Chapter 2 : Bad Morning

Undefeatable Heartbreakers

     

Beep Beep Beep!!! Your alarm clock rang. You struggled to find the snooze button and ended up throwing it on the ground. You sat up when you heard something break. Peeking from the side of your bed you saw your alarm clock broken into pieces. You sighed, the agency only provided a room,bed,and refrigerator for you,you had to buy the rest. ‘Maybe my fans will buy me another one’ you thought smiling.

         You were kind to your fans,unlike L.Joe, you treated them fairly and loved them equally. Then you remembered, today you were going to New York!! You fastly changed and grabbed your suitcase full of clothing. You were about to open the door when someone knocked on it. You opened the door to reveal a girl with purple hair with at least 100 pounds of makeup and really high high heels walk in without permission. The thought of her being one of L.Joe’s fans automatically popped in your mind.

            She stood there crossing her arms,looking at you awkwardly biting your lip.

  “What?!” she said to you out of nowhere making you come back to reality.

  “Umm...I don’t wanna be late, could you please..um…..leave.” you said pointing to the door.

   “No,I’m not leaving without a fight.” she responded quickly

   “Look,I don’t want to-”

   “I was supposed to be L.Joe’s partner,but you just had to come along and ruin everything!” she said cutting your sentence.

   “What you think I wanted to be partners with that…?!” you stopped not wanting to insult L.Joe for fear that the girl may start a fight with you. You looked at her closely .

    “Wait weren’t you that girl that got disqualified from the competition for the boss’s place?” you asked getting a flashback when you beat her.

    “Oh so is that how you remember me?!” she said

    “No I just-”

    “The boss said that if you don’t get into that flight to New York you will be disqualified or better yet fired and then I will come back into the competition and have L.Joe be my partner to that fancy hotel you're going!” she said happily twirling her hair around her finger like as if she was flirting with an invisible person next to you.

    “Well good luck with that,now if you excuse me I’m gonna be late for my flight.” you said heading outside.

    “Oh no you don’t!” she said blocking your way,“You’re not going anywhere.” she snapped her fingers and about 5 girls with colorful hair,around 80 pounds of makeup,and high heels appeared behind her holding ropes. You took a step back. You weren’t afraid of them,you were afraid of hurting them. They walked toward you smiling and laughing evilly.

     “I’ll make sure you don’t get in my way.” she laughed like an evil villain and walked away.

 

 

 

 
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Lesleyanne
#1
Chapter 10: Hey! Just read your update! Those visions make me kind of curious as to what L.Joe really did to her at the cinemaplace lol. If it had anything to do with that. I hope he didn't drug her or anything. xD
Thanks for the update btw! It's great seeing you update!
Lesleyanne
#2
Chapter 8: Hey! I'm glad to see an update! Haha. Truthfully, I read this earlier today while I was at the mall lol. I kinda laughed at the beginning, where Luhan was described to be 'waving the hot dogs in the air', cause I could almost picture him doing that it was hilarious! But, but he's succumbing to their plan.... :( Even though I don't know what it is, he went with them!
And I should have realized this earlier but it was a bit of a shocker for me to find out L.Joe was working with the criminals. But then I realized it kinda pieced most of what had happened in the earlier chapter, together. That makes things alot more interesting!
Btw, in this chapter, the perspective of which you're writing in gets quite confusing. Because when you say "You", it usually refers to us, readers, as the OC Kim. But when you said "Don't you think?" at the scene where L.Joe had tied them up on a tree, it made it seem you were talking to your audience rather than referring to Kim. I don't know if i'm making sense DD:

But nonetheless, I love hearing that you're enjoying while writing your story! Personally, I feel that's all that counts. Somehow I felt happy reading that bit! Thank you so much for the update! <3 I look forward to the next! <3
Lesleyanne
#3
Chapter 7: Aww! You mentioned me! <3 I feel so touched! <3 I haven't been on AFF for so long, so I wouldn't know any more means to get your story noticed. However, I do agree that it's all patience. Also, I feel if you naturally just enjoy writing your story, your readers will enjoy it as much as you do. Don't rush. Your fanfic will get the attention it deserves! :)
This chapter was rather short. However, I liked how you ended it. I kept scrolling down to see if there was a continuation lol. Looking forward to the next!
Fighting! <3
LittleStarinthesky
#4
love the concept, very refreshing! ^ ^
Lesleyanne
#5
Heeey! I like the concept of your story! Firstly, there aren't that many fanfictions revolved around secret agents and what not so it brings a different kind of twist to general fanfictions. Secondly, it also brings alot of anticipation and excitement as to what may come about next. Your story is also written well, so that's wonderful to see!
I was given this piece of advice too when I first started writing my first fanfic. Why don't you add more tags to your story to get it more noticed? I hope it helps!

P.S. I'm kind of an exo fan. So it was a plus point for me to see Luhan in the picture! Fighting author-nim! <3
aegyo-wink #6
Chapter 2: Exciting! It's really good so far!