Her sighs cause my heart to tighten.

Why am I feeling this way? I know I am easily taken with people. Even those that I just met. But her. She's the reason for my infatuation. My loyalty towards something that will never happen.

I subtly take a glance at her through my peripheral vision. Her eyes are cast on the floor of the moving van.

But she looks flawless. Even with the dried sheen of sweat on her face, even with her tousled hair, even with the imperfect blemishes on her skin, she still looks flawless. The fact that she's only human reminds me that I do deserve to look at her. To have my gaze upon her feminine features.

However she has told me before. I'm shallow, Tiffany. I go for looks before I dare peek into the personality. Western guys are definitely the ones for me.

Western guys.

I don't have Western blood - Asian to the bone. And I'm definitely not a guy. How disgusted would she be? This is why secrets need to be kept to oneself.

Only an hour before this, she had been in a competition. It was her last match of the day and it would decide if she will continue moving forward... or go home. Going home is a term that no one wants to label themselves doing. It means that it's over. The tournament is over. If this was your last year of high school... oh well.

She had lost.

She cried.

I cried.

Of course, I didn't let her see it. I didn't let anyone see it. I just hid in the toilet stalls quietly sniffling to myself before fixing up my appearance and coming out as if everything was perfectly fine.

Except everything was completely far from that.

When I had gone to see her, I smiled with all I had, knowing it looked forced. But I didn't care. She covered her face so cutely and gave me a half-hearted smile back. That was enough. She was enough.

I tried to give her a hug, mustering up all the courage I had. She knew I hated physical contact, especially hugs. This should have been a fair sign that I care. But she had refused.

I don't want to cry. She said as she avoided my outstretched arms.

Ouch.

Some days, I just wish I could wrap her up in the tightest hug and she wouldn't question me. I would lean into her, her soft hair, and inhale her addicting scent. She would lean into me and give up all that she forced herself to carry alone in this world as she shares the load.

I know that day won't come any time soon.

Oh, it won't come possibly any time at all.