"kiss

kis/

verb

    1    1.

touch with the lips as a sign of love, ual desire, reverence, or greeting.

"he kissed her on the lips"

    2    synonyms:

    3    give a kiss to, brush one's lips against, blow a kiss to; More

    4    

END OF AUGUST 2015

Kissing has always seemed like a big deal to me, but once I really thought about...why exactly was it?

It was just the mere act of one's lips pressing upon someone's area of their body. That was it and that was all. So why did it gave me goosebumps and make me feel all queasy inside?

They say that the kiss on the lips is a milestone because that's the first time you've actually bonded with someone. That you've exchanged something special. Thinking about it, it was just lips against lips (or more but I'd rather not go into detail) yet the wave of euphoria it gave you after was everything in the world.

Personally, I hadn't had my first kiss yet, but it wasn't something I was hunting down to find. It had to happen naturally, with the right person at the right time. It was something I wanted to look back on and smile at, rather than regret and want to forget.

Kim Jiwon's kisses were warm and soft and made me want to melt inside. Sure, he had only kissed me in two places, neither of them my lips, and it was merely three times, yet everytime, I felt sunshine zing from my head all the way down to my toes. He did it whenever I least expected it, which just added to the adrenaline in my veins whenever it happened.

He also happened to be the only boy that had ever kissed me before. Everything felt new and foreign and the wave of euphoria I felt each time it had happened was unfamiliar and almost addictive.

I hadn't seen Jiwon since our walk in the park in the beginning of the month, however it was for a good reason. I made him promise me that even with the news of me leaving, we wouldn't hang out as much, since that was what started our problems in the first place.

At first he protested, pouted, fluttered his eyelashes and attempted to make my resistance crumble into the depths of Tartarus. “At least, once before then!” “But we have to make memories while we can!”

I managed to stand my ground even with his cute acts and pleads and in the end, we made an agreement. He wouldn't come to see until the day before I left...as long as I called him "oppa".

"You know what had really terrified me? When you started using honorifics!" Jiwon had informed me, when we took a stroll around the park. "You called me "Bobby-sshi". You know how much of a smack in the face that was? You never use honorifics! It felt like we were strangers. And it was especially worse when you used "Bobby"! That's what my fans call me...not my best friend."

He said this all horrified, his voice going up 3 octaves higher and his facial expressions contorting in different ways. I fought to keep from laughing from how funny he looked.

"That had me thinking for days...how weird that sounded. You always call me just "Jiwon" or "Jiwonnie" or "Kimbap". You don't call me "oppa" the way you do to Jinhwan and I think it's because we have the same age mentality. We take care of each other so it feels a bit equal between us. But then I heard you call me oppa for the first time."

Oh . He remembered.

I in a breath, recalling the exact moment I did. I had been trying to calm him down in this very park, and "Jiwonnie oppa" had tumbled out of my mouth. I had said it because at the time, I had thought that it sounded reassuring, familiar and comfortable...like how a sister would comfort her brother.

It wasn't that I disliked using honorifics; they were signs of respect to your elders and should be used at all times. However it was how Jiwon had worded it; we had a relationship where we acted equal. Not only that but "oppa" felt a bit too comfortable, too much like brother-sister or boyfriend-girlfriend, while "-sshi" feel a bit too distant, like strangers. I didn't know what to call him or where we were at in our relationship, so just "Jiwon" stuck. And we both didn't seem to acknowledge it...until now.

"I really liked the sound of it. It made us sound closer like we were actually brother and sister." He continued, swinging our connected arms back and forth. "I was crying and missing my family but that felt nice to hear. Which really made me think about who we were to each other."

I couldn't help but slightly wince from hearing the sibling comparison again, especially since I had felt so embarrassed from my almost confession.

At the time I was upset from shock, but thinking about it now, wasn't it better that him and I were like siblings? Family love was just as deep as romantic love, if not even deeper. He loved me that much, loved me enough to declare we had one of the closest relationships the world has ever known, one that mattered to him most.  I reminded him of his family, which I found to be a huge honor because family always came first.

And even though the ache in my heart throbbed from knowing that he didn't feel the same way as I did about him, the happiness of acknowledging that soothed the pain.

"So, I'll only promise to see you on your last day, and only that one day if you call me "oppa". That'll make me really happy, you know?"

Upon hearing this, I had paused our walking, biting my lip and thinking about it. I was hesitant and why wouldn't I be? "Oppa" had a different meaning for me than it did for him.

Sighing, I looked up in hopes of some sort of guidance, which turned out to be a big mistake. All I saw was Jiwon's smile, so bright and cheery, reflecting the beautiful, breezy weather. It sparkled in the glittering sunlight, its whiteness and Bunny-like shape making it distinctly a visual of Kim Jiwon's happiness.

If there was one thing in the world I couldn't resist, it was Kim Jiwon's smile. I would buy him the the moon, the stars and the sky just to ensure his grin would never fade.

Ah the perks of being in love. Doing things you don't want to do to make them happy.

"Goddamnit, Jiwon…" I had muttered to myself, groaning. Ripping my gaze away from his enchanting smile, I leaned my forehead onto the bare skin of his bicep. He looked down at me questionably but I made no comment.

I knew my face would turn red if i called him "oppa"; just the thought of it brought the slightest bit of heat to my cheeks. If I had to be coerced into it, I knew that for my own sake and sanity, I couldn't look at him. I had to look somewhere other than his eyes and if it had to be his (admittedly muscular) arms, than so be it.

Now, my forehead was pressed against his arm, my eyelashes skimming the surface of his tanned skin, my lips mere centimetres away from his arm muscle. My heart was starting to pick up pace, thrumming in a consistent pattern, and already sweat was appearing on my face.

Calm down, Jiwoo. It's a brother-sister thing; don't be ridiculous!

Taking in a deep breath and ignoring the confused stare Jiwon was drilling into my head, I blurted it out, trying to take it out of my throat as quickly as possible.

"Jiwonopppa."

It came out messy, my voice fumbling, rushed and hurried, sounding like gibberish but somehow, Jiwon had still managed to understand what I was trying to say.

He laughed, the zebra-like sound of it echoing through the park, before capturing my face with his hand, squishing my cheeks together.

"Yah, Jiwoo, you're too cute, you know?"

I stuck out my tongue at him in response, however only the tip came out seeing as he still had quite the grip on my face.

"That really meant a lot to me, you know?"He continued. "Jiwon oppa. It sounds nice, doesn't it?"

He looked up at the bright blue sky, his eyes shining, before looking back down at me.

"I think I was born to be an oppa!"

"Well, no shfit..." I had attempted to mutter through squished cheeks. "You'ref bounf tof fbe olderf thanf any fgirls."

Jiwon frowned, squishing my cheeks even harder.

"Ruin the moment, will ya?"

He leaned and brought his face closer to mine, so close that my vision became blurry, only the colours of his skin and eyes appearing before my face.

Quickly, he knocked our foreheads together, lightly for the tiniest second.

"Call me that when I see you, before you go, alright?" He said, straightening up and letting go of my face. I glared at him, rubbing my sore cheeks and sticking out my tongue at him.

"We'll see, Kim Bobby." I had muttered, earning a frown and a hard head chop from him.

"Don't call me Bobby!"

Now the day had finally arrived; August 29th 2015. Jiwon had taken off the whole entire day to dedicate it to us spending time together. He had a long list of things to do and I knew that with his determination, we were going to finish each and every one of them.

Our time together would last for about 17 hours; from 6:00 a.m in the morning to 11:00 pm at night. This would be the most time I had ever spent with Jiwon and I couldn't help but feel excited.

I hadn't seem him in about 3 weeks which I felt was good for me. In those 3 weeks, I spent as much time possible with Jinnie and Hani, ensured that I had everything prepared, bought souvenirs, visited all of Seoul's landamarks, as well as managed to figure out how I was going to confess to Kim Jiwon.

Yes, I still was going to confess to him.

Even after the whole incident, after discovering how he felt about me, after everything, I was still determined to tell him the truth. As Hanbin said, love was rare and precious, something I had to grab quickly before it slipped through my fingers. If anything, Jiwon deserved to know about how I felt, and I deserved to my feelings acknowledged. I was ready now, ready to confess.

And I had managed to find the best way to do it.

I had woken up around 5 am, when the sky was still dark and only a few cars lurked the streets. Normally, I wasn't a morning person, but there was too much energy flowing in my body, for me not to be.

Jinnie and Hani both contributed in the choosing of my outfit, hair and makeup but in the end, they decided it was best if I chose everything.

"Be yourself, Jiwoo." Hani had told me. "This is your last day with Jiwon and the person he wants to spend his day with is you. Not Kim Jinnie, Bae Hani or Emmy Park even, but you. Park Jiwoo. "

So I went with light-wash ripped rolled up jeans, a black-and-white jersey style t-shirt and black high top converse sneakers. My eyes were lined with eyeliner, my lips were covered in chapstick and my short hair tied up into an apple hairstyle. I had never felt so much like myself, than today.

Kim Jiwon arrived 5 minutes early and he texted me to come outside. The sky was still dark, the colour of blotted ink, and the air was slightly chilly. I quickly grabbed myself a sweater,writing a quick note to Hani and Jinnie, before taking off.

Jiwon stood on my porch, waiting, like how he always did. His hands were in the pockets of his ripped jeans, as he looked up at the sky, not facing me so I only saw his backside. He wore his blinding white jordans, a black and white t-shirt and a black backpack, just like mine.

The sight of him made my mind go blank, and I stood there for what seemed like ages. I hadn't seen him in only 3 weeks, yet it felt like forever. I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with actually not being able to see him...forever.

Quickly, I shook my head, snapping out of my daze.I had only this one day left with Jiwon and I wasn't going to waste it.

Slowly, I walked up to Jiwon, him not noticing me at all, even with the faint sound of the creaky floorboards. Once I had reached him, I took a deep breath, positioned myself into the right spot and quickly kneed him in the .

A cry of shock escaped Jiwon's mouth and he jumped up,in surprise. I tried my best to hold in my laughter, as Jiwon rubbed his , turning around to face me.

"Yah, Park Jiwoo!" He loudly whispered, shoving my head, avoiding my gaze. For the slightest second, I caught a glimpse of his pink, blushing face.

"I'm sorry, Jiwonnie...it was just too good of an opportunity. Are you okay?" I asked, fighting to maintain a straight face. Embarrassed Jiwon didn’t happen very often and the pinkness of his cheeks made him look even more adorable than he already was. It didn’t help that he kept his bangs flat; my favourite hairstyle and he knew it.

Meanwhile, Jiwon just looked down, covering his mouth with his hand from embarrassment. He didn’t look pleased at all.

He stayed like that for about a minute, however that one minute was enough to make my grin disappear. Usually by now, he would just laugh it off. Did I really hurt his feelings? That was the last way I wanted to start our last day together.

"Hey, Jiwonnie," I started, grabbing onto his arm, my voice full of concern. "I really didn't mean to-"

"Oppa." He suddenly muttered, interrupting my sentence. I paused,staring at him, incredulously.

"What?"

"Oppa." Jiwon repeated, his voice a bit muffled. He uncovered his mouth and looked up from the ground, staring at me.

"Jiwonnie oppa."

Right. The agreement.

"Wait, was that what you were thinking about?"I asked in disbelief and he nodded, his face completely serious.

This boy.

“You actually made me genuinely concerned that I hurt your feelings, you know!" I punched his arm hard, my fist connecting with the cold, bare skin of his bicep. Frowning at the temperature, I opened up my fist, holding onto his arm. It was as cold as ice. Sighing, I looked up at him, to find that his teeth were slightly chattering in his mouth.

Kim Jiwon what am I going to do with you.

”Hey, Kim Jiwon,-"

"Oppa."

"Kim Jiwon oppa , why aren't you wearing a jacket? It's freezing in the morning!" I shivered as I moved my hand down his arm, feeling the icy touch of his skin. "You know how much I worry about you being cold!"

Jiwon turned to me, smiling sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, his face flushed. "I may have been…rushing.”

I groaned, rubbing my hands up and down his arm in an effort to keep him warm.

Kim Jiwon, why do I care about you so much?

"Rushing?" I shook my head, disapprovingly, though I couldn’t help but smile. "There was no need to rush, Jiwon... oppa. We have all the time in the world today-“

I didn’t even get to finish my sentence, because I suddenly felt the snap of tension in the air. If my brain had the ability to jump in shock, it did.

"No, we don't." Jiwon cut me off, a bit harshly. I was taken aback by his tone and I stepped back, my eyebrows raised high on my forehead. In the quick flash of a second, I managed to turn his shy grin into a deep, serious frown. His eyebrows were furrowed, a look I had grown accustomed to whenever he was frustrated.

"We only have today. That's it.  And I intend to spend as much time with you as possible...before we-"

He paused, as if he were expecting me to finish his sentence but not even I could. We both knew what he was going to say.

Never see each other, ever again.

I gulped, nodding. There I went, not thinking about my words before saying them. We’ve both been waiting for this day for a long time and I wasn’t being careful with the limited time we had together.

"Of course. I was being too careless with my words. I'm sorry Jiwon." I murmured, letting go of his arm.

Jiwon seemed to feel bad about his outburst because he sighed and grabbed my head, pressing it against his chest and my hair. I instantly relaxed, letting out a soft sigh as I leaned against his firm chest, the movements of his fingers through my hair calming me down.

“It’s fine Jiwoo, I’ve just…been kind of stressed. I really want today to go well, with no regrets. Just happiness.”

Even with my body heat pressed against his, I could still feel the chilliness of his skin through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. I wished I owned a sweater big enough for him to wear but even if I did, everything was already packed up, ready to go.

Taking a deep breath, I smiled up at him, in an attempt to be positive. This was our day and nothing was going to ruin it. If Jiwon was determined to ensure that this day became an everlasting memory of joy, than so was I. Even if it meant taking on an optimistic mindset.

"Hopefully the sun will come out for us soon, and warm up our day!" I said cheerfully, my voice so happy it sounded like a completely foreign language in my mouth. I couldn't help but cringe at how weird it felt in my throat.

Jiwon's eyebrows furrowed and he stared down at me, his face a mixture of pride and surprise. Chuckling, he pinched my cheek, wiggling my face around with it.

"You've changed Park Jiwoo." He murmured, his smile meaningful and genuine. "And...in a really good way."

I blinked rapidly, not sure of how to reply to that. How exactly did I change in his eyes? Was it just my pessimism or more?

"Thanks...Jiwon...o..oppa." I coughed, awkwardly as he let go of my cheek. I nudged my head towards the sidewalk, trying to take my mind of what had just happened."We should...probably get going."

If Jiwon noticed my awkwardness, he didn't show it. Instead he whistled loudly to the tune of SINOSIJAK, as if trying to dismiss any feeling of tension.

”Let’s do it!” Jiwon agreed happily, his head bobbing like a bobblehead. Bobby the bobblehead.

Without warning, he leaned down, slipping his hand into mine and interlocking our fingers, tightly. I felt a jolt of electricity zing up my arm from his sudden touch. 8 months  I had known him and I still wasn't used to this.

"Shall we...milady?" Jiwon asked me, his wide, chipmunk grin shining down on me as he held our intertwined hands up.

I nodded, laughing at his dorkiness, responding back with a smile almost as bright as his.

"Yes we shall...kind Sir."

The sun was starting to rise, the sky taking on hues of peach, coral and blush pink, the morning finally awakening, as we embarked on the day that would be our last.

+ + +

JIWON AND JIWOO'S LAST DAY TOGETHER LIST:

• Go to the amusement park

• Watch fireworks (are there fireworks??? We could make our own)

• Ice skating

• Stargazing

• The zoo

It took us about an hour to bus to the city but finally we arrived at our first destination. Seeing as we had lots to accomplish in our day, Jiwon had chosen a small amusement park to start our morning. It was one of those pop-up ones that charged 5 dollars for entry and required  tickets to go on the rides. The rides were small and not as complex as the ones at Lotte World or Everland but it still had the same charming, bright, youthful feel that every amusement park had, to it.

Families were milling around, playing games and waiting in lines and couples walked hand-in-hand, holding huge piles of cotton candy clouds on white cones. Jiwon and I quickly purchased tickets before entering the park. I could tell Jiwon was extremely excited by the tight grip he had on my hand as he dragged me to every attraction he could spot.

“Look! We could bob for fish!”

“Look! Soft-serve ice cream!”

“Look! The Stargazer 3000!”

“Look! There’s a couple! Aw…they kissed!”

Being with Jiwon was like being with a hyper 6-year old and rather than being annoyedI merely chuckled to myself, gazing at Jiwon’s eternal grin. He never got much of a chance to do things like these, and it made me happy to see him so carefree.

Since the ride tickets were pretty expensive and each ride required 3 tickets, Jiwon and I had to be wise about which ride we were going to go on.  Both of us had only purchased 3 tickets and even those were a bit too expensive for us.

“So many options and so little time!” Jiwon exclaimed, as we sat on a bench together, eating cotton candy and reviewing our options. Surprisingly, so far Jiwon had been recognized by only a few people, not the massive mobs I had been expecting.

Whenever anyone asked me who I was, I would reply with “Sister” just to get them off our case.

“Ferris wheel, roller coaster, spinning teacups…”Jiwon murmured, staring at the map in his hands. Periodically, I fed him tufts of cotton candy and he would nibble at it, like a tiny bunny.

Jiwon wasn’t usually this indecisive but I could tell he really wanted to think  about this carefully, even if it was a choice this small. He wanted this day to be special and for us to have the most fun we could have.

Truth be told, I honestly thought he was overthinking it too much. It wasn’t usually him worrying about the little things but rather me and it made me realize just how much we had started to rub off on each other.

It was weird. Jiwon seemed to be constantly reminded of the looming end, whereas my brain had barely acknowledged it. Unfortunately, I knew that it was me that would experience more pain, because once it hit me, it would hit me hard.

“Why don’t we just play some games and then decide?” I suggested, once only the paper cone of the cotton candy remained. Half an hour had already passed but surprisingly it felt only a few minutes did. Time went by faster with Jiwon.

“We’ll just…go with the flow. See where fate takes us. I have a feeling it’ll lead us somewhere good.”

“But-“ Jiwon protested, as I got up and took the map out of his hands, folding it into my pocket.

“Jiwonnie oppa, I get that you want this day to be our happiest memory, but wouldn’t it be better if we relax and enjoy what the day has to offer? Don’t think so much about the end. This is now. The day has just started. We are together. So let’s have fun and be us.”

I grabbed Jiwon’s hand, pulling him up. Jiwon still looked like he wanted to argue, but at the last second, decided against it. Sighing, he slung his arm around my shoulders in mock defeat.

“Who would see the day that I would be worrying so much and not you?” Jiwon asked me, ruffling my hair,slightly smiling.“I think we’ve been spending too much time together.”

“Too little time together.’ I corrected him, as we walked over to a darts game. Huge stuffed animal prizes hung from the top of the booth.

“I don’t think there’s such thing as too much time with you.”

I said this all nonchalantly, without thinking of how cheesy it sounded. It was truly how I felt because somehow, even if I spent a whole lifetime with him, I still wouldn’t feel like it was enough. The desire to be with him was like a never-ending cycle; infinite.

I only realized it when Jiwon’s face cracked into the widest grin I had ever seen on him, ever. Suddenly he wrapped me into a tight hug, his arms and body completely enveloping me, making me gasp in surprise. He leaned down, his face and body coming a little too close for comfort before pressing light kisses on my cheek, over and over.

I froze from shock from the very forward contact. Every time his lips hit my cheek, I could feel my legs wobble and my arms shake and my whole body wanted to turn into a pile of mush. My face was rapidly turning into darker shades of red and my heart was beating so hard I though it would pop out of my chest.

The worse was containing the smile on my face; a smile that wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place.

“Cut it out, Kim Jiwon!” I scolded him, pushing him away. The problem wasn’t that I didn’t want him to do it, it was that I was enjoying it too much. If this continued any longer, I would melt into his arms and we would have to cut the day short.

“I loooooooovvvvvveeeeee youuuuuuu Park Jiwoo!” He sang in response, giving me one last sloppy kiss, finally letting go of me.

Escaping from his strong arms, I crouched down, my hands on my heart, feeling the steady beat under my fingertips. My face was red and I was breathing hard as if I had done a marathon.

I love yous and kisses from Kim Jiwon were more physically exhausting than workouts.

“Don’t…don’t do that!” I warned him, getting up and punching his arm, hard. Jiwon let out a cry of pain, rubbing the area where I had injured him.

“You almost gave me a heart attack!”

“How? I just kissed and hugged you.” Jiwon said, innocently. I almost groaned from how dense he was.

If only he knew what that could do to me.

“It was too…unexpected. At least give me a warning so I could dodge, or something!”

“Why would you want to dodge me, kiddo? You know how much I lov-“

Before he could finish, I slapped my hands over his mouth, trying to ignore the warm softness of his lips.

“Yeah, yeah, Jiwonnie oppa, I know.” I cut him off, not wanting to hear “I love you” again. I didn’t think my heart could take it.

I pointed up at the large Pikachu stuffed animal, hanging from the top of the booth.

“Win me that.” I said, in an attempt to end the whole “I love you” conversation. That was supposed to be said at the end, when the sky was dark and the world was asleep. Right now the sun was shining brightly and there were games to win and prizes to earn.

“That!?”Jiwon’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he stared at the tag attached to Pikachu, successfully distracted.

Shoot 5 darts at the target in a row to win this!

“Welcome players! Care to try your luck at shooting the darts at the targets?” The man at the booth asked us, as we approached him. He was a jolly man with a large smile and a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. Behind him were multiple dart boards set up, all of them fairly far away from us.

Jiwon looked at the distance between us and the boards, uneasily. “I don’t know…” I could hear him mutter as he took out his money, his eyebrows furrowed,

Jiwon wasn’t acting like himself again. I knew because he was the kind of person that would jump to the challenge immediately, completely enthusiastic and confident. He was thinking too much, meaning this time I had to be the person that didn’t think at all.

“Yes! Yes, we’ll do it!” I blurted out, taking out my money and handing it to the man. Before Jiwon could even protest, the man had taken my money and handed me 10 darts, half of them I gave to a slack-jawed Jiwon.

“Jiwoo, what are you-“

“Don’t worry. Be us. Go with the flow, remember?” I reminded him, reaching up and patting his cheek.  I pointed up to the Pikachu.

“I bet you I could win you that.”

“Oh, really? Is that a challenge?” Jiwon smirked, the left side of his mouth quirking up, his head lifting slightly so I could see the strong definition of his sharp jawline. He cocked one eyebrow, his intense eyes never leaving my face.

I almost choked from witnessing it. He was never smug with me and as much as I hated to admit it, his smirk had to be the iest thing I had ever seen.

“Y..yeah.” I coughed, trying to cover up my surprised reaction. My cheeks were starting to heat up and I avoided eye contact with him, pointing at the targets.

“I have five darts and you have five darts. If we miss even one, well…good bye Pikachu.”

“Yah, I can do it, kiddo! You know I can!” Jiwon scoffed, ruffling my hair messily so that it stood up in tufts all over my head. I stared at him dubiously. I was sure he would get at least one but five in a row? I was having my doubts.

Then again this was Jiwon, whose determination almost made him superhuman. I wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to win me 10 Pikachus.

 Jiwon stretched out his legs before getting into position. I resisted the urge to laugh from his funny pose; his was sticking out, his legs were far apart and he was leaning down, like an old man.

Jiwon bit his lip, squinting at the board, his dart positioned in complete precision. Finally he took a deep breath before shooting his arm forward and releasing the dart.

It flew through the air in a perfect arc before hitting the bullseye with a loud “TWACK!”

“YAH! PARK JIWOO! DID YOU SEE THAT???”

Jiwon turned towards me, his mouth open and his eyes wide, jumping up and down and pointing at the board. He resembled an adorable excited 6 year old and I fought to remain calm and collected.

“It was only one dart, Jiwon.” I deadpanned, though I was having a difficult time keeping a serious expression on my face. Jiwon’s smile was soul mates with mine; whenever his appeared, my cheeks would automatically lift up.

“Yah, you’re secretly proud, Jiwoo. Right kiddo? I can see your hidden smile!”

Jiwon poked my cheeks right where my dimples would be, if I had any. I bit my lip, trying my best not to grin from this dorky gesture.

“Jiwonnie you still have 4 more darts left! Don’t be so big headed!”I chided him, pointing at the sole dart board with a dart in the target. “You might jinx yourself.”

“Jinx myself? I don’t know about that.” Jiwon said slowly, rubbing the nape of his neck. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes and the sight of it made me uncomfortable.

“However, I do think I need some encouragement.”

“And what do you mean by that?”

He had been waiting for this very moment all morning, I could just tell. Smirking, he leaned down before turning his cheek towards me, tapping it with his finger.

“Kiss!” He sang, wiggling his head.

“WHAT?”

My whole face went on fire as I stepped back,my eyebrows raised high and my fist covering my mouth from shock.

Kim Jiwon was the one that initiated the kissing; it was never me. Unless the forehead one counted but that was when he was sleeping, when only I and the universe knew of that one kiss. Otherwise, my heart didn’t have the capability to control itself from such direct and affectionate contact.

Kisses were for couples, for family members and maybe even friends. They were not for girls suffering from one-sided loves or for girls that were sister-zoned.

Not to mention that my heart was quickly picking up pace, it beating so hard it was starting to ache in my chest.

I looked over at the man at the booth who was staring right at us, his expression impatient. He tapped his wrist as if tapping an imaginary watch, his mouth set in a frown.

Jiwon was still grinning, his cheek inches from my lips.

“I’m waiting!”

My eyes darted from the man to Jiwon’s soft, flawless and admittedly very kissable looking cheek before gulping.

It’s okay, Jiwoo. You’re his sister. Kiss him like… a sister!

I wanted to do it, as much as I hated to admit it, I really wanted to kiss Kim Jiwon. But could I mentally and physically handle it?

I took a deep breath, trying to ignore all the intruding “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” thoughts in my head. Leaning forward, I pecked him on the cheek, my lips feeling the smoothness of his skin for the slightest second,

“You’ve gotten so big-headed, Jiwon.” I mumbled as I pulled away, staring at the ground.

Avoiding eye contact with him, I placed my hands on his back, trying to ignore the feel of his strong muscles beneath his shirt, before giving him a gentle push towards the booth.

“Go win me something, Kimbap.”

Jiwon looked more than pleased with the kiss I gave him and he pinched my nose, affectionately.

“Anything for you, kiddo.” He said softly, in the most genuine tone I had ever heard him use. My eyes widened, surprised he wasn’t speaking in his usual, playful way.

As Jiwon resumed to playing, I tried to control the thuds of my beating heart. I was breathing hard, trying to circulate more oxygen into my body because I thought I would pass out. Kim Jiwon made me feel things I didn’t think were physically possible. How could someone make my body react like this?

Unsurprisingly, Jiwon got three more bulls eyes, however on his last one, the dart went a little off-kilter, ending up on the border of the target. Nevertheless, it still counted…or at least that’s what we thought.

“Come to me, Pikachu!” Jiwon exclaimed, ready to welcome Pikachu into his open arms. He looked like a kid receiving presents at Christmas.

However the man shook his head, the mischievous glint returning to his eyes.

“It’s on the border so it doesn’t count!” He proclaimed, mercilessly, grinning when Jiwon’s face fell. “Better luck next time!”

I felt just the tiniest bit of my heart crack as I watched Jiwon’s mouth open and close like a fish, in shock. His eyes were filled with disappointment and his eyebrows  furrowed with frustration.He must have really wanted the Pikachu to have such a hurt expression on his face.

Instantly, anger flared up inside of me. No one should ever treat Jiwon that way, like he was a fool. Was the man seriously not going to give us the prize because it was on the border?  And laugh at Jiwon’s disappointment?

I wasn’t going to let this man step on Jiwon’s pride like that, especially for the fact he was being extremely careful with the choices we made today. I promised myself that this would be a happy memory for the two of us, and I was going to make sure it stayed that way.

Holding up the five darts I had bought in my hand, I turned towards the man.

“Sir, I’d like to try.” I told him in the politest tone I could muster, trying to not to glare at him. Inside, I was aching to scratch his eyeballs out.

The man snorted, looking at me skeptically, like I was some sort of joke.

“I guess you could try…little girl.” He spat out, his tone obnoxious and pompous. He smirked and definitely not in the y way Jiwon did it.

I curled my lip in disgust and more than anything in that very moment, I wanted to punch his stupid, smug smile off his face.

I could feel Jiwon stiffen from behind me and my hand immediately latched onto his wrist. I looked up at him, not surprised to see that his jaw was locked and his eyes were cold. It seemed that his thoughts weren’t very much different from mine.

Leaning down to my ear, I could feel his warm breath on my neck as he whispered one word.

“Win.”

He didn’t sound like the usual cheery, happy-go-lucky guy he was. His voice was rougher, huskier, more frustrated and it made me feel things I shouldn’t have been feeling. This guy must have really ticked him off.

I nodded, completely frozen, that one word sending shivers down my spine.

I wasn’t exactly the best with sports and now this just added on to the pressure.

Do it for Jiwon.

Taking a deep breath, I got into position, one much similar to the one Jiwon did before. Ignoring the smug stare the man was boring into me, I tried my best to calculate how I should throw the dart.

Distance. Wind. Velocity. Angle. I was suddenly reminded of school which made me laugh. Who ever thought school would come in handy for this kind of situation?

Finally, after many calculations, I took a deep breath and looked over at the man. His grin was wide and smug, immediately igniting my angry feelings.  Picturing his face as the target, I shot my arm forward, releasing the dart. It soared threw the air before landing straight on the bulls eye with a loud “TWACK!”

I looked up at the man, pleased to find that his smile had slipped by the slightest bit. Grinning, I turned to Jiwon who gave me a thumbs up.

“You’re doing great, kiddo!” He chanted from behind me. His bunny smile appeared on his face, his eye smile shining, the cute little cheek dimple popping up and his nose scrunching .  The sight of it instantly made me feel more energized.

That was one of the things I loved about Jiwon. He was so positive, so encouraging and so full of hope. He could make you feel like you are on top of the world with just one grin.

Four darts later, Jiwon was holding the plush Pikachu I had won him and the man was sending ice daggers at us with his eyes. He actually looked ready to murder us  when he handed it to me.

“Congratulations.” He had spat out and I could tell it was killing him inside not to be sarcastic. As we walked away from the booth, Jiwon had leaned down to me, slipping his hand into mine, loudly proclaiming, “Now that was the highlight of my day!”

It didn’t take long for something else to catch my eye once again. This time, it was a plush Baymax, hanging from the top of the Ring Toss booth and my face couldn’t help but light up at one of my favourite Disney Characters.

Jiwon’s eyes followed mine and without even saying a word, he led us to the booth and bought 10 rings.

I opened my mouth to protest but he stopped me with an adorable wink.

“Anything for you, right?”

He said it the way he did before; softly, seriously, genuinely. The sound of it sent butterflies to my stomach and happiness to my heart.

Gulping, I tried my best to maintain my composure even though in reality, I was slowly melting.

“Yah, just go win me something, Kimbap.” I muttered, looking down at the ground, poking him away from me.

He laughed at my reaction, pinching my cheek.

“Cheer me on, kiddo; you are my good luck charm, you know?”

Good luck charm. Best friend. Sister.

I was all of these things to him but even so, there was a tiny, little ache in my heart wishing I was more.

+ + +

As it turned out, Jiwon was better at Ring Toss than at dart throwing and the two of us marched throughout the park, plushes in our arms and content smiles on our faces.

There was still a lot to get done in the day so we settled on doing one last thing before embarking towards our next destination.

A roller coaster.

After many protests, Jiwon finally agreed to ride the front with me, where I insisted all the best action occurred. It was where you got to experience all of the drops before anyone else.

“You know, I haven’t been on a roller coaster  since Osaka last year.” Jiwon informed me, his hand gripping onto mine, as we waited in line. Every time he watched the people before us go down the steep drop, I could feel his hand clench on more tightly.

“Are you nervous, Jiwonnie oppa?” I asked him, trying not to wince from his strong grip. Any tighter and the blood in my hand would stop circulating.

Jiwon laughed, though it was a bit strained.

“Wha-? No, of course not, kiddo!” He exclaimed, his face growing a bit paler by the minute. I watched as he stared worriedly at the sight of an old man on the roller coaster who looked like he was either having the time of his life or going to have a heart attack.

Jiwon took a deep breath before  quickly turning his back towards the ride so that he was facing me, contradicting what he had just said before.

“Jiwoo, say it again.” Jiwon suddenly demanded, his face focused on mine. His breaths were slow and deliberate as if he were trying to calm himself down, and his voice even and serious.

“Say what?”

“My name. Say my name.”

Unintentionally, Destiny’s Child’s Say My Name started playing in my head and I couldn’t help but bop my head to the tune.

“Say my name, say my name…” I sang softly, my voice instinctively reacting to the words.“When no one is around ya-“

“Say baby I love ya.” Jiwon finished for me, chuckling. For a slight second, his face and body relaxed and he slowly let go of my hand, allowing me to massage life back into it, with my other one.

Even so, the line ahead of us was quite long and even with my previous singing, Jiwon still flinched whenever he heard the terrified and excited screams of the riders. Taking a deep breath, Jiwon went behind me making me raise my eyebrows in confusion.

“Jiwoooooo-ah.” He cooed, randomly plopping his chin on top of my head. He leaned down, looping his arms around my neck and as the line moved, we waddled like penguins together in that position.

“Yes?!” I asked,stiffening from Jiwon’s sudden close proximity. I could feel the movement of his vocal cords against the back of my head and the beat of his heart against my back and his strong muscles flexing on my shoulders. Jiwon was skin-shippy and I had grown used to it, however it seemed that my heart never could.

“Say my name and actually say it.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Jiwon stated, in an “isn’t it obvious?” sort of tone. “Your voice makes me feel better. I could listen to you say my name forever.”

He was so nonchalant, so oblivious and it amazed me how he never knew just how easily he could make me smile.

I would have turned into a pile of mush, right then and there if it weren’t for Jiwon’s arms around me, holding me in place. Jiwon’s sincere, high compliments always made me slightly lose my mind. Somehow, he made them sound like the truest things in the world.

“I’ll record it for you and you can listen to it, everyday.” I joked, nuzzling my cheek into the soft skin of his arm, leaning my head on it. I felt Jiwon shake his head from on top of mine.

“Nuh uh. Say it now, Jiwoo and I’ll keep it in my memories.”

“How am I so sure your memory is good?”

I could clearly picture Jiwon smirking at this challenge from on top of my head. Shifting his position, I felt his head lift from the top of mine, before plopping itself  on my left shoulder, his arms moving to loop around my waist. My eyes widened from the even closer body contact, but I made no comment.

“January 20th, 2015.” He started, his warm breath hitting my left ear as he spoke, snuggling his head into my shoulder. “We were practicing a new dance Hanbin had choreographed and a lot of us had a hard time nailing a bunch of moves. Hanbin got frustrated and demanded for food because he was so hungry. Manager-hyung was busy so I volunteered because I managed to get them right.  Hanbin wanted a certain brand from a specific convenience store that was a bit far from the building. I was still willing to make the trip because I wanted a break from the building for awhile.”

My eyebrows rose once I realized where he was going with this. He was reciting the first day we had met, the first time I had seen his smile and quite possibly, the first time I fell in love.

“It was cold and dark and snowy but even so, I felt so relieved to not be surrounded by those walls. I sat on the bus and watched the snowflakes float through the air, trying my best to reminisce this moment because when would be the next time I could just sit there and stare, without a worry in the world?”

Jiwon’s voice was low and husky as he spoke and the tone of it made me visualize everything so clearly. I could picture him in his puffy jacket and glasses and mouth mask on the bus, staring out the window, his expression hopeful, the chilly touch of the winter air on his skin. I could see the snowflakes falling in the dark, illuminated by the muted lights and hear the quiet turning of the wheels on the bus as it made its way towards its destination.

“I finally arrived in this sorta quiet suburban area and I’m questioning just how the heck Hanbin found this place. It’s a small convenience store that doesn’t look all that special and the place is completely empty…as you’d expect at 11:00 p.m. Only the cashier is there, reading a magazine and I’m looking around trying to find the ice cream. I get this text from Hanbin to hurry up and get back soon, so eventually I’m rushing. Finally,I find the freezers so I hurry into the aisle only to be surprised by the presence of this short person.”

As he was talking, my memory came rushing back to me, my side of the story playing in my head. Studying, getting back from the library, going to the convenience store to purchase banana popsicles, standing in front of that freezer alone.

“Me.” I breathed out, waddling as we moved up in line. The line was quickly decreasing and soon enough it would be our turn.

Jiwon chuckled, nodding, his chin repeatedly bobbing up and down on my shoulder.

“Yeah, Jiwoo, it was you. You were all bundled up in a black jacket and you wore this huge scarf that partially covered your face. I’m not going to lie that your presence raised a lot of questions in my head. Does she know me? Why is she here so late? You looked over at me and this look of recognition crossed your face; you knew who I was yet you didn’t even acknowledge it. You just continued to stare at the freezer and just let me live my life.”

“I was pretty grateful for that because I didn’t have time to be mobbed by fans. Not that I minded it; it just wasn’t possible with the set timeframe. However I didn’t go grocery shopping that often and Hanbin wasn’t exactly specific and the last thing I wanted to do was buy for the wrong kind of choco cone, especially since Hanbin was frustrated. The cashier was completely absorbed into his magazine and I didn’t want to disturb him. So I did what I had to do.”

“You asked me for help.” I supplied for him. By this time, our turn had finally arrived and Jiwon straightened up, lifting his body off of mine as he stretched his back and arms.

“And the rest was history!” Jiwon concluded as the ride employee let us in through the gate. “How’s that for good memory?”

I shrugged as we placed our backpacks into the cubby, Pikachu’s and Baymax’s heads poking out of them. To be honest, I was quite impressed at how well he remember even the tiniest details, though I wished I had heard more. Hearing his version of the story was like discovering a new part of him and it made me wonder about every other time from the park ,to the restaurant, to the time I slept over at the dorm. What was he thinking and feeling during those moments?

“I guess it was alright… Jiwonnie oppa.” I replied slowly, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. Jiwon caught me saying his name anyway and he shot me a bright, sunshiny smile, lightly knocking my forehead with his fist.

“SAY MY NAME, SAY MY NAME!” He suddenly sang loudly his voice going up several octaves, making everyone’s head turn to look at us. I fought the urge to laugh as I bowed to everyone around us, muttering apologies.

“Yah, shut up Jiwon, you’re disturbing everyone!”I hissed at him, though I couldn’t contain the smile on my face. He just grinned in reply, the way he always did whenever he did something ridiculous because he knew I would forgive him.

And I did. Every time.

We both lowered ourselves into the ride, strapping the seat belts over our bodies and pulling the protective bar down. The employees checked to ensure we were ready to go and once they did, gave a thumbs up to the ride operator, who started the roller coaster.

 As the ride churned to life, I felt Jiwon suddenly grab my hand tightly, the veins on his arm slightly popping out.

“Don’t let go, okay?”He murmured, his gaze fixated on the metal tracks, or rather where they led up to. It was a long way to the top, so tall that it almost disappeared into the clouds.

I nodded, squeezing his hand with a firm grip, as the ride slowly started to move forward. The sounds of grinding gears and metal on metal filled my ears as the ride glided up the metal tracks.

The higher we went, the tighter Jiwon held on. I was trying my best not to scream from the excruciating, bone-crushing pain, one much similar to the time Jiwon and Hanbin sat on my back.

I attempted to distract myself with the ever-growing landscape below us. All around this amusement park were busy shops and just a smattering of trees and wildlife. Otherwise all I saw were buildings, the outline of Seoul City off in the distance.

Slowly, but surely the ride reached the top of the steep incline. We were so high off the ground, I swore we could have touched the beginning of the sky.

Jiwon must have thought so too, cause he looked up at, into its everlasting blueness with a hopeful expression on his face. At this moment, he let go of my hand, instead interlocking our fingers, before looking over at me.

“Ready?” He mouthed, his eyes slightly terrified.

I never got to answer him.

The ride tipped forward and soon enough gravity pulled us down, faster and faster until it felt as if we had been pulled into a time warp at an inhuman speed. Wind rushed into our faces, pulling our hair and cheeks back and the belly-flop sensation filled my stomach, it being both uncomfortable and pleasant.

I was a pretty quiet roller coaster rider; for some reason I never felt the need to scream. I usually just endured the twists and turns and drops, silently, a sound never escaping my mouth.

It seemed that contrary to me ,Jiwon was a loud one. His yells were blaring and high and his face moved in ways I couldn’t explain. The whole time I was looking at him, looking at the way his eyes widened, his eyebrows furrowed, his nose scrunched up,his mouth opened and his cheeks quirk up and for the first time, I wasn’t quiet.

Because I couldn’t stop laughing.

All that was heard throughout the ride was the screams of the other riders, Jiwon’s loud yells and me laughing. The wind was rushing in my hair, the sun beating on my face, my stomach filled with butterflies and belly-flops, the movement of the roller coaster, fast and full of unexpected turns and upside downs and the whole experience reminded me of life.

Because just like the roller coasters, life was full of ups and downs and unpredictable moments.

But the thing that mattered most throughout that whole ride was the feeling of Kim Jiwon’s hand intertwined with mine.

+ + +

“Yah, Park Jiwoo, do you know how to ice skate?”

Just like the roller coaster, our time at the amusement park went by quickly and finally came to an end. Our next destination was the Lotte World skating rink, an ice rink situated in the famous Lotte World mall. As expected, it was bustling with people, from the elderly to tiny toddlers waddling on the ice.

I nodded, lacing up the hockey skates I had rented. “Yeah, I used to live in one of those small towns where everyone learned to skate as a kid and every winter, everyone would gather and skate together on the lake.”

It felt weird to reminisce the times when I had been surrounded by such a minimal amount of people, in such a tiny space, compared to here where everything was bustling, chaotic, full of people. And it felt even weirder to envision me in that same environment again in the next 2 days.

And Jinnie, Hani or Jiwon wouldn’t be there with me.

I sighed heavily, finishing up the laces, turning to Jiwon sitting beside me.

“Have you ever skated, before?”

It seemed to be a rhetorical question because Jiwon hadn’t even started lacing his skates, just staring at them questionably. His confused face reminded me of a lost chipmunk and I laughed, walking over to him.

“Jiwonnie oppa, do you need help?”

“Yes.” Jiwon replied glumly, pouting not even bothering to pretend like he usually did. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I got on my knees in front of him.

Jiwon put on his left skate first, and then his right. In that order, I leaned down, tying the laces of his skates the best I could.

None of us spoke in that moment, just the sounds of everyone else around us. My face was close to his leg, my eyes level with the large rips in his jeans ,exposing the milky-white skin of his knees.

“Even his knees are pretty…”I muttered in disbelief to myself, as I finished tying Jiwon's skates. How did he manage to be beautiful in every single way?

“Thanks Jiwoo!” Jiwon exclaimed, popping up from his seat. He wobbled a bit, leaning forward and grabbing onto my hands as I got up.

“Jiwonnie oppa, if you’re having trouble, we don’t have to do this.” I said, worriedly, holding onto his hands firmly so that he wouldn’t shake. The last thing I ever wanted was for Jiwon to get hurt; physically and emotionally. I tended to over worry when it came to him, so even just a fall would make me concerned.

“Jiwoo, I’ll be fine!” Jiwon insisted, letting go of one of my hands. “I’ve skated a few times when I was younger; I just need to warm up a bit and it’ll kick in.”

He paused, staring down at my face, before laughing, using his free hand to squeeze my cheeks together.

“Yah, Park Jiwoo, you’re especially cute when you’re concerned for me, you know? Your eyebrows go diagonal and your forehead creases and your nose wrinkles. So cute.”

He started to lean down and his face came closer to mine, his hand lifting my face. Before I had time to even process what was happening, he pressed a soft kiss to the tip of my nose, letting go of my cheeks.

If noses could burn, that was what mine felt like. Burning from embarrassment and annoyance; annoyance that I reacted so easily to these things.

“Kim Jiwon, will you quit that?!” I hissed, rubbing my sore cheeks and sending him a glare. The action in itself didn’t bother me; I actually rather enjoyed it. It was the fact that I knew it was going to make things harder, make my memories more concrete and full of sentiments. The fact that I was leaving was merely acknowledged and still had yet to hit me and all of this was going to give me more pain.

Jiwon was acting more skin shippy that usual today, as if he was trying to make up for lost time from the past and future. I wished I could just relax and enjoy it; I wanted to, but I knew it would just hurt me more in the end.

“Ohhh yeah, sorry Jiwoo, I have to give you a warning. I forgot.” Jiwon apologized, leaning down so that our eyes were level and our faces were close. I gulped, staring into his eyes, wanting to look away but I knew I couldn’t.

My heart refused to let me do so.

“Park Jiwoo.” Jiwon started, his hands on my shoulders, holding me firmly in place. His voice was serious and it made me realize how much he cared about whatever came out of my mouth.

“Can I kiss you?”

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. no…

“Y..yes…”

My heart spoke rather than my mind, and I mentally cursed at myself, not even noticing Jiwon’s lips coming towards me.

This time Jiwon didn’t kiss my face, like I expected him to. Instead his head dipped lower and I nearly jumped up in shock when I felt his soft lips brush against my neck.

Without warning, a weird sound escaped my throat, a sound I had never heard before, something between a gasp and a whimper. My face was on fire and my heart was beating out of my chest. There was something much more intimate about kissing the neck, rather than the face.

“Kim Jiwon, what the hell are you doing.” I deadpanned, my face and voice stone cold. I pushed him away, ignoring the firmness of his chest beneath my hands. I could still feel the moist warmth of his lips on the side of my neck.

“I meant my face, not my neck.”

“Kiddo, someday you’ll have a boyfriend that will kiss you there, you know.” Jiwon informed me, giving me another one of his apologetic grins and I sighed heavily at the sight of it. It was amazing how easily I could forgive him, just by the turn of his mouth.

“Well, yeah but you are not my boyfriend, Kim Jiwon.” I retorted, cupping my neck with my hands protectively. “And you’ll never be my boyfriend so quit it!”

For the tiniest sliver of a second, I thought I saw disappointment in Jiwon’s eyes. Just a quick flash and then it was gone like the wind. Or maybe I had imagined it. After all, why would Kim Jiwon  ever want to date his younger sister?

“You know…someday, a lucky guy will sweep you off your feet.”Jiwon told me, wistfully, staring off into the distance. There was something in his voice and expression that changed, though I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.“And I won’t be there to interrogate him and make sure he’s the right one.”

Jiwon looked over at me, his eyes somewhat bittersweet at this thought, while I just pursed my lips tightly. Why was Jiwon suddenly so concerned about what kind of guy I would date? He never cared before.

Suddenly, Jiwon’s face lit up, as if a happy thought had entered his head.

“So maybe just for now… I’ll be him.”

He said this as if pondering and thinking aloud, before nodding, a smile gracing his features.

What.

Jiwon suddenly grabbed both of my hands and I gulped, not entirely certain of what was about to happen. What the hell did he mean by that? What was going on?

Jiwon’s face was serious, his intense stare boring into me

“I’ll be your boyfriend for the day.” Jiwon proclaimed, his voice proud. “I’ll be your prince.”

I stared at him in complete disbelief. What the hell was Jiwon thinking? Be my boyfriend for the day?

“No.”

I said it before my heart could interfere with my mind. Best friend, older brother I could deal with. Boyfriend, Prince might tear my one-sided loving heart apart.

Jiwon didn’t know how cruel he was being to me, right now.

Jiwon put his hands up in surrender, laughing.

“Yah, Jiwoo, it was a suggestion! We could still be brother and sister, it’s fine.”

But for some reason, I heard the tiniest bit of hurt in his voice, which made me feel guilty. I knew he didn’t mean to be cruel, but my heart just wouldn’t be able to take it.

For now, I didn’t have time to contemplate about my heart and mind and what they wanted. Time for talking was over. Now it was the time to skate, to continue on as planned.

Sighing, I grabbed his hand and he looked at me questionably.

“The ice, Prince Jiwon.” I said, nudging my head towards the rink. “Because we’re supposed to be ice skating?”

Jiwon’s face lit up, hearing “Prince Jiwon” and he nodded, enthusiastically, holding onto my hand, tightly. I led him towards the rink, his hand warm in mine, compared to the chilly air coming off the cold ice.

We both stomped onto the ice in our hockey skates, Jiwon wobbling a bit, and me holding onto his hand firmly to keep him on balance.

Those few seconds were the only seconds we spent together on the rink.

The amusement park was filled with families with young kids and adults, many of who didn’t know Jiwon. But here at Lotte World, there were teenagers.

Lots of teenagers.

“Bobby Oppa!”

Suddenly, a huge flood of teenage girls came rushing towards us. At the speed of lightning, I tore my grip away from Jiwon’s, almost making him lose balance on his skates.

There were girls of all shapes and sizes and ages, all of them beautiful in their own way. They all reminded me of myself in some sort of way and the link that connected us all; our love for Jiwon.

“Bobby oppa, I love you!”

“You’re so beautiful!”

“Oppa, you’re so handsome!”

The girls held onto Jiwon’s arms, showering him with praises, and subsequently, pushing me out of the circle. Jiwon looked both pleased and overwhelmed and instead of feeling jealous, it made me happy.

It was nice to see the one you loved so much being treated well.

“Oh! Are you Bobby’s sister?”

A pretty girl with dyed blonde hair and round eyes asked me that and it seemed that she was the only one that had noticed my presence, despite the fact I was just holding Jiwon’s hand a few moments before.

I nodded, because it wasn’t entirely a lie.

“Yeah. Well, actually I’m just a friend but I’m like his younger sister.”

The girl smiled, her smile warm and sunshiny.

“Ah, you are so lucky! Bobby oppa is such a great guy. It must be nice to be so close to him.”

Our gazes shifted over to Jiwon, who was smiling at everyone and making everyone laugh, being his usual dorky and charming self. The girl sighed out of admiration and I found myself doing the same thing.

“It is really nice to know him.” I said, as I watched Jiwon interact with his fans. All of them were smiling widely, their eyes sparkling as they talked to Jiwon.

It reminded me of when I didn’t know Jiwon. When all the memories I had of him were screenshots of WIN, Mix & Match and Show Me The Money 3. When I had never met him, when I longed to because he made me so happy.

For the first time, I didn’t want to spend time with Jiwon. I wanted this time for him to interact with his other fans, with people he never met that adored him, dreamed of this day since first laying their eyes on him.

People like me.

We had the rest of the day, but these fans may have only had this moment. I didn’t deserve this as much as they did.

I bid the pretty girl “Good bye”, before leaving Jiwon’s circle of fans and skating a few laps around the ice. I hadn’t skated in a while and it felt nice to stretch out my legs and move around.

I hummed to myself as I did, occasionally looking over and spotting Jiwon skating with two other girls, holding onto him so he wouldn’t fall, or learning how to skate backwards or how to stop from other girls. All of them took turns holding hands with him and skating and the sight of it warmed my heart to the very core.

An hour had passed when I felt the vibration of my phone in my pocket. Taking it out, the lit-up screen read “YAH! PARK JIWOO! I’m hungry T_T but i don’t want to disappoint my fans. come up w/a distraction plz :) ) )”

I looked over at Jiwon, not surprised to see that he was staring directly at me, his eyebrows raised, and a smile plastered on his face, though I could see the pain in his eyes.

“Food.”He mouthed, only to be interrupted by a girl tugging onto his arm to show him a spinning trick.

Meanwhile that left me to come up with a distraction to get Jiwon and I out of here. Something simple yet effective.

Finally, after standing in the same spot for a few minutes I came up with an easy plan; I would pretend to fall down and injure my leg, Jiwon would help me up to take me to the doctor’s, and we would be able to leave without Jiwon disappointing his fans.

It seemed foolproof. Whipping out my phone, I got ready to text Jiwon the plan as well as decide on a signal, when things happened a bit earlier than intended.

A sudden force plowed into me, causing for my phone to fly out of my hands, and for me to lose my balance. I tripped and fell flat on my face, my body tumbling onto the ground with a loud “Thud!” and my forehead hitting the ice with a smack.

There was a sharp stinging pain in my cheeks and dull, throbbing aches everywhere else.  My forehead hurt the most, like a never-ending, excruciating headache. It felt like someone was squeezing my brain into a pulp. It didn’t help that the freezing cold ice was burning against my skin.

“Jiwoo!”

Using all of my strength, I laid my palms against the ice, pushing my upper body up, my legs adjusting into a kneeling position.As I lifted my head up, I caught a glimpse of Kim Jiwon rushing towards me, ice skates and all. Once he finally reached me, he dropped onto his knees, cupping my face into his hands.

Everyone circled around us, making me feel even more uncomfortable and embarrassed than before.

“You’re bleeding. Oh God, you’re bleeding,” Jiwon muttered, worriedly, his face close to mine. Suddenly he looked down at the ground, looking around until finally stopping, his face turning pale.

“.” I heard him curse under his breath.

My eyes followed his gaze and my breath caught in my throat at the sight.

The screen of my phone was shattered, some of the glass pieces scattered on the ground. I must have cut my face on the sharp shards when my face landed on the ice.

Slowly, Jiwon turned back to look at me and I looked up at him, our expressions of disbelief identical.

“My parents are going to kill me.” I muttered, wincing as the painful throbs in my forehead continued. My parents weren’t exactly the richest people in the world and with four daughters, a shattered screen and a possibly broken phone wasn’t exactly helping our budget.

“It’s okay, Jiwoo, I know people that can fix it. Don’t worry, alright?” Jiwon brought my face close to his, and I nodded quickly, though I wasn’t sure if that would be helpful. I was leaving tomorrow. Could we really fix it that soon?

Two employees arrived on the ice. One of them helped me up, while the other started to clean up the mess. Jiwon picked up my shattered phone, turning it off and on and to my relief, it still worked.

“I’ll take care of her from here. Thank you so much, sir.” Jiwon told the man that helped me up, bowing. I bowed also, thanking him while Jiwon waved “Goodbye” to his adoring fans.

“Bye Bobby Oppa! Get better soon, Jiwoo-sshi!” They all called and I couldn’t help but smile and wave back.

Jiwon and I skated off the rink before unlacing our skates, putting on our shoes and returning them. The whole time I could feel Jiwon staring at me, his face concerned. Meanwhile, the throbbing in my head was starting to subside, though I could still feel many aching bruises all over my body.

“Yah! Kim Jiwon! I’m not an art gallery; quit staring at me!” I exclaimed, once we left the rink. Jiwon’s gaze was starting to make me feel like a specimen under a microscope.

“Yah! Park Jiwoo! I should be the one that’s mad! Why did you hurt yourself? I asked for a distraction, not…this!”

Jiwon sighed heavily as he grabbed hold of my hand, holding it tighter than usual.

“You really freaked me out back there, you know? What if you got seriously injured? What if you got a concussion? I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself!”

“Ah, Kim Jiwon! It was an accident! I didn’t plan that out; it just happened! You think I’m that stupid? Besides…my forehead is fine! It doesn’t hurt so much anymore! See?”

I poked my forehead, only to wince when a wave of pain came crashing on the area I had provoked.

Jiwon shook his head, staring at me even more worriedly. He almost looked like he wanted to cry and he took a deep breath, as if trying to in his tears.

“Jiwoo-ah, of course you’re not stupid.” He said softly, leaning over and patting my head gently. “I’m sorry I gave you that task. It’s my fault that you got hurt. If only you hadn’t been distracted by what I told you to do, you wouldn’t have gotten injured. And your phone screen wouldn’t have shattered. And you wouldn’t feel any sort of pain cause Jiwoo…this is our day.”

Jiwon looked extremely upset and I could tell by the way he was pouting, his lower lip sticking out like a shelf, and the gloominess in his eyes. He was back to overthinking again and I knew that if I didn’t change the mood now he would be upset for the rest of the day.

“Kim Jiwon, I’m okay! I’m alive! I fell down but a wise man once told me a winner is someone that gets back up when they are knocked down. And I was literally knocked down yet here I am, holding hands with my favourite person in the world and enjoying this nice day. If anything, this experience made this time even more memorable. One day, we’ll look back at it and laugh at the one time I fell on the ice. So quit worrying, alright? We still have lots of time and lots of memories to make. So smile for me, okay?”

Jiwon managed to smile, though it was a bit strained. His eyes were still full of concern, yet I felt his grip on my hand relax, meaning my speech somewhat worked.

 “Just…be more careful, okay?” Jiwon finally asked, reaching over and pinching my nose, lightly. “I nearly got a heart attack, watching you fall!”

Jiwon led me to a bench outside of the bathrooms. It was near the back of the mall, where it was completely empty. As I sat down, he rushed in, returning with a damp tissue and a dry bandage.

I stared at him questionably and he chuckled at my confused expression.

“Yah, did you think I would leave your cuts untreated? Now face me so I could get you cleaned up.”

My eyes widened once he said that because instantly my mind flash backed to being a kid. Being young and carefree, someone that played with the neighbourhood kids outside, riding bikes and climbing trees and catching fireflies as the sun went down. Someone that ran and sometimes fell, someone with skinned knees and elbows, someone that eventually learned to stop crying after falling so often.

It was usually the older kids that fixed up the younger ones, almost like a family. The older siblings helping their younger ones. This moment reminded me of that, reminded me of an older brother seeing his younger sister get hurt and doing anything he could to make her feel better.

And just like that, Kim Jiwon touched my heart in a way no one else ever did.

I turned to face Jiwon as he stood in front of me. Bending down and tilting my chin up, I held my breath, not realizing that I did as he brought the tissue to my cheeks and started to wipe the cuts on my face. The dampness felt cooling and refreshing against my stinging cuts.

Jiwon’s eyes were focused on the angry red lines on my cheeks whereas my eyes just stared at his face so close to mine.

I felt my breath hitch in my throat as my vision focused on it. Was Jiwon always this…. good-looking?

Somehow, in the span of 8 months, Jiwon looked completely different from the boy I encountered in the convenience store. If possible, he grew to be even more handsome. His skin was tanner, his jawline was firmer, his eyes sparkled more and his flower petal lips were softer and plumper. Yet at the same time, he still looked the same. How was that? Was it because I knew the of the beauty inside of him?

“Jiwoo. Does it hurt?”

As he spoke, his voice low to a whisper, I felt his breath hit my lips, the warmth of it, making them quiver. My lips were merely inches away from his, so close that if I leaned forward just the slightest, I could close the distance between us.

Just a bit more…

His lips. I couldn’t stop staring at his lips. So full and soft and kissable. I’ve never had these kind of desires before and just the sight of them was making me go crazy.

Instead, I shook my head, leaning back a bit. Sisters don’t kiss their brothers. This wasn’t the Folger’s Coffee Commercial. I wasn’t going to kiss him.

Jiwon finished cleaning the cuts and proceeded to applying the bandages onto my cheeks. I had never seen someone so concentrated in my whole entire life, as if he were trying his hardest not to hurt me. When he was focused, his eyes narrowed and his eyebrows furrowed and he bit his lip and I tried my best not to scream from how cute he was.

By the end, I had two Winnie-the-pooh bandages, one on each cheek, like one of those people that wore war paint. Jiwon inspected my face, before patting my cheek, satisfied with his work.

Thinking that Dr. Jiwon time was over, I rose from my seat only for, Jiwon to sit me back down, his hands on my shoulders. I stared at him, quizzically but he ignored my expression.

“Jiwon what are you-“

“Close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Close your eyes.” He repeated, his voice serious.

That line. The same line from 7 months ago on a cold, Valentine’s day. The line he said before he did something to my eyelid.

The line he said the moment before I felt something spark inside of me.

Tentatively, I closed my eyes, not knowing what to expect. This day was full of surprises and I wouldn’t even have been shocked if Jiwon punched me and ran away. That was how new everything felt about today. Even though I was with Jiwon, today felt like a whole new beginning rather than an end.

Suddenly, I felt it. Something soft press against my cheeks, right above the bandaids. It was the exact same feeling from 7 months ago, the same flower petals against my skin.

Flower petals…

Immediately, an image flashed in my mind. It was Jiwon’s face though he wasn’t smiling, like how I usually pictured him.

Instead I was immediately drawn to his lips, because he was pouting, his lower lip sticking out like a shelf. They looked especially soft and delicate and pink… like flower petals.

Which meant that if Jiwon’s lips were the flower petals that grazed my face…he had kissed my eyelid on Valentine’s day.

Suddenly everything made sense. How I realized my true feelings for Jiwon.

It all started with a kiss.

It was the moment, the very moment Jiwon kissed my eyelid that things started to tick in my heart. That I considered that maybe, just maybe, I viewed Jiwon differently than before. That I started to realize my true feelings for him.

It was the kiss that ignited the spark.

“Jiwoo-ah…you can open your eyes now, you know.”

My eyes snapped open, not even realizing they were close this entire time because I was so deep in thought.

Jiwon was gazing at me, a small smile on his face, one different than the large grins he usually gave me. It was gentler, quieter and in a sense…more genuine.

“I think I like you better with your eyes closed.” He announced, linking his arm with mine. “You look more shy and innocent.”

Shy and innocent? I was surprised. I had always thought Jiwon liked the weird and aggressive side of my personality. After all, it made up the majority of my behaviour and was the one I used whenever I was comfortable with someone. Perhaps it was because he liked seeing a new side to me, just like the time I saw his tears. It was like discovering a new place and understanding the world better.

“Yah, Kim Jiwon don’t get used to it!” I told him, punching his arm hard. Jiwon jumped up in surprise  at my sudden act of violence and he winced, rubbing his arm to soothe the pain.

“Park Jiwoo, why are you so strong?” Jiwon whined, sticking his tongue out at me. “You have more muscle power than Hwangssabu!”

I laughed, whacking his arm playfully.

“Yah, if you really loved me you would like with this side of me too!” I replied, jokingly.

Only it didn’t seem like a joke…at least to Jiwon it didn’t.

Jiwon’s eyebrows shot up in shock when I said that and he froze his movements, making me stare at him, questionably. Did I say something wrong?

Finally, he turned to me, his mouth forming into another one of those y smirks. A mischievous look glinted in his eyes, making me gulp.

What was going on in his head?

All of a sudden, it was like time had been put on fast-forward. Before I could even blink, Jiwon suddenly grabbed my wrist and backed me up against the wall. Like in the dramas, he held my wrist above my head, his other arm on the side of my head, so that I was caged in between him and the wall.

He brought his face dangerously close to mine, so close I had to turn my head to avoid kissing him. I could feel his warm breath on my neck and cheek and I bit my lip, trying not to freak out from this sudden close proximity.

What the hell was Jiwon planning on doing? This was way too skinshippy, even for him.

“Jiwoo-ah…” He cooed softly into my ear, the sound of it sending shivers down my spine. I kept my eyes focused on the “FREE ICE CREAM FOR KIDS ON THURSDAYS” sign beside me, but the temptation to turn my head and look at him was increasing rapidly.

“I love you a lot, you know?” He continued, his voice was low, barely above a whisper, so husky and masculine that it made my heart beat faster. There was so much going on in my body at that moment; my face was heating up, my stomach was churning, my heart was pumping, my blood was racing, and a cold sweat had broken out all over. It was scary yet electrifying at the same time.

I nodded quickly, making him chuckle.

“I don’t want you to ever think I love you less than I do, alright?” He paused and the aura felt so tense I held my breath. I was completely frozen, paranoid that even making the slightest twitch would cause for something weird to happen.

What could happen? He wouldn’t kiss me…after all who would kiss their younger sister? But you don’t exactly back them up against a wall either.

“Jiwoo…”He started slowly, his tone of voice making me feel anxious. It was similar to the one he used to confront me.

“Do you…do you love me?”

.

I could feel my heart start to beat viciously at the thought of me loving him. Thousands of thoughts were shooting through my brain like bullets, the majority being “EVACUATE JIWOO, EVACUATE!”

If I said “yes”, he would assume it was in a brother-sister kind of way…and I hated that. When he found out, I wanted to be straight-forward, no misunderstandings, no beating around the bush.

I wanted the moment to be special in the right place at the right time…and this definitely wasn’t it.

I didn’t reply. Instead, I kept my lips pressed tightly together, resisting the urge  to confess how much I loved him and to find out what kind of face he would make when he found out. Would he be shocked? Happy? Mad? Pitiful?

All I knew that I couldn’t answer him. Any other question but this one. I prayed to God that he understood…and that I didn’t hurt his feelings too much.

Jiwon sighed heavily at my lack of response, the feeling of his breath against my neck making my skin tingle. Using his finger, he tilted my head towards him so that we were face to face, his dark, sharp eyes level with mine.

He stared at me, his gaze intense and calculating  and I stared back, my eyes wide, my body pressed up against the wall, as much as I could. I couldn’t even blink.

Finally, he let out a soft chuckle, the left side of his mouth quirking up by the slightest into a smirk.

“I’ve changed my mind.” He murmured, his voice still low and husky. “I like you better with your eyes open. You have beautiful eyes, Park Jiwoo.”

It felt like my whole body was on fire from that one compliment. Here I was, trapped in between the arms of the most attractive person on this planet, his face mere inches from mine, his breath against my skin and his body so close. I was slowly melting inside and I struggled to keep my gaze serious, when all I felt like doing was flopping on the ground and trying to control the pace of my beating heart.

“Th..th..thank you, Jiwon.” I stuttered, my voice breathless, as if he was starting to physically exhaust me. Which he was; too much was going on right now and my body and mind were having a difficult time processing it.

“We…should go eat.”

“Yeah.” Jiwon let go of my wrist, stepping back from me, freeing me from his trap. As I rolled my wrist and adjusted my shirt, I could feel his gaze on me, though this time it felt different. It felt as if he was seeing me in a whole new light…and I wasn’t sure if it was for better or for worse.

Meanwhile, my heart was thumping so hard it made my whole body tremble. My face was red, even redder than my parents after alcohol and I was covered in cold sweat, as if I had finished an intense workout. I looked down at the ground as I awkwardly walked alongside Jiwon towards the exit of the mall.

“Jiwoo…ignore it.” Jiwon suddenly said once we arrived at the bus stop outside. Other than us, there were a large crowd of old people who were all chatting loudly.

“Huh?”

“What I said before. Ignore it. Pretend it never happened, okay?”Jiwon looked up at the sky as he said this, avoiding my gaze. His expression was unreadable but his cheeks were pink.

But how could I? He asked if I loved him and I couldn’t respond. How hurt did he feel by this? To tell someone you loved them and not hear the same thing back?

He probably felt how I felt the day he told me he saw me like a sister; one-sided. But wasn’t this whole relationship one-sided from the beginning? I was in love with him, and he loved me like a sister. Both two very different one-sided loves.

 I bit my lip, trying to push what he had said to me before out of my head, nodding to Jiwon’s request.

“It never happened.” I confirmed, grabbing his hand and interlocking our fingers. His hand was cold against my warm palm, which I found to be strange considering we were outside in the hot sunshine.

Jiwon turned to me, the pink from his cheeks gone, instead a wide, bunny grin replacing it.

“Good!”He proclaimed, his voice bright and cheery. As we waited for our bus to arrive, we chatted about music and our friends and family, just like nothing changed.

But it did. In that moment, I knew everything had changed in between us. I wasn’t sure what happened but things were different now.

What did this mean? I contemplated this as I held Jiwon’s cold hand in mine.

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{AUTHOR'S NOTE}

So yup...as it turns out this chapter got really friggin long (14 000+!!!) so i really felt the need to split it up so... yeah. And I'm sorry I haven't been active...I'm graduating in less than a month plus i also started a story on Tumblr I have to finish ahahahahah. This is dedicated to my lovely new friend Harjit and my blessed fan S, (you know who you are!!!) Oh and there is always a shoutout @Yoonkim for the lovely poster! I have yet to reply to everyone's comments lol so that's why i haven't but i will soon! I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU FOR READING THIS! I promise I'll finish this eventually!

-Donggu♡