Excerpt:

“KYUHYUN, YOU SHAVE THAT HEAD AND I’LL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN! I’LL REPLACE YOU WITH - WITH HEECHUL!”

…

When Kyuhyun arrived with an overly-eager grin stretched across his face, Changmin knew his friend had a prank in mind.

His suspicions were confirmed with Kyuhyun’s next words: “okay, since your plan screwed up, I’m coming up with the ideas from now on.”

Changmin rolled his eyes. “Kyuhyun, pretty much all of your plans have been failures,” he pointed out.

“Shut up,” Kyuhyun shot back, although he appeared unbothered by the statement. “Where’s Yoochun? I’ve got an idea.”

“Upstairs,” Changmin replied, jerking his head in the general direction. “He’s sleeping.”

“Perfect,” Kyuhyun said, smirking. “Let’s go.”

“Wait, hold on,” Changmin interjected, as he hurried behind his best friend. “Tell me what the plan is.”

“Are the YunJae maniacs around?” Kyuhyun questioned. “I don’t want them to hear anything.”

“They’re in the lounge room with Minho,” Changmin responded. Kyuhyun quirked one eyebrow; Changmin shrugged. “I don’t even know — Minho’s just really desperate for a woman, and Jaejoong-hyung feels guilty or something. I think he hospitalised him — I’m not sure.”

“Damn,” Kyuhyun murmured, shaking his head in disbelief. “Minho sure is unlucky…I almost feel like we should help.”

“We can’t even help ourselves,” Changmin snorted. Kyuhyun shot him a glare, displeased at being reminded of his recent failures. Changmin shrugged, unbothered (after all, irritating Kyuhyun only ever brought forth joy…no one said their friendship was healthy), and pushed open the door to his room. Yes — not only did he have Junsu as a roommate once again, but Yoochun had decided that it would be a good idea to take up more of his precious bedroom space.

Honestly, one of the few good things that had come from the split was that Changmin had received his own bedroom…there went that little luxury.

“Okay,” Changmin said, looking up at Kyuhyun. The two had already entered the room, and had discretely shut the door behind them. “What’s the plan?”

When Kyuhyun smirked and pulled out a razor, Changmin silently wondered if his friend had always been this psychotic.

“What are you doing?” he spluttered, his eyes widening.

“We’re shaving his head!” Kyuhyun whispered, his eyes glinting. He was mindful to keep his voice low, not wanting to wake up the slumbering (and completely oblivious) Yoochun. “It’s the ultimate evil deed! We’ll damage his self-esteem, and unleash Yoochun’s forehead onto the world! It’s a double whammy!”

“Kyuhyun!” Changmin spat. “Put the razor down now!”

Kyuhyun blinked at the volume of Changmin’s voice, and then shot his friend a glare. “Changmin, shut the hell up!” he hissed. “He’ll wake up!”

“You’re not shaving Yoochun-hyung’s head!” Changmin snapped. “He’s an idol — his image is important you know!”

“And you consider yourself to be as evil as me?” Kyuhyun snorted. He glanced away and focused on the offending object in his hands. He seemed unbothered by Changmin’s anger.

“Kyuhyun!” Changmin yelled. “Put the razor down now, or I will you up!”

Well, that caught Kyuhyun’s attention.

“Dude,” Kyuhyun spluttered, “what the hell is wrong with you?”

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong!” Changmin snarled, his eyes flashing. “You’re going too far! How would you like it if I shaved one of your hyung’s heads, huh?”

“I’d kiss you!” Kyuhyun shot back.

“I’d rather kiss Minho than you!”

“That’s not what the fans think!” Kyuhyun retorted heatedly. “After all, there are more ChangKyu fans than — than whatever the hell you and Minho are!”

“KYUHYUN!”

“What?!”

“The razor! Be careful with that thing!”

“Why do you care so much?!”

“He’s my hyung you !” Changmin yelled. And, well, that was true - sure, Yoochun had taken up precious space in his room, and sure Junsu’s dolphin-laugh hurt his ears, and sure Yunho and Jaejoong were overprotective nut cases who needed adopt twenty babies so that their unnaturally inflated parental instincts could be put to good use — they were all still his hyungs. His goddamn, ing hyungs.

“This’ll take months to fix!” Changmin continued heatedly. “We’re going too far! This is a lot different from messing up Ryeowook’s cake, or temporarily dying Eunhyuk’s hair!”

Okay, so maybe he’d left out the ‘let’s-make-people-think-Junsu-is-a-druggie’ part, but, eh, whatever helped his argument.

“That cake was for Ryeowook’s mother!” Kyuhyun snapped. “He cooks one for her every year! If we had screwed that up, it would have been tears for the next twelve months! Did I get mad at you for messing with my hyung?! No!”

“…It was YOUR idea!”

“So what?” Kyuhyun snorted. “I’m crazy, everyone knows that! You Changmin - you let me do it!”

“No — no!” Changmin shook his head rapidly. “You are not blaming that on me!”

Kyuhyun smirked. “What are you going to do, huh, if I accidentally shaved some of this hair off?”

“Kyuhyun!” Changmin snarled, a clear warning in his tone. “You put that down now — ”

“What are you going to do about it you second-rate evil maknae!”

Changmin took a threatening step forward. “You take that back!”

“Nuh-huh!”

“YEAH-HUH!”

Kyuhyun clenched his fists. “The razor is getting pretty damn close Changmin!

“KYUHYUN, YOU SHAVE THAT HEAD AND I’LL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN! I’LL REPLACE YOU WITH - WITH HEECHUL!”

“YOU COULDN’T LAST A DAY WITH HEECHUL!”

“COULD SO!”

“NUH-UH!”

“YEAH-ING-HUH!”

“NUH - oh …”

It seemed that, immersed in his screaming match with Changmin, Kyuhyun had forgotten about the razor in his hand. And, well…that, paired with his erratic arm flailing…

…Yoochun now had a very nice bald streak running across his head.

“Kyuhyun!”  
 
Kyuhyun had the decency to look horrified. “!” he cursed. “I didn’t mean to — uh — I mean, it doesn’t look too bad, right? I’m sure we can — ” He paused his brow furrowing. “…Oh god, what the hell is wrong with his head?!”

“What do you mean what is wrong with it?!” Changmin shrieked, a hint of hysteria in his voice. “You shaved it!”

“No, I mean his scalp! It’s peeling or something…I don’t know, just come and take a look!”

Changmin ran over, his eyes wide. Oh god, Yoochun was going to cry, wasn’t he? And if he didn’t, Junsu sure would. And Jaejoong and Yunho would probably try to put him in the ‘naughty corner’ like they had all those years ago when he’d ‘accidentally’ kicked that MC in the balls (the man had insinuated that Kyuhyun was more evil than him! Besides, Changmin had waited until they had a bit more privacy before his foot had…slipped).

“Oh Jesus,” he exclaimed, when he realised exactly what Kyuhyun was talking about. “What…the hell happened to his head?”

The texture of Yoochun's scalp was...interesting, that was for sure. And more than a little disconcerting. Changmin felt the urge to touch it, but really didn’t like to think of what he would feel when he did.

“Shave some more,” he ordered.

Kyuhyun gaped at him. “You were the one who — ”

Changmin cut him off. “Kyu, we don’t have time for this,” he growled. “Shave away!”

Kyuhyun shook his head, muttering something under his breath. His hand moved clumsily, and a clump of hair fell to the floor.

“What the hell is this?” Kyuhyun muttered, his fingers brushing against the strange texture. “It’s…rough.”

“That’s because it’s a wig.”

The two maknaes jumped in alarm. Kyuhyun let out a (manly!) shriek.

“H-hyung,” Changmin stuttered, avoiding Yoochun’s dry gaze.

“You’re both ed, you know that,” the elder of the three muttered, shaking his head at their shocked expressions. “What, you thought I was asleep? How could anyone sleep through that? Trust me though, I would have shut you up long before if my hair was really in danger.”

“But — why are you wearing a wig?” Kyuhyun spluttered.

Yoochun rolled his eyes, and pulled the offending object off his head. Beneath it, his hair remained safe and untouched. “I have to wear one for one of my dramas,” he told them. “I’m trying to get used to the feel of it.”

He stood up, and shook his head again. “You’re both messed up in the head,” he told them. “I’d be concerned, except everyone seems to be in a similar state lately.”

He walked out of the room.

“…So,” Kyuhyun managed after a moment had passed.

“Uh…” Changmin blinked.

“We’re good, right?”

Changmin turned his head slightly. “Kyuhyun?”

“Yes?”

“…I don’t even know who I am anymore…”

…

Jaejoong, Yunho and Minho had been brainstorming when a knock on the front door had interrupted them. Minho had offered to answer the door, deciding that he was in desperate need of a break from the YunJae insanity.

When he saw who was on the other side, however, he almost wished he stayed where he was.

“Sunbaenim!” he exclaimed, his eyes widening at the sight of Lee Soo Man. “You — ”

“Out of my way, Min-,” Lee Soo Man snapped, pushing past the younger male, and storming into the house.

“…What did he just call me?!”

Lee Soo Man struggled to slow his pace. If he went racing into the room, he was sure to look overly eager. He needed to preserve as much of his dignity as possible.

“Jaejoong!” he yelled. “I — fine.”

Jaejoong blinked. Strangely, he didn’t seem too surprised to Lee Soo Man in his dorm (Yunho, on the other hand, was gaping). “What?” he questioned.

“You can stay here,” Lee Soo Man growled. The very words seemed to pain him. “All of you can.”

“What?” Yunho exclaimed, disbelief oozing from his voice.

“But,” Lee Soo Man continued, “you have to make that pie for me twice a week.”

Jaejoong raised one eyebrow. “You do realise that I have a career, right?”

Lee Soo Man scowled at the reminder. “I know,” he grumbled. “I know, and I wish you didn’t.”

Jaejoong stared.

“…But that’s the deal. That — lovely — pie, twice a week, or nothing at all. Understand?”

Jaejoong sighed. “An umma has to do what’s best for his babies.”

“Jaejoong, you are amazing,” Yunho whispered, his eyes wide in awe.

…

“Oh…it’s you,” Kyuhyun said, when Minho stormed unceremoniously into the room.

“I’m thinking of moving to Japan,” the rapper growled, throwing himself onto the bed. “J-Rock’s pretty big, right?”

Changmin and Kyuhyun stared.

Minho shifted, his eyes narrowing defensively. “What?” he retorted. “You don’t think I’m J-Rock material?”

“Okay,” Changmin sighed, “what is going on?”

“I’ll tell you what’s going on!” Minho snapped. “Because of you, I can’t get a date! Everyone thinks I cheated on Taemin and they hate me!”

“Well, who have you asked so far?” Changmin inquired.

“Everyone!” Minho cried. “Victoria, Sooyoung, Yoona - ”

“All way above you league,” Kyuhyun muttered.

“ - Krystal, Taeyeon, Hyoyeon, Yuri - ”

“Why don’t you try asking Seohyun?” Kyuhyun suggested. “She’s pretty easy.”

There was an awkward pause.

“…Wait, that didn’t come out right…”

“And I’m the one they hate?” Minho moaned.

…

Minho arrived home late that day. He’d spent most of his time locked in Changmin’s room, about the depressing outlook of his future, before Jaejoong had dragged him off for more torturous planning. In the end they’d come up with nothing, other than some crazy plan involving skywriting and bejewelled pants (…yes, Minho really didn’t know).

He opened the door to his dorm, feeling a slight jolt of apprehension. He’d felt that way ever since the little 'Key-possibly-planning-his-murder' scenario, but no one had ever brought up the incident, so Minho hadn’t felt like rehashing old issues. Although, if Key really had been planning his death, then maybe ignoring the problem wasn’t the best idea…

…Then again, who wasn’t trying to kill Minho lately?

When he stepped into the dorm, he was greeted by Taemin’s blinding smile. Minho felt himself relax; he still had Taemin on his side. Sweet, innocent, adorable Taemin, who would never try to devour his soul.

“Hyung!” Taemin chirped. “We’re about to play a game, do you want to join in!”

If it was anyone but Taemin, Minho would have told them to shut the up. You just didn’t say something like that to Taemin though — you didn’t even glare at Taemin. It was Taemin, and he had the power of Junsu multiplied by a thousand.

Minho sighed and nodded his head. “What are we playing?”

Taemin beamed. “Well, I was thinking maybe charades, or maybe hide and seek, or maybe truth or dare — ”

Minho froze.

“ — or celebrity heads, or — hyung? Hyung?”

“I see right through you Lee Taemin!” Minho yelled, backing away, his eyes wide. “You act all innocent and sweet but — you’re conspiring against me, aren’t you?! You’re ALL conspiring against me!”

He hurried off, leaving a stunned Taemin in his wake.

“…But I just wanted to play a game…”