Chapter Seven

When Siwon left Kyu´s room, he just wanted to disappear from the world, before going back home he decided to cool his head and think what to do next but he couldn´t... the only thought in his head was Kyu´s amazing kiss. He tried to analyze what had happened before but he couldn´t find a logic answer...OMG! I have never felt like this for Kyu...I' m supposed to love my wife then why I accepted and enjoyed Kyu´s kiss...Why do I have to see kyuhyun like this now and not before? Why now? Why do I do now?

While Kyuhyun was left all confused about Siwon's behaviour, he still smiled softly touching his lips, it seemed that he was still remembering the overwhelming sensation of kissing Siwon.

In spite of  a new rejection from his friend, something inside Kyu´s mind was starting to think different from years ago. Through all these years since he realized about his feelings towards Siwon, he was always sad and felt extremely down because Siwon never looked at him in the way he wanted, for the latter he was only his best friend...Siwon never gave him a hint of love...never...he gave him just friendship.

However now he can realize that there is something new in his eyes...he can´t be wrong he could feel it when they kissed each other passionately. Must I give up now? Again? Should I fight for him? I know he´s getting confused right now and it seems that he´s struggling hard about it...I´m sure he enjoyed the passionate kiss as well as me, OMG! my whole body is still trembling just remembering that... our bodies were too close and...and...I could feel him ...all of him being mine at that moment...just with a kiss ahhhhh how much I love him! but it´ll be hard for him to realize about his new upcoming feeling for me...I need to talk to him again before I come back to Korea...Why do I feel like this? As if I had won a part of him...but he is still married! Ohh nooo Why?

Kyuhyun was very aware of the situation here but deep in his heart he didn´t want to give up, he had waited too much time for a tiny chance like that.

He needed to talk to him one more time before leaving, they needed to clarify things What did that kiss really mean for him? I know he doesn´t feel the same way than me and maybe I´m getting excited for nothing but I need to know it from him, he wasn´t satisfied with Siwon´s last words in his room earlier. He was convinced that Siwon ran away of the real situation, not facing the reality was easy for him that´s why he left the room abruptly.

Kyu looked at his cell phone as if he were about to call Siwon but sadly he realized he didn´t have his phone number, once Siwon moved to USA years ago, the latter changed his number. He didn´t know where he lived either, they are now  in the same city and same country but Siwon never gave him his address before. Through all of these years their only way of communication was through mails. He sent him an e-mail to agree with a new meeting before he comes back home in Korea, he sat on his bed waiting very anxiously for Siwon´s reply, Kyu waited and waited but Siwon never did. The latter was the only one here who could easily find Kyu since he knew where he was staying but he never came back to Kyu´s hotel again.

This whole waiting situation made him very disappointed and impotent because he had to come back home the next day since his seminar was done successfully. What could he do now? How could he look for Siwon in this big city? Is Siwon letting the things happen just like that, not facing the reality? How could he! ... I refuse to give up like this! please come back to me now...please...don´t let me come back with this unsatisfied feeling...we need to talk...

He looked at his watch over and over again but Siwon never replied his mail. He sent him several e-mails more but he got no replies. The soft and satisfied smile he had before was easily disappearing now with the time, the feeling of hope and satisfaction was done again...he was standing from the point zero once more. He was desperate, he felt like crying and shouting, he had tasted heaven and now he is in hell. The man he loves deeply left him behind again. I know he was never mine before, he even got married...but now..now I thought it was the start of something I could feel it! damn me!   it´s not fair...why did you leave me like this Siwon?... his eyes were forming tears which started to roll down his cheeks, those tears he promised that would never appear for Siwon again because he had accepted Siwon´s marriage and his new life, he had promised to be happy if Siwon was happy too, that was enough for him. He even lived his own life without him around trying to forget him but he was never able to do it.

Next day, after a whole night without sleeping, he returned to Korea. This time after a lot of thinking, he decided to forget Siwon and start a new life definitely, at least he promised he would do his best to forget everything because his love for him was making him suffer enough, his heart ached too much and he couldn´t bear it anymore. He wouldn´t repeat the same story twice.

He realized he was a fool to think that Siwon would leave his wife and choose him instead. What was I thinking? I was betting too much in a kiss...what a fool! It´s obvious that he never cared about me the way I do, he was never gay before and probably he would never look at me as a lover either, he will never love me back...he loves his wife and he will never leave her alone...damn! lucky woman!  all I had were false hopes...enough with you!...goodbye Siwon! please be always happy!

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On the other hand, Siwon after leaving Kyu´s room walked and walked to cool his head and calm his thoughts. Kyu´s image was still in his mind, his lips, the amazing and passionate kiss they shared...he couldn´t explain why he had a moment of weakness with Kyu, he let himself carry away with the overwhelming sensation of the kiss and having Kyu in his arms felt so good. He won´t deny the fact he enjoyed all of that even though he knew he was kissing a man in other words his best friend. I liked that kiss, Kyu kisses so good...I never imagined that I´d accept a kiss from