December passed by welcoming in the New Year. As days goes by not a word from Jiyong since our confrontation placing Youngbae, Seungri and Daesung in an awkward situation. Days went by and I still did not receive any letter from Seunghyun. I have developed dependence as I waited for the letters. But my hope dimmer with each passing day I did not get a letter. It was only in February when the wind grew warmer and the white snow around us melted away bringing together with it the chilly winter pain that I received a box. It was red like wine tied neatly with a gold ribbon. Inside it a beautiful brown hardcover notebook with gold embedded writings bearing Seunghyun and my name on the front. Excitement gushes throughout my whole system as I ran my fingers on our names, observing the surface of the book. I opened the book and read the first page.

My dear Sophie,

 A single book is not enough to compile the memories and the roller coaster ride we had together. Good or bad. For better or worst. Thank you best friend!

Love forever and always

Tabi

Flipping through the pages, I saw pictures of all of us including Youngbae, Jiyong, Daesung and Seungri. They were pictures of our hangouts and class pictures. There were pictures of Jiyong being elected as class president, Youngbae winning dance competitions, Daesung with his first drum set, Seungri with his first girlfriend. Memories of summer holidays together, lazing in the sun, rolling in the sand and children full of smiles. Among all the pictures, there was a picture of Seokchon Lake. Written beneath it,

“The lake that became witness to all our doubts and happiness. I remember a week after we started dating, you met a very gorgeous Eurasian friend. He was very handsome and he was clearly flirting with you. You did not respond to him but somehow seeing how good you two look together stripped away my confidence. I tried walking away. I doubted myself. I felt that I was not worthy of you. As I turned and walked away from you, you stomped your feet and shouted ‘Choi Seunghyun, don’t you dare walk away from me!’ I turned back to look at your face one more time and saw you running up to me and you draped your arms around my neck, intertwined your legs around my waist. Planted your face on my neck, I felt you breathe down my neck and you said ‘Don’t you dare walk away from me. I am nothing without you.’ Hearing you say those things made me realize that what we had was worth fighting for.”

Tears streamed down as I continued flipping through the book. Reminiscing through the memories. The picture of me and Jiyong together for prom caught my attention. I was 14 at the time. The theme for the dance that year was the girls get to ask the guys. I tried asking a guy I have liked from the next class which he heartlessly turned down. I would’ve asked Seunghyun but he broke

his neck that summer so he couldn’t attend the dance. I nearly skipped but Jiyong convinced me that he wanted to go with me despite the girl he liked has asked him for . A huge boulder of guilt dropped itself on me, all Jiyong did was be concern for me. He cared about my children. He was being the oppa that he is to me, caring for me and not wanting me to hurt myself or my babies. I picked up my phone, dialed Jiyong’s number. Seunghyun reminded me of our friendship, our hardships together. Being the glue that binds us all.

Seunghyun’s fourth letter came as the flower buds began to bloom. The warmth of the sun waking up the world from its cold winter. The fresh air of spring drifted with the cool breeze from the north as flocks of birds flew home and the buzzing bees swarming the blooming flowers collecting honey. The green grass rejuvenates after breaking through the harsh snow of winter. Spring rolled in bringing life to the earth we call home, the green foliage starting to peek through the leafless trees.

To my darling Sophie,

When life gives you lemons, just bite into it fearlessly. Go buy yourself a good baking set. You’ll need it for my next letter and don’t think I wouldn’t know if you didn’t obey. Remember, I’m looking out for you, so I will know.

Sincerely,

Hyunnie

PS I love you forever and always.

Roaming the mall alone with the letter in hand, Sophie rubbed her belly after feeling her baby kick in excitement. What in the world did Seunghyun had in mind and why would she need a baking set. She has never even thought of baking, she rarely cooks. Sophie went home after picking the baking set Seunghyun told her to. Placing it on the kitchen counter when a sudden surge of pain hit her. The kind of pain she has never felt before. She placed her hands on her belly, caressing it. The pain travelled through her spine, cramping her lower abdomen. She leaned on kitchen counter trying to relieve the pain. Cold sweats trickled down her temple as her baby bump harden. Clenching her teeth with every wave of pain as it escalates and intensifies. Tears rolled down her cheeks and a sudden gush of water trickling between her thigh staining her white shorts. Panicking, she screamed

“YOUNGBAE!!!! MY WATER BROKE!!”

A flabbergasted Youngbae who has been staying with her since her due date came closer together with the other boys appeared at the doorway. His eyes fixed on the pool of puddle that formed beneath Sophie’s feet. Behind him Daesung, Seungri and Jiyong peeking trying to get a better view.

“I’ll get the car!” Jiyong shouted.

“I’ll get the bags.” Seungri added.

Both Daesung and Youngbae were trying to help Sophie who was clearly scared out of her mind.

 “What is this pain?” Sophie sobbed.

“Breath Soph, like what we learned in class.” Youngbae said. Her eyes shut as she tried to suppress the pain, clinging onto Youngbae’s strong arms.

She was wheeled into the labor room as soon as they got to the hospital. Youngbae was by her side, cheering her and whispering words of encouragement into her ears. He wiped the sweat that came pouring of her temple.

“Mummy push” Sophie pushed as hard as she could over and over again but none of her babies came.

Soon she was exhausted.

“I can’t do this, I can’t. Not without Seunghyun.” She said with tears trickling down her cheeks.

“Yes you can. You are strong Soph. Do it for Seunghyun ok?” Youngbae said encouragingly.

“No, no, no. I need Seunghyun here. Here with me. I need him.” She begged.

“Soph, you can do this. Just a lil bit more. For Daehyun and Hae-won.Please.”

“Sir, we may need to do an emergency C-Section. She has been trying to push for the pass hour and anymore pressure like this can endanger the babies.”

Youngbae nodded as they prepared her for surgery. Youngbae stayed near Sophie not wanting to leave her alone.

A few minutes later a baby’s cry was heard all over the operating theater which was soon followed by another.

“They’re here.” Youngbae whispered to her.

Suddenly, chaos erupted in the operating theater as the doctor’s attention shifted from the babies to Sophie. The doctor and nurses scrambled attending to Sophie who lied flat on the metal table of the operating room. The beeping sound of the heart monitor slowed down as the sound was drowned by the cries of the babies.

“Her bp is dropping fast. She’s losing too much blood.”

Sophie smiled at Youngbae and whispered “Take care of them well.”

Youngbae shocked and rooted at the turn of events. She was fine a second ago. He was then shoved by the nurse out of the theater.

“We’re losing her.”

Was the last thing her heard before the huge swinging door of the theater closed in front of him.