Boys will be Boys

Dream Inside A Dream

"So we got help "said Suho smiling. "Yep i'm saving his life "I said." Oh those girls again" said tao laughing. "Not funny dude I felt like I was going to be rapped or eatten alive" said Kai. We all busted out laughing at what he said. "Well you know you might have put your self at risk now" said Tao to me. "Why" I asked?" Well you stole there Kai away" laughed Tao.I picked up a snow ball and Threw it at him hitting him right in the face. He gave me i'm going to kill you look and dropped his wood. "Um you might want to run "said Suho. I screamed and took off running with Tao coming after me. "I'm so getting you" he yelled. I could hear him getting close to me and when I turned to look behind me he grabbed me and throw us to the ground him on top of me. He grabbed a hand full of snow and smashed it in my face. I tried getting him off but he wouldn't move and was laughing. "Tao get off" I said since now my face was cold and wet." You know your cool" he said, "Im glad you started to talk to us more" he said. He got up and helped me up and then took his jackets sleeve and whiped the water and leftover snow off my face and out my hair. "Hey you two going to come back and help us take this wood in" yelled Suho. We smiled then headed back to them." My whole backside is wet" I said as we picked the wood up. Tao laughed then said." Sorry for throwing you down in the snow ,but it was the only way I was sure i'd get you with the snow." "Its okay" I said" were here to have fun and i'm having it and making new friends" I said looking at the guys. They all smiled. We all carried the first load in some for each room that had a fireplace which mine and Jills did so I dropped ours off first. When I came back down I brought my camera and started taking photos of everyone doing there thing. I went back outside with the boys who now was joined by my crush Sehun." Hey guys look here for me" I said and they all did smiling. "So you stopped helping us" said Tao who gave you a sad face. "Don't give me that face" I said." Or what you want me to throw you down in the snow again ." Sehun looked at him funny." Oh to clear it up for you" I said to him. "I throw a snowball at tao and it hit him right in the face he got mad chased me and throw us both down in the snow and sat ontop of me and smashed a snowball in my face." Sehun grinned" well you didn't act all girlly about it?"said Kai. "No she didn't thats why I think she is cool" said Tao." Well I'll talk to you guys in a few there is a picture i am dying to get" I pointed to Jill and D.O. walking close together. I ran off to where they couldn't see me. And when i got in a good spot it was good timing because, D.O. put his arm around her pulling her in from the wind. I snapped a few of them then ran off to find the others. I got some of the girls doing there nails, then I found some reading in the libaray room. Then I came across Kris,Lay and Luhan chatting about some songs. "Hey guys hope you don't mind me taking a few pics." "No "they said smiling for a few. "Hey don't leave yet come sit with us and take one with you in it" said Lay. Luhan pulled me over and for some reason into his lap so I could hold the camera high up and took a few. "So what you guys talking about" I asked?" A song we like and how it relates to us" said Kris." Sounds cool well i'll leave you guys to it i'm going back to snapping pics."I said. "Hey Can I say your photos are really good "said Luhan. It made me smile big. "Thank you" I said feeling a blush. "No one told me that my stuff was good before" I said. "Well it is" he said smiling back at me. I didn't know what else to say so I kind of oddly waved and left the room. God I feel like a I thought. As I was heading back down stairs Sehun was coming up. I felt like I couldn't breath he just made me that way. I wouldn't meet his eyes when he walked past me. "Hey Sky" he said as I passed. I turned around to look at him." Um Chanyeol is looking for you he is in the kitchen." he said. "Oh okay thanks" I said hurring down before I could make more of a of myself.

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AkiraRosenthal
#1
Chapter 19: I know this was your first fanfiction, but I am going to be critical about this, so don't take this the wrong way. Just trying to give out my thoughts.
First, paragraphs would be quite nice. It was a strain to the eyes to read something without paragraphs, believe or not paragraphs would make the story a whole easier and better to read.
Second, to be honest the story was really confusing, all over the place. First there was this catastrophe? then Sky liking Sehun, Luhan " Sehun's c***" then it was an art camp and some camp stories. And suddenly, it turns out that Sky like Chanyeol. So basically, what does that catastrophe in the beginning have to do with anything?

I'm sorry that this may come off as rude, but the "Forwards" in all of your stories actually seem interesting and worth reading. However, if your stories end up something like this then I am afraid that you will have lost this reader.