I’m really exhausted. Three hours of non-stop shopping clothes and hygiene basic products I needed. I couldn’t have a single minute for a break, but still I had lots of fun with Bom.

When I’m with her I forget everything about my condition and the fact we are two strangers that just met each other, which we actually are. It’s totally the opposite. We share similar tastes mostly in fashion, it’s as if we were the best friends enjoying fashion or making our own. She insists I must be a fashion designer or a model. When I was trying the clothes, she used jump super exited and sometimes she even clapped saying I was just like a model from the magazines. According to Bom, I have the perfect body for that, but I don’t see it that way. I have to admit I have a nice body but I don’t think it’s the appropriate one for a model. The positive side of when Bom tells me these sort of things is that I take it as a compliment or one more of Bom’s crazy thoughts. Now that doesn’t affect me as bad as it used to. I just laugh a lot when Bom says such things.

When she told me there was no mall on the town I just imagined there were many little stores, but it wasn’t like that. There are certainly little stores, but in thousands! Ok, well not that many but the enough to cover ten blocks or maybe a bit more. The clothes have great quality and there are many styles to choose from. I went for a sportswear set, some jeans and tees. I saw also a beautiful pair of pumps with a really high needle but it was just too much since Bom was paying for everything. That was really embarrassing for me.

Bom also wanted to go to a make-up store, so we spend an hour trying all kinds of make-up. She bought me a set of shadows, eyeliner, mascara and lipstick; she said “it’s what all women should have in their bags”. After that she took me almost running to another store to actually buy a bag. I told her it was not necessary but to Bom it was obviously the essential and basics, so I just chose a small cheap one. In that moment her cell phone rang. When she finished her call, she told me we have finished just for today.

We go to the hospital on her car. It was her mother the one who called her earlier saying she wanted to see me.

So in this moment I’m in a sort of office, there’s a stretcher and some machines that I don’t know what they exactly do. There’s also a desk and I’m sitting in front of it waiting for the doctor while Bom is waiting outside.

—I’m sorry for the wait.

The doctor comes in with her usual soft features and smile. She takes her sit on the other side of the desk. I see how she takes out something from a drawer. It’s a folder and she checks it carefully.

—Ok, first things first. Hello CL!

I chuckle and put myself a bit more comfortable on the chair. I was actually a bit uneasy when she asked me to come.

—Hello Doctor.

She frowns at me and I correct myself.

—I mean, hello ma’am.

—Ma’am? Well, we’re improving little by little —she says making me feel less nervous—. So, how are you today?

—To be very honest, really exhausted but this time it’s due to other reasons.

—Shopping with my daughter? —I just nod smiling— Yeah, I know how tiring can that be, she can’t leave a store without seeing what they have, getting in and buy something from there.

That’s true, Bom made me go to every store but the children’s and men’s wear.

—I had a great time. It’s the first time I go out… So maybe that’s why I’m tired.

—You said this time it was because of other reasons, which were the others?

Now I feel nervous again, so I move in my chair.

—Well…

I stay quiet thinking about what exactly I want to say. I look at her and she’s looking at me too with her soft gaze. I move on the chair again, I can’t find myself comfortable in it.

—It’s been a week since I’m at Dara’s house and most of the time I spend it sleeping… or lying on the couch…—I stop again to find her listening to me carefully—. I just stay there thinking … or remembering the dreams I have.

—Do you dream a lot?

—… more than dreams, these are images and voices I can’t figure out…

—How do you feel with that kind of dreams?

—Hmm… I think that’s the source of my fatigue…

—Do you want to talk with me about it?

Now I fix my stare on a thing decorating the desk, I sigh, close my eyes and open them, stare at this thing again looking without looking, trying to find a way to explain what those dreams are making me feel.

—… it’s weird… sometimes I feel them so real I even wake up crying… shaken… trembling and … —I touch my chest— with pain here… that leaves nothing but a feeling of sadness all day —she nods so I can go on— … And then there are other kind of dreams where I feel as if I were another person…

—As a witness?

—Yes… like a movie…

—How do those make you feel?

—… Anxious… I want to know who they are... I can’t see any faces, just shadows, like a picture out of focus... but I do hear noises. There’s sometimes a voice but I can’t figure out if it’s a man or a woman, but it’s warm… it makes me feel… peace… and gives me strength… I don’t know… it’s weird…

—What does that makes you feel during the day?

—…I just stay in my world... trying to make out all this… it’s stressful, frustrating and exhausting.

—You’re right. But it’s good for you to have all those dreams, it’s a good symptom.

—When will it stop being tiring? Because it’s not only bothering just me now…

—What do you mean?

—Today Dara told me she heard me screaming last night… she felt really desperate and painful because she doesn’t know what to do and I don’t want her to feel that way because of my fault.

—Don’t feel bad, Dara just wants to help you and when she offered taking you to her house, she already knew what she was facing.

—I still feel I’m doing something wrong…

—Dara is a very sensitive person; you’ll see that with time. That’s her personality but she’s strong as well, she’ll find out how to handle these kind of situations, just give her some time. I let her take you in her house because I trust her.

She says as she opens the folder again and puts some notes on it.

—Ok, before we continue, do you have any other questions? Something else you want to tell me?

I stay there thinking and there’s actually something flying around my head for a while these days. This is my chance to clear that.

—Actually, there is.

—Tell me.

—How come I can remember stuff like things or words…?

—Like to walk, to eat, to read, to write, colours, smells, those kind of things?

—Yes, exactly! I can remember stuff but my name or life… how is that possible?

—That’s because that part of your brain was not injured. To make it simple, the brain is divided into two zones. In one we keep all the knowledge we’ve earn through all our life; and in the other is where we keep all the memories of our life. It’s a bit more complex but so you can understand the idea, let’s say the accident erased the part where you keep all your memories, you get me?

—Kind of, I guess. It’s weird, it feels weird.

—It’s normal, we’re not used to things like that. Now your goal is not to feel bad about it. I know it might sound like a joke, because well, it’s not easy to smile in a situation like this, but you’re not alone. We’ll help you here so you can work it somehow and won’t feel anguished.

—Thank you. I really don’t know what I would do without you.

—We’re here to help you. Now, I’d like to try something new with you. You might think this is kind of fool, but believe me, it might work.

—I’d do anything to get my memories back.

—Glad to hear that! Now, let’s go with the simple steps. I want you to write down all your dreams.

—To write my dreams?

—Yes, whatever you can remember, name it images, words, the shapes, shadows you see, if there are sounds that stand out and what differences you find between the dreams that make you feel anguish and the others where you find peace. There’s no need to write paragraphs, simple words work too.

—Like a list?

—Exactly. Begin with a list and then we’ll see how things come out.

To write a list of the dreams I have. Sounds interesting, maybe I can find something… That’s what I’m looking for. I look back to the doctor and she’s writing again on that folder. What can it be? It’s about me for sure.

Someone knocks the door and Bom’s head pops in carefully.

—May I come in?

—Yes you can sweetie, we are done for today —She tells Bom whilst writing down on the folder.

I look