My knight in Shining Armor

Dream Inside A Dream

They all went in the store but me I wanted to take a few pictures of the streets since they weren't very busy. I put my things in my backpack and slide the tube with it's stap over my shoulder. I took a few of the street then saw a cute little park and I mean little it sat between two buildings. Me going there was a bad Idea because some guy came out of nowhere." Hey sweet thing" he said. I was bent down taking a photo of some flowers. I just looked at him funny. "Not going to speak to me" he said. "I don't talk to strangers" I said, standing up to leave. As I went to pass him he grabbed my arm and pushed me up against the wall." Let go of me you whole" I yelled." Don't be like that" he said." Hey what the hell do you think your doing? "came someone elses voice. We both looked to see Luhan. Im thinking oh god not you why couldn't have been Kai or Tao maybe even Kris. "Go away little dude Im having a chat with the girl." "No your not now let her go."said luhan. "Or what shirmp boat what you going to do?" Luhan moved closer then spoke."I'm going to kick your teeth down your dirty thoart." The man let me go and turned towards Luhan. I slipped out the way to get behind Luhan."Run Luhan" I whispered in his ear. He acted as if he didn't hear me. The man went to swing at Luhan but Luhan caught his hand and kicked him in the stomach making the man's knees buckle and fall to the ground. THen He kicked him in the head knocking him out." Luhan" I said looking at him in shock. "What didn't think a little guy like me could do that." I shook my head no. He took my hand in his and lead us away from there and back to the others. Once we got back with the others we were all heading back to the vans. I held onto Luhan's hand like glue. Once in the Van I sat close to him and kept looking at him out the corner of my eye. "What" he said? "Im still surprised at that display you put on." Sehun who now was sitting beside me this time and not Chanyeol looked at us. "What are you two talking about" he whispered leaning into me." I saved her from some creep" he said."What" said Sehun with a shocked and angry face." Yeah the guy had me pinned against the wall and he comes out of know where tells the man to leave me alone. Well he didn't listen and so Luhan here kicked his " I said. The look of shock read all over Sehun's face. A little bit later the Vans pulled up at the Cabin. Sehun got out and instead of Chanyeol carring me up to the house this time Sehun grabbed me in a bride style carring me. I busted out laughing along with him. Luhan carried my stuff for me. We got inside and I took my things from Luhan and carried them to my room.

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AkiraRosenthal
#1
Chapter 19: I know this was your first fanfiction, but I am going to be critical about this, so don't take this the wrong way. Just trying to give out my thoughts.
First, paragraphs would be quite nice. It was a strain to the eyes to read something without paragraphs, believe or not paragraphs would make the story a whole easier and better to read.
Second, to be honest the story was really confusing, all over the place. First there was this catastrophe? then Sky liking Sehun, Luhan " Sehun's c***" then it was an art camp and some camp stories. And suddenly, it turns out that Sky like Chanyeol. So basically, what does that catastrophe in the beginning have to do with anything?

I'm sorry that this may come off as rude, but the "Forwards" in all of your stories actually seem interesting and worth reading. However, if your stories end up something like this then I am afraid that you will have lost this reader.