FINAL ( iii )

Himchan gaped at the name announced to her. She looks at Yongguk and Daehyun respectively and staring at Daehyun for a long time before hunting any words to utter.

“ I – I am …. Kim Himchan “ said her while having her handshakes with Daehyun after that.

“ you are as beautiful as described by Yongguk hyung “

Himchan hides her face on Yongguk’s chest to hide her red face. “eyyy , liar”

Yonggukk chuckles to the reaction while the older’s hair slowly. “ I am not lying ….. *whisper* yeobo “

Himchan who heard the endearing whispered to her ears widen her eyes slowly to catch Yongguk’s glimpse afterwards. His grin sure is a killer but Himchan decided to hit him to hide her embarrassment. This brings to a laugh stocks to Yongguk and Daehyun They break the story when Ailee shouted to her death that everyone at Myeongdong could even hear her.

“ Yah , Himchan-ah “

Three of them turn their head together to a figure that is running to them right now. Himchan stands out from Yongguk’s embracement and catch her best friend. “Where the hell have you been?”

“ I am so sorry , there was a traffic jam in front of my house. Aigoo “ said Ailee trying to catch her breath.

“ ahh , Oh ! Hi , I am Ailee “ said her while shaking her hands to Yongguk and Daehyun , which received the same annotations respectively.

“ Now only can I meet you Mr.Bang ~ this girl beside me sure tell me a lot about you “ exclaimed Ailee while receiving a glance from Himchan . “ No I am not. “ remarks Himchan.

“ and you Daehyun…I haven’t hear much about you ~ “ Ailee continue. “ I am … “

“ Yongguk’s dongsaeng “ said Himchan.. “ yeah , you could say that “ Daehyun mutters that when Himchan cut his answer. Ailee and Yongguk look at each other quietly and back to Himchan with a readable look with both of them.   ‘something is not right; here’ whisper Ailee.

“ should we go now? “ Ailee utters to change the awkwardness created.

The whole date was awesome to Himchan , just , she can’t deny that she feel a bit left out when Yongguk would offer the freaking same thing he offered to her to Daehyun too. Ailee also had the same stare to all the actions happened in front of her…

On their way back …

“Himchan-ah , mind if I want to ask you something? “

“ nope , wae? “

“ I – I have this strange feelings about Yongguk and Daehyun . I mean…I know that this sound ridiculous to say this thought to his own girlfriend though but … well , I am sure you have the same thought as well “

“ haha , you mean….they seems like they are in relationship? “

Ailee nods to a point that Himchan gulps to avoid answering further. She can’t deny that she realized that , but she has to keep this uncomfortable feelings within her , and only herself.

“ hahahaha , anyaaa ~ they are best friend though. Yongguk always tell me about Daehyun and although he is a dongsaeng , they always together in most things “ lied Himchan . Ailee just connecting her eyebrows and let the answer flows to the air. She knows something is wrong ; just that she doesn’t want to interrupt with what she shouldn’t.

Well , who wouldn’t feel strange if , your own boyfriend give the same freaking ice-cream offered to you to his ‘best-friend’ , change the restaurant that you wanna go to a restaurant that your ‘best-friend’ want to go and keep on asking your ‘best-friend’ of whether he feels comfortable more that his own girlfriend , like who fcking won’t feel weird to see that?

Himchan swallows her saliva few times ; to avoid herself dying in frustration in the car. Good transportation that they are in now , courtesy of Ailee’s dad ~ Himchan just hold Ailee’s hand to let some assurance flow through the touch. Ailee caresses the younger’s cheeks to show that she understand that. The smile shown by the older brings joy to Himchan. She doesn’t know how to survive during the date if Ailee was not there …

***********

A month after the date ~

Himchan keeps on getting fewer messages from Yongguk. He seems to be busy all the time, but Himchan let him go with the point of her understanding all the things he has to focus on. Day by day passed with her trying to get at least some emoticons sent to her Kakao chat.

It makes her frustrated to try everything on her own to maintain the relationship. During the three months old relationship , Himchan has been struggling to keep in touch with Yongguk through everything. She is the one who will first call for his birthday , she will be the one who will ask him to text her back ; like she has nothing to do , she will also be the one who will keep up with the ‘lame’ conversation like…

“hi”

“hi”

“are you doing good?”

“ yeah”

“alright”

“k”

…like what on Earth is happening to Yongguk for God’s sake? thought Himchan . She is trying so hard remember that Yongguk is the first one to come and approach her when she was down about her first crush ever. She also trying to make up to her heart that she has a handsome boyfriend who always sing for her when she was down. She also trying to love him when she first start the relationship , but now….when she really really really love him…he started to get further from her? Himchan avoided her tears from falling down thinking of that matters but she ain’t that strong.

A deep thought was made. Himchan started to feel gloomy and let her feeling about this insecurity that she has in herself. She then make a decision once she looks at the birthday gift given by Yongguk to her last birthday. It is a small heart bottle , filled with his perfume in , with “I LOVE YOU” sign written on it. Himchan will always smell the bottle once she missed him so much. The fact that she only meet Yongguk once during this relationship seems ridiculous to her when most texts or call replied will get the same reply….

“I am sorry that I didn’t reply you , I was with Daehyun”

Himchan determined to ask this one killer question to Yongguk tonight. She started to type the message.

Hey , I know that you are busy , but I hope that you can read this. I am sure we both cherish and love each other so much.I really love you to a point I am hoping that you are receiving these efforts that I am trying to show along this relationship. Gukkie , I just want to ask you sincerely ….. do you really love me? As your girlfriend?

Himchan sends the message with a heavy feeling folded in her heart. She cried that she is not sure whether she is going to get a reply or no. Himchan let her thought fly away when she decided to make a cup of coffee to drown them all to the aroma. She stands up to a call coming from the one that she has been longing for long….

“ Hello? “

“ Yeah hye?’

“ are you busy? “

“ No , I am not “

“ are you doing well? Well sorry…”

“ I know…you are busy “

“ sorry “

“ it’s okay “

“ well that….I am sorry too “

Himchan replied with a hum and she decided to just stand at the verandah of her house and bring a chair with her at that moment, to have a more comfortable position to have a talk.

“ do you have an answer to that question though? “ ask her , nervously.

“ I do but…..I am sure you know too”

“ No , I don’t know , and if you want me to be honest too…I don’t want to know Gukkie , but….”

“ I know….it’s hard to you for all these while Channie…Sorry , I really am sorry “

Silence engulfing them at that moment. The wind of that night doesn’t help Himchan to avoid her tears from falling down.

“ Do you want to hear the answer? “

“ I will listen to it if you tell me”

“ well…Channie , I really like you. I really do. From when we still in school and even now , you are the only woman who will always believe in me despite of what I did to you. I know , I have been so bad to you. I have been so unfair to you. I am so sorry “

Himchan let her tears drown more than what she expected to appear….. “ so do you love me? “

“ I do”

“ Then why?”

“ Why what baby?”

“ Why did you … lie to me?”

“ What do you mean?”

“ You love Daehyun don’t you? “

“ ANSWER ME BANG YONGGUK ! YOU LOVE HIM DON’T YOU? “

“ I … I am sorry “

“ I knew it. I knew it “

The sobs are getting louder than before. Himchan can’t surpass the limitation that she has within herself now. The fact that she has truly put her whole heart for Yongguk seems nothing to the whole world to know now. She breaks her sobs into a sound that only she and herself can hear. That is the pain for loving someone that has a dark secret that she has been holding dearie to herself. She can’t shout or tell anyone that her ‘competitor’ in the relationship is a guy. She can’t avoid to let him go too.

“ I am sorry “

“ I want to ask you one thing , and you have to be honest …. Have you love me , more than a friend before? “

“ I – I tried Himchan….I know you knew that you know that it is a hard thing for me to do “

“ then….is that shows that you are breaking up with me? “

“ I … I would say that ; that is the best thing for us to do . I am sorry “

“ I……………”

“ I am sorry Channie ~ “

“ stop saying that…I can’t hear any sorry now … not now , not from you “

Yongguk let out a deep sigh. He knows that he can’t control his tears too. He really treasures Himchan. He really does. He just…can’t force himself to commit to this relationship. He knows too all the efforts made by Himchan to maintain this relationship. He knows them all. He just….he can’t.

Himchan breaks the silence after a long thought and pause.

“ Yongguk…are you there? “

“ yes “

“ Now listen , I know it has been hard for you to have this relationship even. I know you tried your best for this. I know you tried. I know that I have been such a clingy girlfriend. I know I might not listen to you enough. I am so sorry. I really treasure us. I am sure that you are too. Despite of what happened between us, I want you to know that I truly love you from my heart. You are a good boyfriend. Don’t worry if you think that I thought that you are a bad boyfriend. You never were. I want you to just promise me one thing….that you will always be my best friend, will you do me that favour? “

“ I ……. I don’t know if I should deserve that from you…I – I have been bad to you “

“ Will you? “

Yongguk nods in unison with his tears falling down to his cheek.

“ I will “

“ Thank you ….for everything Yongguk “

“ You too ~ “

“ You will still talk with me tomorrow aint you? “

“ I guess? “

Himchan let out a weak chuckle… and say ….

“ I promise you one thing Yongguk…that you will always have my trust in you. It will never fade despite of what happened between us. I really want you to remember that “

“ Thank you. I am not sure if I can have the same thing in return…I am such a bad guy Channie. I do not know how could I afford to deserve an angel like you “

“ I have nothing to offer but this Yongguk. Take care. I think…I got to go ~ Good night “

“ Good night Channie…”

Himchan can’t bear any conversation, the she decided to phone off after the last line. She breaks down slowly to her knees. She doesn’t want anyone to hear her crying like that. She drops her steps to walk to her room and sleep straight away.

The fact that she just break up with Yongguk is not something that she can bear although it WAS only for three months. It is indeed a long time for her , who is fighting with all the thoughts that come to the relationship , without able to tell anyone about any circumstances exist within.

She enters the room to only breaks down more. Ailee who is on call with her boyfriend stop the call right away , and come to Himchan.

“ Hey , what’s wrong? “

“ I …..”

Himchan just hug Ailee and break down some more. Ailee has been a great friend. She will never ask if Himchan doesn’t want to tell her , but she will be there to listen to anything that Himchan tells her.

“ we just broke up “

“ OMG….Daehyun? “

Himchan gather up her strength to look at Ailee’s eyes….

“ how did you know? “

“ do you think that I am stupid enough to not realize that pabo? “

“ I …. I am so sad now “

“ I know .. I know…it must be hard for you. “ Ailee is Himchan’s hair slowly in her embracement. She knows that she can’t do much but to comfort Himchan that way.

“ I am sorry …. “

“ Not your fault…I am here , for you “

***********

The day passed with a gloomy environment around Himchan. Ailee did her best to cheer her up. Himchan is great to hide her feelings around everyone , but not Ailee. Himchan walks through the place where she first heard the confession from Yongguk to her. She sits down at one of the chair there and put her earphone on. She shuffles her playlist and close her eyes to any song that will come to her ears … but she started to cry slowly when the first song played.

I don’t feel anything
I don’t remember anything
Even though I don’t want to be lonely
Even though I don’t like being alone

Is the past more difficult than dying?
Is it something I don’t want to think about?
Whatever that may be, because I’m alive right now
I want to know the reason

Hey sky, answer me
You have cruelly left me
Making me throw away my last bit of pride
Even if I get angry, I’ll hold it in
I am waiting

I fill up this emptiness that I have without a reason
I’ll drink in the meaningless sadness
Since when was I like this?
I am drunk alone with the song I’m singing all the time
Crying and laughing

Hey sky, answer me
You have cruelly left me
Making me throw away my last bit of pride
Even if I get angry, I’ll hold it in
I am waiting

Even if you run into me
Even if you see the changed me
Because we’re in love…

Remember the words we promised
Just like you see me crying
It was really hard, I missed you
Although I’m selfish because I couldn’t say those words

< SONG ~ can play it here too --> KIM JAEJOONG : THOUGH I HATE IT : trans credit --> translation credit >

CURRENT YEAR 

Himchan stares at the old frame , hanging in her room. A picture of Yongguk and her appears to her eyes. She still can smell the scent of him everywhere. Even if the scent from the real owner has lost for years , the feeling and thoughts are still there. Still believing and respecting the feeling that she once has for him , the one that make her heart beats so fast , the one that gave her the prettiest smile on earth next to her mother , the one who cared so much.

Himchan looks at the small heart bottle ; a gift given by Yongguk years ago. His scent aired the room for long maintain the scent to her. She then sits down to her desk and open up her diary . She put her pen down and started to write …

‘ I am still waiting here , patiently , and praying that you are in your best condition , praying that you are still and always happy with everything that you do , will always hoping that you still believe in me , like how you always did , in our past  ' 

" DON'T EVER FORGET ME .... BANG YONGGUK "

THE END

A/N : not sure who will read this section but I am so thankful for the vote and subscription received. makes me more than happy. I am sorry if I dissapoint you with the ending. This is supposed to be a sad ending but yet I want you to see of how tough Himchan is. She stil believe in the friendshp built within them.Of why I chose BELIEVE as the title. Please tell me about the story , I would really want to see the feedbacks (of how it should end and stuff - I wont be mad , really ^^) . Anyway , I am happy that this story is finally complete. Hope to see you again in next fanfic . I love you guys *throw hearts*   -syaf- 150725