Chapter 7 : Will You?

Undefeatable Heartbreakers

One of the 5 boys knew where you were. They went to the park and crouched behind some bushes next to a tree. They saw you and Luhan feeding the park's pigeons with some seeds a nice lady had given to you.                        

         "So what's the plan?" the third youngest said.

       "It seems she's distracted from her investigating because of that guy." the leader said pointing to Luhan.

       "And?" the third youngest asked.

       "Then we'll keep her that way." the leader said smiling proudly like as if he had just won a trophie.

       "I don't get it." said the youngest.

       "Well maybe it's because you got nothing in that head of yours." the second youngest said.

       "Are you calling me dumb?" The youngest said a bit offended.

       "No, I'm calling you stupid." the second youngest smirked.

       "Oh that's it! Let me at him!! I'm gonna teach him what happens when you mess with me!!" the youngest screamed and jumped on the second youngest.

You heard the noise.

       "Shhh. I think she heard us." the second oldest said. They stopped and looked at you between the spaces in the leaves.

       "Hey Luhan why don't you go buy us a hotdog?" you asked even though you weren't hungry.

        "Sure,are you coming?" he took a few steps and looked at you.

      "Um,I'll catch up with you." you said taking a step closer to where you had heard the noise.

      "Oh, okay." he ran towards the hotdog cart.

You took another step closer.

      "Shhhhh. Hand me the gun." the leader said to the youngest.

      "But didn't you tell L.Joe-"

      "Shut up and hand me the gun." the leader said through gritted teeth and grabbed the gun.

You took a step closer. You were sure there was someone behind the bushes. You held your gun tightly,half of it exposed,the other half still in your back pocket.  'What am I doing? What if it's a kid or an animal just making noises or trying to scare me? I'll just surprise it.' you thought. You relaxed and sunk the gun back into your back pocket. You brushed the bangs out of your face and took another step closer.

       "Are you pointing right?" the second oldest said.

       "Yes, I'm aiming at the heart." the leader said.

       "Guys,um....I don't think we should be doing this." the third youngest said.

       "Shhhhhhh! I know what I'm doing." the leader said.

You took a few more steps. You were just a few feet away. 

        "Shoot now." the second oldest said.

        "No,she needs to be closer." the leader said.

        "How close?" the third youngest asked.

        "Really close." the leader said and smirked.

        "If we kill her,what are we gonna do with the body?" the youngest asked.

        "Shhhh,she's getting closer." the second oldest said.

You took a few more steps. When you got close, you were about to split open the bushes when suddenly................................................................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oooooh what will happen next? :D So if some of you noticed,I changed her name,or your name to Kim. So, you're Kim and your bff is Kate. Got it? Anyways,about the chapter......how was it?

 

On the other hand,I really want my story to get noticed. I already got some advice, thanks Lesleyanne . Maybe it's patience. Alright, I just got to get some patience. Patience..........patience......I could do this.

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Lesleyanne
#1
Chapter 10: Hey! Just read your update! Those visions make me kind of curious as to what L.Joe really did to her at the cinemaplace lol. If it had anything to do with that. I hope he didn't drug her or anything. xD
Thanks for the update btw! It's great seeing you update!
Lesleyanne
#2
Chapter 8: Hey! I'm glad to see an update! Haha. Truthfully, I read this earlier today while I was at the mall lol. I kinda laughed at the beginning, where Luhan was described to be 'waving the hot dogs in the air', cause I could almost picture him doing that it was hilarious! But, but he's succumbing to their plan.... :( Even though I don't know what it is, he went with them!
And I should have realized this earlier but it was a bit of a shocker for me to find out L.Joe was working with the criminals. But then I realized it kinda pieced most of what had happened in the earlier chapter, together. That makes things alot more interesting!
Btw, in this chapter, the perspective of which you're writing in gets quite confusing. Because when you say "You", it usually refers to us, readers, as the OC Kim. But when you said "Don't you think?" at the scene where L.Joe had tied them up on a tree, it made it seem you were talking to your audience rather than referring to Kim. I don't know if i'm making sense DD:

But nonetheless, I love hearing that you're enjoying while writing your story! Personally, I feel that's all that counts. Somehow I felt happy reading that bit! Thank you so much for the update! <3 I look forward to the next! <3
Lesleyanne
#3
Chapter 7: Aww! You mentioned me! <3 I feel so touched! <3 I haven't been on AFF for so long, so I wouldn't know any more means to get your story noticed. However, I do agree that it's all patience. Also, I feel if you naturally just enjoy writing your story, your readers will enjoy it as much as you do. Don't rush. Your fanfic will get the attention it deserves! :)
This chapter was rather short. However, I liked how you ended it. I kept scrolling down to see if there was a continuation lol. Looking forward to the next!
Fighting! <3
LittleStarinthesky
#4
love the concept, very refreshing! ^ ^
Lesleyanne
#5
Heeey! I like the concept of your story! Firstly, there aren't that many fanfictions revolved around secret agents and what not so it brings a different kind of twist to general fanfictions. Secondly, it also brings alot of anticipation and excitement as to what may come about next. Your story is also written well, so that's wonderful to see!
I was given this piece of advice too when I first started writing my first fanfic. Why don't you add more tags to your story to get it more noticed? I hope it helps!

P.S. I'm kind of an exo fan. So it was a plus point for me to see Luhan in the picture! Fighting author-nim! <3
aegyo-wink #6
Chapter 2: Exciting! It's really good so far!