TAO

Dream Inside A Dream

The house was very quite everyone had lunch and were either relaxing, watching tv or taking naps. I sat looking out the window I looked out the night before." What are you always writing in that thing" came his voice I looked to see Tao. "How do you know I write in here all the time?" "Well while in school at lunch your always writing in it or using your camera, after school is the same way." "Then when we got on the bus you wrote most of the way here, then lastnight before Luhan went up to talk to you." "Why don't you talk to someone about what you think" he said as he leaned against the wall next to the window and bench I was sitting on." I don't know somethings in my head shouldn't be said out loud"." Like what" he said. "Like how some of the girls here get on my nerves and how dumb they can be." He laughed" I agree with that. What else" he asked? "How life is so precious and people take it for granted." I must have gotten his attention because he lifted my feet and sat down. He looked me over with worry. "What" i asked? "You say i'm mysterious but you are too. I never pegged you as a world peace kind of person" he said. "It's not like that but it is"I said. He laughed "your confusing" he said." I know but look at it this way people treat people bad and don't see it that way. Animals lets take wolves The male will wait his life to find that one mate he is to be with forever. He want give himself to another till he finds her that one. But us humans no we don't do that."I said. "Well look at it this way" he said"We think different then wolves and we all are confused in ourselves." "What are you afriad of" he popped out with? "What who said im Afriad of something." I said. "Come one Sky your scared of what might happen if you love more then one person" he said. I looked at him with shock how could he know this." Don't worry were like that too" he said smiling." But I don't get why you distance your self from everyone."he said. "I don't want to be judged" I said not looking at him. "Who is going to Judge you" he asked pulling my chin to look at him?" Everyone thinks Im weird as it is."I said. "Your worried about the girls judging you and making fun of you" he said. I didn't answer him but looked at his necklace to not meet his eyes. "SKy look at me and tell me something." "What" I asked?" Is it the girls you worry about?" "Yes" i said." but why they don't control your world, your life, or you" he said pulling my face up to look at him again." Sky your amazingly talented, smart, brave,and beautiful don't let some little girls push you into a dark corner." I just looked at this man in front of me trying to figure him out. "Can I ask you something Tao?" "Sure what is it" he said letting my chin go. "Why do you watch me?" It got quiet and so I looked up to meet his eyes watching me." Because im amazed by you not sure why ,but when you walk into a room I can't help but watch you. I know its rude but I can't help it and I like watching you laugh and smile with Chanyeol unlike when your alone you look sad." I couldnt help but smile. "See I love that "he said pointing to me smiling." You know there might be a fight between a few of my friends and I "he said. "Why what for" I asked looking confused?" Because we all like you." He was so blunt about it he made me cover my mouth. "Did I shock you" he said "and how couldn't you tell" he said." Its the three of us who buy your photos" he also said. "Would you be mad at me if I did something right now" he asked?" What" I asked?" Well I guess I want tell you so I'll find out" he said smiling. I rolled my eyes and turned to look out the window, that's when I felt him move. I turned to look and that's when He grabbed my face and kissed me. It was full on lips on lips I couldn't help but kiss him back. I felt him bite my bottom lip then on it and then rub his tongue asking to be let in. I opened my mouth some to let it enter him tangling it with mine. I felt his hand move to the nape of my neck to strenghten the kiss. I ran my arms around his neck feeling the nape of his neck. Then he pulled apart resting his forhead against mine us both breathing heavy." You kiss amazingly too" he said rubbing his thumb across my lip. We both shot our eyes side ways at the Voices. It was Mr. Chan and Mrs. Kim coming up the steps. We pulled apart and he got up and stood by the wall. "So you ready for the Photography national Awards next month" he asked?" Yes Im very nerves too." "So how many people are in the running for this award" he asked as Mr. CHan and Mrs. Kim got up there? "There is about 150 people running against me so yeah thats alot of pressure there" I said." You two talking about the Awards your in" asked Mrs. Kim. "Yes Mrs. Kim" I said. "We have High hopes in you we know your work is amazing so we beileve you got it "she said. "THanks Mrs. Kim" I said. Then I heard Luhan calling for me." Let me go see what he wants" I said getting up going to my room to put my jounral away. Tao fallowed me, "So can we talk again later" he asked?" Maybe" I said giving him a evil grin.

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AkiraRosenthal
#1
Chapter 19: I know this was your first fanfiction, but I am going to be critical about this, so don't take this the wrong way. Just trying to give out my thoughts.
First, paragraphs would be quite nice. It was a strain to the eyes to read something without paragraphs, believe or not paragraphs would make the story a whole easier and better to read.
Second, to be honest the story was really confusing, all over the place. First there was this catastrophe? then Sky liking Sehun, Luhan " Sehun's c***" then it was an art camp and some camp stories. And suddenly, it turns out that Sky like Chanyeol. So basically, what does that catastrophe in the beginning have to do with anything?

I'm sorry that this may come off as rude, but the "Forwards" in all of your stories actually seem interesting and worth reading. However, if your stories end up something like this then I am afraid that you will have lost this reader.