Excerpt:

“…Yunho, why the hell is Jaejoong here?” Lee Soo Man looked like he was minutes away from having an aneurism.

...

“Kyu, I don’t feel right doing this,” Changmin muttered.

“Changmin, it’s fine,” Kyuhyun sighed. “I’m sure we did a lot worse in that stupid game.”

Changmin shook his head firmly. “No really. I feel a bit…well, I think if anyone saw this, they’d think we were mentally unstable.”

Kyuhyun shrugged, seemingly unbothered by this statement. “It’ll end up that way if we don’t get our reputations back soon.” He waved his hand. “Chop, chop!”

“Kyu - ”

Kyuhyun glared. “Rip that head off, or I’ll do it myself!”

Changmin sighed, and, for a brief moment, stared at the stuffed rabbit in his hands. It looked so…cheerful. Changmin shook his head, and then proceeded to hack of its head with a pair of scissors.

“Say something,” Kyuhyun ordered, nodding to the camera.

Changmin flushed, feeling incredibly self-conscious under the gaze of the camera. “What do you want me to say?” he grumbled.

“I don’t know!” Kyuhyun sighed, exasperated. “Pretend to be the bunny! Beg for mercy!”

Changmin’s cheeks darkened further. “Seriously Kyuhyun, this is really weird!”

“Oh god, fine,” Kyuhyun groaned. “You do the chopping, I’ll do the talking - how does that sound?”

Seeing as there was probably no other way out of it (Kyuhyun could be incredibly insistent), Changmin grit his teeth, and muttered out a soft, “fine.”

Kyuhyun nodded his head, smiling eagerly. “Okay then,” he said. “Go!”

Changmin took a deep breath, and resumed his (completely sane) task. “Er…” he coughed. “Kyu, I think the scissors are stuck.”

“Shut up, I’m doing the talking!” his friend hissed in response. In a louder voice, Kyuhyun cried dramatically, “oh my god, it’s stuck. The agony - the AGONY!”

The head came off, falling silently onto the floor.

“I’M DEAD!” Kyuhyun nodded, looking pleased with their work. “Right, okay, next one,” he announced.

“Sungmin-hyung is not going to be happy that we’re destroying all his stuffed toys,” Changmin muttered, feeling sorry for the older male. Then again, surely he was accustomed to Kyuhyun by now. Being the evil maknaes roommate for years, he must have been expecting something like this. It was his own fault for not hiding them in a locked safe (or, at least, that was what Changmin tried to tell himself).

“Yeah, that’s the point, ,” Kyuhyun snorted. “Come on,” he urged, “grab the teddy-bear next.” He repositioned the camera.

Changmin groaned softly, and then proceeded to rip into the poor bear.

“Oh sweet lord all mighty, I see a bright light!” Kyuhyun reached over and grabbed a nearby flashlight. He shined it on the bear, which, at this point, was hardly more than a mound of stuffing.

 Changmin winced.

“Look menacing!” Kyuhyun hissed. Changmin felt his jaw clench.

Kyuhyun smiled, pleased with this. “That’s good,” he said, nodding enthusiastically. “Angle your face a bit to the side, it looks way more evil from that view. Come on Changmin, use your mis-matched eyes to their full potential!”

As he hacked off the bear’s ears, Changmin wondered why the hell he allowed himself to end up in these situations.

…

“Wait! Sooyoung, don’t - ”

The door slammed in his face.

“Dammit…” Minho muttered, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

Seriously though, why was everyone destined to hate him? What the hell had he done to deserve this. Kyuhyun had destroyed way more souls than he had - why wasn’t he suffering?

There was the sound of a car door slamming, and Minho turned around in response. His eyes widened a fraction when he saw Yoona walking away from the vehicle. Well - it was worth a shot right? What exactly did have to lose? (Well, there was always what little dignity he had left, but what was a life without risks?).

Minho turned around, fully intending to stride up to Yoona - oozing confidence, with a humble smile on his face - and ask her out. Of course, the minute he took a step forward, the vine of a nearby tree coiled around his neck, lifted him off the ground with supernatural strength, and deposited him into a nearby bush (okay, so he tripped and fell into the bush, but all the same, it was probably the actions of that Mother Nature).

Minho cursed softly and tried to get out. He would have continued these actions if it hadn’t been for the sound of a door opening, and then numerous footsteps passing his prone form.

Minho clamped his mouth shut and prayed that they wouldn’t find him. Yoona was nice enough, but the thought of facing Jessica again…god, he still had nightmares about it.

“Hey Yoona!” Well, speak of the devil. “Your hair looks so good!”

“I know, it really does,” Minho muttered under his breath.

“Oh come on!” Yoona snorted. “It’s nowhere near as good as your hairstyle!”

In his hiding place, Minho rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but Jessica’s hairstyle is destroyed by the fact that she’s a crazed psychopath,” he grumbled.

“I wanted to dye it red,” Yoona could be heard saying. “The company said no though.” She sighed loudly. “Sometimes I really hate being part of an entertainment company.” Despite these words, she let out an amused laugh.

“Dammit, I know!” Minho agreed (a little too enthusiastically). “Yoona would look so great with red hair…”

“So, heard anything else from Min-?”

Minho froze, his eyes widening. He moved closer to the very edge of the bush, chewing his lip in apprehension.

“Ugh,” Taeyeon spat. “Don’t even mention him. What he did to Taemin was appalling.”

“I know right!” Yuri agreed (and which each female voice, Minho felt his heart constricting more and more). “I always thought Minho was so great!”

“I used to find him attractive,” Seohyun said, her voice wobbling.

Minho felt himself freeze with horror. “,” he hissed. “Seohyun, don’t cry, they’ll just hate me even more…”

“I hate Minho even more right now!” Jessica announced cooly. Minho could imagine the look on her face - he’d seen it numerous times during his night terrors. “He’s making Seohyun cry!”

“Okay great!” Minho hissed. “Now the world can hear me. Taking tips right out of my own mouth, huh? What’s next - they catch me hiding in this bush?”

“…Hey guys, I just saw something move in that bush!”

“….”

Yes - he was cursed.

“Unnies!” Seohyun cried, her voice oozing with glee. “Maybe it’s that cat again! I told you that it would come back!”

Minho heard Seohyun’s hurried footsteps, and, for the first time since meeting her, cursed every fibre of her being.

“Seohyun, come back!” Sooyoung yelled. “Whatever’s in there might have rabies!”

Seohyun peered down, her eyes meeting Minho’s. Minho smiled awkwardly, trying to diffuse the situation.

Seohyun screamed.

“You’re wrong Sooyoung - it’s so, so much worse” Jessica said, glaring at Minho. Minho forced himself not to cry; seriously, why couldn’t he just catch a break?!

“It’s not what you think!” Minho said, and as he did, he wondered why the hell he was trying to explain himself. It wasn’t like they would believe him. “I’m not spying on you or anything! I just wanted to ask Yoona if she wanted to go out with me.” He nodded in her direction.

Sooyoung frowned at him. “You just tried to ask me out,” she said slowly.

There was an awkward pause.

“Uh…” Minho coughed. “Well…yes, that’s true. But - it’s not. I didn’t…that is to say…” He swallowed, his mind going blank. “Uh…I thought Sooyoung was Yoona?”

Well, it was better than nothing.

As soon as he saw the nine equally frightening expressions, Minho knew that he’d said the wrong thing.

…

Lee Soo Man was this close to having a panic attack. And what had caused this reaction? Well, it was none other than the sight of Kim Jaejoong and Jung Yunho standing incredibly close together (he ignored the looks of fear plastered across their faces, and the crazed hoard of fangirls, and chose to focus on the fact that they were there, together).

He’d tried calling DBSK’s manager, but the man was on holiday, and had been far from thrilled at receiving the phone call.

“I told you - I’m on break!” he’d snapped, as soon as he’d picked up the phone (yes, he was a brave man to speak to Lee Soo Man that way - Lee Soo Man made sure to tell him that every time he spoke to him).

“Yes, I know. It’s just…the situation is quite urgent.”

“But I’m on break!” The manager had sounded close to desperate. “I need some time off with my wife - you promised!”

“But - it’s urgent!” Oh yes, he’d been this close to banging his fists on the nearest hard surface. “I’m your boss!”

“I’M ON BREAK!”

“Jaejoong is back on the scene!” Lee Soo Man had continued, ignoring the other male’s protests. “He and Yunho - ”

“I don’t care if Yunho and Jaejoong are having passionate love! I am much more focused on the steamy night that I will be having with my wife.”

He’d then proceeded to hang up the phone.

Despite trying numerous times to call him back, no one had picked up the phone. After filing away a memo, reminding himself to fire the man - enough was enough - Lee Soo Man had set out on the journey to the DBSK dorms.

Desperate times called for desperate measures after all. DBSK had caused him enough hardship, and he was not going to be dealing with anymore crap from Kim Jaejoong.

…

There was a knock on the door. Both Jaejoong and Yunho glanced up, and Jaejoong nodded for Yunho to open it.

Yunho complied with this silent request, expecting to see a member of Super Junior on the other side (after all, Leeteuk and been coming over a lot lately to vent).

The last person he’d expected to see was Lee Soo Man.

Yunho froze in panic. Crap - what the hell was he supposed to do about Jaejoong? Silently he wondered if he could send a text message without being noticed, but then he realised that that was way too conspicuous.

He settled on talking extremely loud, for the sake of being subtle.

“Well if it isn’t Lee Soo Man!” he yelled. The man in question blinked in confusion.

“Lee Soo Man is at the door!” Yunho continued loudly. “Sir, what are you doing here?” He inwardly hoped that Jaejoong had gotten the message, and had found a hiding spot.

Evidently, he hadn’t.

“Hey Yunho,” Jaejoong said, strolling into his line of vision. “Who’s at the door?”

Yunho groaned loudly. “I said Lee Soo Man - what the hell did you think I was screaming about?!”

“…Oh.” Jaejoong blinked.

“Dammit Jaejoong!”

“…Yunho, why the hell is Jaejoong here?” Lee Soo Man looked like he was minutes away from having an aneurism.

“Er…” Yunho coughed, his eyes shifting nervously. “Well, you see…”

Lee Soo Man pushed him out of the way and strolled into the dorm like he owned the place (…which he did). Jaejoong scowled and stuck his tongue as the man walked past.

“Right,” the elder said as he walked into the living room, “why is Jaejoong hanging around here?” His eyebrows raised as he caught sight of the clothes scattered across the floor - way too many for just two people.

“Er, well, the other day, something really crazy happened,” Yunho said, laughing nervously. “It - wait, what are you doing?” His eyes widened as Lee Soo Man headed in the direction of the kitchen.

Yunho and Jaejoong followed, both feeling apprehensive as the older man peered into the room. His eyes scanned the area, taking in the stacks and stacks of complex cooking equipment (there was no way that Changmin and Yunho knew what half of those were).

Lee Soo Man turned to face them, his eyes narrowed. “Jaejoong’s living here, isn’t he?”

Jaejoong bristled. “It’s not just me!” He retorted indignantly. “Yoochun and Junsu are too!”

“Yeah, that isn’t really helping the situation,” Yunho muttered.

Lee Soo Man glared at him. “Right,” he growled. “You - out. Now.”

“What?!” Jaejoong’s eyes widened (as if he’d expected a different result). “No!”

Yunho swallowed heavily. He could not deal with Changmin on his own, and, now that he’d gotten Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu back, he didn’t want them to leave.

Plus…Changmin.

“Jaejoong,” Lee Soo Man growled, “you can’t stay here. You aren’t a member of this band anymore.”

“Yeah, well, who’s fault is that?” Jaejoong shot back.

“Yours! You filed the lawsuit!”

Jaejoong glared. “Well, if you hadn’t been such a pain in the arse - ”

Yunho frantically shook his head.

“I don’t care what you call me!” Lee Soo Man snapped (his twitching eye said otherwise). “I just goes to show how immature you really are.”

“I’m not immature!” Jaejoong spat, scowling. “You are, you pain in the arse!”

Yunho groaned, burying his head in his hands.

“You can’t even assess the gravity of the situation!” Jaejoong continued, heatedly. “I’m not leaving. I can’t! Not when my baby needs me.”

Lee Soo Man snorted. “What? So now Yunho is your ‘baby’. Jesus Christ - I knew I should have done something about the popularity of ‘Yunjae’…”

Yunho stared. “…He was talking about Changmin!”

“Look - I don’t like you,” Jaejoong told his former boss, “but I’m not just going to leave when Changmin needs me.”

“Just let him stay,” Yunho piped in. “I can’t raise a kid on my own!”

“Huh?!” Lee Soo Man’s eyes widened. He could feel that possible aneurism returning at full force. “Oh god, what did you do?!”

“Changmin! I can’t - ”

“Oh for gods - not this again!” Lee Soo Man closed his eyes, and wondered where the hell he had found all these psychopaths. It was bad enough that Leeteuk had recently stormed into his office, demanding that he issue a restraining order against Minho. Now this?

“Yunho,” he ground out, “I thought we were done with this when I had that chat with Jaejoong!”

His mind travelled back to the filming of Mirotic, and Jaejoong’s frantic cries of, “my babies can’t flash their bare chests!”

“Look - you can’t make me leave,” Jaejoong told him (Lee Soo Man was this close to telling him to say that to the cops…). “Seriously, I’ll…” His eyes lit up. “I’ll pay you rent!”

Yunho nodded his head enthusiastically

“No!” Lee Soo Man snapped. “Jaejoong, you are not paying rent! Go home!”

He then turned around and decided to leave before he really did end up on a hospital bed.

…

AN:

New chapter! Bit of a fast update…I’m surprised! But I really wanted to update this xD

Also, I’ve posted out a new DBSK fic “Behing the Scenes”. If you like Yunjae, and fics where DBSK reunite, then check it out. As usual, it’s in my normal comedy-style.

Tell me what you think of this chapter! :D