Tao's body twitched and shuddered in his sleep. He soon began thrashing wildly. Tears streamed down his face. "No! St- ah! Nn! Ahh!" He cried loudly. Kris stirred in the darkness. Tao's hand landed forcefully on his face. He furrowed his eyebrows and sat up. He wondered for a minute what the heck was going on, then clued in. 

Tao threw his head back far and grimaced his teeth. His arms and legs tensed then spasmed randomly. His whole body shook. He cried very incoherent things into the air. "Nng-ahh! Gah! Nnh!" Kris just watched in shock, not knowing what to do. Finally he made out a few words. "Stahhp! Ugh! Nnn! Ih hurts! Hur-urts!"

His eyes shot wide open. Kris desperately began shaking the boy and shouting "Tao! Wake up! TAO!!"

Tears continued to fall. Then, everything stilled for a moment. Kris hesitantly watched Tao's frozen, yet shaking form. Suddenly Tao sprang up and gasped loudly, eyes flying open. He instantly swung around and shoved Kris forcefully off the bed. He landed on a pile of laundry with an "oof!" 

Tao pinned himself against the wall, gasping deeply but quickly. Sweat and tears streaked his face and glistened in the moonlight flooding in through the room's only window. His eye whites were wide, like a spooked animal. (Like D.O. on a sugar high) Kris watched him, surprised. He was very cautious. 

 
Kris stared into Tao's usually calm, dark, relaxed eyes which now reflected a fear and pain and chaos. His face was contorted in absolute terror. "It's okay, Tao," Kris encouragingly murmured. "You're okay now. It's all over. You're alright. Don't worry, just settle down." 

Tao was hyperventilating, panting uncontrollably. The lump in his throat was so large he had a difficult time inhaling properly. Each breath was embarrassingly loud and choked. He held a blanket over his nose and mouth to breath through to muffle the strangled noises escaping his swollen throat. The blanket partially obstructed his nasal passage and he produced an unattractive snort. He hid his face in embarrassment. 

He continued to quiver. Kris approached very slowly, edging closer to the bed. He crawled on. He lifted a hand out then, again, very slowly, he pressed it softly against Tao's cheek. His face was so white. So pale. So drained and empty. 

Kris rubbed the back of his knuckles affectionately up and down Tao's cheek. Tao calmed. Eventually his breathing slowed and his heartbeat lightened. It was the fastest Tao's ever calmed down after a panic attack. The rapid shaking stopped, the tears were wiped away, and color returned to Tao's face. Kris wrapped his arms protectively around him. Tao held on tightly and began sobbing against Kris's shoulder, now just from the shock, no longer from the pain or fear. Tao could hear and even feel Kris' rhythmic heartbeat against himself. Kris murmured lowly into Tao's ear. 

"K-Kris, I was scared! I was s-so scared!~" Tao's voice was still broken and cracking. "It h-hurt Kris, it hurt s-so b-bad."

The movement of Kris' hand rubbing softly against Tao's back stilled. "What hurt Tao?"

"He... He... But... I th-thought he l-oved me!"

"Hmm?"

"Kris! Oh, K-Kris!" he wailed out extremely loudly. "Kris I'm so sor-ry!"

"What? Why? Don't be sorry..."

"I-I'm I'm g-g-gay... I'm so sorry! Don't hate me!"

Kris wasn't surprised, but he didn't say anything. He moved so that they were sitting side by side, leaning against the wall. Kris held Tao's hand. Once again they both waited for Tao to calm down to a reasonable level. 

Tao tipped his head back to rest against the wall. His eyes closed and he breathed through his mouth for the longest time. When he thought about the panic attack he was having it would start back up again. The cycle of crying and gasping uncontrollably then breathing regularly continued for a long while. He was used to the process, but it was very exhausting. He checked his phone to see what time it was. Four in the morning. What really caught Tao's eye was a text on his screen. It was from Xiumin. It had been sent yesterday when Tao was too occupied with Kris to check his phone. 

>> Xiuminnie Hyung
9:27pm
Hey Tao. I know it's been a while. I just wanted to let you know that I'll be dropping by your apartment tomorrow morning to pick up that video game I left at your house a few weeks ago. I know where you keep the spare key. I won't bother you. Just thought you should know. 

Tao shrugged. Numerous minutes later Tao's voice was mostly back to normal. 

"Sorry about all that... I think I had a bit of a bad dream."

Kris stared at him incredulously. "Really?! I hadn't noticed!"

Tao laughed weakly. "It happens all the time, don't worry about it."

"This... happens a lot?"

"Well... yeah, kinda. I'm kind of used to it by now but obviously I'd still freak out a bit."

"Wow... Honestly, you seemed so happy and childish to me... I never would've guessed that."

Tao would've denied that if he weren't so tired. Kris waited a little while before asking nervously, "Could you tell me what it was about?"

"The dream?" Tao sighed. "I've never told anyone though," he admitted. 

"Then, could I be your first?"

Tao tipped his head so it rested on Kris' shoulder. Kris raised his eyebrows. "I don't want you to see me that way because I'm scared you'll treat me differently." Tao used Kris' words to explain. "I don't want you to pity me because of my past. I... I guess I can tell you though."

Kris rubbed his thumb against the back of Tao's hand and tilted his head so it leaned against Tao's. 

"I left home as soon as I finished high school. I couldn't stand how things were at home. I just needed to escape that place. I'd never really had a plan of what I wanted to do with my life, I just wanted to get away, live on my own. I didn't know anyone. I didn't know where to go. I didn't have much money. I was lonely." 

"Is that what your nightmare was about?" Asked Kris. "About being lonely?" 

"No, I'm not at all to the bad part yet."

"Oh. Well ."

"I could put up with being lonely. It's not something that bothered me that much. I was crashing in my friend Xiumin's basement but his mom wanted me out," Tao explained. "I've slept in some pretty crappy places. One day... this g-guy found me at the train station. He's five years older than me, so he would've been 21. My age now. Somehow he seemed a lot older. Then again, I was only 16 at the time. He took care of me so I believed everything he said. I loved him with all my heart. My first love. I followed him, I admired him, I trusted everything he told me. I would be more than willing do absolutely anything he asked. I was really desperate to please him. All of his words I took to heart. Though, it was bad sometimes because it would really impact me when he'd call me stupid and ugly or worthless and stuff."

Kris' eyes turned dark. His eyebrows furrowed. His lips parted. "He said that?! That's messed up! That's the biggest lie I've heard in my life! You're so cute, and kind, and cool, and sweet, and funny, and downright hot and y-" Kris paused then looked down. Tao smiled. "Uh- um, you were saying?"

"Right... well, he sometimes called me names. When he made me feel fat I would starve myself until I was bony and dizzy a lot. And... I'm not going to lie... he hit me until I was black and blue. I remember one time I couldn't go out in public because my face was so messed up. I didn't want people looking at me funny or asking me how it happened. I didn't want people to tell me that I shouldn't be with that guy anymore. I loved him. Though, thinking about it now, he treated me as his slave. But for some reason I really did trust him a lot. He promised me he loved me. I believed him entirely. Then, one thing led to another, and he took me to a hotel... you know, one of those "special" hotels."

"Oh god," Kris whispered. 

"I was young. And innocent. And so desperate for love. But he... he violated me... he hurt me so bad I bled. The pain was so violent I nearly passed out. I didn't though, as much I wanted to so desperately."

Kris covered his mouth with one hand, speechless. Tao would've been crying by now but apparently the well's run dry and there was nothing really left to cry. 

"When I reached my limit I complained that I didn't like the way he was treating me. It really meant nothing at the time but he used it as an excuse to "break up". He blamed me for everything. He'd used me so there was no point to be around me anymore anyways. He left right away and never wanted to see me again... I was broken. Inside and out. I couldn't walk properly for over a week after that night. The scars healed. The bruises on my skin faded away but the pain didn't. He'd really made it feel like the whole thing was my fault. I hit my ultimate low. I had some really bad thoughts I can't talk about. I did some really bad things I can't talk about. I'd had a hard time being around people for a long time. Ever since then I'd never gotten close to anyone else. I made it through though. It's been so long now, I'm not afraid of people like I used to be... but the nightmares return... and I remember it all so clearly. What he said to me, how it felt... I remember everything."

Kris wrapped his arms tightly around Tao. Tao's face was tucked against Kris' warm neck. They stayed that way for a long while. Tao was so thankful for that. In fact he actually dozed off for a little bit. Even though Kris seemed cold and uncaring at first glance, he was so soft and gentle when you got to know him. It really was like seeing a completely different person. Kris Tao's relatively short black hair soothingly. 

"Tao, please trust me. I know I can't relate to what you went through, but I know that everything's going to be okay now. This might be cheesy but... You're special. You're more special than you will ever be able to realize."

Tao pulled his head back from Kris' shoulder and they stared into each other's eyes, still in one another's arms. Their foreheads touched as Kris continued to speak. Tao's eyes fluttered closed as he was absorbed into Kris' smooth, deep voice, which oozed out like a sweet river of warm honey. Tao's chest warmed. His lips ached. He wanted so badly to taste that honey. He wanted it so badly on his lips and in his mouth. His body relaxed against Kris, feeling his arms around him, large hands holding him close. He listened carefully to each one of Kris' words. 

"Tao, if that guy couldn't see how incredibly wonderful and special and perfect you are, he was insane. If he thought even for a millisecond of time, only a blink hesitation, that you aren't the most beautiful human being on the planet, he must be blind. He will never deserve you. You are way too good for him. If you yourself can't see how perfect you really are, I'll get you a pair of glasses. I'll make you look a little closer. I'll take you to Walmart or Ikea and buy you a better mirror because the one you're looking into is old and scratchy and cracked. It would have to be for you to find any form of blemish or flaw. I wish I could make you see the same thing I do when I look at you. That way you would know for sure how special you are."

Tao squeezed his arms around Kris tightly again. The last few tears slid down Tao's cheek and dropped onto Kris' shoulder. Kris gazed at the boy softly. Tao sniffled. "Are you crying? Are you still afraid?" 

"No," Tao answered. "I'm just... happy."

Kris sighed in relief. "I'm glad, please stay that way." 

". . . "

"You are too cheesy! You made me cry again!" Tao laughed out, wiping his eyes. 

Kris groaned. "I know, I'm sorry." 

"But hey," Tao continued, " thank you, I honestly mean it when I say I can't even describe what it means to me to have such a good friend."

Kris forced a chuckle. "Of course. That's what friends are for." 

Of course. Friends.

~~~~~~~~~

A/N: I hated this chapter before because it's so boring but I don't know how I feel about it now. I'm not sure if I like how it turned out or not. 
It's inevitable. Even when something's supposed to be tragic I go and make it fluffy. God damn it taoris feels getting in the way of a tense atmosphere. Just not gonna happen I guess. Sorry. 
Ugh, I hate reading other fanfictions while writing my own because I go back to write and I'm like wow... this seems pretty crappy now, huh... Idk why the spaces between paragraphs are suddenly so wide but hopefull it doesn't show up too bad.