When the movie ended, i let go of tiffany’s hand reluctantly. I mean, the lamp in this room will be turn on anytime soon, and it will be awkward if the other member see me and tiffany holding hand like that. and i guess it right. Because shortly after that, maknae already turn on back all of the lamp in the living room. One by one, they start to leave the living room and heading back to their own room after saying good night to each other, get ready to sleep. When i also want to leave the living room, i feel someone’s hand grabbing mine. I can guess who is it without even looking at the latter.

“we need to talk. I’ll wait for you in my room.” tiffany whispering in my ear before she let go of my hand, and walk towards her room.

I watch the others get inside their room, and when i’m sure no one else left in the living room, i leave the living room too after i turn off all the lamps there, then climbing up the stairs, and walk into tiffany’s room.

            “fany?” i call her name when i open the door.

            “close the door tae.. and lock it please?” she said calmly to me. i don’t know why but suddenly i feel kind of nervous and shy around her. Now that we’re in the same room, with only the two of us. It’s not like we never in the same room before, we even share the same room back in the training time. i was her first roommate in Korea. But back then, we didn’t have this kind of feeling for each other. Or maybe we have it but we just didn’t realize it yet. And now, that both of us have admit to each other that we have the mutual special feeling for each other, i just can’t help but feel nervous and shy.

“we need to talk, tae. Don’t you have something to tell me? like anything?” she asked me. now i have locked the door, and staring at her blankly. She’s sitting on her bed and i am still standing like a fool in front of her door.

“umm.. i..i..” i get nervous and can’t speak properly

“Speak properly, taeyeon-ah..” she speaks again

“i..i’m sorry. For today. For come back late, for make you mad at me, for everything..” i said sincerely to her

“and i’m sorry too, taeyeon-ah. For yelling at you, for get mad at you, for everything.” Now it’s her turn to say sorry to me

I still stand awkwardly in front of her door. I don’t know what should i do, or what should i say. I mean there are a lot of things in my mind that i want to tell her, or ask her, but i don’t know where to start..

“come here, sit beside me..” she patted an empty spot beside her. So i walk closer to her, and obediently sit on the place she asked me to.

“listen, i forgive you okay. And i hope you’ll forgive me too. It’s so hard not to talk to you and try to restraint myself from touching you. and you should know that it hurts. A lot.” She starts the speak again. Now i try to look into her eyes, and i can see clearly the pain in her eyes. So i caressing her cheek lovingly as i speak..

“mian, i’m sorry for hurting you.. you know i never want to hurt you..” i said sincerely

Suddenly she hugs me tight, and burrying her face in my shoulder. I hug her back, and kiss her head few times.

“fany-ah, look at me..” i said to her, and break the hug so she can look at my eyes and see how dead serious i am now.

“i need, i mean we need to solve everything out. Our relationship, you and i, we’re just too complicated. You know that right?” i give a pause for awhile to see her reaction before i continue to speak again. She just nodded her head as the sign for me to continue speaking.

“you and i, our relationship is complicated because we don’t know where we stand in each other’s life right now. We are friend, best friend, but even if i add thousand times of ‘best’, it’s still won’t describe our relationship rightly. We’re more than friend, we both know that. but it’s also wrong if we called each other as a lover because sadly we’re not even though we love each other more than a lover can do. We are somehow in the gray area between friend and lover. And it’s so confusing sometimes, well, not sometimes but all the time. and it can hurt us like hell. i want to ask you, are you really serious..with this? with me? are you really sure with your feeling to me? and if you do, then the next question is, do you willing to risk everything that you have right now because you choose to love me and to be with me? i mean, our relationship, this kind of relationship is still forbidden in our country. It’s like a big sin, a disgrace. It’s against our nature, against our norm, our culture, our religion. Can you imagine what is the reaction of our family if they find out about this? The reaction of our friends, our fans if they know that we’re in love with each other? Our career maybe will also ended. Something that we have hardly pursue from zero, with tears, sweat, pain, and so many sacrifices. Will you willing to sacrifice everything, risking everything to be with me? please ask yourself those questions first. And really think about it. I won’t force you to answer my question now or anytime soon. Let’s we give each other some time and some space to think about this, about our relationship and where will we bring this relationship to in the future. I also will ask the same questions to myself. And if we’re ready to answer it, we should tell each other the answer honestly. So we can figure it out together what should we do next for our relationship. I know maybe you get mad at me this morning is because i