Unexpected

Dream Inside A Dream

I hurried down to see Chanyeol sitting on the bottom step already ready to go. "Hey" I said as I reached him. "All set" he asked as he stood up. "Yep lets go" I said hooking my arm in his as we headed outside. I saw eyes watching us as we did from behind us. "Where we going" I asked him?" I found a spot when you and Jill ran off I went outside. Come on but we cant be seen going or we will get in trouble" he said pulling me into a run. We ran over the hill beside the house and down into the woods below. We walked till we came to a cave that had a fozen waterfall over it. "Wow this is so cool" I said. "Yeah I knew you'd like it." "Plus I wanted to tell you something "he said from behind me. He turned me around and then I felt his lips on mine. and his arms pull me into him. I was enjoying it but I couldn't let this happen with him he was my best friend like Jill. I pushed him off and he looked at me funny." Im sorry Chanyeol if I gave you ideas that I wanted more then to be friends" I said getting upset feeling. He stepped back some looking hurt at first but then relieved." Thank god I just wanted to make sure" he said then showed his pretty smile." Why would you do that why not just ask me" I said. "Well its easier to prove it that way so I know its true. D.O. and the guys kept saying you had a thing for me and I told them know you didn't. Which I'm not going to lie Ive wanted to Kiss your lips to see if they were as soft as they looked" he said. I laughed "well I guess I wanted to kiss you to see if you were good and well you are." We laughed then headed back to the house laughing like dorks we were. Once there we saw Jill and D.O. walking around the yard talking. "How cute are they" I said." I know i hope before this trip ends they hook up" said Chanyeol. We slipped inside with out them seeing. That's when I saw Kai being harassed by some of the girls and he looked so uncomfortable." I feel for him" I said to Chanyeol. "Why not go help him out" said Chanyeol." And how might i do that" i asked?" Well go steal him away from them and say you need his help." "Okay" I said. I slipped my jacket off and Chanyeol took it and my gloves and hung them up." Hey Kai" I yelled across the room. He poped his head up above the five girls. "Can I see you for a second I kind of need your help with something." One of the girls looked back at me and said" He is busy right now." "Well Kai is the only one who can do this and I need it done before D.O. and Jill get back inside" I said. "Sure Im coming "he said jumping up fast and running over. I took him into the kitchen away from the others. "Im saving your life" i said." And I thank you, those girls were getting weird." "There in love with you" I teased and batted my eyes at him. He laughed and pushed me some. "So how can I hide from them for awhile " he asked? "Um you could get a coat and go outside and help me bring firewood in with I think I see Tao and Suho." He gave me a really I don't want to look. I grabbed my jacket and he grabbed his and we went outside to help.

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AkiraRosenthal
#1
Chapter 19: I know this was your first fanfiction, but I am going to be critical about this, so don't take this the wrong way. Just trying to give out my thoughts.
First, paragraphs would be quite nice. It was a strain to the eyes to read something without paragraphs, believe or not paragraphs would make the story a whole easier and better to read.
Second, to be honest the story was really confusing, all over the place. First there was this catastrophe? then Sky liking Sehun, Luhan " Sehun's c***" then it was an art camp and some camp stories. And suddenly, it turns out that Sky like Chanyeol. So basically, what does that catastrophe in the beginning have to do with anything?

I'm sorry that this may come off as rude, but the "Forwards" in all of your stories actually seem interesting and worth reading. However, if your stories end up something like this then I am afraid that you will have lost this reader.