|| Navi with slight Luck, Kenbin  & Rabin ||

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The leader knew something was up with the rapper; and he felt dead inside for not realising it sooner. He wanted to help, to call someone in so his best friend could just have someone to talk to - because he sure as hell knew Wonshik wouldn't talk to him.

Sobs echoed through the apartment and Hakyeon was beyond confused. He had thought all the others would be out for their day off - it's not even an assumption, it's a given. The only reason he wasn't out with them was because he had decided his day off would be spent on the couch watching Dramas and eating very unhealthy junk food - because everyone knows where Jaehwan's secret stash is.

He didn't know who the sobs belonged to, until he had reached the door to the bathroom and he heard the low and deep voice of Kim Wonshik. The older male's heart shattered at the sound and it took all his strength not to sob himself, of course being the emotional man he was his strength just wasn't enough and a chocked gasp escaped the poor man's mouth.

Not two seconds later and the bathroom door was opened, revealing a teary rapper with wide eyes.

"Hyung". Wonshik wasn't asking a question or calling Hakyeon. Instead he was warning him. "Hyung, just turn around and walk away. Please. Please just pretend you never saw anything. Just turn a blind eye and look the other way"

Hakyeon went to protest but Wonshik could sense it.

"Hyung, please just...don't. If you care for me - and I know you do - just walk away"

Hakyeon felt so goddamn guilty as he sat in the hospital room, his fingers intertwined with Wonshik's. He shouldn't have listened, he should've trusted his instincts and made the rapper tell him what was wrong but he didn't and that's why they're here now; it was all Hakyeon's fault.

A soft knock on the door brought Hakyeon out of his guilt-ridden thoughts. He turned his head on slightly to see Taekwoon walking in the door, followed by Jaehwan, Hongbin and finally young Sanghyuk.

"Hyungs" the maknae sobbed at the sight of both his hyungs. Wonshik laying on his death bed, pale and lifeless; with Hakyeon sat on the chair beside him looking much the same, the only sign that he wasn't dead was the redness around his eyes.

The maknae went to run forward but the arm of Taekwoon wrapped around his stomach, stopping him from going any further. The maknae tried at first to leave the quiet man's arms but after a few moments he stopped and embraced Taekwoon, continuously sobbing 'Why?' into his chest.

There was no answer Taekwoon could give.

Jaehwan walked over towards the bed and moved to the other side that Hakyeon wasn't occupying, a sad sigh leaving the usually happy vocal's mouth. His hand came up to smooth the rapper's hair. "Wonshikie..." the vocalist sighs with one lone tear finding it's way down Jaehwan's cheek.

"How did it even happen? There were no signs" the visual spoke up for the first time, his body hunched almost permanently as he leaned against the doorframe of their friend's hospital room. They had been lucky enough to have him be the only patient in the room; the nurse asked for it specifically once she realised who he was.

The leader scoffed making all the awake members look at him in shock.

"No signs? God there were so many signs! They may as well have been written in Neon and tattooed across his forehead. It's all my fault" Hakyeon sobbed into his arms as he rested his head down on them. He shouldn't have walked away; he should have stayed being the nosey leader he always was and this wouldn't have happened. Wonshik would be awake, he would have been ok!

"Hyung, it's not your fault" Jaehwan tried to reassure his hyung, his leader, his friend but the older just shook his head frantically and refused to listen to his dongsaeng.

"No you don't understand! I knew something was wrong, he told me to not tell anyone; he told me that if i cared for him then I should just walk away! I knew something was wrong, it's my fault because I didn't do anything"

The others said nothing, because they knew nothing would change their hyungs mind except hearing it from Wonshik himself and no-one even knew if he was going to wake up, let alone be able to recall everything that's happened and say he did; what would remembering do to his mental state?

"What did you see hyung? What did he tell you? What did you keep from us?" Hongbin asked, his voice becoming more frantic with each second that passed.

"I heard him, crying in the bathroom and when he opened the door he looked horrible. Almost as bad as he does right now, laying on this bed. He begged me not to say anything, and I just didn't-"

"You mean you knew he was sick and you said nothing!? What type of leader are you Hakyeon!? No forget that, what type of friend are you?" Hongbin spits, "A pretty ty one let me tell you". The disgust and betrayal in Hongbin's eyes could not be missed.  Jaehwan walks around to Hongbin and murmurs in his ear, earning a scoff from the visual.

" being honourable, and my manners. I'm sure Hakyeon wasn't thinking about being honourable or his manners when he found out Wonshik was sick, were you hyung? Of course not you were too busy trying to get him to like you back; newsflash dickhead he will never like you back because he's going to die in that hospital bed. He's going to die because of you"

And with that the visual stormed out of the room, the door banging loudly after him and rebounding off the wall. Jaehwan sighed and followed after him, shooting a cold glare in Hakyeon's direction.

"Hakyeon..." Taekwoon murmurs, his eyes wide as he stares at the person he thought was his best friend. "Why didn't you say anything? To me even. We could've helped Wonshik" Taekwoon mumbles, his voice wavering with uncertainty and his arms tightening around the sobbing Sanghyuk.

"He-" Hakyeon's tears get in the way and he can't see, "He told me not to"

"It doesn't matter!" Taekwoon screeches, tears forming in his own eyes.  Without another word he tries to take Sanghyuk out of the room, only to have the teary maknae stop at the door. "Hyukkie-" Taekwoon tries to get him outside but the maknae shakes his head, tears silently falling as he stares at Hakyeon.

"I hate you. I hate you so much, and if Wonshik hyung doesn't come out of this ok; I'm quitting VIXX. If Wonshik hyung doesn't make it out of this, I never want to see your face again"

It was Sanghyuk's turn to drag Taekwoon out of the room.

Cha Hakyeon then broke down; worse than ever before. His heartbreaking sobs could be heard all throughout the hospital. Tears cascaded down his cheeks, with the droplets landing on Wonshik's hospital bed and some even onto the rapper's chalk white hand. He hadn't just failed Wonshik, or himself; he failed Wonshik's family, he had failed Sanghyuk, Hongbin, Jaehwan and Taekwoon. He failed the Starlights. Hakyeon had failed everybody all because he had a simple crush on his unattainable bandmate.

Hakyeon began to rage.

He threw the chair backwards and shouted at the top of his lungs. He cursed and screeched, sobbed and gasped for breath as he fell to his knees at the side of Wonshik's bed.

"Wonshikie...Wonshikie I love you so much. You-You just can't leave me. Sanghyuk hates me, Sanghyuk! Of all people, Wonshik please. I need you to wake up. I don't care if you hate me and never want to see me again, i just-I just need to hear your voice and your laugh and I need for you to stay alive. Kim Wonshik I love you, please. I know I've failed you, and I know I don't deserve for you to wake up but the others do. The others deserve it, they love you as much as I do. Please Wonshik-"

The older cut himself off as he heard loud, ear-piercing beeping coming from one of the machines his love was hooked up to. He panicked. He began to hyperventilate as he screamed for help, for the nurse.

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The door to VIXX's dorm opened and all heads turned immediately.

Sanghyuk's head rested on Taekwoon's shoulder as the elder rocked the maknae back and forth slowly, trying to keep him as calm as he could. Hongbin sat in the corner of the room, a bottle of alcohol in one hand while the other the hair on Jaehwan's head as the cute main vocal had rested his head in the visual's lap.

"Wonshik hyung, is he-is he ok?" Sanghyuk asked, eyes pleading with Hakyeon's as he jumped out of Taekwoon's embrace. He needed to know now, they all did for any chance of some sort of mental recovery. Hakyeon's tearstained cheeks said it all, and the maknae gasped.

"No, n-no. No hyung, he's ok? He's not g-g-he's ok. He has to be"

Hakyeon just shook his head and everyone gasped. Tears escaped and shouts of rage came from the two maknaes.  "He's dead" Hongbin sighed painfully. Hakyeon could only nod and before he knew what was happening he had been tackled to the ground. His head banged horrifically loud against the wooden floor, but he made no effort to fight back as Sanghyuk continued to punch him.

Must've been training with Wonshikie....

The maknae continued to punch until finally Taekwoon pulled the boy off - much to Hakyeon's dismay. He wanted Sanghyuk to keep punching him, maybe he'd take enough and finally be put out of his misery. Maybe he'd find his way to Wonshik - wherever he is now.

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It'd been years since everything changed.

Fifteen to be exact.

Fifteen years since Wonshik passed. Fifteen years since VIXX split. Fifteen years since he'd been face to face with any of the members - apart from Wonshik, he'd visit him everyday. He knew the other members were doing well, he'd kept tabs on them.

Sanghyuk and Taekwoon finally came out to the world - they got married about ten years ago. They have eight year old triplets, two boys and a girl; plus a four year old son. Taekwoon's a stay-at-home Dad, while Sanghyuk is a teacher.

Hongbin quit the idol life - although the idol life didn't exactly quit him - and became one of the most well-known ( and best paid) models South Korea has ever seen. He's been in and out of relationships - with males and females - and right now is with a lovely guy that works with Sanghyuk. 

Jaehwan went off and had a solo career, still known by all as Ken. He's married to a girl he went to school with, apparently they'd been going out while VIXX was still together - sneaky bugger kept it from his N-Umma. She's unable to have children, so they adopted some. You wouldn't believe how many....six. Lee Jaehwan has six children, and his wife has seven - if you get what I mean. He named his eldest son Wonshik...

The leader stayed under the radar, never bringing too much attention to himself. He stayed out of trouble, worked at the local kids play park. He was even promoted to manager. He went by Hakyeon, and only Hakyeon. N no longer existed, only Cha Hakyeon was left. He didn't sing anymore, only when he had to sing Happy Birthday at the parties his work held for the children...and even then he'd sing horribly like Jaehwan used to do.

He heard there was a big group today, a 10th birthday party for a little girl. Only there were going to be ten children attending and Hakyeon knew he couldn't give this to one of the newbies. They wouldn't make it an hour, let alone a whole day so he took it upon himself to be in charge of this party.

He got to work and stayed in his office until a knock on the door brought him out of his daydreams.

"Hakyeon, the 10th birthday party is here" one of his colleagues lets him know. He smiles softly at the young boy before placing the pink party hat on his head and putting on his best smile. He walks out of his office and towards the biggest party room the centre had. Hakyeon opened the door and everyone inside looked at him.

He couldn't believe it.

Fifteen years of flying under the radar and keeping out of everyone's lives, and here in front of him sat his old brothers. Jaehwan, Hongbin, Taekwoon and Sanghyuk all stared at him with wide eyes. He looked like their old leader, aside from the now permanent bags under his eyes and small amount of facial hair. He looked thinner - a lot thinner - than when they last saw him and his hair, oh his precious hair that he always seemed to be fixing was now thinner and longer than they ever thought would suit the man. He looked rough and unkempt, but not gross or homeless looking, just rough and unkempt enough for Hakyeon. One thing that Sanghyuk noticed immediately was Hakyeon's nose, it looked odd and distorted slightly. It turns out he had broken it that night they all found out about Wonshik.

Hakyeon needed to hold himself up straight and pretend he knew no one in that room, that's what he promised himself he would do if he was ever in this position. Of course that's a lot easier said than done...

"Hello everybody! How are we all?" he smiles brightly at the children. All of them giggle while answering in unison, "Good!". He chuckles and smiles brightly at them. "Well now I think we're all here for a birthday party, am I right? Whose the birthday girl today?" he asks the kids, hands on his hips as he scans the crowd of children playfully making them all continue to giggle.

"Me! Me!"

A girl at the back of the group throws her hand up and jumps up and down on the spot.

"Who? Is someone saying something?" Hakyeon pretends not to hear anything while all the children laugh and the adults look on in amusement . A small figure comes and tugs on Hakyeon's pants. Hakyeon looks down at the small person and his heart pounds incredibly hard against his chest.

The little child in front of him had Sanghyuk's eyes, exactly. It was as if he was looking into the eyes of one of Sanghyuk's baby photos. His words got caught in his throat when the toddler smiled and giggled up at him.

"Mister, it's SuBin's birthday" baby Sanghyuk informs Hakyeon before toddling his way back to his fathers. Well god darn it Hakyeon was about to faint, he knew it.

"Well Miss SuBin come up here then" Hakyeon resumed his fake smile as the girl with long hair and round glasses walks over to him, a big grin on her face. He took the party hat off his head and placed it gracefully onto hers.

"Now let the party begin!"

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"Now does everyone understand the rules?" Hakyeon asked with a raised eyebrow. All nine children, plus Jaehwan, Sanghyuk and Hongbin nodded at Hakyeon.

Hakyeon didn't just work at a play park. He worked at a trampoline place, that also had a Laser Tag - the play park was for the younger ones. Of course as soon as Hakyeon said that adults could be involved, the two maknaes - well they're not exactly his maknaes anymore are they? - and Jaehwan immediately jumped forward.

There was a Red Team and a Blue team.

"Alright then! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 GO!" he shouted pressing the button that would open the door. Everyone ran in and he closed it immediately, rushing around to look through the employee hole to make sure everyone was good. The clock counted down from 10 so everyone could have their hiding places and when the clock got to 1 then everyone would be able to shoot. Hakyeon chuckled as everyone started screaming and he swore he could even hear Jaehwan.

Hakyeon then moved back to the big party room where Taekwoon and his youngest son, Jaehwan's wife and Hongbin's partner were the only ones still seated in the room. Jaehwan's wife - He really must learn her name - and Hongbin's partner - his too - were talking softly while Taekwoon entertained his son.

Taekwoon was the only one who looked up and his eyes told his whole story - like they always had.

"Hakyeon..." he murmurs moving to stand up, only to have his son tug on his arm.

"Appa stay with me" the toddler whined. "No go, stay with me"

"I'll be right back, I just need to talk to Ha-"

A loud, extremely high-pitched scream was heard and Hakyeon couldn't help but chuckle. That was maknae Hyuk alright. Taekwoon's son began to pout and a few tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Is A-Appa o-ok? He's screaming! Did Uncle Ken hurt him?"

"Shh no, Appa's ok" Taekwoon lifted the young boy up into his arms and tried to calm him, but the young one wasn't able to be calmed. "No I have to go see if he's ok!" the young boy threw himself out of his father's embrace only to run straight into Hakyeon's legs.

"Move Mister, I-I need to find my Appa"

"Hey your Appa is just fine, ok I promise you" Hakyeon bends down to the young boy's level and looks him in the eye. He looked so much like Sanghyuk that he felt the need to protect and look after the toddler, just like he did with Sanghyuk.

"H-How do you know?" the little boy hiccups, wiping away his tears. "Because your Appa is a very strong man, and your Uncle Ken knows when to stop ok?". The toddler nods, but still seems unsure.

"Come on, lets go see if your Appa's ok"

Hakyeon lifts the boy up into his arms, giving worried Taekwoon a look before walking off back to the employee hole he stood just moments before this happened. I held his small body up so he could look through the window and he gasped.

"Wow! It looks so cool!"

I couldn't help but chuckle as his eyes grew wide at all the colours whizzing past from everyone running and then I saw him.

"There!" I point out his Appa and suddenly the young boy is happy again as he sees his Appa is fine and not hurt. "Come on, lets go back" I smile at the young boy whose grin is as wide as the moon. "Thank you mister" he smiles up at me as we walk back towards the big party room. As soon as we walk in Taekwoon is on us.

"Aish my baby! Are you ok? You're not hurt?" Taekwoon asks worriedly as he takes his son of me.

"Ya Taekwoonie, you think I'll let your son be in danger?" Hakyeon questions without thinking. Taekwoon looks at him with raised eyebrows. "Taekwoonie? So it is you" the younger murmurs.

"Of course it's me" Hakyeon murmurs sourly, pulling that face he used to so often when he was annoyed at the members. The face he used to pull at Wonshik when they were mucking around...

"Aish sorry, I was simply asking" Taekwoon scowls and then for a moment, just one moment, it's like they're 24 again and bickering like they always did.

"How...How've you been?" Taekwoon asks, finally letting his son go. The young boy doesn't run off, instead he stays at his Appa's feet an holds onto his Appa's trousers.

"Fine"

"Ya Hakyeon, don't lie!" the younger scolds his old leader in a way only he can.

"What do you want me to say Taekwoon!? I'm depressed? Or that I rarely eat because food is expensive and I spent all my money on alcohol fifteen years ago trying to drown out the thoughts of the man I love laying dead in front of me?"

"If that's the truth, then yes. I want you to say it" Taekwoon says sternly. Hakyeon decides that 15 years has been long enough. He lets one lone tear escape and roll its way down his pale cheeks.
 

"I miss him so much"

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"Why did you never contact us?" Taekwoon asks a few hours later while the group of five were sat in the backyard of Jaehwan and his wife's house, sipping on a bottle of beer.

"I couldn't bring myself to do it. I-I wanted to so bad, but I didn't want to hear you guys so you hated me or that you hadn't forgotten what I'd done"

The others say nothing. There wasn't really anything to say at that moment.

"I kept tabs on you though, well as best as I could" Hakyeon chuckles making the other four smile softly.

"I buy all your songs Jaehwan, and I even went to a concert the last year" Hakyeon smiles at the bold man, whose bright smile can be seen from anywhere. "You did!? Which one!?" the overexcited male shouts which earns  him a loud scold from his wife.

"I just put the children to bed Jaehwan!"

The males chuckle before Hakyeon replies.

"That one in Seoul, the big event. I tried so hard to get tickets, ended up winning them off a radio station" their old leader laughs. Jaehwan's grin is big and genuine, a smile that the other members haven't seen in so long.

"Oh and Kong, I saw you on TV the other night doing a fashion show. Still jus as handsome as always"

The old visual blushes and thanks his hyung. Just as gorgeous, and still just as shy when it comes to compliments.

Silence then became the topic of conversation, with no one saying anything for more than an hour until Sanghyuk speaks up.

"I'm sorry for what I said that night, that night that Wonshik hyung passed. I didn't mean it Hakyeon hyung"

Hakyeon turned to look at Sanghyuk and let the memories of his and Sanghyuk's first meeting rack through his brain. How young and small he had seemed, compared to now as he sat before him with his manly features and muscular arms.

"Don't be sorry Hyukkie, you-you had every right to be as mad as you were. You all did. What I did was wrong and incredibly selfish and every day I regret not doing anything to help him. Wonshik wasn't mine to make decisions for - as much as I hated the fact - and I made the decision for his life to end"

Hakyeon couldn't have been anymore sincere than he was at this moment. If he was his younger self, he would've blamed it on the alcohol but he's not ashamed of being so honest now. He missed Wonshik, he missed him so much and did everyday but he was gone and he'd have to live with that decision for the rest of his life.

Hakyeon remembered what had happened once Wonshik passed, the sign he received from somewhere up above.

A tap, tap, tap on the window made the leader look up and as he wiped the water from his eyes he saw one lone bird sitting at the window, tapping it’s beak to the same rhythm as Wonshik's heart monitor was – had been. Something inside Hakyeon swelled at the thought. Wonshik was dead, a fact he’d have to get used to but in no way was he gone. He’d always be there with Hakyeon, because their love was forever.

As Hakyeon sighed and looked up towards the starry night sky, he murmured the words.

"I love you Wonshik"

Author's Note : I wrote this as my English assignment because we had to write a short story and well I loved this enough to want to post it for you all.

Not Edited

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