Luhan

Dream Inside A Dream

After dinner each person washed there own dishes. Then some went to shower while most went into the theater room and started a movie. "Hey Sky you coming to watch the movie" asked Chanyeol who was walking with Kai, Luhan, and Tao." No i'm going to shower and call home." "Oh okay" he said. I turned and headed upstairs to get my clothes and bathroom stuff. I headed to the bathroom and jumped in the shower. Once done I took my stuff back to my room and grabbed my cell and my jounral and went and sat in the window bench in the hall of our floor. It over looked the town that glowed at night with so many colors. Then after awhile of being there someone cleared there thoart. I looked up to see Luhan standing there." Oh hi" I said." May I sit with you" he asked? "Sure" I said sitting up so he could sit. "Can I ask you something" he said." Yeah sure" I said." Are you okay you seemed kind of sad eariler when Chanyeol asked you about watching the movie?" " Well I don't know you well ,but I seem like I can talk to you" I said. "Since I got here today I've been miss match maker. And it makes me feel i dont know" I said. "You know" he said giving me his cute sweet face. "but I get what your saying if that helps." I smiled at him. "You know your a really sweet guy not like Chanyeol but nicer" I said to him. He laughed" well thank you I guess" he said." So are you and Chanyeol a couple" he asked? I laughed "um no me and Chanyeol are like best friends I so don't see him like that."I said. "See he told us that too and we didn't believe him."said Luhan. "Yeah he tried making out with me and I stopped him, I was like no I don't like you like that and he was like good to know then he told me about that" I said." Well you and him would be cute together if you ever did go that way with him "said Luhan." I'm sorry to sound mean but im sick of talking about people and there relationships kind of stuff." Luhan smiled "sorry we want go there" he said." So you remember when the school had the bake sale, arts and crafts sale" he asked?" Yeah" I said "what about it." "I bought like Two of your photos you took." "You did" I said "which ones?" "I fell in love with the one you took of the baby fawn and its mom. How did you get that close to them" he asked? "So I spent that fall at my grandpa's Cabin near here and He told me if I sat in the backyard at noon i'd see them. So I sat out there at the edge of the yard as the woods met and there they came out to eat. They were so beautiful and so I snapped a few. There is one I have that I didn't put on sale there i'll show you it come with me" I said jumping up taking his hand and pulling him to my room. I pulled my backpack from under the bed and pulled out a big binder." I have photos in here too" I said. "These are the small version of the big ones I sold." I fliped to the page where the Baby Fawn Came up to my camera almost touching it with his nose. Then the one where I set the camera on the tripod and the next day it came and I sat there with the clicker. I had a picture of the Fawn touching its nose to my nose. I told him the story about it. "Wow the Fawn trusted you" he said. "So what was the other photo you bought" I asked?" I bought the one of the city lights at hoilday time." "You know Two others here bought some of your work "he said. "Who else" I asked? "Well Tao has and someone who bought most was Sehun." "He fell in love with the one of the water drops sliding off the leaf, he also has one of a rare flower that had sun rays behind it, and like four more of yours." "He said he bought two at the Photography show they had at the art gallery in the city "said Luhan. "why didn't they say anything to me like you did "I asked? "Not sure" he said. "Can i ask if I can have one of these small ones "asked Luhan." Sure you can have Two I have like four copies of each." "Can I have the one of you and the fawn and the fawn up close" he asked? "Sure here" I said taking them out the slevee and putting them in some photo lose selvees. "Would you sign them please." It already had my signture I put on all my photos but I took out a sharpie and signed it. "Thank you" he said smiling big." You have a pretty smile" I said. "So do you but you dont smile alot" he said. "You pay me that much attention to know this" I said giving him a raised eyebrow. He just smiled and said" I hear Mr. Chan coming let me get out of your room "and ran out. I closed my binder and put it back in my backpack." Hey Sky "came Mr. Chan's voice." Hi Mr. Chan" i said." I didn't see you downstairs I was worried I just came to check on you." "Im okay I just wanted to call my parents and let them know we all got her safe". "Well Ive already infrom the rest of the kids that tomorrow we are going into town to shop and look around so be up at 8am so everyone can shower and get ready." "Yes, Sir" I said. "Are you sure your okay you don't seem like your normal self." "Mr. Chan Im not friends with most of these kids and so its hard to talk with some of them." "Well I don't believe that so much my dear Ive watched you today and it seems you talk very well them and I see a few young men have a eye on you." I laughed "okay Mr. Chan Chanyeol doesn't count he is my best firend and we both agree we don't like each other like that." He laughed "okay I know not him but there is somone I have seen he is very quite." "Mr. Chan there is like a handful that is like that" I laughed. "That's all im saying" he said "goodnight Sky" he said before walking away shutting the door behind him. I was already in my Pjs so I went ahead and crawled in bed to go to bed.

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AkiraRosenthal
#1
Chapter 19: I know this was your first fanfiction, but I am going to be critical about this, so don't take this the wrong way. Just trying to give out my thoughts.
First, paragraphs would be quite nice. It was a strain to the eyes to read something without paragraphs, believe or not paragraphs would make the story a whole easier and better to read.
Second, to be honest the story was really confusing, all over the place. First there was this catastrophe? then Sky liking Sehun, Luhan " Sehun's c***" then it was an art camp and some camp stories. And suddenly, it turns out that Sky like Chanyeol. So basically, what does that catastrophe in the beginning have to do with anything?

I'm sorry that this may come off as rude, but the "Forwards" in all of your stories actually seem interesting and worth reading. However, if your stories end up something like this then I am afraid that you will have lost this reader.