, destroying one and took advantage of the loss of another two to gain herself so-called happiness.

-------

"Sehun,"

"Yeah, honey?"the husband says from the kitchen while taking the pie out of the oven. As he reaches the dining room, sees his wife having saved him a seat, he knows what topic they're going to discuss.

"Can you sit down for 10 minutes?"

"If you are going to file a divorce then I suggest you do not, Ai."

Once again, they have been best friends, soulmates since forever. Sehun has predicted that Ai will bring this up. And Ai is not surprised the former knows what she is going to say.

"I can't get pregnant, Sehun."

"You can, for your information. It will just take us a little longer."

"The doctor only said that for consolation, you know that. And don't think this is for you. It's for me. I don't want to live in guilt, Sehun. I can't live with you, knowing I can never give birth to your child and every time seeing your face, I'll be reminded of it. And I don't want to be judged for being an infertile wife by everyone else. And I don't want to live in fear, honey. I don't want to..."

"To what? What do you have to fear when you have me?"

"To be insecure about us. About the fact that we can never have a firm bond connecting us. About the fact that you can..."

"Can what? Can leave you?" Sighs Sehun."Gosh, I thought we were over this." He leaves his seat and gets to Ai's.

"Baby."

"Baby girl, look at me."

And she does after melting at his sincerely loving voice.

"As much as I am certain that I will love you until the day I die, I will not swear to you. Because life is unpredictable. But what I know is that if someday, I leave you, although I'm one thousand percent sure it will not happen, it will not be because we don't have a child. Couples with kids divorce all the time don't you see baby? I'm here as long as I love you. Okay?"

"Okay."Ai whispers.

"Say it louder, baby girl."

"Okay."Ai says, this time loud and clear, not realizing that she has already burst into tears.

"I love you. And even if we have only 0.1%, we will make the most of it. See, if we hit a thousand times we may luck up, don't you think?" The man smirks as he squeezes his wife's thighs seductively. "Now I have to get to the training court, okay? Wimbledon is coming close."

"Okay." Ai murmurs as she watches him get out of the house. "But,..."

"But what, honey?"

"I want to announce this to your parents. They deserve to know that I am almost certainly unable to give them a grandchild. They deserve to decide whether they will accept me or not."

Sehun looks her in the eye for a few seconds before nodding.

"Anything you believe is necessary. Although I'm sure they will understand."

---

"So you were . Got pregnant without even knowing that you were. Got a miscarriage, also in oblivion. And now you learned that you are incapable of conceiving."

"Yes. I am here to tell you the truth, and also to announce that I've decided to stay by Sehun's side. I refuse to let go of him. I apologize for letting you down. I..." It is weird. For the first 28 years of her life, Lee Ai never cried that easily let alone in front of people like her parents-in-law. Now she can cry in front of almost everyone. She's even choking.

"Please don't, darling." Her mother-in-law has unknowingly been crying when she pulls her in for an embrace. "For god's sake. My beautiful Ai. Keep your chin up, darling. Let me see your face."

Ai does what she is told to, only to meet Mrs. Oh's wet pair of eyes.

"I watched you grow up along with my son. I saw your ups and downs with him. You have done a thousand times more for Sehun than anyone has. But that's not the point. You were always my daughter, honey. From the moment you stepped in our living for the first time. You still are. Noone and nothing has the right to take you away from us."

Mrs. Oh takes a deep breath before looking at her husband, who looks equally torn.

Mr. Oh, who has been quiet since the start of the conversation, speaks up.

"As long as you two are happy, we are happy, my daughter."

Ai stops for a moment to take a real good look at her parents-in-law. They have aged so much. It feels like only yesterday, they were giving her disappointed looks for helping Sehun run away. Ai wasn't greatly fond of them back then. She thought they were narrow-minded and always liked to play safe. She thought they were mad at her for letting their precious son escape.

But it turns out, now Ai understands, that they were let down by her. Someone they trusted, cherished and loved no less than their own children. Someone who lied to them despite being regarded as their own daughter. They were not that severely against the idea of Sehun pursuing tennis. They were more disappointed by their action.

Yet she spent years thinking they did not give a damn about her.

The dinner at the Oh household is full of fun jokes and laughter. Ai looks at her parents-in-law, then to her brother-in-law, Sehan, who is carrying a daughter of his own with his wife sitting next to him.

"What have you been doing, Ai?"Jinri, Sehan's wife suddenly asks her.

"As in job? Well, I'm currently out of job, but I've got a few offers. I'm thinking of joining this educational project. The ministry of Education is planning to change the system of workbooks and they asked me if I could help with Computer Science. I think I will. I'm doing some research right now."

"Do you want to continue programming, Ai?"Asks Sehan.

"Maybe, when the time comes. As of now, I don't think I can come up with anything better than what I have done in the past. If I do then I will contact one of those giant corporations to seek some resources of help."

"Just saying, but when you finish writing those workbooks, you can come help our bank. We won't say no to an IT expert. We need someone to help establish a real sophisticated and secure database. The business is getting big."

"You have a bank? What bank?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. Aozora Trust Bank."says Sehun, looking apologetic."Remember I told you when we were in high school that if I couldn't be a tennis player then I would open a bank because I thought business with money would be the best kind of business?"

"Yeah?"

"When I got married for the first time," the male looks down with a sad smile on his face,"I thought tennis was not something I could do for the rest of my life. I thought I needed something that would last longer, so yeah, I set up a bank."

"Wow. You set up a bank whose existence I only knew of 10 seconds ago." Says Ai, rolling her eyes sarcastically. "Is this believable, mom? Dad?"she continues, looking at Mr. Ans Mrs. Oh in confusion.

"Yes, as much as you see it as laughable. I haven't been dealing with it a lot, though, Sehan has. I asked him to take care of it while I was busy with tournaments. So basically, it's a family bank. He has been doing a good job."

"And you'd better keep taking care of it, Sehan. Don't let your brother ruin it. In case it actually exists."

"What? I do business, too. Once in a while. And I've been excellent at it."

"So how's the bank going?"

"Better than ever." Answers Sehan before he turns to Sehun. "And shut up, you brat. I had to quit my job to look out for your bank. When will you take over the business?"

"What? You're doing just fine. And it's ours, Sehan. Ours."

Ai looks at both brothers and she suddenly feels warm. Their bond resembles her sister and hers. They don't show each other affection often. Even when they do, they don't use cheesy words and actions. Just simple moments like this are enough to showcase how much they appreciate each other's presence.

She finds this life unexpectedly much more worth living.