Horror Unfolds

Dream Inside A Dream

I sat there watching the horror unfolding in front of me on the streets in Seoul. I held the child to me praying I could find his parents in all this craziness going on. He cried into me but think god I knew him and he trusted me. The explosion had been loud and people were hurt. When I saw it happening He was at the edge of the sidewalk, when The Two buildings arcoss the street exploded and the cars started crashing. He went to step out And I grabbed him pulled him into me as The gust of wind, smoke, and glass blew on us. It knocking us into the wall behind us. After the ringing in my ears stopped I looked down at him and checked him over. He saw it was me and held tighter saying" dont let go." He had a cut above his brow and a dirty face. Me, I could feel the hunk of glass stick in my side and it hurt. I felt the blood running down my face. "Come on Key we have to find your parents and get your head checked out" I spoke. When I stood I felt the pain more. Key was about 6 He lived across the hall from me. I walked him to school some mornings since it was before my work. As we stood and the smoke began to clear I looked around and saw bodies some alive and some dead." Don't look Key" I said pushing his face into my side that didnt have a hunk of glass sticking out of it ,thats when he touched it. "Sky your hurt" he said looking at it. "Don't pull it out or ill bleed out" I said to him. Then I felt someone grab us. I turned to see the lady who ran the shop. "Come with me your not going to make it to a doctor with that" she pointed. We fallowed her into the shop and to the back. "What happened" I said? "Well I was in the front of the shop, then A loud sound and I saw the Two builds across the street blow up and cars in the street began crashing ,and my front windows of my shop blew out." "Is this your son" she asked? "No he is my neighbor His parents work across the street at the corner he was going there." "Lay down on the table Im a nurse part time" she said. She pulled out this huge case with all kinds of doctor stuff. "What's your name little man" she asked? He didn't speak he just looked at me. "His name is Key and Im Sky" I said."Well Key can you Hold Sky's hands while I help her okay" said the lady. He nodded and took my hands."Okay this is going to hurt" she said. She pulled the hunk of glass out. I let out a scream and I felt Key squeeze my hands. She hurried and cleaned the wound then began sewing me up and patched it."OKay there you go now."said the lady. "We thank you very much ,but we must be going." "Hurry go find his parents and who ever you need."she said. I took Key's hand and we hurried out the building now there was cops,firetrucks, and ambulances."OKay Your going to hop on my back and put your hood over your head and don't I repeat don't look."I said. "Okay" he said pulling his hood on then pulled his face mask out and a extra one for me, we put them on. I pulled him on my back ,I could feel his face on my back. We tried making are way across the street. The buildings around us either didn't have windows anymore from the brust of wind blowing them out. Cars turned over half of the buildings across the street in the road on cars. There was a fire in one of the buildings. The cell towers were down no calls could go in or out. You could hear people screaming and crying. As we got halfway across I heard someone screaming my name. I looked around to see His parents."I found them Key I found them." I spoke to him and began running towards them. They looked as bad as we did smokey hair, dirty faces ,and cuts bleeding."I got him" I yelled as I reached them. His mother busted into tears as we got there. His father took him off my back and they huged him closely. "Thank you so much Sky" said his mother who pulled me into a hug with them. "Have you seen my Dad" I asked? "No its crazy around here."said Key mother. "If you guys go home and see him tell him Im okay ,but im going to look for him" I said. "OKay sweetheart." Key reached out for me and I walked back over took my mask off as he did and gave him a kiss on the lips. He was like my baby brother."Ill be okay Key ill come vist you tonight. You, your mom, and dad need to go get checked out."I said. "Okay" he said. I pulled my mask back on and headed back to the mess around us. I was worried about my dad ,but I was also worried about the boys they were to be on this street today. I started to panic and I felt the tears forming.

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AkiraRosenthal
#1
Chapter 19: I know this was your first fanfiction, but I am going to be critical about this, so don't take this the wrong way. Just trying to give out my thoughts.
First, paragraphs would be quite nice. It was a strain to the eyes to read something without paragraphs, believe or not paragraphs would make the story a whole easier and better to read.
Second, to be honest the story was really confusing, all over the place. First there was this catastrophe? then Sky liking Sehun, Luhan " Sehun's c***" then it was an art camp and some camp stories. And suddenly, it turns out that Sky like Chanyeol. So basically, what does that catastrophe in the beginning have to do with anything?

I'm sorry that this may come off as rude, but the "Forwards" in all of your stories actually seem interesting and worth reading. However, if your stories end up something like this then I am afraid that you will have lost this reader.