Beginning of June 2015

It would be a complete and utter lie to say that Jiwon's outer beauty wasn't a part of what made me fall for him.

Sharp eyes. Flawless skin. Flower petal lips. Slightly oversized teeth. Long nose. Sharp jawline. Floppy hair. Elongated neck. Strong arms. Muscular back and chest. Long legs.

All of them put together created Kim Jiwon's outer appearance, the one I pictured in my mind so often, the one I held dear to my heart.

Love and beauty coincided in a number of different ways. It was no wonder that Aphrodite, the beautiful Greek Goddess controlled both; the two were linked very closely.

Love at first sight was all based on beauty. It was the idea of falling in love with someone based on their looks, right on the spot. To many, it sounded shallow to fall for someone based on their surface and nothing deeper. However, according to researchers, people that fell in love at first sight had body chemistry that matched each other. Like as if they already knew each other and knew they would be perfect together. Perhaps, love at first sight was not as shallow as we all thought.

Then there was the more common type; being attracted to someone for their looks. getting to know them and eventually loving them for both inside and outside. There was still that idea of "love at first sight" dwindling in there; judging one based on their looks. It definitely wasn't a wrong thing to do because after all, how is it your fault if you are or are not attracted to someone?

And then the other kinds, such as not finding them physically attractive but it is their personality that makes them sparkle and shine. Or hating their personality, but being attracted to their looks and eventually falling for them.

It was interesting to see the connecting threads of love and outer beauty and how they all worked out in the end.

I had fallen for Jiwon in a strange way, in fact I couldn't even identify it. As Jinhwan had told me, I did it before i even realized it.

There was no question about it; I knew he was good-looking before I even met him, but it wasn't like the first time I had saw him, I fell in love with him. I started falling for him for his personality and the way he treated me and others around him and eventually everything fell into place.

Beauty was a social construct because truly, it was in the eye of the beholder. Everyone's definition of beauty was different; the people I found attractive were different from the people Hani found attractive and Jinnie and so on and so forth.

However, society had built beauty standards, requirements in order to be considered "beautiful", which I found ridiculous. In Korea it was pale skin, slim bodies, v-shaped faces, none of which I had. I was short and curvy and tan with chubby cheeks. The complete opposite.

But I was happy that I was built this way. Why wish I was someone else when I could embrace who I was, instead?

June (the month, not the guy) had appeared before I even saw it coming and summer was at the tips of everyone's fingers. Seoul had become a very hot and sunny place and shorts and sundresses and t-shirts and sandals were what everyone wore to stay cool in the hot weather.

I had cut my shoulder-length hair so that it fell into wispy strands around my chin. The style was much easier to maintain, especially in the hot air.

With upcoming exams, I was studying fiercely. This set of exams would be my last here in Korea and I was determined to perform well.

Unless, of course I ended up winning the scholarship and going to Yonsei but that wouldn't be for a while.

"Hey Emmy, don't you think Bobby from iKON is totally hot?"

It was study hall and I was sitting in a group with Hani, Jinnie and their friends, Yeon-Mi and Sujin. I was too focused to even notice what they were talking about...until Yeon-Mi asked me that particular question.

"Eh?" 

I froze, my eyes wide, completely caught off-guard.

"Bobby. Do you think he's hot?"

I looked over at Jinnie and Hani, who both looked uncomfortable with the situation. They knew how I felt about Jiwon and how this sudden question was making me feel awkward.

"Well..I wouldn't describe him as hot..." I started, slowly, trying to sound as normal as possible, like I was talking about some hot celebrity and not the boy I was in love with.

"Then what would you describe him as?" Sujin asked, as if challenging me. "I mean, he is already one of the hottest k-pop idols out there and he hasn't even debuted yet!"

"Um..." I cleared my throat, trying to come up with the right words. Hot was the wrong way to describe him. It was too vague. It didn't delve deep enough into his beauty. Jiwon was a lot more than that.

"Gorgeous. Beautiful." I finally said, as images of Jiwon's smile flashed through my mind. " Inside and out."

Sujin and Yeon-Mi looked at me with pensive and confused expressions on their faces when I said that.. Obviously my reply was far from what they were expecting.

"Wow, Emmy," Sujin finally said, a pondering look on her face. "That was deep. Are you in love with him or something?"

"What?!" My face turned red and I looked down, trying to hid the shock from my face. I hardly knew Sujin and she read me that easily!

"Of course not! I don't even know the guy! And even if i did, there is a 0% chance of us being together! I mean, he's about to debut and become worldwide famous not to mention he already has millions of fangirls and he's gorgeous! And I'm just me! Liking him would be pointless."

With every word I said, I started to feel discouraged because I realized they were all the truth. Jiwon and I were from two different worlds and in 2 months, those worlds would be completely seperate, never to touch ever again.

"Emmy, I think you're wrong." Yeon-Mi said, slowly as if trying not to offend me. My eyes widened at this sudden statement and I looked up.

"I mean, yes the chances of being with an idol are slim but it's not 0%. More like 0.1 or even 1%. This world is capable of everything. Plus, who loves idols more than their fans? And who loves their fans more than idols? I truly believe that a fan and idol falling in love could truly work out. I mean, there already is a lot of love between the two anyway. Who says it can't turn out to be romantic?"

I looked over at her to see if she was kidding, but her face was serious, not a bit of sarcasm on it.

She turned to me, smiling encouragingly.

"So if you're in love with Bobby, I say go for it. Because blocking yourself of the opportunity now might leave you regretful. Holding onto that 1% might just grant you the love of your life."

If only Yeon-Mi knew how ironic that statement was.

+ + +

"Emmy-ah! Welcome back!"

Jiwon's Aunt welcomed me back to her restaurant warmly, her eyes full of happiness, smiling widely. She rushed over to me, giving me a quick hug before leading me to our usual seat. 

My friends and I regularly visited her restaurant, though today it was just me and for a good reason. This wasn't exactly something my friends could participate in and when I told them, they respected my decision, only telling me to "Save us some Ddeokbokki!"

Turning to her, I asked "Auntie, is there anything you need me to do?"

Auntie laughed, her laugh sounding like bells.

"It hasn't been too busy today so we're holding up fine. Thank you so much for the offer, Emmy!" She patted my head, affectionately before disappearing into the kitchen.

I looked around. Only an old couple sharing kimchi chigae sat in the corner, which was good for me. The less people, the better.

Taking out my laptop from my bag, I placed it on the table and turned it on. It was around 5pm in Korea which meant it was around 4am where I lived. I insisted on Facetiming my sisters later but they protested, arguing that this was worth waking up early for.

The familiar calling noise filled my ears and in a few seconds, the faces of all three of my sisters appeared on the screen. The camera quality was grainy and the dim, the yellow light made them look dark but without a doubt it was Jimin, Jisoo and Jikyung.

My sisters and I had been extremely close since birth; literally. We were all born a year apart. My parents didn't like us playing with other kids too often, therefore we usually had only each other to play with. As a result, all four of us had healthy relationships with one another and even though we were growing up and apart, we still had each other's backs.

Jimin was the oldest, the social butterfly, the one with a great quantity of friends. Jisoo was second-oldest, the studious, hard-working one that organized and planned every second of her life. Then came me, Park Jiwoo who didn't particularly stand out and then Jikyung, the youngest, a star athlete.

I plugged in my earphones to ensure that no one could hear my freakishly loud sisters before waving to them.

"HI GUYS!"

"JIWOOOOOOOOO!" They all yelled, waving back at me.

'Where are the parents?"

"Sleeping. They don't get up this early." Jisoo retorted. "We are in basement so they won't hear us."

All of them were dressed in their pajamas, their hair slightly messy and their eyes groggy. Jikyung yawned loudly, the way she did every morning when I used to share a room with her.

"So much sacrifice," I said, an incredulous look on my face. "And all just to meet Bobby?"

"Of course!" 

It was Jiwon that had suggested that he meet my sisters, since I had met his mom. He had heard weird stories about them from me and ever since he couldn't wait to "meet the people my precious Jiwoo grew up with!"

We had arranged to set up this call here, at his Aunt's restaurant and once I told my sisters, they were ecstatic.

"Jiwoo's first love." Jimin had said dreamily, looking off into the distance. "Who knew it would be one of the most popular idols in Korea?"

I sure didn't.

While waiting for Jiwon, who wouldn't arrive for awhile, I talked about life with my sisters, as I usually did whenever I Facetimed them. They asked me how the contest was going along in which I replied I wouldn't get the results until I left Seoul.

"Mrs. Yoon will update me though, so I'm not too concerned." I said. 

"You're lucky Jiwoo. Not only did you get to spend the year in Korea but you might get to do it again and you're friends with Bobby! He's so hot." Jimin sighed, fanning herself as if his hotness was too much to handle.

Hot. The common way to describe Jiwon's appearance. If I had seen Jiwon for the first time, I would have thought the same but now that I knew him and his ridiculous, dorky self, I just couldn't put his name and hot in the same sentence. 

"Yeah. Is his jawline that sharp in real life? And have you ever seen his abs?" Jikyung asked, smiling innocently. I stared at her, disapprovingly.

"Yah, Park Jikyung, you are too young for this stuff!"

"I'm only a year younger! Plus, him and his abs all over the internet; it's not like I can't run into them."

I groaned, shaking my head and trying to keep the picture of Jiwon's abs out of my head.

"I've only seen his before and that's it. It's...nice."

"Really? You should have taken a picture!" 

"EW! I'm not a ert!"

I spent the next half hour laughing and talking to my sisters. It had been quite awhile but it still felt a bit weird to be away from them for so long. Seeing their faces and not being in their presence made me a bit glad that I would be leaving Korea and returning back to them soon.

"Hey Jiwoo...have you told him yet?"

It was Jisoo who asked, the logical and pensive one of all of us. She was the one I went to for advice because she was always the one that knew what to do, the wise and observant one. In a sense, she was a lot like Jinhwan.

It was no surprise that it would be her to ask the question but I was still caught off-guard.  I didn't expect that to come up.

"I...I haven't yet." I murmured causing for all three of my sisters to groan.

"Park Jiwoo! When are you going to tell him? You're leaving in 2 months!" Jimin exclaimed. "Bobby will get really mad at you if you do it last minute."

"But that's not the problem!" I argued. "Don't you guys think that I've been looking into it? Of course I would have done it by now if things were less complicated!"

"How difficult could it be?" Jikyung asked. "He's your best friend; he'll understand!"

"Yeah, but it's not just me and him that will get affected. It's bigger than that."

"How?"

I sighed, before launching into my whole explanation.

"Bobby...or Jiwon as I usually call him and I have an interesting relationship. We've acted close since the moment we met; we are never awkward or nervous around each other. And we adore each other. A lot."

"So I know for a fact that if I tell him that I'm leaving now, he would want to spend more time with me. But that's a problem because he can't spend anymore time with me.  He needs to practice and record and prepare for his debut with all of the time he has. He's debuting in September; the 15th to be exact, my birthday. YG released the date officially. Plus, he has recently been endorsing Sprite and preparing performances for Show Me The Money...his schedule is hectic. And by telling him that, I would just be a distraction. Another thing on his mind he doesn't need. And what about s? He needs to be with them for practice, not with me, goofing off.  I can't tell him now. I don't want to burden him, further."

"I know that I sound somewhat... narcissistic but it's true. I know Kim Jiwon well enough to know that he treasures who and what is important to him. And I can't tell him that and stress him out and distract him cause that's the last thing I want to do."

The air was silent for a few minutes, as my sisters sat there quietly, thinking. 

"Do you ever plan on telling him?"

It was Jisoo's voice that cut through the silence. Wise, trustworthy Jisoo. I nodded, my face solemn.

"Eventually. But for now...I'm just going to cherish the time I have with him."

My sisters nodded, agreeing with me. "That seems to be the best thing to do at the moment." Jimin said, somewhat satisfied with my answer.

"Hey, Jiwoo," Jikyung suddenly piped up. "Are you going to confe-"

The sound of the door ringing suddenly filled my ears and I looked over, not listening to the rest of what Jikyung had to say.

Kim Jiwon had walked through the door, slightly breathless, looking completely and utterly gorgeous.

His dark hair, which usually flopped onto his forehead was spiked up and his eyes looked sharper, as if he were wearing eye makeup. He wore a black bandana-print t-shirt, black sweatpants and all-black high-tops. Ironically, his outfit was similar to mine; I was also wearing a black t-shirt and sweatpants.

On his wrist was a black-digital watch and he checked it as he ran over to me.

"I'm so sorry I'm late Ji...Woo?"

He ended his greeting as a question and I got up, removing my earphones and looked at him, curiously.

"Yah, Jiwon are you okay?"

He was staring at me in a way that I had never been stared at before; a mix of surprise, admiration and confusion. It made me slightly uncomfortable and my heart started to thrum in my chest.

"Your...hair." He finally said, walking over to me and touching the ends. "It's...short."

"Is that a problem?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Since when did Jiwon care so much about how I looked?

"No...no..." Jiwon said, absentmindedly, smoothing his fingers over my hair. "You look so...beautiful."

He looked down and smiled at me, his smile so charming I almost melted. In fact, that whole moment made me want to. Never had Jiwon ever called me that, only "cute".

Luckily, I was able to break out of my daze when remembering that my sisters were still on FaceTime.

"Um...thanks." I coughed, turning away from him and sitting down. Jiwon followed, sitting down beside me.

We both inserted an earbud into an ear which was a mistake. All that came pouring out was my sisters' screaming.

"HOLY CRAP! IT'S ACTUALLY BOBBY!"

My sisters were all hopping around on the screen, totally freaking out and Jiwon laughed, sending them into even more of a frenzy.

"Guys, we should have prepared! We look so bad!"

"I didn't actually expect him to come on!"

Jiwon and I watched as all of them quickly exited the screen, coming back 5 minutes later with nicer outfits, washed faces and brushed hair.

"Wow, Jiwoo they are nothing like you!" Jiwon said, when they were gone. "They actually care about their appearances!"

"Hey, I'm lazy, you butthead." I retorted, flicking his forehead. He flicked my forehead back.

"You don't need to anyway. You're perfect just the way you are."

My heart jumped out of my chest and I coughed, trying to hide my surprise from the statement.  Every word that came out of Kim Jiwon's mouth was making my heart palpitate faster and faster.

"You're...fine...too." I managed to cough out, making Jiwon laugh.

By that time, my sisters had all returned. ready to introduce themselves.

"Hello I'm Park Jimin!"

"I'm Park Jisoo!"

"I'm Park Jikyung!"

"It's very nice to meet you!"

They bowed at 90 degree angles and Jiwon got up and did the same.

"I'm Kim Jiwon or as many know me as, Bobby! It's also very nice to meet you!"

Jiwon sat back down, slinging an arm around my shoulders and placing his hand on the top of my head. Jimin's eyebrows raised for the slightest second, but she made no comment.

"I've been wanting to meet you guys for the longest time! Jiwoo tells me all sorts of stuff!"

"Jiwoo...?" Jisoo asked, in surprise, scanning us both. "She lets you call her Jiwoo?"

Jiwon nodded so enthusiastically, his head almost popped off. "Yeah!" He exclaimed, excitedly." It's an honor!"

At this, my sisters turned to me, trying to hide their squeals, their faces all saying "He's a keeper!"

"It's not that big a deal," I said, nonchalantly, taking Jiwon's hand off my head. "I call him Jiwon and not Bobby, anyway."

"Yeah, but you never let anyone call you Jiwoo. Not even Jason Paek!" Jikyung piped up.

"Jason Paek?" Jiwon asked, turning to me, his eyes wide and eyebrows raised. "Who's that?"

"No one- GUYS SHUT UP!"

My sisters ignored me, launching into the story of my middle school infatuation with Jason Paek and I just watched them. Watched Jimin, Jisoo and Jikyung interact with the boy I loved.

And instead of feeling irritated (which I should have since they told Jiwon, basically every embarassing story of me), the only feeling burning in my heart was the bright spark of happiness.

+ + +

"Your sisters are really funny! I can see you growing up with them!"

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one dying of embarassment right now!"

The sky had faded into night and Jiwon and I were walking to my bus stop. The night sky gave me a sense of nostalgia seeing as it was usually nighttime when Jiwon graced my presence.

"They weren't that embarassing..."

"They told you the barf-and-poop story!"

My mind flashbacked to Jiwon laughing so hard, he fell out of his chair from the graphic description of me vomiting and pooping at the same time. Shameless.

"You are still my number one, Jiwoo...even with poopy pants." He said, linking our arms together.

We finally arrived at my bus stop. Along with us, were two American girls, probably exchange students like me, chatting loudly about EXO.

"Aish, my bus doesn't come for another half hour." I said, reading the times on the sign. It was currently 8:34 pm which meant I would get on at 9:00 and be home by 10:00.

"You better get going, Jiwon. It's late."

"Nahhh, I'd rather stay with y-"

"OPPPPPAAAA!"

Suddenly, the two American girls ran over to us. Up close,I could see they were both very pretty, with flawless skin, slim bodies, and colored hair.

"Oppa, you're so handsome! Do you wanna come to the club with us?" The girl with dyed pink hair asked. Her eyes were big and fluttery, like a doll's and she was so tiny she practically was one.

"Yeah, we'll have so much fun!"The other one, her hair dyed mint green exclaimed. They were both dressed and high heels and cute party dresses and I couldn't help but look down at my t-shirt and sweatpants.

Jiwon looked a bit confused, and it took me a long time to process why.

They were speaking English.

I knew Jiwon knew how to speak it but even I felt confused; we both hadn't spoken it in such a long time. Our brains were taking awhile to process the new language.

"C'mon oppa!!" The pink haired girl grabbed Jiwon's arm, tugging it. "I'll even buy you drinks!"

"Yeah!" The other girl chimed. "Let us American girls show Oppa a good time!"

Jiwon looked extremely uncomfortable by the predicament. Luckily, my mind was able to process the English quickly.

"Actually, him and I have to go now, so he can't come-"

"Excuse me?" The girls swiveled to look at me, both latched onto Jiwon's arms. The mint-haired girl scanned me, her face smug.

"Who are you? You can't possibly be his girlfriend."

"I'm not." I said, flatly. "But we still need to go-"

"If you're not his girlfriend then you don't have a say."The pink-haired girl cut me off, sharply. "You don't own him."

"Besides," The mint-haired girl said, rolling her eyes, "Why would he want to hang out with an average-looking Korean like you when he could have beautiful, exotic, foreign Americans?"

"Excuse me?" I looked at them in disbelief. They had to be kidding me.

"Yeah. And you dress like a d*ke!"

My jaw fell open and I was left speechless as the girls laughed. From what I observed, both girls weren't lesbian meaning they didn't have the right to reclaim it and use it as a slur!

My mind went completely blank and all I saw was red, from anger. I couldn't care less about being called ugly; it was the slur that pissed me off. Stepping forward, I readied my fists to give them a piece of my mind-

"What did you just call her?"

It seemed that Jiwon's English finally came back to him, and he grabbed hold of my wrist, shaking off the grips of the two girls. His tone was icy cold and harsh, the harshest I had ever heard from him. 

"Oppa, she's trying to control you and stop you from having fun!" The pink-haired girl pouted, her voice high and cute. "Don't let her hold you back! Come with us!"

"What. Did you. Just. Call her?"

Jiwon's face was beyond pissed off and his grip on my wrist was tight. He was shaking from anger so much that I felt my whole arm shake.

"Ah oppa! It's not that bad of a word, I promise!" The mint-haired girl insisted, puffing out her cheeks. "Besides it's not like you need her!"

Jiwon turned to them, his face contorted into utter disgust.

"Need her? Of course I need her! She's my best friend!"

Jiwon held up my wrist, shaking it wildly.

"Sure, she doesn't have pale skin or dresses very feminine but you know what? This girl right here is the most beautiful person I've ever met. Inside and out. Well aside from my mother, of course."

I couldn't help but chuckle at this.

"Not only is she gorgeous on the outside but she is on the inside as well. And let me tell you, no matter how pale your skin is, how slim your body is, how cute your dress is, with that kind of personality, you will never be even 0.1 % as beautiful as she is."

The two girls looked at us in shock, completely speechless. Huffing, they both turned around and walked away as quickly as possible muttering absurd things such as "It's so hard to find a decent, hot Korean here."

Meanwhile, I turned to Jiwon, offering him a high-five after they left.

"Nice Jiwon! You really told them-"

I froze, seeing the still angry look on Jiwon's face. His body was still trembling, like an earthquake.

I didn't expect Jiwon to get worked up over something so little. Tapping him on the shoulder, I asked if he was alright.

Jiwon turned to me slowly, and as he stared at me, I noticed his features turn softer little by little, until he was completely calm. He stopped shaking and instead of an angry expression, he wore a tired one.

"Sorry about that, Jiwoo." Jiwon apologized, sighing loudly. "I just can't believe anyone would say something like that to you. I mean, look at you! You're...you're perfect!"

"Aw shucks, Jiwon," I said, laughing loudly, trying to cover up how awkward I felt. It was the third time that day that Jiwon had given me such a high compliment."Thanks for defending me. I'm not gonna lie; I was ready for a brawl!"

Jiwon didn't laugh and instead just smiled, though it looked a bit strained.

"You're the last person that deserved that kind of treatment. Judging someone by their looks and not their personality will get you nowhere in life. Not that your looks are bad or anything. I like your tan skin and the fact that we dress alike and that you wear more boyish clothing. It suits you more."

He patted the top of my head, looking at me differently than usual. I wasn't sure how or why.

"You know what, Jiwon? It's weird how outer beauty matters to so much people when really it's not that special. Every person on this planet has it; however it's when your inner beauty comes out that you outer beauty shines. You can't have one without the other, because outer beauty without inner is just artificial. Does that make any sense?" I said, relinking our arms together.

Jiwon nodded, enthusiastically as if I completely got his point.

"I think so too, Jiwoo. As soon as you find out someone's personality is ugly, everything else becomes ugly as well. As they say, beauty is only skin deep!"

Finally my bus arrived, and I bid Jiwon "Good bye" before climbing onto the bus.

The last image I saw was Jiwon waving at me, looking so beautiful both inside and out. In that moment, I knew what the definition of true beauty was.

Beauty is only skin deep,

But how deep is my love for you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope I haven't offended anyone in any sort of way with this chapter. 

If I have, please message me and I'll edit it.

as you could probably tell, this chapter is really just a filler chapter. some weird goes down in the next one and the one after that is 16 000+ words (!!!) so things do get less boring, hehe.

so now jiwon has met jiwoo's sisters, which i guess is sorta a big deal.

why do i write jiwoo as ji woo? i have no idea, i'll probably go back and fix all of that.

& some really cool ppl appear in the next chapter wooo hooooo.

idk what to say. i love you all and thanks for the support. i appreciate your comments so feel free to do so!!!

and has anyone seen that pic that tablo posted of kim donggu eating? SO CUTE <3

-Donggu