My feet grazed the sand with each swing. The park was quiet at night, which I was thankful for. All I could hear was the rustling of the wind. The calm night sky provided some kind of comfort to me. I had been trying my best to suppress the pain I got when the memories started coming back. Everyone has been working hard to jog my memories. They filled me in details of the past, our ongoing reconciliation with our parents, and they also brought me to the places I frequent, hoping it would somehow trigger and unlock my memories. Eun Hee filled me in about our school life, though most of them were just gossips.

But why do I get the feeling that they're being extra careful at the same time? It's as though there were some things they'd rather I forgot completely. Honestly, I would rather they stop all of this. I know they have good intentions, wanting me to get back on track but I would rather let the memories be forgotten than trying to jog them. Each recovered memory puts me in pain; physically, mentally and emotionally. Each time I had wished that I'd rather die and felt the pain all at once rather than to survive and suffer the extreme pain in parts. It might sound selfish or ungrateful but I can’t help but feel/think that way.

And I hate all they sympathy card I've been getting. No, don't look at me with pity in your eyes. Are you trying to make me feel like crap? I survived a near-fatal car accident.  I'm still functioning so why are you treating me differently?

I want to go out freely by myself. I want to... I don't know, go to an amusement park or a countryside festival and let my hair down. Not get worried by pain that can get triggered by god knows what or that I had to have company you know, "just in case". I complied with them by getting various therapies weekly but what is with the babysitting job? 

But they're my loved ones so how can I continue being angry at them? They're just afraid, just looking out for me so I should just accept is all, shouldn't I?

Krnggggg my phone vibrated continuously in my jeans pocket.

"It's just 10pm oppa, I'm at the park. Don't worry, I was just making my way back. See you at home. I love you too." I sighed deeply. What is freedom?

I looked up to the sky. One, two, five, nine, thirteen. There were thirteen stars tonight. Halmeoni liked the number thirteen. Are you watching over me right now? I love you Halmeoni, I wished that I could be with you.

Houses came into my sight. I kicked a few pebbles off the walkway. A familiar car was parked outside our driveway. Looks like omma and appa are here.

I entered the house, happily greeted everyone and retreated to my bedroom. Like a robot, I took a new set of pajamas, went to my bathroom, washed up and changed and finally tucked myself to sleep. And as usual, I plugged my earphones in and blasted music that I would end up falling asleep to.

Bright lights  blinded me. A strong pair of arms enveloped me. Pain.  I tried to open my eyes but it remained shut,  as though it was glued together. 

I attempted to scream but no sound came out. My head freaking hurts! 

"I want to go on adventures, get lost in another city."

"I want freedom. Don't you get it oppa?!"

"I can't oppa, I just can't do this."

Snippets of my voice boomed through my head. My whole body was engulfed in a burning throb. If dying could stop the pain then I'd gladly  give my life up this very instant.