I Don't Know
BluesJuice

“Em, I like him”

And without even trying Jung Eunji shuts everyone’s mouth. My gaze stops at the empty can glued on my grip. Am I drunk? I’m sure it’s only my forth can this night. Yet, here I feel slightly dizzy. No, I must be hearing things, it can’t be she really likes . .

“Unni? Really?” that’s Namjoo’s voice, sounds surprised, lots surprised. While me can merely freeze on this floor, still staring at my can, never sure what’s exactly happening.

This practice room suddenly feels hot, I remember it’s Doojoon’s idea to hang in this room after practicing together. Yeah, we’re making another collaboration between Apink and Beast. I think Sajang-nim likes this idea so much, he’s addicted with our fame. And I stop whining at him since he stops listening to my words.

And here we are, doing stupid game Kikwang suggested. I don’t know how and when but the two maknaes was disappeared an hour ago to be back with lots bottle of soju and beer. Ok, I won’t forget to scold both Doojoon and Chorong if something happens to us, they gave us an cheerful agreement for this small party, so basically the responsibility is theirs.

I don’t quite remember how we started this lame truth or dare game because I feel too tired to even remembering things. But not for the last thing Jung Eunji did seconds before. She stops us from breathing, yes I do too, I definitely stop breathing now.

“Em” she makes a nod with eyes locked on her own can. Without looking at her I can clearly witness it from the mirror wall in front of me, she doesn’t even look for my attention. I feel strange.

“Ya, Seob! Say something!”

My eyes leer to the right side, looking at Doojoon who now glancing at Eunji. I follow his gaze and it doesn’t surprise me at how she now coolly drinking her beer. She makes thing getting blur in my eyes. How will people grasp her sincerity if her eyes don’t even try to convince us. It’s not that I want her sincerity, or her confirmation, no, I believe I just hear things. It’s just felt strange looking at how people believe what she has uttered.

“Look at his face, Jashik! Ji, are you sure you like this bastard?”

I know, Kikwang is getting drunk after drinking three bowls of juice which contains of danger thing Hayong not allowed to drink. Seriously this is Doojoon and Chorong’s responsibility. I won’t let them free. With his red face, Kikwang lightly pushes my arm, maybe trying to wakening me up.

“Ji, you’re not allowed to lie!”

I still look at Eunji when Dongwoon with her unget-it voice questions her. I wish I can reciprocate his question with ‘what’s wrong with your voice?’ yet I still in perfect mute as we wait for her next word.

I anticipate it, yes because I don’t believe what my ears have heard minutes before. And she proves me wrong a second after.

“Em, I like Yoseob oppa”

I heard it, I saw her lips uttering that words. With her too calm voice she makes thing clear and bare as if it isn’t hard thing. This girl is unbelievable. Is she really talking about me? The way she talks isn’t convincing.

My gaze cannot leave her figure, even when our eyes meet I’m still glued stupidly studying her presence. And it’s my time to catch her cheeks’ skin flush lightly, “don’t put that expression oppa,” she dares to add a small smirk or her flushing face, “I merely confess, not asking anything,” and she finishes with eyes back to her can.

“Good”

Everyone mute and soon their gaze greet me with question look. What?

Right! Even Eunji now ignores her can and looks back at me. What?

“Good?”

“Oppa?”

Two frowns shot me, that’s the drunken ahjumma Hyunseung’s and the completely drunk Namjoo’s. I ignore both though. To be honest I’m as startled as them. I don’t even know why I say that word, added, with that light tone. I know somehow I act like stupid man, but I don’t know that word has a power to prove my empty head.

I sigh, that's the only thing I can do right now.

“Let’s just continue this game”

That’s Eunji’s voice. She cuts people’s attention to continue the game. Damn! I feel like fatal fool now. I don’t know that being confessed in front of people can make us look utterly dumb. I wish I can bury myself.

I know every single head in this room wants my answer. Yet, what can I give them if I don’t even know the answer. It’s not that I don’t have strange feel to Eunji, my dongsaeng, my friend, I believe I have special feeling to her, but I don’t think it’s like what her and everyone expect.

I let silence dominates me. Her solemnest successfully makes me thinking deeper, considering my own feeling towards her. Seriously, I was and still am startled by her sudden confession and it’s not my fault that I don’t know how to react.

The game continues and we soon immerse by the next challenge, next question. No one except me sees how Eunji somehow looks different. I wonder if she feels disappointed by my reply. For the next hour she ignores my eyes. And this is what I’m afraid the most, I can’t imagine being awkward next to her, no, I don’t want it. I enjoy being her friend, being her caring sunbae. And I don’t like the image of big wall between us.

“Seob you’re dead now”

With his drunkard voice, Kikwang calls my name. And for the sake of this stupid play I look at him, and in my way meeting his eyes I found the finish o