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In case you’re wondering why I even bother writing you this, don’t even ask because I absolutely have no idea. Maybe I just want to bother you and your peaceful life or maybe because I’m just concerned about your sister and  your mother (whom I really missed so much) or maybe, I just want to hear a piece of you after 6 long months.

Yeah, I’m writing you this because I was never good in expressing feelings especially saying them. In short, I sort of want you back.

 I miss your arms wrapped around me especially during the cold nights. I miss the heat you bring and how your lips fit on mine perfectly. I miss those days where we will just be on the couch, my head on your shoulders, and your hands on my waist like it was meant to be there. I miss those nights were we just laugh about your silly jokes and the nights where you can’t sleep and I was there, singing your favourite song. We were so perfect, Jongin.

But reality happened.

You grew tired of dealing with me; I got tired of dealing with you too.

At one point, I thought I don’t love you anymore. I thought the spark has really run out. I already accepted the fact that we’ll just be a piece of each other’s memory. When I said it was over, I thought you were going to beg me not to say it anymore and just apologize like we used to but you didn’t. You allowed me to let you go, Jongin. Why did you let me give up on us?

I thought I was over you, you idiot. I thought I was fine—good even, without you and your laugh and your smile. 

Each day doesn’t get any better. Everywhere I look, I see you. I see the things you remind me of, even a simple chocolate bar, Jongin.

“It’s not easy to forget a Kim Jongin.” Baekhyun clearly said that to me when we were getting drunk one night after you left.

He was right.

I wish I could wake up one day and bring back all the wrong things I’ve said just to feel your warmth against me again but I can’t. I wish you well, my dear Jongin, as  you deserve all the love in the world. 

Always,

Kyungsoo

PS: I’m still not over you.

an: Blame this song and the rainy weather.