I have to apologize for the long absence. I've been to Seoul in the meantime watching SHINee World IV twice and I'm slowly "recovering" ^^. It was such an incredible performance and such an unforgettable experience. I really really hope that all Shawols reading this will get the chance to see SHINee live one day. It's hard to really describe how awesome that is. Seeing them really close up (and I was standing in the first row for one of the concerts) is stunning. They're all tiny ^^, even Minho isn't really tall. But they look exactly what they look like on even the most polished of fashion pictures. They're just plain beautiful. I felt incredibly ugly and old ^^.

So anyway, I'm trying to get back into the flow now and I hope you're still reading and enjoying. Thank you for everything.

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 I don’t know what to say but both Minho and I have to grab Jjong anyway who lurches forward to attack Moon or Song or just run back into the stadium.

“Jjonggie”, I say while wrestling him to the ground, “we need to stay calm and think ... jaebal!”

He goes limp and I help him up.

“What shall I tell them?” he asks fighting back angry tears, “or shall I just sing ‘Can’t leave’.”

A new track has already started. As if to mock us the bomber chose SNDS’s ‘Gee’.

Kibum just counts in and dances but Taemin is too shocked by the latest revelation to follow immediately.

“Come on Taem”, Kibum says softly but still perceptable over the outside speakers, “let’s keep going and give the bomb-squad the time they need to get everybody out safely.”

Are they’re not aware yet that Taemin is not supposed to survive?

We can’t hear Taemin’s reply but Kibum turns away from the camera as our Maknae begins to dance again, stony-faced. He already understood.

“You can’t really expect us to accept this”, Minho says to Moon, agitated, “just standing here watching him die.”

“We need to find the guy. He’s the only one who can neutralize those explosives”, Moon answers, “that’s highest priority right now.”

“Our specialist just arrived”, Song interrupts and then confirms, “we’re not out of options yet.”

“But we need to tell them to give them something to hang on to”, Jjong says.

“You can’t”, Moon hastily replies, “although the guy will expect us to search for him, we shouldn’t give anything else away. “

Moon is right but I’m terribly afraid that Taemin might just want to give up if he is convinced there is no rescue. I can only count on Kibum’s optimism.

I’ve always enjoyed seeing the guys dance to girl-group choreographies and “Gee” is probably my all-time favorite. But right now it hurts more than anything else:

Kibum’s way to flirt with the audience while doing exact copies of the dance-moves has been replaced by a dark and twisted version of the up-beat choreography. He is glaring at the camera probably picturing the bomber watching them, while Taemin looks indifferent. I wonder what’s going on in his head.

A police-officer comes rushing over, a young man with a big metal-case in tow.

“Park Won-Bin”, the guy introduces himself, “I’m here to track the camera signal. Fill me in on the details please.”

“Won-Bin, eh?” Moon says with a smile.

“Yeah, Mom’s a big fan”, the young man answers grinning.

I don’t know why but it feels reassuring that he is cool and calm. He probably knows his job. I draw hope again. Maybe everything will still work out fine.

He unpacks the case and quickly installs the equipment not losing any time.

I revert my eyes to the screen again, when the music stops, only to witness a heart-wrenching scene: Kibum grabs our trembling Maknae who apparently just realized that he won’t be able to go on for much longer. He’s crying. It is such a rare sight that it always gets to me but in the current situation I can hardly bear to watch. My heart is screaming to them not to give up and that there still is hope. But I know I mustn’t do it.

“Everybody, everybody, every everybody ...” it blares out of the speakers.

“God, please no”, Minho says quietly and we helplessly watch Taemin collapsing into Kibum’s arms.