I, myself had many difficulties in terms of being diligent. Whenever I studied at the library, I couldn't help but get distracted by watching an iKON dance practice, or texting Jinnie while she was in cram school. It was horrible and time-consuming yet I just wasn't motivated. My heart and mind wasn't focused into studying trignometry or genetics and I spent most of my late nights due to this chronic procrastination.

You're a stupid kid, Emmy Park. I often told myself, and it was the truth. Compared to Jinnie and Hani, who both scored high marks in their subjects, my marks were mediocre. I had no idea how they were doing it while I was left behind in the dust.

School was frustrating. The lessons were mind-numbing and I felt trapped within the four, white, walls. More than once, I banged my head against my desk, hoping my brain would wake up from its endless sleep and start ticking once again. Or I wished I could be diligent and work hard and have the motivation.

But it wasn't as cut-and-dry as it sounded. I needed inspiration. A goal. Something to work towards. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up, my only certainty was to help people. But in what way? As a doctor, a teacher, a neuroscientist?

I sat in the library by myself as usual. My chemistry textbook was spread in front of me along with various colour-coded notebooks full of drawings and diagrams and messy scribbles. 

It was 10:30 p.m, half an hour past closing, yet they always let me stay until 11:00 p.m. Sometimes, Hyorin, the librarian would toss me the keys calling back "Emmy, lock up when you're done!"

That was the case today, which meant I had the whole, musty, dusty yet warm and comforting library to myself. It was February at the time, which meant the snow was still going strong.

It had also been almost a full month since I had met Kim Jiwon.

By this time, I had already given up on the hope of ever seeing him again. In fact, I gave up on that the minute he turned around and jogged into the night. Meeting him was pure coincidence and sheer luck, it wasn't like everyday he had the ability to run away from the manager to buy Hanbin ice cream.

I still regularly went shopping at the same store around 11, even though Jiwon specifically told me not to.I had fallen into such a regula routine,that it seemed hard to break.

Jiwon's smile was still plastered to my brain,though,  his picture not even fading the slightest bit. It made me frustrated that his smile refused to leave my head. After all, it was exactly that, that was distracting me the most. 

"Stupid Kim Jiwon." I muttered, scribbling down chemical equations furiously. "Why. Are. You. Still. In. My. Head?!"

I had never had this kind of experience with any kind of guy, not even Jason Paek, who I was in love with back in my first year of middle school. There was something about Jiwon that was tugging on my heartstrings and more than anything I wishedI could obliterate his presence from that area.

But I couldn't, even though I hadn't seen him for a month. 

It was most likely the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" idea that was making my heart unable to forget his existence. I couldn't help but find it annoying, because after all, with so much Kim Jiwon floating around in my head and not enough chemistry, biology and mathematics, I was most likely going to fail the majority of my exams.

"HEY KIDDO! YOU IN HERE?!"

That voice. Low, husky, with an edge to it.

Kim Jiwon.

Was I imagining things? What the heck was Jiwon doing in a library, specifically this library when there were many in the city? Had he managed to escape from his manager? And why a library of all places?

I decided to ignore the voice, even though it managed to make my heart palpitate at 100 000 000 beats/s. I was most likely having hallucinations from the lack of sleep; it showed in the dark bags under my eyes, after all. Even Jinnie and Hani commented on them, constantly telling me to get more rest.

"Hey idiot, why didn't you answer?" Jiwon came up from behind me, lightly knocking his fist on the top of my head, immeadiately making my eyes go wide from surprise. The musky cologne from a month ago re-entered my sense of smell and I turned, looking up at the tall human, looming beside me.

He was wearing a black beanie, glasses, a black jacket, dark jeans and bright, white Jordans, so bright I almost blinded myself staring at them. A different outfit, yet the same person that bought me banana popsicles and walked me home on that snowy night.

Kim Jiwon.

"I thought I was having hallucinations." I admitted, yawning from the exhaustion I was facing. However, it appeared that Jiwon was a lot more tired when he sat across from me, plopping his into the seat loudly, before dropping his head my chemistry textbook, his head landing with a loud "Thud!"

"Yahh Jiwonnie are you alright?" I asked, almost getting up and checking if he was still alive. His head had hit the book pretty hard.

"I'm okay, kiddo." He muttered into the pages of my textbook. "Just a bit tired, but I need to go back soon, anyways."

"Don't go back.' I almost said, but I covered my mouth before they ever had the chance to enter the open air. Jiwon was truly diligent. He didn't procrastinate on his work; when he recieved a task, he got the job done. And he got the job done well. 

I had no say whatsoever in the endeavours that Jiwon pursued. This was his dream and he was willing to do whatever it took to reach it. Yet, I couldn't help but worry about his diligence, because this boy in front of me was lacking sleep and energy, two essential needs in order to be healthy. 

But even so, at least Jiwon was being productive. At least this hard work would pay off. At least this suffering would lead up to his wonderful dream.

And I admired that about him greatly.

"Jiwon, you work so hard and I admire that about you, you know?" I told him, even though I wasn't sure if he was asleep or awake. It didn't matter anyway; I felt like I was telling this more to myself.

"I just go on day by day without a real purpose in life. My friends, Jinnie and Hani; they are all set for life. They earn good grades and are both friendly which means they have way more friends than me, and they are pretty and diligent. So goddamn diligent in all of their studies. They work so hard and are rewarded for their efforts. And me? I get distracted too easily. My mind wanders off too often and times passes by too quickly. I stay up late to finish my homework and do it so mediocrely because I'm too tired to even try my best. It's pathetic, but I guess I lack the motivation. I have no dreams or goals and I'm 16 years old. Shouldn't I know anything at this age?"

The words came pouring out of me, quickly like a babbling brook.

"I wish I cared about my work. My future. My life. But I procrastinate so much. It's embarassing. It's horrifying. It's dishonorable."

My parents, who were back in the States, were expecting to do well here in Korea. I after all, was the one that suggested I study here. Who knew that I would end up suffering so badly?

I had already earned some relatively low marks that made me want to cry and rip them up into shreds. I couldn't even imagine the disappointed look on my parents' faces. My heart would just end up shattering into a million pieces.

"Why can't I just rewire my brain to be more diligent like you, Jiwon? You work so hard, with all of your heart and soul. You'll reach that beautiful dream of yours. For me, there's nothing to begin with. My future seems completely empty."

I was just wasting my time. It seemed this whole time in Korea, I was doing nothing productive. I had wanted to study here, along with my friends to get out of that small, American town I never belonged in and experience something new for once, and just ended screwing myself over with there long hours of unproductive studying.  

"Hey," I heard Jiwon's muffled voice from in front of me. He reached his arm out, grabbing my hand, wrapping his fingers around it, sending nerves all the way up my arm from his sudden touch.

"Don't be so hard on yourself kiddo. It's okay to be like this; you're only human after all. As long as you are trying your best and you know what you need to improve on, you can apply these to your studying and become successful. So don't stress too much, okay?"

He said this all in a sweet,caring but exhausted voice that instantly made me feel guilty for complaining when he was so tired. I nodded, even though he couldn't even see me nod.

"Yeah, Jiwon I won't. Now rest for a bit, and I'll wake you up soon, alright?"

By this time, I definitely knew Jiwon didn't hear me because he had let out a loud snore that almost made me laugh. Slipping my hand out of his grip, I grabbed a few pens, sticky notes and highlighters and for the first time since my feet landed on Korean soil, actually studied.

Anytime, I felt uninspired to study, I would look up at Jiwon, who was sleeping peacefully, his tiny breaths sounding like ones of a snoring kitten's. I would think about his exhaustion, his struggling, his dreams, his diligence and immeadiately I would feel fueled up to study.

Try your best and know what you need to improve on and you'll end up successful. 

Chemistry actually wasn't so bad and kind of interesting once I put my mind to it and put in effort to throughly comprehend the concepts. I turned off my phone so I wouldn't get distracted by watching videos of iKON (it did help my favourite member was sleeping right in front of me) and focused my mind on understanding the different kinds of chemical equations and for once, I actually felt as if I was being productive.

It felt nice, just sitting there in that quiet, old library, studying chemistry while Jiwon slept in front of me. For once, my mind felt at peace. Usually chaotic happenings were exploding in there; chem test on Wednesday, work on Monday, tutor Jinnie's cousin on Thursday, pay attention in Math especially since this unit is your weakest point, try to make some new friends like Hani and Jinnie have easily done (this had to be the one that stressed me out the most). But with the warm, musty air and the smell of ink and old pages, and the hum of old computers and the sound of Jiwon breathing in and out, it all seemed to mold together to create the perfect studying space. No loud noise, or urge to watch iKON, when the most diligent person I knew was snoring right in front of me, indirectly telling me to be diligent like him.

Half an hour had passed, when I decided to wake up Jiwon from his power nap. 

"Yah, Jiwon. Kim Jiwon. Jiwonnnnieeee." I said, leaning over, and tapping him on the head, lightly.

My hand landed on the top of his head, and instinctively I ran my fingers through the smooth and soft strands of hair. It felt nice, like patting a pillow of flower petals.

I checked my watch. 11:11 p.m. The time when many made wishes to greater forces, in hopes for granted desires.

To some people, it may have seemed ridiculous to believe in nonsense like "11:11" however, I had faith in such superstitions. Everything is controlled by fate and if fate led me to wish on this exact minute and hour, why mess with fate and its possible gifts it has to grant me.

I wish for my family to be safe and happy back in the States. I wish for good marks. I wish to become more diligent. I wish to make my family proud when I come home. I wish...

I looked over at Jiwon in his sleep, snoozing so softly because of his exhaustion for working so hard during the day.

I wish for Jiwon to be healthy. To sleep and rest a lot and not overwork himself too much. I wish for Jiwon to be successful when he debuts. I wish for Jiwon to reach his dreams soon. I wish for Jiwon to see his family soon.And, I wish more than  anything in this whole world. for Jiwon's happiness. Whether it's today or tomorrow or 5 months from now, I wish for Jiwon's smile to never slip from his face.

By the time I checked my watch, it was 11:12. The wishing minute was over for the day.

11:12 was pretty late considering Jiwon arrived half an hour ago. At this rate, Manager-hyung would kill him before he could even debut.

Jiwon was sleeping so soundly, that I felt guilty for having to wake him up.

"WAKE UP KIMBAP YOU HUMAN-SIZED BUNNY RABBIT!"

Immeadiately, Jiwon's head shot up, almost slamming into mine.

"Yahhhhhhh...why so loud kiddo?" He asked, groggily, rubbing his eyes and stretching out his long arms. He blinked a few times and I couldn't help but observe how much he resembled a bunny that just woke up.

"Jiwon, manager-hyung's gonna kill you if you don't get back to the practice room soon." I warned him, showing him the time on my watch. "And I really doubt you would want to face Hanbin's wrath, either."

I had seen Hanbin's frustration before on various episodes of WIN and Mix & Match and ever since, I had been terrified of him. It's one thing to have to observe it from behind a screen but a complete other story to have to face it in real life.

"That was a...nice nap." Jiwon said, yawning mid-sentence, still blinking rapidly. "But...yeah I should get going. It was nice spending time with you, kiddo."

"All you did was sleep, Kimbap." I retorted, as I got up and started collecting my stuff. "And snore."

Jiwon's eyebrows raised high as his eyes widened.

"Did I really?!" Jiwon exclaimed, bringing his wrist to his face in an attempt to hide his blushing cheeks. The sunset colour spread across his face,making his face resemble a peach. "Yah, I'm so embarassed!"

"Don't be, Jiwonnie;it's only you and I here." I reminded him slipping on my jacket, tying my scarf around my neck and slinging my bag on my shoulders. "Now, c'mon before Hanbin or Manager kills you."

Jiwon still looked quite embarassed, and I almost laughed at how adorable he looked when he was flustered. It was such a different image from the charismatic, intense Bobby he was onstage.

After turning off all the lights, I met up with Jiwon outside the library, who was shivering and rubbing his arms from the frosty winds, snowflakes covering him like confetti.

"Yah, Jiwon why didn't you just wait inside? You idiot." I said, locking the door and dropping the keys into my pocket. "You're going to get sick from all of this cold air, you know."

"You do this everyday and you're still fine." Jiwon pointed out,his teeth chattering, as we started to walk together side-by-side. Fat, gentle snowflakes fell from the sky, coating the blankets of snow and landing on our hair, clothes, eyelashes.

"Yeah but you need to rest. I have just enough sleep everyday so my immune system can handle the cold. I don't want you to get sick, especially with your impending debut."

"I'm fine, kiddo." Jiwon scoffed, though I noticed him bury his face deep down into his jacket. He had nothing to cover his face and the wind was starting to pick up pretty heavily.

Jiwon and I stopped at an empty intersection, so empty you could hear the quiet beeps of the traffic lights as it changed colours.

"My bus stop is this way, about a 5 minute walk." I said, pointing left. Jiwon pointed right.

"I'm heading this way but I could walk you-"

"Jiwon, you really need to get back before YG calls the police or something." I deadpanned, cutting him off. Jiwon chuckled at this statement, though I could tell his laugh was somewhat strained, as if knowing that was a very high possibility.

"I will, I will, kiddo. Just stay safe, alright? And um...Emmy?"

Emmy. I liked the way he said my name; his voice low and husky pronouncing those two syllables that represented my identity.

"Yeah, Kimbap?"

"Don't worry too much about the future alright? It's okay to not know what you want. You just got to find what you are passionate about and that sometimes takes time. Maybe you might have an epiphany one day...you know have that one life-changing moment that paves the path for you. Or maybe it's right there all along and it might take you awhile to notice it. Fate works in weird ways, but usually it leads you to the destiny you were made for. So don't stress too much, because everything has its time and place, alright? And I know you tend to do this often but maybe less late nights in the library? It's just really dark and cold...and I don't want you to get sick. I worry about you, kiddo."

I worry about myself too. I thought,as I nodded, agreeing to Jiwon's words. 

"As long as you promise to get more rest. I understand that you are a trainee, but you have to take care of yourself, Kimbap. Especially on nights like these. How long will it take you to walk back to the practice room?"

Jiwon bit his lip, his teeth grazing his skin and I almost choked from the very attractive action.

"About 20 minutes? It's not so bad." Jiwon insisted, but I was already unwrapping my knit scarf from my neck.

"Here." I said, standing on my tiptoes, reaching up to wrap the scarf around Jiwon's neck. "Stay warm, Jiwonnie, okay?"

I could tell by his wide eyes and gaping mouth that he was about to protest, but I had already turned around and ran off in the other direction.

That night, I arrived at the boarding house, everyone asleep as usual. After taking a long shower, I climbed into bed in the room I shared with Hani and Jinnie.

But for some reason I couldn't sleep.

Jiwon seemed to have this insomnia effect on me. This happened the first time I met, after witnessing that smile but today all I thought about was his diligence. His dedication to his work, his commitment to his priorites and the advice he gave me about the future.

Everything has its time and place.

"I guess I'll just keep on working hard until I reach that one moment." I muttered to myself, as my droopy eyes drifted off to sleep.

After that, I became more focused in my studies, constantly reminding myself to become more diligent, like Jinnie and Hani and Jiwon. It wasn't easy at first, since my mind had a mind of its own and tended to wander off in weird places, but I had managed to somehow control my brain to concentrate.

Your diligence was very admirable. Somehow you managed to get my brain to tick, for the gears to turn once again.

Could you get my heart to feel the same way?

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School is slowly killing me and it's only been two weeks.

I hate everyone in my french class and I want to switch out...should I? I don't know.

I feel like life's going to get more worrisome from now on.

But enough about me! How is everyone?

Please comment and subscribe! Thank you very much!

-Donggu