“Sehun?”

“Sehun?” Someone touched his shoulder, gently shaking him and slowly Sehun felt himself waking up, his head aching when he opened his eyes and saw the sun flooding his room.

“Sehun!” His mother’s face was full of worry, when she leaned over him. “My poor baby, you must have been so afraid, but don’t worry. It will get better, it will for sure. You just need time.”

Sehun pulled himself into a sitting position, stars dancing before his eyes, because it had been a bit too fast. “What happened?” he asked.

“Nothing too bad, don’t worry. Jongin and you went out yesterday night. He said it was pretty crowded and the air was bad. You collapsed but nothing worse happened. Just take it slower next time, ok?”

Oh, Sehun could remember now. Jongin, the streets, the club, the music, the girl, the crowd, the stuffy air. Yes, it had been too early for him, definitely. The noises from inside of the train began forming in his head, ringing in his ears, but before they could become too loud, Sehun shook them away and stood up. “I need to go to the bathroom.” Something felt different about this sentence. As if he had just said it not too long ago. Well, he probably had. Yesterday night, when he was drunk from the many impressions he had been given.

“Good,” his mum said, “When you’re done, come downstairs. I made lunch. You need to eat something.” With a quick look at the clock on his bedside table, Sehun noticed that is was already half past twelve. God, it must have been really bad yesterday.

“Thank you, mum. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“No hurry, darling.” She kissed his cheek more tender than usual, in the loving way she had used to when he’d been a child. “Take all the time you need.” And Sehun knew, that she was referring to far more than just his stay in the bathroom.

~*~

The train accident had happened almost a year ago, but still Sehun suffered from its aftershock as if it had just been the week before. He still dreamed about it, still saw the people from the train; he heard their screams and prayers in nearly every crowd he saw. There were days where it was not that bad, where he could breathe normally standing between people, but it was never comfortable; never like it had been before, where he was not even thinking about anything he should be afraid of while being part of a group of people. Or in a train. Those were the very bad days. When he could not even get on a train or anything similar to it, like buses or trams. Where he could hear the gunshots right beside him. Where nonexistent blood was covering his vision.

That day, where he had been on his way home from his family and friends in Busan, a young man, armed with a loaded gun and a bunch of bad intentions, had entered the train and killed 13 people, including himself. Men, women, children, who had just been riding the train, probably looking forward to its destination, and just from one moment to another, their world had turned into living hell.

So had Sehun’s. But he had survived. And hell was still with him.

~*~

After lunch, Sehun followed the path to the little garden they had. Full of flowers and plants his father loved so much. There was a canopy swing too, not made for more than two (slim) people, but Sehun found it to be quite the right size. Sitting in there calmed him and brought him to a peaceful place.

He nestled himself under the blanket that laid on it, and suddenly he wondered what it would be like to have someone here right next to him. To share this special place with someone else. Not his parents or good friends. But someone he may come to love. He pictured a blurred face, it was pale and the hair was bright and before he could make out more it was gone. Sehun guessed it must have been a person he had seen at the club last night, where else should this sudden piece of memory come from?

While staying outside, he lost track of the time, but the sun was already deep, when he heard his mother talking to someone on the phone. According to her voice’s intensity she must be somewhere near, probably the terrace or the window of the living room, which was just above the swing, was open

“How is he?” she asked.

He?

“Still the same? I see…” There was a short pause. “Mhm.” She sighed. “I don’t know.” She sighed again. “He did not sleep well today. I thought, it has become better already, but apparently it didn’t. He whined and sweat a lot. He said his name too.”

His name? Sehun sat straight, ears wide. He knew that his mother was talking about him. But who was the other person she mentioned?

“I don’t think he does. When he woke up he did not seem to remember. I’m not sure about what to do…” Her voice slowly disappeared when she walked away and Sehun was left with a confused mind. He only knew that what his mother had said, had actually not been supposed for his ears to hear. She had probably thought he was back in his room already, like he usually was around that time. Just not today.

~*~

When Lu Han opened his eyes and tried to move his head, a strong dizziness overwhelmed him and he groaned to the sudden pain in his right temple. He felt as if he had been on a rollercoaster ride for more than only a few minutes – far more.

The white walls around him were decorated with paintings of his mother – flowers, lakes, and a portrait of him sleeping when he had been a baby. There were real flowers beside him too, as well as his guitar. But Lu Han was not in his room, he was not even at home. He had never seen the room he was in before.

Lu Han assumed, he was located in a hospital and the woman dressed in white, who came in in this moment, confirmed his assumption. “Welcome back, Mister Lu Han,” she said, and the smile on her lips was an honest one. She did a few lazy checkups, nodded; then she went away to inform his family.

Lu Han did his best to remember what had happened, he searched for any accident he could think of in his memory, but he was left empty-handed. He heard quick steps outside and when his mum entered the room, he was shocked about how different she looked. Not only the new haircut (her long straight hair had been replaced by short locks) and not only her supremely worried face. The most shocking thing for Lu Han was, that all of her youthful charm she had possessed, and he had loved so much, had disappeared.

She did not say a single word, when she saw him. She just threw herself in his arms and simply cried. They sat there like this for a long time, but Lu Han wondered how long it had really been, since they had held each other like that.

Nearly a year.

It had been nearly a year - the last time Lu Han had been part of the conscious world. His mother told him, that there had been a train accident the summer before; that he’d got shot and nearly died.

Of course, she had told him the whole story with far more details, but to Lu Han it did not matter. All he could think of was how to actually embrace life again. Technically, it should not be all too difficult (since he had practically done nothing but sleeping) but Lu Han felt a heavy weight on his shoulders due to that. He had missed almost a whole year of his life.

And there was no way to get it back.

Sooooo...this is the last chapter that was written a year ago.

If you should notice a (unpleasant) change in my writing style in the next chapter - I apologize OTL

XXX, RaiCo