It was the first time.

I couldn’t stop crying ever since. I would lock myself in the room and crying, feeling scared of what happened. No one that I’ve met for the rest of the day. Alone is all I ever wanted, giving me some space to heal myself.

But it seems that I can’t.

Eventually, I need a distraction. I should stop thinking, and start doing something else. TV was taking the turn for my distraction this midnight. Trying to sink me with their night entertainment. Until someone came up.

“Not sleeping yet, Jane?”

It was Baekhee’s mom. Mrs. Byun sat next to me, but she realized something. “Did you just cried, sweetheart? What happened?” she asked.

“Its just, nightmare” I smiled bitterly. “It was so hurtful, a horrible one”

I didn’t expect this, but in all of sudden, Mrs. Byun moved closer and gave me a hug. Her hands slowly patting my shoulder, trying to comfort me. It was simple, but somehow, it made me feel better little by little.

“Crappy, isn’t it?” she asked. “Listen to music or read something, okay?”

“Okay” I nodded. “Thanks, Mrs. Byun”

“You’re welcome” Mrs. Byun smiled. “Now go get some sleep”

A mother’s comfort was something that I lost for years. My mother had left me since I was little, leaving me alone and struggling to be independent. What I had with Mrs. Byun was a couple of minutes, but it was a candle that slowly turns to a fireplace for me. Like I said, its something that has been long gone, coming back with the same vibe, being something that I need.

Followning her advice, here I am. Laying down, listening to music while reading The Elevator from Kai. Once again, Kai brought me to the world of fiction, where imagination gets real and controlling emotions of their readers.

“You want to know something, Shin?”

“Yes?”

“Humans are born as couples”

Couples, seemed like a new concept to my ears. When humans are babies, they’re something to complete. A family to be completed by individuals. As humans aged and grow to adults, humans believing that they’re born as individuals, running in life trials for survival.

But humans as couples?

Maybe I forgot to see those small parts of society. There were other humans, who spent their lifes with their partners, aged and isolated. A thousand days or several decades was a routinity for them, as if boredom never knocked the door. No matter how much they aged, they knew that they’re together.

“My father told me that” she said. “There’s these strings that connect two individuals, and its a bond that shall lasts forever”

“Aren’t those things superstitious?”

“No!” she shook her head. “You see, its concepts. Like old couples, your parents, my parents, they are the proof. True love, as in fictions said. One woman for one man, and vice versa. That’s why, humans are born as couples. You can build a family, you can get mature and survive on your own, but you’ll have this bond with one person, that you’ll spend time with, for the rest of your life”

“Humans, born as couples” I repeated the words.

Been there and done that. Junmyeon and I made it in the past. However, that concept seems doubtful. I always thought that he is my true love.

The book somehow brought me to sleep, giving this fast-forward button to the next day. A new stage of game awaits me, surprises me with their unexpected moments to happen. Remember that offer for another busking? They brought it up again.

“Jane! Good morning!” Baekhyun greeted me as we walked down the street to the campus. “Its good to have the same schedule for today”

“Yeah, right” I smiled a bit then continue walking.

“Whoa, what’s with the smile?” he was surprised. “Chanyeol-ah, did I just see it wrong? Our Jane, the icy cold Jane, finally smiled!”

“Really?” Chanyeol who also joined us was surprised as well. “Your smile must be sweeter than the sweetest candy, Jane-ah”

“So cheesy” I commented. “Is that really your pick-up line?”

“Chanyeol has been practicing on pick-up line” Baekhyun told me. “Sorry, Chanyeol, but Jane’s right. Still cheesy!”

“You know, Jane, there’s this reading assignment I haven’t done yet” Chanyeol changed the topic to his unimportant story. “But crap, I can’t go to the library”

“Why?” I asked, uninterested.

“I don’t have the library card” he said. “But do you mind if I check you out?”

I sighed. “Seriously, Chanyeol...” I could only find his pick-up lines are somewhat didn’t work. “Are you drunk?”

“I’m not drunk” Chanyeol smiled. “I’m intoxicated by you”

His pick-up lines had somehow made me want to laugh and punch him at the same time. But I managed to keep it shut, and Baekhyun’s laughter reacted instead. “That one’s very cheesy, man” he commented.

“What lines that aren’t cheesy, Baek?” Chanyeol protested. “Its pick-up lines, nothing’s not cheesy!”

I was about to put on my headphones, but I hesitated. They won’t just shut up, even if you cover your ears with earbuds or something. Last time it happened to Baekhee, they ended up playing with Baekhee’s headphones.

And since we’re heading to the same campus, I have to listen to them all day.

The way is still quite long. We took our first bus together, filled with yuppies and students going for work and school. Baekhyun and Chanyeol quickly sit on the back, and its my chance to find my own seat. But too bad, there were none.

“Sorry, babe” Chanyeol smiled. “You gotta sit here with me”

“Don’t babe me” I narrowed my eyes. “I’m not your girlfriend or something”

I have to endure it, again. Sitting in the middle of Baekhyun and Chanyeol on the bus that’s going on for a long, three minutes. Yet they’re unstoppable at talking, and their strong perfume struck my nose.

“So, Jane” Baekhyun asked me to talk. “You don’t have plans on next Sunday, right?”

Actually, there are no plans. There’s just no energy to come and perform. But seeing them begging at me like this, I was somehow feel guilty to them.

“Its free-trial” Chanyeol added. “You can perform once. If you want to continue or not, its up to you”

“So, only once?”

“Yep. One shot and that’s all”

“It’ll be fun” Baekhyun smiled at me. “We’ll buy you mint ice cream and bubble tea if you want”

“Are you bribing me?”

“No, of course not!” Chanyeol shook his head. “Seriously, Baek, can you offer something better?”

“Well, can you?”

“Maybe we can introduce her to our friend, that Kim–”

“Isn’t that too much? You’re crazy!”

“Wait, what if she’s single? Girl, you’re single, right?”

Its a tough question for me. But my mind went straight to him, to Junmyeon. That guy, is still my boyfriend, after all.

“Sorry” I shook my head. “I had one”

“Whoa, really?” Baekhyun was surprised. “See, I told you! That’s why you didn’t react to Chanyeol’s pick-up lines”

“Well then, there’s no surprise for him” Chanyeol sighed.

“Who are you going to introduce to me, anyway?” I asked in all of sudden. The moment I asked that, I felt stupid. Why did I ask that stupid question?

“Nah, just our friend” he answered. “He’s our hoobae at the campus. A very close friend, he’s like our little brother. And, he’s going to move in with us!”

“Wait, he told you he’d move in?” Baekhyun was surprised over that fact. “I thought he already said no when I asked him”

“I thought he’s moving in! Well, I mean, he should be! Its not complete, you know”

“I don’t know, man. We should ask him today”

“Definitely” Chanyeol agreed.

“So, back to the topic” Baekhyun looked at me. “X or O?”

“What?” Chanyeol and I asked back in confusion. However, Chanyeol was surprised for different reason. “X or O? Wait... X-O-X-O?”

Baekhyun and I suddenly went silent, seeing this sudden, weird change of Park Chanyeol. The weirdo then snapped his fingers. “I think we’ve got a name” he smiled, wiggling his eyebrows.

“What?” Baekhyun asked.

“Ugh, Baek, think faster!” Chanyeol said. “XOXO! Our name! Its XOXO!”

“Wait, what?” Baekhyun still don’t get it. “Dude, don’t”

“Why? Its good!”

“No, its not!”

“Its good!”

“Its not!”

“Ugh, dude, why?”

“Okay, we’re just making Jane gone crazy, Chanyeol-ah” Baekhyun stopped him. “Focus, Chanyeol. We’re asking Jane to go for busking”

“Yeah, right” Chanyeol nodded. “So, Jane, is it a yes? Or no?”

“X or O?” Baekhyun asked.

The bus stopped at our campus, just in the time when they asked this question. Its a chance to run away, but I don’t think they’ll lose track on me. In fact, they’re trying to shove people to make a way for me, since I’m sensitive to people’s touches. Baekhyun and Chanyeol was quick enough to catch up with me. As soon as I started to walked away from the bus, Chanyeol followed me on my left and Baekhyun followed me on my right. This weird combo made people turned their heads, making me feel like a daddy’s daughter who’s been guarded by two bodyguards.

“So, Jane” Chanyeol asked again. “X or O?”

“XO?” I answered in hesitation, confused between yes or no.

Baekhyun suddenly stopped, making me and Chanyeol stopped as well. “Dude, you don’t have to double it!” he punched Chanyeol’s arm lightly. “Why don’t we name it XO?”

“XO?” Chanyeol tried to think, but then he squealed again. “Baek! You’re right! XO it is!”

“Its official” Baekhyun smiled and they handshaked liked Baymax and Hiro. Not with the ba-la-la-la, of course.

“Its all thanks to you, Jane” Chanyeol thanked me. “XO? Right?”

“You’re joining, right?” Baekhyun asked.

I know they’re so happy now, and flooding my head with these repetitive questions, made me somehow feel bad. Why can’t I just give it a try?

“Yeah, why not?”

There, I finally said it.

“Woo-hoo!” Chanyeol squealed. “Its just getting cooler now! Welcome aboard, Jane!”

*

Its been so busy since I accepted the request. I played and hung out with the boys, although I’m only hear them talking. Practice had never been so intense, both on music and being an MC.

“Ah, Jane, I’m sending a song to you” Baekhyun told me as he walked me to class. “I think you deserve a solo. Your voice is really good”

“But Baekhyun” I sounded hesitated. “Isn’t it too much?”

“We’re busking, one song isn’t enough, of course” he reassured me. “Its okay. I’m sure you can do it”

“Really?”

“Hey, I’m a vocal expert. I can train that golden voice!”

With Baekhyun, I was kind of guided. Sure, he’ll give some space, but he’s also busy on digging some potential from this nobody. Just like Baekhee, he’s sassy and giving lots of advices. I learned a lot of singing techniques and improving vocals from Baekhyun. He’s also quite patient, although he likes to pretend to be angry, and doesn’t mind of quiet-self. Because he’ll do the talking.

“Okay, what do you think about this?”

“Huh?”

“I’ll start to rap for the intro, okay?” Chanyeol said.

Chanyeol was different. Instead of giving opinions, he’d ask opinions. He also talk a lot, and gave stories that quite unimportant for me. He’ll try to make me laugh and make me talk as well.

“You know, of all the guys I’m friends with” Chanyeol whispered, his eyes glanced at Baekhyun. “He’s the one who only wears eyeliners”

“I heard that!” Baekhyun shouted.

“He even stole Baekhee’s this morning” he continued. “I think he could make into the horror movies with that”

Oh, and don’t forget the pick-up lines.

“I think I’ll wear this for the busking” Chanyeol wore his shirt with a proud smile. “You know what is this made of?”

“Boyfriend material” he answered it by himself, and I could only smile at his (not) good pick-up lines. (Or maybe its just me who’s not working with pick-up lines?)

“Stop it” I said calmly while doing my things. When I said this, Chanyeol would think that he tried to flirt with me or something.

“I’m still finding the right lines for her” Chanyeol shrugged. “Do you have any suggestions?”

I bet he never used it. I mean, why would he? In the campus, girls would go head over heels for him. He has a lot of charms, and younger girls liked him a lot. Although some of them might dislike me, but the boys had made it clear that we’re just friends.

But when they’re both here, its just gets noisier than ever. They’d argue, doing pranks, or telling random stories.

“Food isn’t even covering their mouths” Baekhee would say.

“Eyy, my baby sister” Baekhyun ruffled his hair, then he continued eating. “You’ll miss me when I’m gone”

“Just shut up and eat” she said. She suddenly stopped eating, looking that there’s only one piece of fish that’s left on the table. Baekhyun did the same thing, and they looked at each other, as if they were preparing a war.

“Its mine!!” they both shouted.

Baekhyun started to struck the fish with his chopsticks, but Baekhee snapped it away with her chopsticks. There was this ‘chopsticks fight’ for a few minutes. No one could stop them if this fight starts, not even their parents.

“Well, sister” Baekhyun started to talk after a while. “We should stop”

“Tired, brother?”

“I’m not! You know what?”

“What? You’re giving up?”

“Just do the paper-rock-scissors already” Chanyeol suggested, getting bored after watching the chopsticks fight. The twins turned their heads and glared at him, but they agreed to him anyway.

“Paper! Rock! Scissors!”

“Paper! Rock! Scissors!”

“Paper! Rock! Scissors!”

“Paper! Rock! Scissors!”

“Paper! Rock! Scissors!”

“Paper! Rock! Sci–YA! PARK CHANYEOL!”

Neither of the twins gets the fish in the end. Instead, Chanyeol stole it in the middle of the paper-rock-scissors game. The twins hit his head immidiately. But we all know Chanyeol wouldn’t regret that. He only smiled and laughed.

So here I am, watching the entertainment of life played by my friends. Somehow, I felt lucky that I’m taking the audience’s seat. But you know that even audiences, had their own shows as well.

“Sunbae!”

I was off from my last class in the campus, and surprised to see Kim Jongin, wearing all-black and going to the same campus. I never really saw him before, and he looks weird, frowning as if there’s something wrong.

“Yes?”

“Um, about that day when we ate chicken” he grabbed the back of his neck, couldn’t look at me in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry if it made you really uncomfortable”

“Its alright” I answered. “You don’t have to do that”

“Thank you, Sunbae” Jongin smiled, before he checked his watch. “Um, I’ve got to go, Sunbae. Dance class”

“Dance class?”

“Yeah” he answered. “If you got some time, maybe you could drop by the studio and see the dance class”

Surprising. I didn’t know about that. There’s actually a dance class in the campus. Jongin is even attending that. It was awkward, but I saw him trying to break his nervousness. What’s wrong with me? I made him like that, but why?

However, he didn’t give up. He really search for my number at the Heart Radio office and even contacted me in LINE.

Jongin: Sunbae!

Jongin: Ah, you finally read this.

Jongin: I’m sorry for interrupting what you’re doing

Jongin: About tomorrow’s broadcast

Jongin: I’m kind of... challenging

I wonder how many times he deleted his letters to finally make the right words.

Jane: Challenging? You?

Jongin: No, its not that

Jongin: Um, I’m actually

Jongin: Nervous

Jane: Get yourself together and lose yourself

Jongin: So do you want me to get together or lose yourself?

Jane: What?

Jongin: You’re saying a two completely different advices

Jane: Do both of them

Jongin: Both?

Jane: Yes. Both.

Jongin: Okay

Jane: Okay

I felt awkward, for doing this chat with him. Maybe he was nervous or something. Why would I even care?

Jongin: Sunbae

Jane: Yes?

Jongin: Please help me tomorrow

Jane: Sure, I will

Jongin: And the playlist?

Jane: Have you made it? The playlist?

Jongin: I’ve tried

Jongin: Should I send it to you? So you can check it?

Jane: Sure. Just send it to my email

Jongin: I’ll try to make another one tomorrow

Jongin: Going to the music library and find stuff

Jongin: What about you, sunbae?

Jane: Yes. I want to find some for my song recommendations

Jongin: Cool

Jongin: What time do you usually come, Sunbae?

Jane: Maybe after lunch, before my next class

Jongin: Quite early, but I can make it at that time

Jane: Good

Jongin: So tomorrow?

Jane: Yes, tomorrow

Jongin: See you tomorrow, Sunbae

Those last words was quite a bold move, though. Another time to spend with Kim Jongin, and its not even the first broadcast yet. Which means, another struggle to keep your mind straight, Jane. A puzzle, a quest, a clue to follow the trace, but not brave enough to approach him. We were both quiet, finding words are hard to say rather than written. I know that I’m giving him a hard time, but shouldn’t he approach first?

I plopped down to smell the covers, breathing a scent that smells like him. Somehow, I can’t wait for tomorrow.

*

 “Going out for work?”

I turned around and I was surprised, as always, with the presence of this person. He was there, colliding with the sun rays that crept into the window. Resulting the most beautiful silhouette I have ever seen. The silhouette that I wanted to see when I wake up in the morning. He was a picture that came out real, as he leaned closer and kissed me on my forehead.

“Oppa”  I was surprised. “Oh Lord, what are you doing?”

“Ssshh” he put on his index on his lips. “Its still morning, you might wake them up”

“But seriously” I folded my arms. “You’re barging in? Did you just climb into the balcony?”

“You know that I’m a good kid” Junmyeon leaned closer and inhaling the scent of my hair. “I wouldn’t do that”

“Do you think I would believe that?”

“But I believed something else” he whispered. “You smelled good when you wake up”

“And you’re starting to like this scent of bacterias?” I hit him lightly and showed my mouth. “Cheesy. You know I smelled like a hell coming from the dragon’s mouth”

In all of sudden, Junmyeon came in the morning. I remember when he used to do this, when he lulls me to sleep and wake me up on the next day. It was running in his blood. Taking care of others and being selfless.

“Its half to six” he took a glance from the clock. “A good time to get some oxygen”

I took my Pull and Bear hoodie. Without thinking further, I stepped out of the house and walked around the neighborhood. Of course, with Junmyeon, putting an arm on my shoulder and ruffling my hair.

A good time to get some oxygen means, a walk under the sunrise. Since there’s a park near this neighborhood, Junmyeon always took me to this place. He held my hand as always, trying to keep me safe in his hands. I smiled unconsciously, again, felt this heartbeat went faster everytime he did this.

“Being an intern isn’t easy these days” he sighed as he opened a new topic. “First time I got into work, and my hands just got burned when I brought some coffee”

“Did you apply some ointment?” I asked him. “It must’ve hurt a lot”

“Nah, its fine. You know I’m a strong man” he smiled widely, reassuring me. “Its just coffee. You’ll do that later when you’re an intern. You won’t get that in the radio station because of me”

I slowly touched his hand, where he got hurt. He flinched, which made me laugh for his effort to look strong.

“I doubted that word you said before” I giggled. “You’re not strong. You’re a grandpa!”

He laughed. “I’m not!” he pouted, shaking his head sideways in denial.

“Grandpa! Grandpa! Grandpa!”

“Jane, how could you date a grandpa, then?”

“That’s why, Oppa” I pinched his cheeks. We laughed together to jokes that only us could understand. Somehow, it feels like a day in the past that came back to me. I looked to the side, knowing that it’s real. The sun still rises in the east beautifully, as I smiled, hoping that time would just stop and replaying this.

“Oppa” I took a camera and took a picture of the sunrise. “Look at this. Beautiful, right?”

“Then take a picture of me” he smiled. “Candid, okay?”

“Yes, grandpa~” I giggled as we started to walk again. My eyes were adjusted to the focus and my index slowly pressed the shutter.

“Jane, he’s...”

I held my breath and click, a shot was taken.

“Jane-ssi, I’m sorry. But we tried our best”

Those whispers. I was frozen for one second, then I looked around. There were no other people, just Junmyeon who suddenly felt something happened.

“Jane?”

“Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“Wait” I looked around, feeling something weird about this. “Did you just say anything, Oppa?”

“Of course not” Junmyeon denied. “You were taking my candid shots”

“What? Then...” I was confused. “I mean, I heard you said sorry to me”

“I didn’t” he was still on his words. “Jane, did something happened?”

Did something happened? Those whispers, just struck my ear for one second and gone by the wind as another second goes. They were real. Were they? Or is it just me? If those whispers were real, then what happened? Why Junmyeon couldn’t hear it?

“Oppa” I took his arm. “Walk me back home? I think Baekhee’s mother had cooked breakfast”

“Sure” he smiled as we walked back.

But somehow, those voices replayed, as if I remembered it before. One step at a time, it came like a warning. A soft, gentle and a well-hidden voices. I remembered it too well, but I had no idea, of where and when I have heard it. Who was speaking those words? My mind somehow can’t remember. Only the words was clear.

“Jane-ssi, I’m sorry. But we tried our best”

*

11.30.

Glad that I wasn’t late. Quite early, even. The radio station was in silence, with only the sound of the current show played slowly from the speakers. I looked to my reminders in my phone, remembered that I had an appointment with someone else.

“Kim Jongin?”

Im Chunhee who sat down before my eyes was writing some scripts for the broadcast, and happened to went early to the Heart Radio office. “He isn’t here yet” she said. “Why?”

“Huh? Nothing” I answered. “Thanks, Sunbaenim. I’ll just wait here and browse something for the first broadcast”

I walked into the Heart Radio office, but its still the same as before. The studio that was yellowish and bright, with the aesthetic, 80s style panel with ‘Heart Radio’ written in it. The wooden spiral stairs that connects to the staff’s meeting room, pantry and toilet below the studio. But the place that I liked most is their collection of music in the music library. Its a music library, literally. Imagine a real library, filled with CD covers and casette tapes, and we have one here in Heart Radio. There’s also books and records about the Heart Radio itself, telling them that they were successful, a product from my campus. A radio station made by graduates seniors who were in this campus before, and now its a famous station that everyone listens not only in the campus, but in Seoul as well. Even they had some connections outside Korea, like their friends and affiliates in London.

“Its been a long time, right?” Im Chunhee appeared next to me as she walked me around. “The station stays the same, you know”

“Yeah” I nodded. “Its always been like this”

“Do you want to take a tour?” she offered.

“What? I’m not new, you know” I shook my head.

“Its a ‘welcome-back’ tour” Chunhee said. “We missed you a lot, Jane!”

How can I say no? Since most of the people are older than me in the station, I had to go on with Chunhee. Saying hi to my old seniors who I used to work with in the radio. Some of them had their own talkshow, but they were all staying the same.

But there’s one more person missing.

“I had to go to work on the broadcast” I smiled as I waved goodbye and escaped myself from the crowd. “Its been so nice to see you, sunbaenims!”

I walked down the spiral stairs and made my way back to the music library. That person isn’t coming yet until now. I fished out my phone and opened my LINE. But instead, I looked on his profile, and accidentally clicked on his display picture.

(picture)

“Tch, what is this, seriously?” I mumbled. Looks like he uploads pictures that attracts girls.

Then, I checked on his timeline. He posts quite much in his LINE profile, and various of pictures. Like when he was with his friends, or going travelling. But mostly, his timeline was full of his pictures and that rusty dog.

Monggu <3 <3 <3

The picture made me scared somehow, remembering those days back in London, where the dog chased me. But then, there was this video.

“Annyeong! I’m Kim Jongin, and I’d like to show you something”, he introduced himself and laughed at his own words, being shy at the moment. Then the scene changes, as he stood there in all black.

Suddenly there was this music, and he started to dance. It was an upbeat song, and he started to move swiftly, with the right precision. There were a lot of movements, but he managed to make it powerful and has a good strength as well, making the moves looked difficult. And, he also smirks during the video. Yeah, he must be some famous playboy who dates a lot.

Well, this is new.

Yeah, that sleepyhead, innocent junior just turned into a beast right now. He looked a lot like a bad boy here, and there were a lot of likes and comments under the video.

“Omooo~~ he looks amazing! Jongin is so y!”

“WOW! You danced so well, Jonginnie <3 <3”

“You should be an idol! You have a really good talent!”

“Show us more dance in the future!”

“Jongin oppa jjang!”

Oh, God. What am I doing?

I forgot that he wasn’t here. Well, its a good thing though, since he’ll talk a lot when he caught me like this. However, its been thirty minutes and he hasn’t shown up yet. So, I sent him a text message to his LINE.

Jongin! Where are you? I’ve been waiting for thirty minutes in the station.

Wait, that’s not it. That sounded too obvious.

Kim Jongin! Quickly come here!

I deleted it again. Still not the right word.

Kim Jongin, remember that promise you said?

No, no, no. I deleted it again. Why is it so hard to find the right words?

Jongin, are you coming today?

I know that this still not good, but I quickly send it. He’ll know what that means, though. I really want to hit myself for now, for acting like this.

Why am I even waiting for him? Somehow, I feel betrayed by him. He asked me to go and work here, but he broke his own promise. Maybe he's late, doing something.

Distraction was the best way for now. I started to make the playlist, write the scripts and using all the time that I've got for the first broadcast. I didn't feel alone because I consulted to Im Chunhee and also the other seniors.

"Aren't you supposed to be with that newbie?" Kang Seokho, one of my seniors. "What's his name again? Kim Jong...Hyun? Jongdae? or Jongsuk?"

"Its Kim Jongin, sunbaenim" I smiled, corrected him. "Maybe Jongin's doing something that he couldn't make it today"

"But he was here yesterday" Yoon Eunwoo, my other senior, also reported. "He came to see Chunhee and us. He seemed shy and still new to this, but he learned a lot more than his friends who joined in Heart Radio!"

I didn't know about that, and how could someone like him come and doing some consultation to the seniors? 

"Oh and he asked about you too!" Kang Seokho added. "He was funny, you know?"

"Sunbaenim, about my partner, Lee Jane-sunbae..." Jongin asked, his hand ran to his hair as his nervous runs into his veins. He was shy to ask this, and this might seemed as a backstabbing, but he was curious. Jane, to him, was someone who built walls and cold as ice. Jongin could have just avoid her, but he was curious. "Is Jane-sunbae... always like that? Quiet and kind of cold?"

"Jane?" Seokho laughed. "She wasn't that cold back then"

"Really?"

"What? You dont believe me?" Seokho raised his eyebrows. "I was in her position when she first came in like you!"

"But..." Jongin was still confused. "Why she was like that? Did she hate me or something? If she hates me, maybe I can apologize to her"

"Jongin-ah, she wouldn't do that!" Seokho explained. "Look, its just her defensive-self. You know girls are always like that, raising their guards. That's what she's been doing"

"Defensive?" Jongin got more confused. "What is she trying to defend from me?"

"Well, I've told you that she wasn't like this before, right?" Seokho said. "She's actually a kind person. She used to be bright and cheerful, but something happened to her, and made her like this"

Jongin nodded. Although his curiosity grew bigger, but he was in relief, knowing that there was no hate on him.

"And about that 'something', if you're curious about it" Seokho added. "You just have to wait a little bit longer until she's ready to tell you. She's quiet, so you're the one who should make the move"

I never knew I was that hard to him. For me, approaching him was hard because of the dreams I had, and what happened in London. Jongin was shy at first, which made things awkward, but now he’s trying to lose some nerves and trying his best. “Okay, if he came here yesterday, then why he hasn’t come until now?” I asked.

“He must have his own reasons, Jane” Yoo Eunwoo calmed me down. “Its not like he’s literally leaving. Not before the first broadcast, right?”

“Don’t think too much and just continue” Kang Seokho added. “He’ll come soon”

No matter how hard I tried to convince myself about it, Jongin didn’t come. I sat there, in the music library, listening to songs to forget him, but seems like I’m running out of options for this. I distracted myself with lunch and another class. But in the afternoon, Jongin’s still not there yet.

I wanted to call him and scold him for not coming early when he promised to. But on the other hand, I don’t want to give him some hard time anymore. I’ve been so cold to him, and he might have just indirectly punish him for this.

But when I looked at the clock, its already 7pm. And Jongin’s still not here, yet.

“Screw it!”

I opened my phone and do the LINE Call, wondering if he can pick up and answer. The answer’s just the same, he’s unreachable and not answering my calls. Where the heck is he this time? Calling him was no use, so I pressed my thumb on the microphone button and send a voice message to him.

“Ya, Kim Jongin” I held my anger, and turned out my voice was low but cold. “I thought you keep your promise. Do you even realize this? Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for nine hours!”

Since being angry was like taking a marathon, I stopped and took a breath, before I finally spoke again. “You know what, screw it. I’m going home, okay? Don’t bother come and find me. More importantly, don’t make promises you can’t keep. I know you have reasons, but your phone has been on for the whole day. I mean, you have balls for asking me out but not for an apology?”

“Just... answer” I let out a sigh. “I just want to know”

After giving him a voice message, suddenly a call came in.