The Surprise

Dream Inside A Dream

The next morning my alarm went off and I got up getting Jill up. We ran for the bathroom and shared it. I showered first while she bushed her teeth, then she washed and I brushed my teeth. We ran back to our room to dress. I put on Dark blue skinny jeans, knee high black heel boots, Then pulled my lacy black tank on and pulled my tight fitted long sleeve vcut button up pink shirt on and let my natural lose curls fall around me. I put some eyeliner and massacrea on. Grabbed my long just below my black jacket that buttoned up one side and tied. I also grabbed my tight leather gloves, pink and black scarf and beany that matched. I pulled my backpack on and headed out as everyone on our floor was heading down. Once I got to Chanyeol's floor he saw me and picked me up and pulled me on his back. "You know you don't have to do this i can walk" I said." Not to the Vans I don't think so in those shoes." Once outside I saw how much snow was out and how slick the steps were down to the vans. Once to the vans He stood me inside it. D.O. and Jill sat beside each other, then Chanyeol sat down and I beside him. Then Luhan, Sehun, Amber, Halley,Chen and Lily got in our van along with Mr. Chan, Mrs. Kim and the driver. Luhan sat next to me and Chanyeol. "Morning" I said to him and smiled my big smile for him and he took a picture of me on his phone. "Hey!" I said giving him a pout face. "What!" he said" I wanted to keep a picture of this rare smile" he laughed. "Its not rare" said Chanyeol getting upset. "She smiles all the time" he said smiling big at me so i'd smile back which I did. I pulled my phone out and pulled Luhan into me and we smiled big. "Come on CHanyeol" I said pulling him in and then everyone on the row behind us which was Jill, D.O. and Sehun leaned in for it. We all listened to Chanyeol and D.O talk about the movie lastnight. We all laughed at how silly those two were when put together. Then the van came to a stop and Mr. Chan opened to door to let us out. Luhan got out before me and turned to help me out so I didnt slip." Thank you" I said as I grabbed his shoulders to steady myself once on the sidewalk. "Look here you two" said Jill with my camera. I still had my hands on his shoulder as he still had his on my waist we both smiled. "Here" She said handing me my camera back."Hey Sehun why don't you get in a picture with Sky" said Luhan who took my camera and pushed him over to me. We did a silly face pose and then the rest of the kids showed up and Sehun ran off to go be with Kai, Lay and Kris. Chanyeol came over and hooked his arm over my shoulder while I looped my one arm in Luhans. We walked and some of us went in some shops. I came across a photo and craft store. "Hey I'm going in here" I said. "Well I'm going with D.O. and Jill to the next store" said Chanyeol."Okay" I said." I'll go with you" said Luhan. We walked inside and walked around. I came across some frames I liked and couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the Big poster on the wall."Oh my god" I said." What" asked Luhan turning around from what he was looking at."Hey Sky isn't that one of your photos "he said looking at the poster. "Um yes its the poster for the national photography awards that is coming up next month." "They picked my photo for the poster this year so that means its all over South Korea." The lady came over. "yea we all got them yesterday to post up I have extras would you like a few if you would be so kind to sign this one in the frame." "Sure" I said. She pulled it off the wall and layed it on the table so I could sign it. SHe folded Four of the posters up and put them in a protective tube. "Thank you so much" I said. "No thank you and good luck I hope you win it" said the lady. I bought the frames I liked and a Few more odd things out of there. It was funny because the picture on the poster was the one Sehun loved so much of the rare flower. The lady fallowed us out to hang the second framed one of it outside the shop." Hey go stand by it so I can take a photo of you" said Luhan. The lady left and went back inside and I stood by it giving thumbs up and smiling like a fool. I saw Chanyeol, Sehun , Tao, Lay, and Kris standing across the street talking. "Hey Chanyeol Look" I pointing knowing he would know what it was right away." Oh my god You made the cover" he yelled looking before him and the guys cross the street." I know right I'm so happy I just signed the ladies copy inside she wished me luck." "This is your photo you took" asked Kris? "Yeah it is one of many for the photography national awards I'm in. They choice this one as the poster for this years which I'm so happy about."I said in one full breath. "I have this picture at home" said Sehun. We all looked at him." I loved it along with a few others of yours"he said." THanks" I said. "Me too" said Tao "I have some of yours as well." It made me smile."Hey guys come on" yelled Kai. We all hurried over to him down the street to some more shops.

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AkiraRosenthal
#1
Chapter 19: I know this was your first fanfiction, but I am going to be critical about this, so don't take this the wrong way. Just trying to give out my thoughts.
First, paragraphs would be quite nice. It was a strain to the eyes to read something without paragraphs, believe or not paragraphs would make the story a whole easier and better to read.
Second, to be honest the story was really confusing, all over the place. First there was this catastrophe? then Sky liking Sehun, Luhan " Sehun's c***" then it was an art camp and some camp stories. And suddenly, it turns out that Sky like Chanyeol. So basically, what does that catastrophe in the beginning have to do with anything?

I'm sorry that this may come off as rude, but the "Forwards" in all of your stories actually seem interesting and worth reading. However, if your stories end up something like this then I am afraid that you will have lost this reader.