talent
ten things about kim jiwon
-
1.natural aptitude or skill."he possesses more talent than any other player"
Mid-March 2015
Pure, raw, natural talent is one of the most captivating, fascinating, enchanting things that exists on this planet. How could one be so blessed and excel so well at one particular action?
People spend the majority of their lives, striving to discover their natural talents. However, what I've learned is that although one may perform excellently at one particular skillset, that didn't mean they liked it.
Jinnie, for example, was a talented pianist, however she hated spending hours at her piano, practicing to pass her exams. Hani was the opposite; she loved playing the piano and memorized songs for fun. Talent didn't equal passion for everyone, which I found incredibly unfortunate because wasn't that what we all wanted in life?
Talent came in all shapes in sizes, from developed talent earned from bloody, sweaty, tear-filled hours of practice, to natural talent that came as easily as breathing. There were the usual ones like playing sports and composing music and baking delicious sweets and the stranger ones like balancing cookies on your forehead or being able to play "Again and Again" with your teeth and neck (Author's Note: DAS MY BOY TAEC, AWWWWW YEAAAH)
But out of all of my 16 years of living and breathing and existing, I wondered, what was the real purpose of a talent?
I wasn't even sure if I had one. When I was younger, I excelled in reading and writing, usually reading older-level books and having my writing used as exemplars. Nowadays, I didn't get to write much which made me feel somewhat empty. Writing was a passion...but was it really considered my talent?
All I knew that we were all blessed with something. And as Jiwon said, everything has its time and place. It was a matter of time until we discovered what we were born to excel at and whether we could apply that to our daily lives.
Jiwon's talent in rapping, dancing and lyric compostion was a whole other category itself. On top of being a sweet, adorable idiot, he was also a charismatic and captivating performer. Whenever he was onstage, capturing the hearts of his audience, he managed to not only capture my heart, but my breath, my soul and mind as well.
There was just something about his stage presence that seeped its way into my mind, leaving me starry-eyed and awed, heart pounding wildly, adrenaline running through my veins. Jiwon had this amazing energy he exuded when he performed, and somehow that energy was abosrbed by the crowd.
Believe it or not, this was solely just watching him behind a screen. I wasn't even in the crowd whenever these excited emotions bubbled up inside of me. My eyes would be glued to the screen; glued to him and his beauty and perfection and talent.
The one time I actually saw Jiwon perform was nuts, absolutely nuts. It was like every nerve in my body had been struck by lightning, leaving me awestruck and speechless, full of charismatic energy and floored. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him; they wouldn't even blink.
His talent was even more captivating than his smile...if that was even possible.
It was March, which meant the snow was starting to melt and the warm breezes were starting to roll in. The trees were sprouting fresh leaves, the flowers were blooming spreading pleasant aromas and signs of life were appearing everywhere I went from the birds in the treetops to the moles in the ground.
Spring was my favourite season because it signified new beginnings. New starting points, fresh new pages, a new school year (in Korea), new experiences, new opportunities. It got rid of the decaying old and introduced the beautiful, golden new.
It was also the perfect balance of all of the seasons; winter was too cold, summer was too hot and although autumn was pretty, it was just a frosty debut to winter. But spring was wonderful; the smell of freshly-cut grass, dewy, humid rain, cherry blossoms sweeping across your face in the warm wind.
It was the break before the school year started once again in Mid-March and finally I felt calm and relaxed. I had managed to somehow pass all of my exams with not the best of grades, howver I definitely did better than I expected. Good results didn't come in a day, after all.
Ever since Jiwon got a hold of my number, he had a tendency to text me at the randomest times. There was some sort of consistency, like waking up every morning to a sweet yet equally terrorizing text message; Yah kiddo wake up or I'll kick you! hope you have a good morning! xxx Otherwise he would text me late at night or at random times in the day; I escaped from practice cause i'm in the bathroom kiddo, what are you doing?
It seemed that Jiwon texted me whenever he had bits of free time and I would always respond back; I'M AWAKE YOU IDIOT! Hope your morning is nice too, Jiwonnie. ooo , YAH I DON'T NEED TO KNOW YOU ARE IN THE BATHROOM AND I'M EATING STRAWBERRIES BUT I STOPPED CAUSE I LOST MY APPETITE. BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU .
I woke up one morning to see that Jiwon sent his usually morning text along with an invitation; MORNING!PABO, BE AT THE MAIN SQUARE IN HONGDAE AT 11 AM, OKAY?
Why?
You'll see.
Did Jiwon want to meet up with me at the Main Square...in broad daylight? We only met up at night when everyone was asleep and not a soul lurked the streets. Hongdae was sure to be quite busy today. Why would Jiwon risk it?
"What a weird human..." I muttered to myself as I got up to inform Jinnie and Hani about our new plans.
+ + +
"Wow, Ji Woo, Hongdae is packed!" Hani exclaimed, observing our surroundings.
Packed was an understatement. It was absolutely flooded with people, bustling to shop and rush to work. It wasn't even this crowded at night, when the interesting events occured.
"Remind me why we are here, Ji Woo?" Jinnie asked for the tenth time as she got shoved once again. "WATCH IT, BUB!"
"A friend told me to come here...but why the hell are there so many people?" I asked, as I fought my way through the bodies. The amount of people was absolutely insane; was there something special going on?
Jiwon I am going to kill you!
"This friend better be a really good friend. We 're talking as important as T.O.P." Hani said, folding her arms across her chest as she scowled at the many people that continued to bump into her.
"I don't know if he's as important as T.O.P, but he's something." I muttered as we finally stopped due to lack of human movement. There was a huge cluster of people around an empty space and I stood on my tiptoes to figure out what was so important about that one space.
"Guys...I see speakers...should we be concerned?" Jinnie, the tallest of us asked as she craned her neck over the heads of many.
"Speakers...?"Hani asked, forming a frown. She furrowed her brows, thinking hard.
"Guys...I think this is one of those outdoor surprise performances!" She finally cried, her eyes wide in excitement. She grabbed Jinnie and I's hands. "Let's get closer!"
Hani was surprisingly strong for someone her size and we managed to shove through the crowd to the very front. Rope was put up as a barrier and several men in black sunglasses were guarding the rope as if they were guarding the president of the United States.
Speakers were set up, as well as micstands. People were rushing around, setting everything up and I couldn't help but wonder why the hell Jiwon invited me here when there was a performance going on.
"Is your friend planning to meet us here?" Jinnie asked, as she scanned the audience. "You better tell them that we're at the front because it's going to be pretty hard to spot us."
I opened my mouth to reply but was interrupted by collective, massive screaming and cheers, so loud I almost went deaf.
"What the hel-"
The rest of my sentence never left my mouth.
Behind the rope, approaching the micstands with six other very talented guys was Kim Jiwon.
Him and the rest of iKON wore all black, from their coordinated snapbacks to their matching high top sneakers. Jiwon wore an outfit similar to the one on Valentine's Day; black jeans, black hoodie and black jacket. He tied a black bandanna around his backward snapback and it made him look more adorable than swaggy.The sight of him made my heart beat a million times faster, so fast I thought I would pass out.
I hated to admit it but after Valentine's Day, my emotions went out of whack. It was that one moment, that moment Jiwon did something to my eyelid,that whenever someone ever uttered his name or the sight of his very existence made my heart palpitate, my cheeks flushed and my mind float around with images of his face.. Now he popped up in my dreams and in my thoughts and in my writing and in my day to day life.
It was like I was starting to feel something for him; something looming between adoration and admiration. Before I admired him and everything about him from his smile to his diligence to his positivity but was I actually starting to have feelings for him?
It was such a crazy concept that I was having a difficult time to grasp because the idea of any type of romantic feeling was something I was very unfamiliar with. I have dealt with crushes however those went nowhere; I was the type to look and admire from afar, interacting with the person I liked once or twice.I hadn't "liked" or experienced feelings similar to it since my massive infatuation with Jason Paek in middle school; almost 5 years ago.
But here I was, staring at Kim Jiwon, my heart beating out of my chest and my eyes wide, my knees shaking and my body trembling. Every type of emotion was racing through me; fear, excitement, exhaustion. And it was all because of the 5'8 human-sized bunny in front of me.
Jiwon's eyes scanned the crowd, his gaze piercing the hearts of his many screaming fans.
"BOBBBBBBBBY OPPPPPPPPPAAAAA!"
Jiwon waved and smiled at them, though I could tell he was still sorting through faces in the audience.
"Guys, it's iKON!" Jinnie exclaimed, her eyes glued to the seven boys, or rather a short, smiley, pale-skinned boy. "Kim Jinhwan's here!"
Ever since Valentine's Day, Jinnie had developed some sort of fascination with Kim Jinhwan. Not an obsession or an attraction or a crush; solely a deep, profound fascination. The words never actually left , however Hani and I both knew from the way she stared at Jinhwan with interest or the fact she watched videos of him singing in her spare time. There was something about Jinhwan that stuck in Jinnie's head and although she never spoke of him, we all knew of her fascination with Jinhwan.
Jinhwan spotted Jinnie yelling out his name and he smiled at her and waved, his sweetheart grin melting the audience's hearts. Jinnie's face turned pink and she attempted to hide behind me and my 5 feet height.
The members all chuckled when noticing this, nudging a very confused Kim Jinhwan.
The last to notice was Jiwon, who turned to see what all the fuss was about right a tall girl in front of me bent over to grab something from her knapsack.
It was like time stopped when Jiwon's gaze landed on my face. His eyes grew wide and his whole face from his teeth, to his mouth to his cheekbones to his eyebrows to his eyes all lit up like a multicoloured christmas tree. His nose scrunched up and his dazzling,illuminating grin formed, making my heart stop.
Suddenly, there were no sounds of screams, no bright, burning sun, no pressed-up bodies, no bodyguards shouting, no constant shoving. It was just Jiwon and I existing in that one moment, like a parallel timezone dedicated solely to us. Everyone froze and all I could see and hear was Kim Jiwon and his low breathing and the sound of his thwacking sneakers as he made his way over to me.
"Glad you made it here,kiddo." He said, reaching over to ruffle my hair, but suddenly stopped himself. We were in front of so many people, their eyes glued to us in their frozen states.
"I'm glad I'm still alive." I replied and Jiwon laughed, his stupidly adorable laugh echoing through the streets of Hongdae.
"Yah, kiddo cheer on your cool oppa, okay?"
"I'm sure Donghyuk will recieve lots of cheers but I'll make sure to."
"No, you idiot, me."
"I don't think there's anyone in iKON named Me-"
"Stupid kiddo." Jiwon murmured, shaking his head and smiling. He stuck out his tongue at me, like a four year old, before flicking my forehead,and running off, calling behind him"Cheer for me lots, Emmy-ah!"
With every step Jiwon took away from me, the faster time started to restart itself until it was back to its continuous, never-ending seconds, minutes, hours. By this time, girls were grabbing me, screaming into my ear "YOU'RE SO LUCKY! ARE YOU HIS FRIEND? HIS COUSIN? COULD YOU HOOK US UP?", and threatening to pull my body parts out of their sockets.
This was exactly why I hated to be around people. It got messy and chaotic and claustrophobic and made my head dizzy and stomach nauseous. There were so many people; too many people around me and the density of the crowd made me want to throw up.
"Hello! We're YG's to-be boy group iKON!"
Hanbin's high-pitched voice blasted through the speakers and Hanbin himself was placed in the front, a determined look on his face as he introduced iKON to the audience.
Everyone in the crowd yelled and I couldn't help but cover my ears to decrease the absorption of sound. Jiwon laughed when he saw this, mimicking my actions and my displeased expression and I stuck out my tongue at him.
Everyone introduced themselves with some sort of catchphrase ("I'm the oldest, Jinhwan, with the voice that is nice to listen to at night!" etc.) before assuming into their positions.
"We'll be performing for you guys some songs! We hope you enjoy them and support us in the future!"
Everyone cheered wildly and I focused my eyes on the seven boys to stop myself from throwing up. My head was already spinning from the constant jostling of the impatient and ecstatic crowd.
Just focus on Jiwon and you'll be fine. Focus on him. Only look at him.
However, what I discovered was that once Jiwon opened his mouth and his edgy, intense rapping voice poured out, that wasn't so hard to do.
The first musical bars of on of my favourite songs "Long Time No See" flowed through the speakers, and the crowd hushed down to listen. I could feel Jinnie behind me swaying to the music, her eyes locked on Jinhwan's presence.
My gesture towards you
There was something about Jiwon's voice that demanded to be heard, demanded to be listened to. It wasn't smooth yet rather full of smoothed-out jagged edges that brought out a variety of notes that somehow worked seamlessly whenever his voice projected the lyrics. It flowed into your ears, sending captivating sounds to your brain and igniting nerves of pleasure all over your body. It gave you energy and sent a colossal mass of feelings and emotions to your heart and your stomach and your lungs.
I tried to breathe in a gulp of air but I couldn't. All of the oxygen left my throat leaving me completely breathless and in awe of Jiwon's performance. My brain was refusing to work, instead remaining blank and none of my body parts were even moving by the smallest twitch. Only my beating, pouding heart was functioning, thumping so loud I could hear it in my chest.
Jiwon had a certain way of holding the stage. His stage presence was a miraculous thing; it completely engulfed the whole stage, practically forcing you to stare at him. Jiwon had a certain energy about him that told you how much he loved being on that stage and performing in front of millions of people and that rush it gave him and that passion and drive was so clearly exuded by his stage presence. The audience couldn't help but be completely engaged in his performances because he somehow connected with them. It was a talent itself, to be so talented onstage. With that stage presence, Jiwon could be singing "Happy Birthday" in an off-key voice and still capture the attention of many.
Throughout the rest of the performance, my eyes wouldn't peel off of Jiwon, no matter how hard I tried. Every small movement he made from turning his head, to scratching his neck, to taking one step sent huge colonies of nerves and energy right to my heart.
Jiwon never ceased to amaze me, he really didn't.
After "Long Time No See", they performed my ultimate favourite.
.
was Team B's best-known song for obvious reasons. It was the song they poured their heart, sweat and tears into during the finale of the brutal survival show WIN.
They weren't iKON at the time, they were simply Team B. They were just six boys, struggling, sacrificing and striving for the same dream; to one day step on that stage as an idol and to sing and dance and rap and perform to their hearts' content.
always had the ability to make me cry. The first time I watched the performance I couldn't stop sobbing. Perhaps it was my emotional nature, but those lyrics, those feelings, those conveyed messages, those tears and those smiles all struck a chord within my heart. That empty ache in the pit of your stomach as you struggle to meet your goals and reach your dreams, as you shed tears and spend so many nights awake, as your heart throbs with anxiety and pain and longing to see the ones you love most. told the story of six young boys doing just that, and although it was somewhat heartbreaking, it was very beautiful as well. They were on the long and rewarding journey doing what they loved to achieve their dream and that was kinda beautiful in itself.
Like in "Long Time No See", Jiwon's verse was first. As the music poured out of the speakers, Jiwon turned to me, quickly and winked so fast that I would have missed it if I had blinked.
Cheer for me lots, Emmy-ah!
So as Jiwon opened his mouth to rap, beautiful yet heartaching lyrics spilling out of his mouth and flowing along the breezes of the air, my heart pounded and my stomach twisted and my eyes widened and all that existed was Kim Jiwon and that remarkable talent that he was blessed with. My mouth was dry, my throat absolutely parched without a single molecule of oxygen within it, yet I managed to open my mouth and yell one thing.
"I'll always be cheering for you,Kim Jiwon!"
"PARK JI WOO, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THAT JIWON WAS BOBBY?!"
Shortly after the surprise performance, my friends and I retreated over to a small, almost empty cafe to order lunch, only for me to be hassled by a surprisingly agitated Kim Jinnie. She was usually a very calm, collected person however it seemed that her irritation was completely engulfing that side of her.
Hani, on the other hand, was more calm as she ate her sandwich and looked out the window, completely ignoring Jinnie's frustrated state.
'It never really came up." I replied evenly, trying my best to not trigger any more of Jinnie's agitation. "I didn't think it was so important. After all, he is a normal guy with feelings and emotions and what not."
To be honest, I wasn't quite sure why I didn't tell them though part of me knew it was because of what he meant to me. Jiwon was my friend, someone who tried to understand me and vice versa. We had our own experiences such as being screamed at by a pterydactyl lady, studying late at night in the library and freezing our heads off on Valentine's Day. Our relationship was special and unexpected and unpredictable yet completely miraculous and something in me wanted to keep it private and personal, like an inside joke or a secret.
"Ji Woo, I get that, but you didn't have to keep it a secret. We weren't going to tell anyone that your friend was famous." Jinnie said, not noticing Hani's lack of attention. "I just feel like you didn't trust us,or something like that. You never even told us how you two became friends in the first place."
I sighed, heavily, contemplating how to explain this.
"It's not that...it was just kinda something I liked to keep to myself. Is that so wrong? It's not that I didn't trust you guys...I just didn't think it was that important. What's the difference between Jiwon you met at the restaurant and Jiwon who's part of iKON and goes by Bobby?"
Jinnie bit her lip, her eyes hiding whatever she felt or needed to say. I could tell because Jinnie wasn't usually one to hold something back. She was blunt, straight-forward, to the point so it was strange to see her acting like this.
"It's nothing, Ji Woo. I guess I'm just a bit overwhelmed!" Jinnie said, her voice higher by two octaves. "Let's just eat, cause I'm starving!"
I was bothered. There was something nagging me at the back of my mind as I observed Jinnie and how she managed to almost resort to her cheerful self. There was a sense of tension in her aura and I knew that something was up.
I opened my mouth to comment, but stopped when I noticed how Jinnie sighed from relief, as if saving herself from a potentially dangerous situation. We all had our secrets after all. Why should I question hers?
+ + +
"Alright, Ji Woo we've got 2 hours left in the city of Seoul, just the two of us. Why should we do?"
It was just Jinnie and I in this slightly crowded city with 2 hours to spare. Hani left early to attend a dinner at her Aunt and Uncle's house, leaving Jinnie and I to find something to do on this warm Spring's day.
"605.21 km2."
"Huh?"
"Seoul, by square kilometers. 605.21."
Jinnie shook her head, shoving my head lightly. "You're such a nerd, Ji Woo."
"I wish-"
I was cut off by a sudden vibration in my pocket. Taking out my phone, the lit-up screen read "Aunt's restaurant in 20 min. See ya soon, kiddo!"
Jiwon.
"Who's "Idiotic Bunny Rabbit"?" Jinnie asked, reading the contact name above the text.
I faltered, contemplating between telling the truth and lying.
It's okay to have secrets...but you have to trust people or else how can they trust you?
"Jiwon." I replied, without hesitation. "Kim Jiwon."
Jinnie looked a bit surprised at my explicit answer but made no comment.
"Alright, and I'm guessing he wants to meet us, well you at that restaurant we went to on Valentine's Day?"
"Yeah...I don't think it's too far from here so it'll take us about 10 minutes. And yes, Kim Jinnie, you will be accompanying me. I'm sure Jiwon can answer any questions you may have for him."
"What do you mean by that?' Jinnie asked, her voice going up by two octaves the way it did in the cafe, linking arms with me.
"I mean that you like iKON, right?" Or rather a certain someone in iKON. "Jiwon's a friendly guy; I'm sure he'll be fine with all of us hanging out together...whatever the hell he's planning. And you could talk about music and stuff."
Jinnie nodded, her expression satisfied with my answer.
"Yeah...and I'm really craving naengmyun so let's go!"
Jinnie and I trekked through the concrete streets, finally arriving at Jiwon's Aunt's restaurant with its beige walls, wooden flooring and comfortable vibes. The restaurant was quite empty except for an old couple and a young family of four enjoying their meals.
I recognized Jiwon as soon as I walked through the door; the tall guy sitting on wooden chair at a low table in white jordans, black sweatpants, white hoodie and black jacket. His floppy hair was partially covered by a black beanie, but he was undeniably Kim Jiwon.
Beside him was a short, pale-skinned boy wearing black high top sneakers, black jeans, a long-sleeved navy shirt and a black jacket. His black hair was also partially covered by a black beanie and from the side view I could see that he had a tiny heart-shaped mole below his eye.
"Kim Jinhwan." Jinnie breathed beside me, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. "That's Kim Jinhwan."
I turned to look her. Her eyes were wide, her skin was pale and her grip on my hand was cutting off all blood circulation, causing for me to wince.
"Are you okay, Jinnie? You don't have to go, you know." I said, gritting my teeth from Jinnie's tightening grip. I was a bit confused myself. Why was Jinhwan here? "I'll just tell Jiwon-"
"I'm fine." Jinnie cut me off, letting go of my hand and restoring circulation back. She inhaled and exhaled as if trying to calm her nerves. "I'm just a bit overwhelmed, but I'll be okay."
I looked at her uncertainly, but went ahead anyway, Jinnie trailing behind me.
Jiwon's face lit up when he spotted me, his eyes transforming into happy lines, his nose scrunching up and his wide grin showcasing his bunny teeth.
My heart pace quickened and unconsciously, the corners of my mouth quirked up upon seeing his smile.
Jiwon and Jinhwan got up, bowing to us at 90 degree angles and Jinnie and I did the same.
"Hi, I'm Kim Jiwon, nice to meet you!" Jiwon greeted cheerfully, bowing to Jinnie who did the same, introducing herself, as well.
"Hello, I'm Kim Jinhwan the-"
"Voice that's nice to listen to at night!" I finished, as we bowed to each other. Jinhwan's sweetheart smile appeared on his face and he lifted his hand for a high five, which I gave him.
Finally, Jinhwan turned to Jinnie, who blinked rapidly, her face slightly pale.
"Hello I'm Kim Jinhwan, oldest of the boy group iKON. It's very nice to meet you!"He said, bowing his smile so sweet and adorable, my heart melted. It seemed that Jiwon's did too because he grabbed my hand, tightly,whispering excitedly"Isn't Jinhwan-hyung so adorable?"
"Hello, I'm Kim Jinhw-Jinnie.Kim Jinnie."Jinnie corrected, her expression slightly worried as if we had noticed her slip-up. If the boys notice they didn't show it and neither did I. Still, I couldn't help but wonder what her real name was. Jinnie never told anyone her full name, even registering herself as Jinnie at school. I only found out she had one when her mom got really mad at her once, though she spoke so fast that I never actually caught it.
"It's nice to meet you." She added, bowing, her face as pink as a peach when she straightened up. "I greatly enjoyed your performance."
Jinnie's speech was very formal; a type of speech Jiwon and I had never used except for the time we first met. I never even called Jiwon "oppa" rather just "Jiwon" and Jiwon didn't seem to mind.
Jinhwan's face lit up at Jinnie's compliment.
"Thank you so much, that really means a lot!" He exclaimed, beaming at her, before gesturing to the seat in front of him. "Come sit; we ordered a lot of food!"
"All the stuff you guys ordered last time," Jiwon informed us as we sat down. "Manduguk, ddukbeoki, bibimbap, kimchi fried rice and-"
"Naengmyun!" Both Jinnie and Jinhwan finished for him in excitement. They looked at each other upon hearing the other's voice and their face cracked into grins so wide I was convinced their cheeks hurt.
Jiwon turned to me, raising his eyebrows and I just shrugged. Something was in the air and it was best that we didn't disturb it.
"Jinnie-sshi, Emmy-sshi, I'm sure you two are wondering why I'm here." Jinhwan said to us and we both nodded, agreeing to his statement. I almost forgotten that he wasn't usually involved in our plans; Jinhwan had such a comfortable vibe it was like you knew him forever.
"Believe it or not, YG is giving us a bit of free time for performing so well at our "pop-up concert" and since Jiwon has a weird tendency to get in trouble with the manager and Hanbin for spending his time too carelessly, I decided to tag along to keep him in check."
He bowed, his head almost bumping into the table's surface.
"Sorry for interrupting your plans. It's just important to make sure Jiwon doesn't get too carried away bcause Manager-hyung isn't the easiest to handle when angered. Hanbin is a complete other story."
"Jinhwannie-sshi, you're just looking out for him and I appreciate that. And the more the merrier, right? I mean, Jiwon didn't know Jinnie was coming but I guess it all somehow balanced out, huh?"
"How... convenient. " Jiwon observed, tapping his finger against his lips. "Fate works in weird ways, huh?"
He winked at me and it took me awhile to realize he was referencing to the advice he gave me in the library.
Everything has its time and place.
I guessed our, as in Jiwon, mine, Jinnie and Jinhwan's time and place was now. Fate brought the four of us together in this tiny but cozy restaurant where the smells of delicious Korean food wafted through the air.
The food arrived and we all thanked Jiwon's Aunt who had pinched my cheek and told me she knew "so much about me!" and insisted on calling her "Auntie", before carrying on to tother customers.
"Sorry about that, Emmy-ah; she adores you!" Jiwon explained, as we dung into the food. "I tell her a lot about you. She thinks you're funny and she admires that you work hard. She told me to invite you over here more often, but I never really got the chance until today."
"Yahhh..." I muttered, ducking my head down, my face red. I never took compliments well. "I would have brought something for her if i knew she would be expecting me!"
"It's okay, you didn't know. Now eat up, kiddo; we didn't order this for nothing!"
I picked up my chopsticks and started eating ddukbeoki, my ultimate favourite snack. Nothing made me happier than spicy rice cakes!
While Jiwon and I maintained a comfortable silence, eating and occasionally quietly bickering over ddukbeoki pieces, Jinhwan was approaching Jinnie with all sorts of topics; music, school, life. At first Jinnie was a bit awkward and nervous but as time passed by, I noticed she was slowly starting to warm up to Jinhwan. Her face was no longer bright pink and returned to it's normal tan colour and her voice was more firm, not the wobbly tone she used in the beginning.
"I played violin for a few years, but I stopped. I wasn't very passionate the way my brother was about it."
"Ah, really? My mother was a violinist, though I never picked up on her talents. I guess that makes two of us, huh?"
These tiny snippets of comfortable conversation made me happy; happy that they were getting along and happy that Jinnie's anxiety was slowly melting away. I still couldn't help but wonder of Jinhwan's significance to Jinnie ; the fascination she had with him and the way her eyes stayed glued to him whenever he entered her vision and why did he make her feel so nervous in the first place?
"Hey kiddo, come back to Earth." Jiwon commented, flicking my forehead and snapping me out of my thoughts.
He pushed the dish of ddukbeoki towards me, where one last rice cake remained.
"Eat it, kiddo. Eat it before I regret this decision!'
"Yah you'll regret this for the rest of your life," I told him, swiftly picking up the ddukbeoki with my chopsticks, forcefully opening his mouth and inserting the ddukbeoki. "Which is why I refuse to ruin your life by eating it."
"Dork." Jiwon called me, thoughtfully chewing the ddukbeoki, and reaching over to ruffle my hair. It had been awhile since he did that and that endearing action reminded me of the first time we met and instantly my heart filled with warm feelings.
"Hey Jiwonnie, good job on your performance by the way. It was very..."
"Suave? Charismatic? aaayyy?" Jiwon supplied for me.
"Well yes all of that, except for the last one, but mostly...captivating. You really have a way with the stage, huh?"
Jiwon's snowflake-coloured skin instantly turned sunset pink from my compliments. "Well I'm not that good..."
"It's not just your stage presence but your talents as well. " I continued. "You have a really unique rapping style that's pleasant to listen to and gives your audience energy. It's really inspiring."
"Emmmmmmyyyy-ah..."Jiwon said, ducking his head down. "I feel so embarassed."
"Yah, idiot don't be. It's the truth. Now c'mon Jiwonnie; there's lots more food you have to help me finish!"
The rest of dinner was quite nice, except for the fact that I never really got to interact with Jinnie and Jinhwan. They were quite deep in conversation and I didn't want to interrupt it. Which basically left me to argue with Jiwon and discuss our lives; how Jiwon was working on a new song, how I was anticipating the new school year; simple things like this.
Once we finished, Jiwon and I got up and cleared the dishes and had to fight through two obstacles; Jinhwan and Jinnie and Auntie. Jinhwan and Jinnie insisted on helping us and we counteracted by telling them to go for a walk and continue their conversation.
"Aye Jiwon I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on you!" Jinhwan complained. "And it's quite a bit of dishes..."
"With four of us, we can get the job done faster!" Jinnie added, rolling up her sleeves. "And then we could all hang out together!"
Jinnie's voice was higher than usual, so I could tell that she was worried at the prospect of being alone with Jinhwan. Jiwon and I shook our heads.
"Naaaaaaah we'll be fine. You two go ahead, we could meet up at the Chocolate Shop, okay?"
Jinhwan raised an eyebrow, suspiciously, and Jinnie looked slightly worried. Slowly they turned to each other, exchanging looks that read "Should we?"
"Emmy-ah, keep an eye on this punk, alright?" Jinhwan finally asked me after a few seconds of contemplation, reaching over and patting my head lightly. "And you Kim Jiwon, keep your eye on the clock."
"We will!" Jiwon chimed, grabbing me by the shoulders and hugging me to his side. His musky cologne enveloped my senses. "Won't we, kiddo?"
"Don't worry about us Jinhwannie-sshi, you two just have fun okay?" I winked at Jinnie, who looked half terrified-to-death and half over-the-moon excited.
"Try your best to finish quickly; we don't want to miss the bus back, Jiwoo." Jinnie warned me and I nodded.
"Shall we?" Jinhwan asked, turning to Jinnie and offering his arm. Jinnie nodded slowly, tentatively linking her arm through his, blinking rapidly.
"See you guys soon!" Jinhwan and Jinnie called behind them, leaving the store and entering the sunny, spring air.
Jiwon and I brought the dishes to the kitchen where we yet again got intercepted by Auntie.
"YAH WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING BACK HERE?" Auntie boomed, spotting the dishes in our hands.
"We wanted to clean the dishes-"
"NOPE! You are our customers-"
"You didn't even let us pay, Auntie!" Jiwon complained. "There's not so much dishes anyway. Let us clean them and you just worry about the customers, alright?"
"Emmy-sshi is our guest-"
"Auntie, I greatly enjoy washing the dishes! Don't worry; we'll do well and we'll try not to break anything!"
Auntie's face broke into a smile, and she pinched my cheek yet again.
"Emmy-ah, you're such a good child! No wonder you're friends with Jiwonnie. I'll be up front if you two need me and Jiwon... please don't break anything."
"Auntie!"
I laughed as I pulled on the yellow rubber gloves and Jiwon pulled on the pink ones (Author's note: Have you guys ever seen Bobby doing dishes? cutest thing in the WORLD)
Jiwon and I created a system; he washed and rinsed, and I dried and put away.
"Hey Emmy, I just realized something. You know lots about me, right? My real name, obviously but also my birthdate,"
"December 21st, 1995." I supplied.
"Where I'm from-"
"ia, USA."
"My favourite childhood character-"
"Winnie the pooh."
"My nickname-"
"Kimbap."
"Even when I entered YG-"
"Your sophomore year."
"See, Emmy? You know so much about me yet I know nothing about you. So is it okay if I ask you 20 questions? Just to know more about you."
"Okay..." I agreed, a bit tentatively. I wasn't sure if I actually wanted him to know these little facts about me, even though he already knew about the deeper things. It was like we were going backwards.
"Real name."
"Emilia Park."
"Korean name."
"...Park Jiwoo."
"Jinnie-sshi...she calls you that, right?"
"Well...yeah anyone especially close to me calls me that. My family and my close friends. I only reserve it for them."
"Ji Woo... it suits you well. Can I call you Ji Woo?"
I froze, the clean dish in my hand in mid-air. Ji Woo was solely meant for people I felt were closest to me; the ones I could trust, the ones I was fated to be with forever. Was Jiwon part of that category? Was our relationship so special that he could call me by my Korean name? I had always called him by his real name, rather than Bobby after all.
I turned to him. His expression was hopeful, his eyes large and his flower petal lips slightly parted as he blinked curiously, awaiting an answer.
Jiwon doesn't know you inside and out...but this right here, the weird friendship...it feels right. Isn't that special?
I slowly nodded, finally putting away the plate, my lips moving without consulting my brain.
"...Okay Jiwon. You can call me Ji Woo, but only because you're..."
"The best person you've ever met?"
"...You. It's hard to describe but you're a very special guy, Kim Jiwon. Never forget that."
"AWWWWW JI WOO WOOOOO!" Jiwon's face broke into a bright, illuminating smile as he put down his dishes and threw his arms around me, completely engulfing me with his body, The smell of toothpaste and cologne, a smell I grew accustomed to, filled my nose as I was forced to press against Jiwon's body. My face was completely buried into his warm and soft sweater.
"Jiwonnie I can't breathe." I struggled to say, my voice coming out muffled, however this only caused for him to hug me tighter.
"I'm so touched, you know that Ji Woo? Only the closest people get to call you that, right? I feel so honoured!" He pressed my forehead against his (admittedly) firm and warm chest, which just dug my face further into his shirt.
"Kim Jiwon, I will punch out your insides if you don't let go!"I yelled, punching him in the stomach.
"Yah, calm down chickie!" Jiwon cried, finally pulling back and laughing at my tousled hair from being squished against him. "You're a scary one, Ji Woo Woo."
"Bobby-yah, you're making me regret this." I warned him, as I stacked all of the cups. However, instead of pouting like I expected him to, his face broke into yet another huge grin.
"Ji Woo-ah did you just call me Bobby? ...Are we leveling up in our friendship to addressing each other with real names and nicknames?" His eyebrows lifted high on his forehead, and his facial features formed into his famous "Super creepy" expression, as he wiggled his eyebrows.
"KIM JIWON THIS IS NOT POKEMON YOU IDIOT!" I exclaimed, turning away to hide my red cheeks. "Bobby" just popped out of my mouth as a reaction to "Ji Woo" and Jiwon's suggestion of us getting closer was making me uncomfortable. Perhaps it was the way my heart was starting to beat faster, my lungs starting to dry up and my hands starting to shake, the unrecognizable feelings of adoration suddenly appearing once again that made me feel embarassed.
There is no way in Hades I was falling for Kim Jiwon.
"Bobbysaur. Emmypuff. Ah we sound so cute!" Jiwon giggled, rinsing the last of the dishes. He resembled a sweet, laughing child and this youthful image made me smile to myself.
I like you, Kim Jiwon.
This sudden voice, my voice, entered my head and I was so shocked that I almost dropped the stack of dishes I was holding. Jiwon reached out with open arms, succesfully catching all of the dishes that fell from the top.
"Ji Woo-ah...is everything okay?" Jiwon asked, putting away the plates into their respectful cabinets. "You seem a bit..."
"Distracted?"
"Yeah. Do you really not like me calling you Jiwoo? Do you want me to switch back?"
"NO! I mean...no everything's okay Jiwonnie. Everything's okay."
Jiwon inspected my face, his angled eyes intensely analyzing my expression. I just looked down, trying to avoid eye-contact.
"Well okay then...but if there's something wrong, you can always tell me, you know? Dork." He said, punching my forehead lightly and drying his hands. "We should get to the chocolate shop soon...or else Jinhwan-hyung and Jinnie-sshi will chop our heads off!"
We bid Auntie "Good bye!", who patted my head and told me to "Come back soon." The sky was a rosy, peachy pink, the sun starting to set casting rays of light in odd little places.
"We have 10 minutes to get to the chocolate shop." Jiwon decided, checking his watch.
"Why 10?"
"To have enough time to eat chocolate before you leave, of course!"
Jiwon reached down and grabbed my hand, wrapping his hand around it tightly. I stared up at him in alarm, my face turing the same colour as the sky from the contact.
He winked before nodding at me. "Ready?"
"Ready for wha-?!"
Jiwon suddenly took off, at the speed of lightning, dragging me along with him, almost pulling my arm out of its socket in the process.
We sped through the streets of Seoul, spring air blowing in our face, people staring at us as we passed by them as a colourful blur of black of white. Our shoes pounded the concrete as we went on what seemed like for ages,.
Jiwon's grip was sweaty in mine and every so often, our hands would slip away, before Jiwon's hand would dart out and grab my wrist. His long strides took big steps, egging us on to go faster and sometimes he would turn sharp corners so quickly that I would almost tumble to the pavement, if not for Jiwon's strong hold on my arm.
We finally stopped in front of the chocolate shop, after what seemed like an eternity of running.
"7 minutes, kiddo! Wow, I'm beat!" Jiwon yelled, bending over and panting to catch his breath. Meanwhile I was covered in a coat of glistening sweat, my shirt slighlty drenched, my heart beating at 1000 miles per minute and I was breathing so hard and loud I was sure the other side of the world could hear me.
"Warning...next time... Jiwon?!" I asked as Jiwon sheepishly grinned at me. "Sorry, kiddo...but on the bright side we have time for chocolate!"
After catching our breaths, Jiwon and I entered the chocolate shop, the fumes of cocoa and sweetness sending us into chocolate-filled dazes.
"That chocolate you bought me is still hung up on my wall." Jiwon informed me as I wrinkled my nose.
"Dude I bought it for a reason!"
"A sweet, lifelong memory!"
"No, for you to eat!"
"Aish, are you still bickering?" Came Jinhwan's high voice from the other side of the room. Him and Jinnie sat in two arm chairs across from each other, near the window, obesrving the bustling streets, many people and peach-coloured sky.
"Kim Jiwon's an idiot." I grumbled, plopping into the armchair beside Jinnie, Jiwon doing the same in the one across from me. "Does he really have the chocolates I bought him hung up in his room?"
Jinhwan nodded. " There's a banner hanging above it that reads "The first time I recieved Valentine's Day chocolates. "I'm pretty sure he prays to it, every night."
"I don't!" Jiwon protested, shoving a laughing Jinhwan's head. "They remind me of happy memories and give me good dreams before I go to sleep."
My eyes widened and I couldn't help but blush at Jiwon's casual statement. Jiwon was such a strange guy; mocking me one second and making me feel like a floating cloud the next. My heart was full of fluffy feelings and I bit my lip in an attempt not to smile too hard.
"C'mon Jiwonnie, let's go get some food. Do you guys want anything?" I asked Jinnie and Jinhwan who both shook their heads.
Jiwon and I both got up walking over to the line and as I stared up at his smiling face as he stared at the menu, trying to choose what he wanted the voice came rushing back.
I like you, Kim Jiwon.
I like you, Kim Jiwon.
I like-
"Ooh, ice cream cake!" Jiwon exclaimed in excitement, running over to the glass display and pressing his nose against it. It reminded me of our first meetng and how he smeared his face against the ice cream freezer.
"Can we get it, Jiwoo? Can we?"
I pressed my face against the glass beside him, observing the cake that provoked Jiwon's excitement. It was small, purple and heart-shaped, covered in blue frosting flowers and topped with glittery sprinkles.
"Do you promise to actually eat this one?" I asked, turning to him beside me.
I nearly choked at the image I was greeted with. Jiwon's face was close to mine...way too close to mine.
I froze, not sure of what to do about the close proximity. My eyes widened, staring straight into his happy and smiling eyes, before shifting my gaze to his lips.
I never noticed how nice Jiwon's lips were but staring at them, so close to my own, I couldn't help but observe how...pretty they were. They were soft and gentle-looking...like two pink, silky flower petals, blooming against his creamy snow-white skin. I gulped, shifting my gaze back to his eyes.
"Well, yeah. You can't frame ice cream, dummy!"
Jiwon lightly punched my forehead, killing any sense of a moment, if there was one. My heart was still beating so hard and loud I felt like passing out.
Jiwon and I split the price on the cake and retreating back to Jinnie and Jinhwan who were both already getting up and putting on their coats.
"Jiwon-sshi, Jiwoo, we have to get back soon." Jinnie said, showing us the time on her phone. "It's getting dark and we promised Chae-rin unnie we would get back before then."
Chae-rin, the owner of our boarding house was extremely overprotective and not one we should worry. I nodded.
"Hanbin's bound to call us soon, wondering where we are." Jinhwan added to Jiwon, who also nodded, the cake box limp in his hand. He looked disappointed at the prospect of us not eating cake together.
The four of us stepped outside, where the sky was starting to quickly darken.
"Jiwon and I will walk you two to the bus stop." Jinhwan offered and Jinnie and I nodded. "As long as it doesn't burden you, oppa." Jinnie replied and Jinhwan scoffed.
"Burden me? Not a chance!"
We all shuffled in the breezy air towards the bus stop. The city was lit up with street lights and lit-up windows and glowing lanterns that shone brightly against the darkening sky. None of us spoke a word but rather enjoyed each other's company in a comfortable silence. The sidewalk was completely empty, leaving the sounds around us non-existent and the thoughts in our head, loud.
"Oof!"
A sudden squeak, the sound of a little boy's voice suddenly appeared in front of and as we all bent down, squinting in the dark, we saw that it was a little boy. He looked about seven years old and his eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks stained with tears as if he had been crying.
He had bumped into Jiwon, the human brick wall and had fallen on the pavement. His knee was scraped and he was biting his lip as if trying not to cry.
"I'm so sorry!" Jiwon exclaimed, bowing over and over before bending down to the little boy's level. "Are you okay?"
"Where are your parents?" I asked him, scanning our surroundings, trying to find adults that could possibly be his parents.
"I'm...alone." The little boy hiccuped, clutching onto his bloody knee. "And I'm lost and I'm scared!"
His lower lip started trembling and before we knew it, he starting crying, tears running down his face.
"Awwww, it's okay!" Jinnie said, reaching into her backpack and producing a bottle of water and a bandage. Even after cleaning his cut and applying a bandage, the boy continued to cry.
"It's gonna be okay; we're gonna help you find your parents!" I told him, but he still cried and I turned to Jiwon and Jinhwan, helpless.
Jiwon and Jinhwan turned to each other, exchanging looks before nodding.
Jiwon handed the cakebox to me and told Jinnie and I to sit down beside the boy. We obeyed, with me opening the box and cutting the already melting cake with a plastic knife.
I wanted to offer the slice to the boy, however he still continued to cry. Instinctively, I placed my arm around him.
"It's gonna be okay..." I repeated, trying to comfort him. "You have us. We'll take care of you until your parents come back."
"What if...what if...they never come back?!" The boy sobbed as he stuffed his face into my sweater. I could feel the dampness of his tears on my sweater but I ignored it.
"Of course they will come back. They are probably worried sick, looking all over for you!"
"Really?"
"There is no doubt in my mind that they are."
"HELLO EVERYBODY!"
Jinhwan and Jiwon stood in front us, waving their arms as if waving to an arena full of people.
"WE'RE JIWON AND JINHWAN AND TODAY WE'LL BE PERFORMING FOR YOU!"
Instantly, the little boy stopped crying, removing his face from my sweater. He looked over at Jinhwan and Jiwon, obviously intrigued by this announcement.
I was also intrigued and so was Jinnie, who was staring up at them in fascination.
Jinhwan handed his phone to Jinnie and told her to play the music. The first musical bars that flowed out of the speakers were awfully familiar...
"Just another boy,
Just another boy
I'm just another boy (boy boy),"
Jiwon, as usual, was first up to rap and like he usually did, he completely captured my attention. It didn't help that he was smiling and winking at me as he rapped.
"Oh I like this song!" The little boy yelled, moving to sit on my lap. "Isn't this such a good song, noona?"
"Yeah..."I agreed, absentmindedly, my eyes still focused on Jiwon. "It is."
How was Jiwon even so good after a few seconds of preparation? It mystified me, the way his stage presence seemed to overflow even when he wasn't on a proper stage and how he managed to somehow blend with Jinhwan to create a perfect performance.
The little boy's eyes brightened and he smiled and laughed. "Hyungs are so cool!" He would tell me every few seconds.
I wasn't sure if it was the upbeat music, or the warm air, or the laugh of a very happy little boy on my lap, but I suddenly felt like dancing. And that's exactly what I did; danced.
I got up, inviting Jinnie and the little boy with me and together, we all held hands and hopped around happily to the music.
Jinhwan and Jiwon continued to perform and joined us, their lovely voices echoing through the empty street as the music swayed on the wind.
"Clap clap clap your hands!" Jinhwan's sweetheart voice sang and we all did, bopping to the music.
Warm feelings poured into my heart as the five of us danced together, singing off-key, moving our bodies crazily and letting all of our doubts and fears go. We were all laughing, all smiling, all filled with happy, cheerful feelings.
In that moment, I swore the air started to sparkle. Everything turned into golden glitter, from the street lamps, to the paved streets, to the trees, to the feeling of the little boy's hand in mine and the way Jiwon's smile illuminated.
The last few notes finally died down and the little boy (who introduced himself as "Minguk" during our dance session) jumped up and down, clapping his hands, his eyes shining.
"Hyungs are so cool! I wanna be like you guys when I grow up!"
"Perhaps one day, Minguk-ah!" Jinhwan told him, patting his hair. "Now, why don't we finish off that melting ice cream cake, find Minguk's parents and all go home, okay?"
The five of us plopped onto the sidewalk, and sliced the cake into equal slices. Most of it had melted, sticky melted ice cream dripping down our fingers, however we were too happy to even notice and tried our best to eat the remainder of the cake.
We had all finished eating when flashlights appeared, coming our way and a woman and a man came rushing towards us. The lady started crying as she finally reached us and wrapped Minguk into a hug, crying "Minguk-ah!"
It was a nice day, that day and those beautiful shining memories could never leave my mind. Minguk found his parents, we danced on a street, ate melted ice cream, watched a performance in Hongdae, Jinnie met Jinhwan and Kim Jiwon.
Well everything about Kim Jiwon was a beautiful memory.
What stuck most was the feeling of happiness as we all danced, Jinhwan's and Jiwon's talents somehow bringing us all together, giving us energy and joy. And that was beauty in itself.
Because talent was meant to be shared after all.
As soon as I got home that night, after being brutally scolded by Chae-rin, words were floating in my mind, begging to be attached together to create phrases. Word after word, idea after idea...they all desired to be spilled onto paper.
And that's exactly what I did. As Jinnie and Hani slept, I took out my pen and started writing and writing and writing,
Ten things about Kim Jiwon.
You were talented at a lot of things, Kim Jiwon.
Rapping, dancing, composing,
And making me fall in love with you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rhythm Ta and Airplane are absolutely amazing!
Maybe I'm just being biased but they are both so catchy!
Airplane is the perfect "feels" song and Rhythm Ta is perfect for dancing!
I'm so proud of my boys. :)
-Donggu
Comments