The rain was coming down in constant sheets that soaked everything within a matter of seconds and no one with any sense was out which made Tao’s heartbeat raise up even further in his chest. That was on top the already fast pace that it had been going at since waking up in the middle of the night to find the other half of the bed empty and absolutely no sign of his beloved Sehun anywhere in the house. He had checked the back garden, the shed even though it was locked and then ran around to the garage to confirm that the car was still sitting where it was supposed to be before running back into the house to research it twice over and then thinking to grab his mobile and call his devastated lover. Ice had literally run into his veins when from the kitchen there had come the familiar ringtone and heading into the space he had found the device left on the table, along with Sehun’s bag and wallet.

Having panicked, Tao had only just remembered to grab hold of his house keys and put shoes on his feet before heading out into the soaked night to seek the other out. The thought had occurred for him to just ring the others and find out if Sehun had somehow miraculously gone to one of their houses but Tao knew that the chances were extremely low of something like that right at this second in time.

Virtually everyone had children, excluding Chen and Suho and that was the last thing that Sehun needed to be around right now.

Coming to a stop on the corner of the high street where Sehun liked to shop, Tao took a few seconds to inhale some air into his lungs and wipe away the tears that were pooling in his eyes. He understood Sehun’s pain at the unexpected loss of their baby, he really did but the devastation that was currently going through the younger man was heart wrenching. Tao hadn’t needed to even ask for the time off for the pair of them, Siwon had approved it within moments of being informed and told him that if he needed to take extra time to help Sehun get back on his feet then it would also be granted because this was a huge thing.

This was not the first time that he had woken up to find Sehun out of bed, just normally he would find the other in some part of the house. It had only taken the slightest suggestion of the other picking up a sharp knife to run it lightly over the back of his hand for Tao to ensure that anything potentially dangerous was locked away and that Sehun had no access to it. There had been a whole screaming fit thrown about that but the wushu master had just stood there and taken it, let his distraught and frightened partner yell and scream his guts out until all of the anger was gone and spent before gathering him tenderly into his arms and let him cry until there was virtually nothing left.

During the first few days the others had come over to offer support and comfort but that had quickly come to a stop because no matter how hard they tried to not mention the kids they inevitably came up and it just triggered more problems. They talked to him on the phone whenever Sehun was feeling up to it but there was still a huge hill to climb.

Especially since Sehun was blaming himself for the loss of his child and wouldn’t accept the doctor’s explanation’s that it was a sad affair but such things happened regardless of how well someone was taken care of.

So it was understandable that when Tao woke up in the middle of the night to find his little snuggling kitten gone that he immediately presumed the worst.

“Sehun!” he yelled helplessly, figuring that even in the pounding rain if he was somewhere nearby he would hear him and respond, “Sehun!”

“Tao?” a voice to his left startled him and the tall panda jumped in shock before recognising the concerned sounds of Donghae, “What the hell are you?”

“Have you seen Sehun?” Tao asked, rudely cutting into his elders words, “Please I woke up and he was gone and I’m so worried.”

Donghae blinked in surprise before shaking his head, “No, I haven’t seen him. Wait how long has been gone?”

“An hour or two,” Tao said desperately, shaking his head, “I’ve been searching everywhere that I can think of and I’m getting really scared.”

“You’ve been looking for him in this weather by yourself?” Eunhyuk joined in the conversation, throwing a coat over his shoulders, “Bloody hell, you’re freezing as is. You should have called us or the others. Geeze. Come on, we’ve got the car.”

Tao shook his head, “I need to find him now.”

“We’re going to help you find him,” Eunhyuk said, tugging Tao towards the car, “Donghae’s already making the calls, we’ll find him quicker if there’s more of us.”

About to argue the point against everything, Tao realised that the elder was right and that it would be quicker if there were more people looking but he also felt incredibly guilty as well. “But it’s like three in the morning...”

“It’s Sehun,” Donghae said, his words holding an element of finality about them, “We all know what’s happened and what he’s going through so we’re going to help as much as possible...ah! Kai, listen...”

Eunhyuk bundled Tao into the back of the car whilst Donghae continued to call his friends, not commenting on the fact that the younger had left his own phone behind because he was probably in such a frazzled state right now. Eunhyuk dreaded to think what would happen if Donghae ever went through such a thing and knew that everyone would help out regardless because Sehun was like a baby brother to them all. Granted he was a bit of a bratty baby brother but that didn’t matter in situations like these.

Half an hour later found Tao swapping cars and being embraced by Leeteuk who gently petted him like he was a child, “It’s going to be okay Tao, we’ll find him.”

Kangin sighed, “If we haven’t found him in the next half hour we’re going to have to report him as a missing person.”

“Let’s just pray it doesn’t come to that,” Leeteuk said, picking up his phone to read a message and shaking his head, “Well he’s not in the practice rooms, Onew and Key have searched them from top to bottom.”

Tao let out a shaky breath, “This is all my fault.”

“Oh baby panda, it’s not,” Leeteuk said softly, hugging him gently once again and pressing a kiss to his temple, “Sehun’s just not in a good place right now and you’re doing everything perfectly. In fact you’re going above and beyond for Sehun. We’ll find him, I just know that we will.”

For the next fifteen minutes there was general silence in the car as Kangin drove from one location to the next to continue the hunt and the phones all went quiet. Tao was beyond the stage of panicking right now and just stared helplessly out of the window, biting his lip so much that it was virtually bleeding and praying for the millionth time that second that they wouldn’t have to call the police and make that missing person report. He didn’t want to think of his baby out in the world, lost, cold and scared out of his mind.

And definitely not in some lonely gutter somewhere, Tao could not think what his life would be like if that scenario played out.

Though suddenly his phone flashed into life and after he got over the shock he saw that it was Kai’s number flashing up on the screen. “Kai?” he asked as he pressed to answer.

“We found him!” Kai’s voice came across sounding as though it was caught between relief and terror, “We’ve got Sehun!”

“Where are you?” Kangin called over his shoulder, having pulled over to hear the news.

Taemin came on the line, “Over by central, he was hiding out in one of the play houses. He’s frozen.”

“Can I talk to him?” Tao asked feeling his heart beating rapidly once again as the car started off once again, Kangin thankfully not needing to listen to Leeteuk’s instructions because he already knew how to get to central from their current location.

“Sehun?” Kai’s voice drifted across, clearly they were on speaker phone as well, “Sehun, come on, Tao’s here. Talk to him.”

“Sehun?” Tao called, trying to keep his voice from breaking but finding it really hard.

There was a pause for about thirty seconds that felt like eternity though the three in the car could hear soft whispered encouragements coming from Taemin to try and encourage the other to talk. Finally there came the sound of a new voice, so tiny, quiet and broken that Tao just allowed the silent tears fall down from his eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“Oh baby, oh my prince,” Tao said, shaking his head, “you don’t need…oh god. Thank god you’re alive.”

There wasn’t much else of a conversation after that point, just the same words echoing back and forth interspersed with occasional bits of conversation as Leeteuk made the necessary calls to the others who were out searching to make sure that they got home safe and sound. It felt like mere seconds later that the car had pulled up outside of Central and Tao had clicked off the call to get out of the car and run to the waiting Kai and Taemin who had Sehun held between them.

It was easy to see that Sehun had been out far longer than the few hours that they had been searching for him. The young man’s skin had a faint blue tinge to it and his hair was completely plastered to his head. The clothes were so drenched that they were falling off the others frame and either he had fallen down somewhere or someone had attempted to mug him because there were huge tears in the tank top. Sehun wore no shoes and was smeared in mud, twigs and odd bits of leaves that could have come from anywhere.

The lost look in his eyes suggested someone who was on the verge of breaking down, so close to giving up on everything that Tao couldn’t help but feel his heart break all the more at the sight. He moved quickly towards Sehun, placing his hands on the others cheeks and watching in amazement as the lost look went from the youngers eyes. Instead extreme guilt replaced it instead and the maknae burst into tears as he threw his arms around Tao’s neck and held on tightly, head buried into the crook of his panda’s neck. “I’m sorry,” he said in-between sobs, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

Even though it was tempting, Tao didn’t tell Sehun that he didn’t need to cry in the slightest. Instead he just held tightly onto the other, pressing kisses to his cheek, ear and neck before shifting his stance to pick him up into a bridal style hold. “Let’s get you home,” Tao said quietly, once he had Sehun fully settled in his hold, “my lovely prince.”

Sehun whimpered but made no other indication of rejection and Kangin offered the pair a lift home since Taemin could take his BFFL home which earned some playful grumbling from the pair but they were all just seriously thankful that Sehun had been found and would be safe.

It wasn’t long before Sehun had fallen asleep on the back seat, wrapped securely in Tao’s arms but he was still silently chanting the mantra of ‘I’m sorry’ even in his uneasy sleep. Tao just sighed and pressed kiss after kiss to the young man’s forehead, praying that when they got back home that he could somehow do something to show Sehun that he was still so loved and protected but he knew that it would take a long time. It was at times like this that Tao really wished he could mess with time because he would go back and somehow fix all of this just to make Sehun happen again.

But of course such a thing was impossible…or was it? Tao began to muse to himself in the quiet of the car ride home and began to plot a way to make Sehun happy once again without having to reverse time. It would be complicated to pull off but Tao was pretty much convinced that it could be done and he would do anything to see his boyfriend smile brightly once again. 

authors babbling:

wow I finally get time to get around to updating this. Sorry to everyone whose been waiting on me but I've had a really busy week and keeping on top of everything has been next to impossible. Plus why I've started so many fics all at the same time I do no know but whatever. It gives me something fun to do with my free time. So I hope you enjoyed after the stupid long wait and I'm off to take Petal for a walk now