While on the bus, Himchan tried to think of things to tell Yongguk when he saw him, but all he could think of was how filthy the bus was. There were people everywhere, standing, sitting, coughing, breathing. Himchan could feel the bile in his stomach churn, threatening to come up if he didn't hold it down with sheer will. 

 

When the bus came to Himchan's stop, he sprinted off, but not before a woman used his shoulder as a prop to stand up while he was on his way out. He made it off the bus before he began vomiting onto the sidewalk. People walking by him grimaced in disgust and moved away from him. This was normal for him, so he just finished, cleaned himself of with disinfectant wipes, and continued on his way. He was on a mission and nothing was going to stop him. 

 

After getting lost twice and throwing up in an alley once, Himchan finally found Yongguk's house. 

 

He walked up to the front step and disinfected the doorbell before he rang it. He wanted to yell and scream at Yongguk because he was so angry and confused, but the second a confused Yongguk opened the door, Himchan pushed past him and ran towards what looked like the bathroom in order to wash his hands. 

 

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!"

 

It wasn't the bathroom. 

 

"Jesus, just shut the door! Please!" came Junhong's cracked, embarrassed voice. 

 

Himchan shut the door before hearing, "Oh my God, was that seonsaeng?!" in what sounded like his student Moon Jongup's voice. 

 

"Himchan? You alright?" Yongguk asked, motioning for Himchan to follow him to the actual bathroom. 

 

"I just wanted to wash my hands and instead I walked in on two of my students doing questionable and just down right filthy things," Himchan complained as he walke into the bathroom and turned the faucet. 

 

"They're teenage boys. Just let 'em go," Yongguk soothed. 

 

"God, I don't think I'll ever be able to look them in the eye anymore, poor kids. It must be horrifying to have your teacher see you doing....that," Himchan said, toweling of his hands. 

 

"Oh, they'll be alright. Now, do you mind telling me why you're in my house, and why you mistook my little brother and his best friend as my bathroom?" Yongguk asked, smiling his signature gummy smile as if he hadn't just crushed Himchan's heart a half hour earlier. 

 

"Oh, don't say disgusting things like that!" Himchan scolded. 

 

"Like what? ?" Yongguk asked, raising an eyebrow. 

 

"Ah! Stop!" Himchan said, covering his ears. 

 

Yongguk laughed then, a deep belly laugh. 

 

"It's not funny!" Himchan said, a blush forming on his cheeks. 

 

After Yongguk had calmed down he asked Himchan, "But seriously, why are you in my house?"

 

"Well, I, uh," Himchan stammered. 

 

"Yeah?" Yongguk asked. 

 

"Well, why did you abandon me?" Himchan blurted out. 

 

"What?" Yongguk asked. 

 

"Well, I mean, I didn't ask to be cured, but you just waltzed into my life and promised to cure me. I kind of got hopes, you know? Hopes that maybe I could be normal, and live like normal people. Hopes that one day, I could interact with my students, whom I love, without feeling disgusted by the mere idea of them touching me. You even kissed me! But then, all of a sudden, you leave me. After I was finally on my way to becoming normal, you left me. What was I supposed to think about that? You promised to stick with me, but now you say it's better for me? What the hell?" Himchan spat out. 

 

Yongguk blinked. 

 

And he grabbed Himchan's wrist and led him to the couch, despite his obvious discomfort. He sat Himchan down on the couch and sat down next to him to face him. 

 

"Himchan," Yongguk began. 

 

"Yes?" Himchan asked. 

 

"When I said it would be better for you if we stopped seeing each other, I actually meant that it would be better for me if we stopped seeing each other," Yongguk said. 

 

"Why?" Himchan asked. 

 

Yongguk blinked. 

 

"Himchan, you do realize that I'm in love with you, right?" Yongguk asked. 

 

"What?" Himchan asked, astonished. 

 

"I told you I am," Yongguk stated plainly. 

 

"You did? When?" Himchan asked. 

 

"Before I kissed you," Yongguk said. 

 

"I don't see what you being in love with me has anything to do with it," Himchan said. 

 

Yongguk blinked again. 

 

"I don't trust myself not to touch you. I kissed you even though I knew you couldn't handle it. I can't control myself around you. I don't want to hurt you because of my own selfishness. I can't cure you like that," Yongguk explained. 

 

"That doesn't mean you can just throw me away like I'm trash," Himchan said, raising his voice a little. 

 

"I'm not 'just throwing you away'. It's just, even as a licensed psychiatrist, I know it's hard to change a person's life. I'm sorry I tried to change yours without realizing the consequences," Yongguk said, dropping his head in shame. 

 

Himchan breathed in deeply. 

 

He clenched and unclenched his fists a few times. 

 

Yongguk raised his head. 

 

Himchan raised his hand and slapped Yongguk across the face. 

 

"What the hell was that for?" Yongguk asked angrily, bringing his hand up to touch the stinging skin from Himchan's slap. 

 

"What the is wrong with you?!" Himchan yelled.  

 

"Pardon?" Yongguk asked. 

 

"Do you not realize that you changed my life completely the second you entered it? I am terrified of the world around me. Touching things, touching people, all of that was impossible for me until you stepped in. I still don't want to touch things or people, I don't even want to touch my own skin half the time, but you're the first person who's ever made it clear to me that touching is possible. I always distanced myself from people, never got close to them, which is very hard to do in my profession. My students know to use a disinfectant wipe on anything they might hand to me besides paper. My students kept their distance. I liked distance. Distance kept me clean. But you, you came in and you closed all the gaps I made to separate myself from society. You pushed me in head first. You exposed me to things I stayed away from. In a way, you ruined my life. But you opened up a new one," Himchan said, anger and frustration dripping from his words like venom. 

 

Yongguk blinked. 

 

"Is that all you can ever ing do? Just blink?" Himchan spat out, fed up and ready to go before he further humiliated himself. 

 

He stood up from the couch and turned to leave when suddenly he felt Yongguk's grip on his arm. 

 

"Wait. Don't go," Yongguk pleaded. 

 

"Why shouldn't I? You think you're doing all this to help me, but really, aren't you being a little selfish?" Himchan said, looking at Yongguk with disgust. 

 

"Selfish? I'm being selfish?" Yongguk asked. 

 

Himchan nodded. 

 

Yongguk pulled Himchan back down to the couch and looked him straight in the eye. 

 

"I'm trying to do this for your own good. I take it you've never been in love before, since your main goal in life is to distance yourself from people. When you love someone, you want to be with that person as much as you can. Your heart races whenever you see them, and you become happy when there's nothing to be happy about. You start to want to touch that person, to convey your feelings for that person with skinship and intimacy. Above all, you just want to be reciprocated. But when you love someone with mysophobia, you can't touch them whenever you want to. You have to be considerate of the fact that they don't want to be touched. You have to have self control or else you'll cross a line. I love you, Himchan, and I crossed a line. Do you still think I'm being selfish?" Yongguk asked. 

 

"Yes. Yes I do," Himchan said indignantly. 

 

"Why?" Yongguk asked. 

 

"Because you never took into consideration how I feel at all. You just assume things and then handle them on your own. That seems like a pretty big faux pas for a licensed psychologist like yourself, no?" Himchan asked. 

 

"Fair enough, Mr. Kim. So, how do you feel?" Yongguk asked him in his best therapist voice. 

 

Himchan leaned over and kissed Yongguk on the lips, conveying every single frustration he had felt in his entire life in one quick peck. 

 

"That is how I feel, Doctor," Himchan said snarkiky before getting off the couch and bolting into the bathroom.

 

The real bathroom this time. 

 

A/n: Chapter 15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Can y'all believe it because I can't.  I also can't believe Himchan said the f-word. Twice. 

 

Anyway, thank y'all soooo much for commenting and subscribing and supporting me. Without y'all faithful few, I would be nothing. Much love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!