Anxiety
Sorarius

Actually, when I see you, my heart pounds
When I face you, everything grows white and erases

Being a celebrity doesn’t mean for Kim Sunggyu to get his dream girl that easily. Moreover, he was dumped by her latest girlfriend because of choosing this path when he was still trainee. She told him that he wouldn’t be successes, or that his obsession over music was such bull or that he was such a daydreamer.  He was broken hearted. Since then, he never fell for any girl anymore though he was surrounded by many pretty girls in celebrity world or he could easily get any girl he wanted because of his popularity.

Alas, he was still afraid of having another relationship. He was still afraid of giving his faithful toward any new girl. Thus he didn’t really pay too much attention when he had to be on a TV show and being paired with another female celebrity. Or when he was asked of his ideal type but he answered them randomly—by mentioning any random female celebrity name he watched last night on TV when he was switching channel out of boredom.

And to his bad luck and his pure dumb innocence, when Psy’s “Gangnam Style” was booming to the world of K-Pop and internationally, he often mentioned the name of Kim Hyuna of 4Minutes because he often saw her on TV alongside with Psy-sunbaenim in his trademark MV. And that was when everyone started to judge him as a loyal fan of Hyuna. Or even the worse, assuming him having crush on that y icon female of Troublemaker.

To be honest, he better chose to be paired up with his own team mate, the greasy Nam Woohyun rather that to be paired up with those random girls. Though he was shocked when he found a fanfic of him and Woohyun being a gay couple and did some intimate scenes in that story—come on, did he look that gayish?!

But everything was changed, when a member of a girl group mentioned him as her ideal type right in front of him, hesitantly, innocently. And he found himself couldn’t even look at her when he was asked for any reaction of her ‘confession’. He only acted wittily as his usual public image and said cockily, “I’ll consider your confession.”

Little did she know that his heart pounded so fast right at that time, on Monday, August 26th 2013.
Did he become a freak by always remembering that certain day and date?

Sometimes when I run into you, we only exchange short greetings
But there are so many words I prepared to tell you

Let’s say that they didn’t know each other before, so that he could just let his feeling flew away as long as time passed. But reality didn’t let him to do so, as his group was always live in same neighborhood with her, even before their debut era. He often saw her, they often run into each other ever since he had to come to public bath when they were still lived in their very first dorm and he remembered it very well how did she looked back then. Without any make up, still in her innocent look, and he still assumed her as a cute little high school girl back then—and he was still in relationship with his girlfriend back then.

But again, everything was changed when he heard her confession. He found her much more mature and stunning than what he could remember years ago.

Again, they lived in same neighborhood thus he almost met her every day. But he could only exchange a short greeting with her, unlike Hoya who ever been in same drama production with her and could have any comfortable conversation with her. Or even Woohyun and Bomi, who were getting closer ever since the ‘fart incident’ happened and they could easily chitchatting as any normal neighbor.

But him, ever since that certain date of August 26th, he found it difficult to even just saying a simple ‘hi’ or any proper greeting. Though there were so many things he wanted to talk to her, such as 'what was her feeling after that certain date of filming that certain variety show'. Or 'did she watch the aired version and read the caption on their matchmaking scenes'. Or maybe he wanted to say sorry for teasing her too much in that certain variety show. But ended up, he couldn’t say anything when they actually met, for the uncountable times.

I wonder why you’re so busy
You just say hi and quickly pass by
I was waiting for you but why don’t you know?

Every time I difficultly start to talk to you, you only awkwardly smile
I try to run into you like it’s a coincidence, did you notice?

Let’s say that he was such a coward. Yes, he was such a coward. A real coward.

Once he realized his changing heart, once he realized his true feelings toward her, he was naturally craving for her, craving to meet her every day, every possible time. When he had to go out of their dorm, he always used the certain elevator she always used though there was another elevator near his unit comparing to that certain elevator box, hoping that they would somehow meet, as if it was a coincidence.

And once they meet, alone, when he was about to greet her first, she always cut him first by saying a quick yet polite greeting at him like any other hoobae’s greetings toward their sunbae. Realizing her usual demeanor toward him, realizing their awkward moment, he could only simply nod responding her.

Like a fool, the closer I try to get to you, the farther we get

He was such a coward. He was such an idiot. Even though only both of them in that certain elevator box and only some inches apart, he didn’t dare to start any conversation w