A/N: This means Flashbacks. 

"Our memories solidify like fossils as it continues to torture me today" Super Junior: Mid-Seasons

Hyukjae~ 

He doesnt know when it was exactly that it happened but it happened. He had always known he was gay so it was no surprise when he found himself falling in love with his roommate. He was a great guy and so nice they became best friends rather quickly. He was always afraid of confessing and ruining their friendship until he spoke up first. 

"Hyukkie are you going to my game this Saturday?" He heard his roommate turned best friend speak to him breaking the silence filling their dorm. 

"If I'm out of rehearsal then I guess I can make it" Hyukjae said not looking up from his desk where he was studying. 

"Please try to make it you know I like dedicating my goals to you." He blushed and turned around in his swivel chair to stare at him. He was laying on his stomach on his bed with books and notes scattered around since they both were studying. 

"Hae" He started but soon his phone rang. He picked it up and to his surprise it was that cutie his best friend Sungmin was trying to hook him up with for a while now but honestly they clicked more as best friends than anything else. They talked for a full fifteen minutes until Donghae threw a pillow at him and asked for help on his math homework. Hyukjae quickly ended the call because he'd do anything for him. 

"Who was that?" He asked once they finished their homework. Hyukjae simply smiled and unlocked his phone. He showed him his new contact and he frowned. 

"Junsu? He's a troublemaker. I heard he flirts around a lot. I don't think he'd be good for you." Now it was Hyukjae's turn to frown. "You always say that about every potential lover of mine Hae. You know I'll eventually get a boyfriend." Though honestly he wished it was Donghae. 

"I know but it's because I care that I tell you this! You're my best friend Hyukjae" And there he goes again friend zoning Hyukjae. 

"I know Junsu enough to say he's a good guy and not like how you describe him."

"Hyukjae" He could hear the dark tone in his words. It was always like this when they argued about his love life. Oh but when it came to Donghae's Hyukjae had always been supportive because that's all he wanted but couldn't give back. 

He had failed to notice his selfishness. 

"No don't start with that. I've had enough. You always chase away any guy that wants to approach me and you always brain wash me against the ones that stay even after your threats. I'm going out with Junsu whether you like it or not." Hyukjae stood up and grabbed his jacket ready to leave but he held him back. He felt him wrap his arms around his waist. At that moment all Hyukjae registered was his heart beating like crazy and his arms holding him tightly. 

"Don't go," He whispered "I don't want you to date anyone else." Hyukjae slowly turned around to face him. His eyes were pleading. "Anyone else?" He questioned a little- okay a lot, hopeful. He nodded and pulled him close to him. 

"I love you Hyukjae. Please stay with me."

It was too quick he should've known. Guys like Donghae don't last after all. Yet Hyukjae let him take him that night. The next few months were pure bliss. He was so nice, gentle, sweet, and caring. 

-----

"Hyukkie" 

"Yes Hae?" He pecked his cheeks and smile. "I love you" He said. Hyukjae smiled and he kissed his lips briefly. "I love you too" He couldn't stop smiling at those three simple words he'd never go a day without saying. 

"What was that?" He asked and Hyukjae gave him a confused look. "A kiss?" He asked. 

"No this is a kiss" He said leaning in again and kissing him passionately. 

Hyukjae didn't know when that passion died. A few months later it wasn't there anymore. No, He does know where that passion went. It all started when HE transferred. 

-----

"Hae are we still up for that double date with Sungmin and his new girlfriend?" Hyukjae asked his boyfriend who was busy looking through his closet for something to wear. 

"Sorry Hyukkie I have to show the new guy around campus." He explained while styling his hair upwards in front of the mirror. 

"Can't Ryeowook do that? He's student president after all" He asked idiotically knowing what had happened. 

"But I'm Vice President and I'm trying to lessen the pressure on Ryeowook because of his father." He spoke with a tone that dared Hyukjae to go on. 

He hung his head low and apologized. "You're right. I'm sorry I understand then. I'll call Minnie and tell him we won't go" Hyukjae watched as he slid on his shoes and grabbed his Adidas sports bag. 

"Alright then" With that he left. Ryeowook's father had been really sick and Donghae shared his pain so he knew what he was going through and made him rest and take a leave to see his father promising he'd take care of everything. Hyukjae knew not to push it because Donghae too had lost his father and therefor knew how Ryeowook felt. Donghae's scars were old but still fresh so he knew not to push it when it came to a touchy subject like this. In the end he was always there to wipe his tears after all.

Well after HE came not always anymore. 

-----

"Hae you said you'd come to my play you seriously ditched me?" Hyukjae asked as they entered their dorm. "I'm sorry Hyuk I was helping Siwon with biology and lost track of time" That was his only answer but it wasn't enough for him.

"You're not even that good in biology though!" He was frustrated and he knew it. Lately it was always Siwon this Siwon that and he was getting tired of it. 

"So? We're helping each other out! Stop being jealous Hyukjae you know I hate it." What? Is he kidding?! 

"Seriously? But when you get jealous it's totally fine isn't it? , you even forbid me from hanging out with guy friends! You don't mind girls flocking around me because I'm gay but guys, oh it's a HUGE problem to you. It's not ing fair. If you ask me to stay away from them then why can't I tell you to stay away from Siwon as well?!" He yelled but he couldn't care less at that moment. 

"Shut the up! It's because you're a big flirt. I'm not Hyukjae!" He growled and the boy stared at him in shock because he knew it was a damn lie. "Ever since we got together I haven't flirted with anyone but you! My god Hae I thought we went over this already!" Hyukjae ran a hand through his hair in frustration. 

"We did but I still don't trust you!" That caught him by surprise. "You don't?" That seriously hurt him. Wasn't trust one of the main pillars of a relationship? He quickly shook his head and explained frantically. 

"No Hyukkie I do trust you it's just you always make me say things I don't want to" But you do mean them. And here they go again blaming it all on Hyukjae. 

"Hae are you happy with me?" Is all he asked. He ignored the false accusations and his selfishness just for what came next. "Of course I am Hyukkie. I love you." But somehow he didn't feel his words anymore. They didn't reach him like they used to. They were dry and different from before. But his naive mind kept tugging at him while his heart broke bit by bit at those emotionless words but he didn't realize it.

"I love you too" And his words fell on deaf ears. 

-----

It became worse though...

"Did you ing have to do that?!" Hyukjaw slammed the door behind him and turned to look at his boyfriend who sat on his swivel chair. "I told you Junsu is out of your circle of friends!" He glared at Hyukjae and he flinched a bit but stood his ground. 

"He's one of my best friends Hae! And I told you he's taken!" He was seriously loosing it. 

"I don't ing care! You two were close to hooking up!" He stood up abruptly throwing his chair back.

"But you can hang out with Siwon huh?!" Hyukjae yelled.

"He's different!" He yelled back and that's when he snapped. 

"No he's ing not! He likes you!" Hyukjae had enough! There. He said it. He finally said what he shouldn't have said but somehow he felt relieved. Maybe with this he would stay away from him and- 

"He does?" He asked and Hyukjae didn't miss the hopeful glint that reflected in his eyes even for just a split second. But he ignored it. His own eyes reflecting hope. "Yes Hae now stay away from him and I'll stay away from Junsu" 

Hyukjae was stupid. So ing capital STUPID. He lost a best friend that night because of him. Was it worth it? No. 

After that he started seeing the changes more clearly. 

Hyukjae reached out to grab his hand but Donghae flinched and tucked them inside his pocket. He looked at him confused. They had always done PDA in fact he didn't mind it at all. "Hae what's wrong?" He asked concerned. 

"Nothing" Was all he said and he reached for his hand shrugging it off but he stepped away from him. "Why can't we hold hands now?" He asked obviously hurt by the sudden movement. 

"I just... Sorry my hands are too cold" 

Liar. It wasn't even cold.

They had just returned from summer break. Speaking of it he had said he was busy almost throughout it all and unlike before he would take days to answer his texts even calls. 

He dropped him off at his class always looking around possibly hiding from someone.

Hyukjae didn't know at that moment. 

He leaned in to kiss him but he quickly moved away. "Hae, what's wrong?" He asked but he shoved him inside his classroom. "Sorry I have to go!" He said jogging off. "Remember you have practice today!" Hyukjae yelled after him. Knowing he heard him he walked to his desk. 

He should've seen it coming a few weeks later after his cold distant treatment. No, he should've seen it during that summer but once again he failed to do so. 

"Sungmin I told you I have to do Hae's laundry today." He complained as he opened the door to the new cafe that had just opened up a few blocks from our campus. 

"You're always doing that for him! Can't he do it himself?" Sungmin wailed frustrated. Hyukjae gave him a look and he face palmed himself. "Seriously Hyuk when was the last time he did something for you? Months ago! If I didn't know you both I'd say this is how your relationship works. You being the slave and him parading around as if he was still single!" He sat on a stool and we looked at the menus. Hyukjae glared at said menu as he spoke up. 

"Minnie! He doesn't do that!" He scolded but he just scoffed. "I'm being honest! Seriously before, you two used to be THE OTP! All sweet and cute but now it's all icy and dry lately" So he had noticed it as well. Hyukjae turned to look at him. "That's not-" And that's when he saw it. He saw him with him. Hyukjae gaped at them for what seemed forever and this caught Sungmin's attention. He turned around and gasped. He felt his lips tremble and his eyes go blurry. He held on to his stool tightly afraid he'd fall any moment. Then the next thing he saw was Sungmin going over yelling something he couldn't hear. He went deaf at that moment. And he finally let his tears run down his cheeks when he saw Donghae defending a lip-bruised Siwon then finally Donghae joined him on the floor. Hyukjae was so sure Sungmin would've kept going if it wasn't for Heechul coming in and piecing everything together. He was a smart man after all. Or maybe he already knew. He pulled Sungmin off them and told him something Hyukjae couldn't hear. Sungmin dragged him out and I could see Heechul yelling at the two. Yet his hearing wasn't back as he and Sungmin walked back to the campus. 

All he could hear at that moment was his heart shattering painfully slowly. 

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A/N: Phew I finally finished the first chapter of my very first fanfic! I didn't think it'd be this long. Anyways I apologize if there's any grammar errors I wrote this through my phone since I use it more than anything due to work and school. Does anyone know if I can just copy and paste from my notes onto here and it'll work? Because I've written stuff on my notes that I'm too lazy to rewrite. Thanks for reading I'll update during this week hopefully!