8. WHAT

// if one day i woke up with you right beside me, i'll hold you closer than i did before//

Lee Sungjong was too curious to the point he almost screamed at his manager to speed up the damn car. The first thing Sungjong saw this morning was a text message from his dear beloved hyung, Kim Myungsoo, stating the most oblivious sentence that Myungsoo could ever texted. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Sungjong murmured. “What I didn’t tell him, hyung?” Sungjong said to his manager and received a confuse look. “Didn’t tell who? Myungsoo?” His manager raised his brow. “Yes, yes,” Sungjong nodded frantically. “I was trying to figure out what the actual thing I didn’t tell him and I tried to call him but no, he just have turned off his phone like he did all of this on purpose, like he does want to make me curious and I don’t like curiosity at all and he knew it,” Sungjong blabbered. “Speak to me when you are on your right mind, Lee Sungjong, I cannot convert anything you said to my brain right now,” His manager replied. Sungjong threw his hand to the air disappointedly and make the frown face. He was wondering hard that he didn’t realize he has arrived on Myungsoo’s apartment building. “We are her-” “I know! I know,” Sungjong opened the car’s door, which suddenly became a hard task to him because of all the rush and panic, Sungjong couldn’t even concentrate on opening the damn door. He managed to get out of the car safely before he saw a familiar figure at the parking lot. “Howon-ie hyung! Sungyeol hyung!” Sungjong yelled at the certain male. “Yah, Lee Sungjong, and how many times do I have to tell you that Howon-ie are forbidden,” Hoya shot the maknae an annoyed look.

“For the love of goddesses, don’t tell me both of are here because of an odd text message from Myungsoo,” Another voice joined the scene. Dongwoo, Woohyun and Sunggyu entered the parking lot together. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Sungyeol snapped. “It even weirder that he messaged us one by one, he could’ve just sent it to our group chat or something,” Woohyun said. “Look how adorable we are, we even share the same thought on coming here altogether,” Dongwoo clapped his hand happily. “Because everything Myungsoo is worrying right now,” Sunggyu said. “I was so afraid he will just run away and try to commit a suicide, again,” Sungyeol sighed. “Something must’ve happened,” Sungyeol sighed, deeper this time. “No s, Sherlock,” Howon rolled his eyes. “I was just trying to summarize all of this, no need to go all sarcastic on me, Howon-ie,” Sungyeol wriggled his brows playfully. “For goddesses’ sake, can you please stop,” Hoya glared at both Sungyeol and Sungjong who were chuckling madly. “Okay, guys, friendly reminder that Myungsoo could be dead by now and please, can you drop the issue already, because Howon-ie is actually not that bad,” Sunggyu snapped. “I let this time go because of Myungsoo, but I swear Lees, call me that once again and I will sue you guy-” “Hyung, you are also a Lee,” Sungjong cut Hoya’s sentence. “Whatever, I’m just so done with this topic,” Hoya gave up.

The six of them eventually reached Myungsoo’s apartment unit, praying that Myungsoo is fine, and they were all sighing together in relief when they saw Myungsoo opened the door. “Yah! Kim Myungsoo, you little punk,” Woohyun yelled. “Don’t freak people out like that,” Woohyun continued. “Freak people out like what?” Myungsoo yawned as he tried to tidy up his messy bed hair. “Don’t play amnesia, Myungsoo, we are extremely worried right here,” Sungyeol said as he barged into the apartment, followed by the rest and a confused Myungsoo. “You can’t just send an oblivious message at 4 in the morning and scare the hell out of people,” Hoya snapped. “What message? I don’t remember any-” Myungsoo paused for a second. “Ah, I know, yeah, why didn’t any of you just tell me the truth? I don’t even know what truth anymore because my life has been a lie, a huge messy web of lies and this kind of thing has been bugging me since I don’t know, maybe since I know that Park Saerin is my ex-girlfriend,” Myungsoo blabbered frantically, with all the angry hand gestures as he emphasized the last few words. “Wait, no. That came out wrong. Maybe since I remember the fact that Park Saerin is my ex-girlfriend,” Myungsoo added, angrily this time. The rest gasped, assuming that if Myungsoo remembers Park Saerin, he must’ve remembered almost everything. Park Saerin could be considered at the most complicated memories of Kim Myungsoo’s life, and remembering her despite the fact that Myungsoo suffered amnesia because of the pain she caused; it was almost safe to say that Myungsoo’s memories are healed, completely.

Myungsoo is not mad at his best friends or even the universe itself, more like he is mad at himself, truthfully. “Myungsoo,” Sunggyu reached out Myungsoo’s shoulder and gave him a calming tap, but it was useless, apparently. “I am a ing ball of mess, hyung,” Myungsoo sighed. “No, you are not. Myungsoo, it’s not like you want it to suffer amnesia. It’s not like you want it to forget everything. Myungsoo, we tried our best not to lie to you, but about Park Saerin, everything is just too-,” Sunggyu stopped in the midsentence, having trouble finding the best word to represent Myungsoo’s life problem. “ed up,” Sungyeol suddenly snapped. “Well that words pretty much summed up three months of your life before you went all amnesia,” Sungyeol shrugged. “Yah, Lee Sungyeol,” Sunggyu nudged the latter’s shoulder. “I know, I kind of remember,” Myungsoo murmured. “What’s with the boxes anyway?” Dongwoo suddenly asked as he pointed the pile of boxes. “Saerin gave all of that to me, she said they can help me to remember stuffs,” Myungsoo said. “You met her already? It’s not even 9 A.M yet,” Sungjong gasped. “I did, at 3 this morning, I went all crazy in front of her apartment and kind of yell at her about not being honest,” Myungsoo muttered. “You did - what?” Woohyun left his mouth hung open, still trying to process what the actual that his dongsaeng actually did. Kim Myungsoo is probably one of the stupidest, most reckless, human being Woohyun will ever have as a best friend. “Oh, goddesses,” Sungjong sighed as he dramatically placed his palm on his forehead. “Good news is she actually very calm about it,” Myungsoo’s voice cracked, remembering Saerin’s expression earlier. It was a mixture of confusion and calmness, which make Kim Myungsoo went a little crazy inside because he doesn’t know what’s on her mind. Saerin could be running away to the states again right now, and he will barely know a thing about it.

“I mean, I wouldn’t want to call it as good news when nothing good comes out from this kind of situation anyway. But, she is so calm and it almost drives me insane,” Myungsoo added. “Did you stay up all night just to remember things?” Sungyeol raised his brow. “When I saw everything, read everything from the boxes, everything suddenly comes to my mind. It’s like a storm going on my brain, I suddenly remember every single things and s, it just all came at once, and it is still coming right now, I don’t even know that that kind of thing is possible,” Myungsoo explained. “Are you guys going to leave me again?” Myungsoo suddenly said which shocked the whole room. There is silence, a quite tense one because everyone except Myungsoo, is too stunned to answer. “You do remember that too?” Hoya replied, breaking the atmosphere. “I swear if none of you shows up, I think I would die. But six of you showed up altogether,” Myungsoo paused and exhaled deeply. “It took me all my courage to ask that question,” Myungsoo muttered. “It’s been 5 years, Myungsoo,” Hoya said. “Yeah, but in past 5 years I had amnesia, which doesn’t count because I will never know if it just an act of pity or not,” Myungsoo burst out. “Rather than pity, guilt is more suitable,” Hoya sighed. “Is our friendship based on that right now? Guilt?” Myungsoo snapped. “No, of course not. It’s neither pity nor guilt. But, if you asked me, if you asked us, guilty is the first thing that came into our mind when we first heard you tried committing a suicide,” Hoya added. “We feel so sorry, hyung. You had amnesia partly because of us too,” Sungjong muttered. “We shouldn’t have ignored you from the first place. We weren’t exactly doing brothers role back then. We left you, that are why we feel guilty,” Sungyeol said.

“I understand why you left back then, because I’m such a jerk anyway,” Myungsoo sighed. “It’s necessary to be done, so I could reflect myself and how stupid I am,” Myungsoo continued. “I’m just afraid that once you guys know that I remember, you will leave me again, because I haven’t actually fixed the mess I made,” Myungsoo blathering as he brought his knee to his chest. Myungsoo was breathing hard; it felt like the burdens are