As I got off the bus I won't lie but my nerves were acting like annonying little butterflies that wouldn't stop fluttering around me.I was anxious and really nervous also kinda scared.I don't know what I was scared of but I just felt like really unsure and my insecurities were starting to attempt to eat me up alive again.All of my previous bravado had magically disappeared and now I just felt really vulnerable and exposed.

I was beyond flustered actually.You see I've always suspected that I had anxiety.Like I tried to convince myself that I didn't and that it was all just me being nervous but the more I thought about it,the more I was convince that I did have anxiety.Although I hide it pretty well sometimes glimpses of it can be seen.

For example,right now my hands were shaking with nervousness and you wouldn't see it unless you pause and focus on it.And although I looked surprisingly calm rignt now,on the inside I'm screaming at myself to go back home and just forget about this.It bothers me that I feel this way and I hate it.It stops me from being me and just makes me feel extremely vulnerable for no reason.Most of the time I just fake it in order to hide the anxiousness in me.

Confidence I learned was something that you either had or you make people think you have.

But I didn't want to be fake now.Especially not towards Seunghyun.I wanted to be the all honest me but my anxiety was being well a and I wasn't sure how to stop it from being that way.

And so I decided to text Youngbae to ask where he was.I doubt Youngbae knows about me having anxiety cause when I'm with him,I tend to be able to do everything.That's the thing with me.When I'm wuth someone I'm really comfortable with I just tend to be this really free-spirited and carefree person.I guess having that person with me just calms me down or maybe its because I'm so comfortable with him that nothing really matters and I can just be me.

It was already 10mins past 1 and I was pretty sure both Seunghyun and Youngbae were already there waiting for me.Also the fact that Youngbae had just read my message and not replied me seemed to be an very obvious clue.

I was hesitant and doubtful of everything at the moment and I really hated that.

I hate the feeling of being so cautious and scared of everything.

That wasn't me nope I wasn't someone like that.

Like you can ask me to go bungee jumoing and I would totally be up for it although at the top I'll probabaly get scared and nervous but in the end I'll still make that jump.

That was me.

That's who I am.

So why the was I still standing here and what the was I afraid of again?

With these wise words [or was it a question?] from me to myself well I decided it was time to get my together and go meet the guy I've been lajfhghskalfhbhjskads about.

And so I scrolled through my music playlist,tapped on the song that I knew would boost my morale,cranked up the volume and started walking towards the meetup point.

God damn it I swear I was all pumped it and ready to kick and like I was all like I'mma go get​ it yeah yeah let's do it I don't give a and then all of that went down the drain when I saw Seunghyun standing besides Youngbae.

Oh .I almost turned around and went back but I stopped my stupid self in time and gave myself a 5 second pep talk before resuming my walk towards them.

So Seunghyun saw me first cause Youngbae was facing away from me and he obviously had to give me the cutest smile ever.

I of course melted on the spot right there but it was all on the inside yup no way was I going to let him see it but damn he affected me so much it was impossible to not react.

So on the outside I was all

but on the inside I was definitely 

and then he did this 'I see you waddup' thingy 

and there was no way I could turn back now but

but still I made sure my face on the outside was all

jokeeeeee it was most probably like this

but still I tried my best to maintain an expressionless face as I approached them and said hi really softly and shyly and then I heard Seunghyun saying hi back and I almost died but Youngbae ruined it all by asking me why my face was turning red and I proceeded to punch him in the arm really hard but all he did was to look at me like this

Ugh that guy anyways after saying hi and all we decided to enter the store and order some bingsu.

So we sat at this square table beside the display window which was a great spot cause I could simply occupy myself by staring out the window and avoid Seunghyun yayyyy.

Thus I immediately took the seat nearest to the window and I expected myself to be sitting alone since there were 4 seats and I assumed Seunghyun would sit with Youngbae.

But he pulled up the chair beside me and I was trying to act all like oh you're sitting here oh that's cool but I was actually all what no stop no don't sit here no you can't sit with us you ain't wearing pink ahhahhhhhhhh yeah basically sputtering nonsense in my head.

And I was saved or so I thought when Youngbae stopped him and told him he wanted to sit next to me and Seunghyun was like oh okay cool and went over to the other seat.And so I thought damn that was lucky,if it wasn't for Youngbae I would be so awkward and I was about to thank him but I stopped myself because I realized that he sitting here meant that Seunghyun was going to be sitting directly opposite me.

I made sure I stepped on his foot hard enough to let him know that he was an complete idiot.

Oh now I can never look anywhere else except for the table.