Helping some of the Boys

Dream Inside A Dream

I found Chanyeol in the kitchen with Chen, xiumin and Baekhyun." Hey there she is" he said. "So the guys and I need your help well more so them then me and I said your the best one to help." "Well first smile" I said taking a few pics of them. "OKay what you guys need help with?" "So there are Three girls here we each like" said Chen. "OKay" I said. "Well we dont know how to apporach them" said Xiumin. "Hang on I thought Baek you were a pro at getting the ladies just like Kai is" I said. He looked down and blushed at my complement. "No not so good" he said. "Oh okay well give me there names "I said. Baek said Summer, Chen said Lilly and Xiumin said GeGe. I smiled big at Baek's because I knew summer really liked him. "Oh baek yours is a walk in the park Summer really likes you but didnt think you even knew who she was." His eyes shot to meet mine. "Really she likes me" he said. "Yeah she always trys to come say hello but gets scared" I said." OKay let me help him first and then ill come back to you two okay." I grabbed Baek's hand and drug him with me to the libaray room. I peeped in and saw summer was alone in there. "She's alone in there go talk to her" I said. He looked so scared so I drug him inside with me." Hey summer I want you to meet someone who wanted to meet you. Summer this is Baekhyun and baekhyun this is summer." "Hi" they both said then it fell quite. "Um summer tell him about your upcoming summer job." She smiled because she was happy about it. "Oh okay" she said and began talk and Baek sat down beside her on the couch listening and smiling I slowly slipped out the room to let them be. I then found Lily and GEGE sitting on the couch talking about boys and I happen to hear them both say they thought Chen and Xiumin were so cute. "Hey did I hear you to right" i said sitting down "that you think Chen and Xiumin are cute." "Yeah" they said. "Lily likes Chen" said GeGe" and I like Xiumin." "Good" I said. "Why" they both asked? "Well Chen likes you lily and Xiumin likes you GeGe they were talking about you two to me and CHanyeol in the kitchen." "Really "they both blushed and said. "Yeah come with me and we all can cook dinner together" i said." Sounds like a plan" they said getting up fallowing me to the kitchen. "Hey guys "we all said together." So you three helping us three cook" I asked?" Sure" they said. I told the girls what we would cook and each picked something to help with. GeGe walked over to Xiumin and asked him to be her partner to help her. The smile that came across his face was so cute as well as Chen's when Lily asked him for help. "Well that leave me and my best bud "said Chanyeol. He stood behind me and helped me mixed stuff and laughing like fools we all did at all the dumb jokes the boys told. "What are you guys doing" came Sehun's voice and it made my breath hitch. I looked over and smiled and chanyeol who was behind me wid his back to mine mixing stuff together said" Cooking dinner for everyone." "Wow you got them to help" he said pointing to Chen and Xiumin. "Yep" I said pointing to the girls by there sides sitting close to them. Sehun walked over to me and Chanyeol." Did you two make that happen" he whispered? "Yep" We both said together." Wow and I suppost that with Baek and summer and D.O. and Jill too" he said. We both nodded in agreement. "Well can you guys help me then "he said smiling that cute smile. But then my stomach turned to knots when i realized what he asked." Sure" said Chanyeol. "Um I like Amber" he said. Amber was one of the snotty stuck up es. "Tomorrow" I said. "Cool I knew I liked you" he said side hugging me. "Hey Chanyeol can you finish up here I have to go to the ladies room." "Sure" he said taking over what I was doing. I moved passed him and Sehun and went to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, what was wrong with me, was i ugly,was I too fat or to skinny what I couldnt understand how no guy saw me more then there friend. I washed my face and then came back out. Once we finished dinner we set some plates at the big dinning table that sat about 15 people there then set the Two tables on the heated porch each table sat 13 people. Everyone fixed there plates and ran to sit by someone they wanted to when i came out to find the only sit left was in the dinning room with some of the adults and D.O. and Jill." You kids did a great job at dinner" said Mrs. Kim. "Thank you" I said. Me, D.O. and Jill held a confession together.

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AkiraRosenthal
#1
Chapter 19: I know this was your first fanfiction, but I am going to be critical about this, so don't take this the wrong way. Just trying to give out my thoughts.
First, paragraphs would be quite nice. It was a strain to the eyes to read something without paragraphs, believe or not paragraphs would make the story a whole easier and better to read.
Second, to be honest the story was really confusing, all over the place. First there was this catastrophe? then Sky liking Sehun, Luhan " Sehun's c***" then it was an art camp and some camp stories. And suddenly, it turns out that Sky like Chanyeol. So basically, what does that catastrophe in the beginning have to do with anything?

I'm sorry that this may come off as rude, but the "Forwards" in all of your stories actually seem interesting and worth reading. However, if your stories end up something like this then I am afraid that you will have lost this reader.