I’m having some sort of weird dreams where I only listen whispers but I don’t understand pretty well what they say. Some of them make me wake up with my heart about to burst, my body shaking and feeling a lot of angst. There are some others that are much gentler and I wake up with the feel of peace and warmth. The usual ones are those full of anguish, which makes me feel something in my chest all day long that I don’t even know what it is.

It’s been a week since I left the hospital. Now I’m living at Dara’s house. Yeah, she offered to let me stay at her place while I recover. She still has faith, hoping my memory will come back, but I see that really hard and sometimes even impossible, especially when I have sessions with her aunt, my doctor.

At first I wanted to reject her offer. The fact that she has stayed with me all the time I was at the hospital it was more than enough, and now to live at her place is way too much but I really didn’t have many options. I can’t go back home because I really don’t know where it is. And seeing Dara so positive and exited about the idea of me staying at her house so she can keep helping me, it really made it hard for me to say no…

On the way to her house I fall asleep so I couldn’t see how the place where I’m living right now is. When I finally woke up, I found a completely wooden house with two floors; it has like a cottage vibe. As we stepped in, I saw lot of balloons and a big cake with the phrase “Welcome home CL”.

CL… on the same day I was leaving the hospital, Dara gave me a chain with a silvered key and a heart with the letters “CL” hanging from it.

She told me I was wearing it the day she found me but due to evident reasons, the nurses took it off from me, so she decided to keep it until her aunt told her it wouldn’t make an impact on my mind, and that day was the right day for her. As she gave it to me, I saw it as if it was something completely new, it had no worth nor meaning to me, it had a feel of emptiness. I still gave her a smile and said thanks. At least I have a “name” now, I don’t know if it’s real or not, but it’s something.

I decided to have a better mood that day as I was sharing the cake Bom’s mother baked for me. The fact that my doctor is a mother and cooks as well is a bit weird to me. I still see her as my doctor, the one who asks me how am I, the one who tells me which steps I should take in my healing process. Then again, it’s weird to see her in the mother role, but I like it, she’s very loving and scolds me when I call her “doctor”, she insists me to call her by her name, Kyo.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a mother as well, I mean, I obviously have one but I wonder if she’s still alive or if she’s looking for me because I’m not with her. That kind of questions grow the pain in my chest and make me feel depressed most part of the time. These days have been hard to me, and still are. As I was at the hospital, lying on my bed I felt like I was just another patient being there to be cured from an illness or something like that, but now to be in a house I’ve never been before and back to the normal lifestyle, a thousand questions invade my head, simple kind of questions.

Do I like tea or coffee? Sugar or honey? It sounds really stupid but it does affect me until I taste my coffee or tea and then I realize how I like it. It seems like I’m a coffee fan, I like to add two spoons and a half of sugar because that’s how I like it.

Other kind of questions come out when Dara has to go to her job and then I wonder if I have one and I might be fired already because of my absence. The same happens with her pet. She has a little cat; his fur has gray and light brown tones and black stripes. His name is Dadoong, its really beautiful and my biggest companion these moments of solitude when my mind attacks me with all sorts of questions. Do I have a cat as well? Maybe I do because I love Dadoong, I like to pet him. To listen how he purrs on my lap is one of my favourite moments since I came here.

I just woke up and I’m looking at the ceiling wondering if I’m living in a house like this one, all made of wood like a cottage or maybe in a modern department… Do I live alone or with someone else, a boyfriend? A family?

The birds are announcing a new morning. I couldn’t watch the landscape that day I left the hospital; actually I haven’t left the house at all. Most of the time I feel tired and sleep all day, but Dara and Bom told me about the island and I have to admit I’m lucky to appear in a place like this and not in a desert island in the middle of nowhere with nobody or nothing. I don’t want to even imagine what would have happened to me… ha, I wouldn’t even know since I’d be dead already.

All these thoughts are interrupted because of a sharp cry followed with courses. I smile. Dara is toasting some slices of bread and for the smell entering my room I know she burned them again. These days her goal is to prepare me toasted bread without burning it too much, and until now she hasn’t made it and today is another unsuccessful attempt. I th